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Black Man's Version To Exhale
by Akie F. Davis

Introduction

We know all too well of the frustrating encounters that many Black women have had when dealing with Black men. However, little has been written on the frustration of the positive Black man in the world trying to make a relationship work. This book contains a lot of the problems and concerns that many Black men are confronted with on a daily basis. The objective of this book is to help our Black sisters realize some of the mistakes that they make in relationships and hopefully bring us closer together. It is very easy for one gender to point the finger at the other gender, but the most difficult thing for men and women to do is to self-reflect. All too often women spend countless nights going out to happy hour with their girlfriends bashing our Black men, labeling brothers and criticizing.

Over the years, I have heard so many negative things about Black men, that it has taught me how not to be. Several close female friends have also shared with me what should and should not be done on a date. I have taken negative stigmas and turned them into something positive. I have also helped many of my ex-girlfriends and friends become better people. A lot of women aren’t aware of what they’re doing wrong in relationships because most men don’t express themselves. This book will point out some of the negative experiences that are out there from the Black man’s perspective. It is up to you to figure out if you are a character in the story or if you possess any of the characteristics being portrayed.

While many sisters are literally waiting to exhale, there are countless brothers out there who are just hoping to recover. Recover from the pain, humiliation and all too often financial setback of a failed relationship at the hands (sometimes nails delicately manicured and purchased by the brother) of the beloved African Queen. My goal is that the story will not only entertain, but will cause you to self-reflect and bring you closer to Ms. or Mr. Right.

Chapter I

Reyna is the only child. She grew up in the ghetto. Reyna has only seen her father, a pimp, approximately six times in her life. During those six encounters, she witnessed her father throw women off balconies, beat them and exploit them for money. Some people viewed Reyna as a cold-hearted bitch. She is unique in that she can relate to people in poverty because she is from the hood, but she also knows how to conduct herself in corporate America. Reyna is all about looking out for herself and her son, Jason. She won’t even consider dating a man unless that man worships her. She knows then that he will sell his soul for her. She won’t even consider dating a guy who just sees her as kind of cute or someone who only calls her two or three times a week.

Reyna has to get paid, and if a man offers her some cash for sex, she is down. She is cool to hang out with because she looks like a lady. She carries herself like a lady even though at times she enjoys a beer or two, listens to rap music, and plays cards with the guys. Reyna claims that she has never loved any man and never will.

She is a very cold, confident and calculating sister that feels like no woman has anything on her. She doesn’t worry about the guys she dates because she feels like she is number one and that she calls all the shots. Reyna is not completely heartless though, beyond her tough lady exterior, is a compassionate soul. When she moved out of her apartment, she gave her furniture to a woman at work (that she didn’t like) because the woman had children and they didn’t have furniture. She also gave her last fifty dollars to a male co-worker who had cancer. Reyna would gladly give to people who were doing worse than she was, however, she is ruthless to anybody that has more than she does. She views them as being spoiled, and if they want to be with her they will have to be prepared to lose everything.

MICHELLE
Cash and Carry

One of Reyna’s best friends is Michelle. Michelle and Reyna have been friends for about three years. They are co-workers, and often schedule a lot of activities outside of work. Michelle is married with four kids. She has had two previous marriages and only one of Michelle’s children belongs to her current husband, Tom. She is only twenty-six years old and like Reyna, grew up in the hood. She doesn’t love Tom, or even like him. She married Tom because he was desperately in love with her and would do anything for her and her kids. Michelle often comments that every time she and Tom are engaged in intimate activities, she feels like she is going to throw up.

Michelle usually sleeps with about thirteen men per year and usually keeps four men as regular sex partners. She is very straightforward and will tell you in a minute that she is all about that dollar. Michelle really thinks that she is a major money taker, but other than the way that she dresses, she doesn’t have shit to show for it. She has never personally even owned a car. Her husband has a beat up little ride that is six years old. She and her husband live with Michelle’s parents. Guys use to make jokes behind her back like "Tell Michelle to come turn a trick for an outfit," or "Tell Michelle to stop turning tricks to get her nails fixed."

Despite the drawbacks in her life, she was the ringleader among Reyna and their two other girlfriends for some reason. No one can quite figure out why, other than the fact that Michelle has the most clothes. They are cheap clothes at that, nothing like "Dana Buchman," "Versace," or "Donna Karan" or any other designer. Michelle probably has received the most cash and gifts from men, but she messes around with twice as many too. She has no morals, she’s married and doesn’t give a damn if the men she messes with are married as well. Her requirements are simple; as long as you have a couple of hundred dollars to spend on her every month, it’s all good. Michelle walks around with a permanent snarl on her face, and very rarely laughs. Her friends think she is cool, but if anybody paid close attention to her, they could not help but notice that she is miserable. Michelle knows that she is getting the short end of the stick with men, but also the short end of the stick with life.

LISA,
Last, (but far from least)

Reyna’s other good friend is Lisa. Lisa always comes in last when it comes to conversation with the girls, over who gets what from men. Lisa is also married and has three children. She is cool, very down to earth, and has a wonderful sense of humor. Everybody likes Lisa because she isn’t stuck up like her friends. Lisa actually doesn’t make money an issue with the guys she dates. She is so cool and down to earth that it is hard to believe that she cheats on her husband. To Lisa, cheating is just a game that gives her a topic for conversation with her cheating girlfriends. Lisa always thought Kevin was cool. Some time ago she told Reyna how fortunate she was to have a man like Kevin. To Lisa, Kevin was everything a woman could want in a man. Lisa at times would get jealous at all the things that Kevin did for Reyna, because Lisa had never had a man do those types of things for her. She told Reyna over and over again how important it was for her to keep Kevin and to keep him happy because he was definitely a rare breed.

Lisa seemed to be very fond of her husband too. She and her husband live with Lisa’s parents. She takes very good care of her kids and when it comes to clothes, of all the women, Lisa makes sure her kids have the best clothes first. Lisa really isn’t concerned about how well she’s dressed as much as how well her kids are dressed. Lisa is the oldest of the girls and seems to be the happiest. The girls tease her because the men she dates don’t do that much for her. However, she is the type of person that finds happiness from within herself.

YOLANDA
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Rent!

Yolanda is the youngest of Reyna’s good friends. She is twenty years old and has a thirty-five year old mother who has never been married. Yolanda also has a sixteen-year old sister. Part of the problem with Yolanda and many women growing up with a young mother and no father in the home is that a lot of these young mothers label the men that they date as tricks. These men aren’t called by their birth names, they’re called names such as rent, car note, light bill and phone bill. Most of the time these young mothers raise their daughters to do whatever they can to get money out of these men. Then it becomes a mother and daughter game about what each trick did for them this week. That’s how it is in Yolanda’s house, even the sixteen-year old participates in the game. Yolanda’s mother Kalu didn’t put any restrictions on Yolanda or her sister Carla. They were free to date who ever they wanted, when they wanted. Kalu just told them that if they were going to be hoes, just make sure that they would get paid for it. Yolanda got too deep into the game, and now has a three-year old son, and is eight months pregnant. Yolanda treated her son’s father so badly that he has been missing in action for about two years. Yolanda used to tell him things like she just wanted his money and when they would fight, she would tell him that the kid was not even his son. Eventually, he got tired of Yolanda and her mother’s games and walked out.

Yolanda’s sister Carla has just discovered that she is two months pregnant and really isn’t sure who the baby’s father is. Kalu’s house will eventually have three kids without any male role model around. Yolanda, despite being pregnant, is still very outgoing. She went out to the clubs with her girls up until she was six months pregnant, doing everything possible to hide her pregnancy so she could get to know new guys. Yolanda even dated a man that didn’t know that she was pregnant until her fourth month. That was nothing new for Yolanda. She had a habit of convincing several guys at one time that they got her pregnant and asked each man for money to get an abortion. She would use the money to go shopping. Times used to be good for Yolanda, but now she has two children, an eight-dollar per hour job, no father around, and she is starting to lose her school-girl figure. The cute game is no longer in her favor or anyone’s favor in that household.

The Big Fishing Expedition

It was time for Reyna, Yolanda, and Michelle to go to the club to get some new clients. The girls prepared for the experience a whole week in advance. During the course of the week, they dieted and worked out. The girls got one of their male friends to buy them a new outfit and another male friend to pay to get their hair, nails, and feet done. They usually kept at least three steady companions, and every now and then, if they got lucky, one of the male friends might get to meet with them for breakfast. It was showtime, and the girls looked great, except for their tendency to all wear the same hairstyle. They usually wear whatever style Reyna got, which didn’t show a whole lot of individuality. They got to the club, and the guys were all over them like white on rice. The girls would only give a guy the time of day if they were talking about money or offering to buy them drinks. They didn’t turn down any free drinks, and the drinks just kept coming. This was the ladies lucky day, because Reyna and Yolanda met drug dealers, and Michelle met a popular NBA player. This was cool because Michelle could hook the other girls up with some of the basketball player’s teammates, and Reyna and Yolanda could hook Michelle up with their drug dealers’ buddies. They all went out to breakfast with their new clients. These guys actually have more money than all the guys they have been dating do. That meant that one or maybe two of their present clients might get dropped so they could put more emphasis on the new client. The old clients did their jobs by supplying the ladies with everything they need to attract the new clients. That’s the way it goes in their business. A guy does not have any job security, in one day, and out the next. The business constantly changed faces as time passed.

Copyright ©1998 Akie Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

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