Rebirth
Published with permsssion by the autho © 2012 Olujimi Ojikutu
I was dying, and I knew it, the chiefs knew it, and my husband the ruling
head knew.
I was Queen of the greatest and most prosperous kingdom in Western Africa, I
had powers, and I saw visions, had the gift of healing, and was shown images
of the future, yet I was dying and there was nothing I could do to save
myself. How long I had to live was still an evasive question, but that I was
going to die soon was a certainty.
I looked around at my subjects that surrounded me; my husband was also
there, Orun, the ruling head. For him I was to bear our offspring. His
duties were mostly restricted to military functions, though he was the man,
the ruling head, his role was mostly ceremonial, in the kingdom, the Queen
had ultimate power.
Orun…my Orun, I had a great admiration for him but nothing more. He was a
great warrior who had led our great kingdom to many victories. I admired his
strength and valour, and I married him for those exact qualities, qualities
I would want in my offspring.
At this point I wondered if I was ever going to see those qualities in our
offspring or live to even bear offspring. I was dying.
Orun…he was my strong warrior half; the one whom all men tremble at his
sight, whom warriors flee at the brandishing of his sword.
I could also see my chief priest sitting to my right in front of the throne.
The chief priest who had bestowed on me the powers to converse with the
gods, he also stood there staring, confused. I conversed with the gods and
dined with devils, yet I couldn’t save myself from death.
I had given the priest three moons to find a solution to my problem. I
believed there was a solution to every problem, death itself must also have
an antidote.
I wasn’t ready to die yet. Did I ever want to die? I wondered.
I was the queen, a goddess, feared by all men. I had snuffed out life with a
single gaze, and had banished demons back to the abyss with few words, yet,
I feared death with all that was within me.
The priest had told me I was with a child, but it was in its early phase so
it wasn’t yet visible on the outside.
They told me I would still live long enough to give birth to the child, or
maybe I was just going to die giving birth to the bastard.
Curses on them all, curses on my husband Orun, whom I knew awaited my death
so he would become Ruler. Without me, no one could stand up to him, I was
the only one he feared, and he knew I knew so he was very careful.
Wise Orun, I admired him for that too. He knew what to do at the right time.
I wanted to run curses on all of them, the serving chiefs who would do my
every bid, curses on the hypocrites. I laughed at them each time I saw the
way they cowered in fear for their lives, they all thought I was mad. I
could very well order all of them to be executed, the infants in men’s
clothing. None of them had even the slightest bit of Orun’s strength. Curses
on them all, I’d rather have Orun rule, than have any of those clowns take
over my throne.
Thinking about everything made me sad, at the end I guess I was the cursed
one; I was the one that was going to die.
I remember it all started about a year ago, the coughs, the severe chest
pains, and then the convulsions. Then I started hearing voices, not the
voices of the spirits of our land, but of more sinister voices, sometimes,
they where even whimsical, taunting me, laughing at me, waiting for me to
die. Sometimes they sang songs, songs of death.
I had even asked my guardian spirits for help, but they told me there was
nothing they could do. ‘You don’t interfere with destiny,’ they said, ‘if
you must, then expect grave consequences.’ I was destined to die they had
told me, but of course, everyone was destined to die sometime, but I wasn’t
ready to die, I never wanted to die, I wanted to be immortal.
The great immortal queen who conquered death, that would sound so great in
the mouth of the praise singer, only she had the power over death, another
line I imagined the praise singer would use. But I knew my time was near,
and I dreaded it.
I watched the Priest tremble in fear, as he stuttered, ‘thirty days?’
‘Yes, thirty days to find a solution to my illness or you lose your life,’ I
sensed the dread in him, and I fed on it. Sometimes I enjoyed watching men
cower before me in fear, even the most powerful ones, it was always a
pathetic sight.
‘But my Queen, I have searched-’
‘Quiet! Search even more, search the stars if you have to, but live I shall
or you shall forfeit your life also,’ I was going to live, and would do
whatever it took to stay alive.
‘Yes my Queen,’ the Chief priest bowed in submission.
‘You can now leave,’ my word was final.
‘May you live long my Queen,’ the Chief priest bowed and left the royal
chamber, shaken by fear.
The Ruling Chiefs stared at me in amazement as if I was a kind of spectacle.
It was a mixture of fear, awe, and utter disbelief. I didn’t care what they
thought; I even felt disgusted by their show of anxiety and would have
ordered for their heads if not for the calming look from Orun, my husband.
‘You can all leave now,’ Orun told the chiefs with a distinct finality in
his voice. They didn’t know he was trying to protect them from my wrath, the
simple minded bunch of old men. They all stood up and bowed at the same
time, like a ritual they had perfected, ‘long live our Queen, the heart of
Osa, long live Orun, the head.’ They all filled out of the royal chambers
with the utmost care in every step they took, I assumed they didn’t want to
incur my wrath.
Disgusting, every single one of them, they believed my voice was the voice
of the gods. I could have all of them executed on that premise and they
would have all taken it in good faith, ‘the Queen speaks with the voice of
the gods,’ they would say.
Fools! Disgusting fools, all of them.
Orun, turned to face me, he stared deep into my eyes for about ten seconds.
It was as if he was trying reading my mind, he bored deep into the recesses
of my mind, searching for some kind of fear, and he could find none. I was
not the one to show fear, I was afraid, yes, afraid for my life, afraid that
there would be no cure to my illness, afraid that I would die, but what Orun
saw in my eyes was pride, yes, I was proud…the pride of Orin the fearless
Queen.
‘If it pleases the gods, they would reveal a cure,’ Orun put his hand over
mine, trying to console me.
I looked away, afraid that I was getting to hate him. I both detested and
loved him, I don’t know if it was possible to hate someone and love them at
the same time, but that is how I felt for Orun. He was strong, yet, I was
stronger. He seemed to care for me, but I felt underneath, he wished I was
dead so he would take over the throne, that was the story of me and my
husband, Orun.
I could see between his loving and caring gestures. You’re wrong Orun, I’m
not going to die, I’ll defy the gods, I am Orin, the queen who dines with
the gods, I thought.
Sometimes I thought before I died, I should have him killed, I knew that
thought was from the brink of lunacy, but I couldn’t help myself from
thinking such thoughts, but then again, I thought Orun deserved to rule in
my place. He was a brave warrior, expanding Osa’s territories to the far
east and to some parts of the south. I admit I needed him for the good of
Osa, and for my own good. He was a good lover, he made love like a god,
always wonderful to behold, his well sculptured chest, his large strong
arms, his raised masculine chin.
There was no man like Orun in the entire kingdom.
I still needed him…yes, he would live.
‘I’ll be in my chambers,’ he said as he stood up to leave, ‘hope still,’ he
said, then kissed the back of my hand and left.
I was left alone, to myself…to my thoughts. I thought of Orun, myself and
the baby. We were a triangle, all linked to each other. The unborn child was
a girl, I could already sense it. I wondered what would happen if I died,
would the tradition of ruling queens continue or would Orun start a whole
new lineage of ruling kings.
I knew Orun wanted power for himself, and I was the only one standing in his
way. He couldn’t dare try to kill me, for he knew the extent of my powers.
But having me die of natural courses I’m sure was a dream come true for him,
a blessing from the gods. He would probably marry off our daughter to a
neighbouring ruler to forge ties and expand the kingdom, the kingdom was all
that mattered to him, and he had always been of the school of thought that a
man should rule supreme in the kingdom.
Orun awaited my death, I could see it in the way he acted, his
submissiveness, his patience with me. He was bidding his time, waiting for
the right moment to take over the kingdom, waiting for the death of the
queen.
*
I wasn’t sure whether I was awake or asleep. I could hear my heart beat;
every sound rang in my ears. Sweat poured out of my skin like the fountains
of Orin. I pinched myself to be sure I wasn’t sleeping, even after feeling
the pain, I wasn’t still sure.
Was this a dream or was I awake? I asked myself. Or was I somewhere in
between? I wondered.
I felt a presence in my sleeping chambers. I could feel a set of eyes boring
into me, yet I saw nothing. I knew something or someone was there but I
looked around and still didn’t see anybody or anything.
I suddenly jerked out of sleep. It was just a dream, I thought. Then I
looked out of the window and the full moon seemed to look down at me, it
looked so beautiful. Its bluish glow radiated eternity.
Eternity…immortality…how I longed for it…To live forever without death, that
was the ultimate power, power over life and death. I envied the gods, having
no fear of death, existing from generation to generation, how I longed for
such power.
‘Oh beautiful moon,’ I whispered. Its radiance seemed to urge me forward.
‘Come my dear, come closer to me,’ I heard it say, ‘Come closer.’
I got out of my bed in obedience to its voice. What a sweet melodious voice,
was I in a trance or was it real? I asked myself. As I moved closer to the
window, towards the moon, the moon also seemed to move closer to me becoming
bigger as I moved closer. By the time I got to the window, the moon was a
large white glow right in front of me, so close I could touch it.
I squinted as the glow became brighter, then I moved back from the window
and the moon seemed to be right there inside my chamber. I covered my eyes
as the glow grew brighter until it seemed to envelop the whole room.
Everything from my bed, to the exquisite carvings of the mahogany sculptures
that stood around the room, even the floor radiated with a bluish glow. I
was being visited by a god, the moon itself.
‘Osupa,’ I called out. I was in awe, the moon god Osupa had come to visit
me. The surrounding ambience deemed as the light converged into one form,
the form of the moon god, Osupa.
I was completely awestruck as I looked into the face of the now formed man;
no mortal being was as beautiful as he was. The radiant face, the skin black
and smooth, yet white as a full moon. The masculine features stood out, even
Orun in his prime was no match to Osupa’s beauty.
Maybe I was meant for the gods and no mere being. My heart raced as he moved
closer, his arms were strong and his muscles curved and crafted with such
perfection and beauty. Out of all the gods I had seen, Osupa was by far the
most beautiful.
I remembered when I saw Esu, the ruler of the foul spirits. The fear he
radiated was tumultuous. I remembered the look on his face; the blood shot
eyes, the fiery red lips. I had never seen such menace, such rage in my
whole life. It was death itself staring at me. I had summoned him to deal
with an enemy of Osa, a neighboring King who had plans of taking over Osa.
He had a very strong army that would have crushed our armies so I had to ask
for external help.
Esu said he would be glad to help me. Help me he did, a week later we heard
of the demise of the enemy. A death so brutal I had wished I wasn’t
involved. The King ate himself to death, literally. He just suddenly went
insane, took a knife and started cutting himself, eating each slice until he
bled to death, having ate a large part of himself, before he was discovered
it was too late, he had already ate himself to death.
After then, fear spread all over his kingdom, and it was easy for Orun, my
husband, and our soldiers to defeat his army already weakened by fear and
the loss of their ruler. Nobody understood why the powerful ruler had done
that to himself, but I knew.
I remembered Ina, and the fire in his eyes, the fire god was amazing, red
and beautiful, and Orun, the sun god, whom my husband was named after, he
had the most beautiful glow, yellow and scorching, anything that was in his
path burnt instantly. It was said that Orun gave my husband as a gift to his
parents and that was why my husband was such a great warrior.
There was also Olomi, the goddess of the seas, beautiful and elegant,
graceful in her movements, it was said that I had her beauty and grace. How
I envied her…I would give anything to become a goddess like her, beautiful,
ageless, and immortal.
But of them all, Osupa was the most beautiful, most gracious, most masculine
yet gentle being I had ever seen. As he moved closer, I felt his radiance
envelope me, taking me to far away worlds past and future…such beauty.
‘I know your deepest wish,’ he said.
‘You do?’ was all I could mutter.
‘And I shall grant you,’ he smiled.
‘You shall?’ I could barely speak.
Then Osupa’s face turned stern, ‘But I must warn you, in your immortality
lies a curse.’
The word immortality rang in my ears; I could feel my heart almost come out
of my chest ‘I would do anything for my dream to come true.’
‘If that’s your wish, then I would tell you what to do,’ he said, his voice
resonation with power and depth.
He enveloped me and showed me the secrets to what I desired, the blessings,
and the curse.
The next morning, I sent for the chief priest. I knew the secrets; all I
needed was to carry out the rituals that would make me immortal.
As I awaited the Chief priest, I thought about my immortality, it was a
funny kind, a strange one indeed, but it was the only way Osupa had said.
The Chief priest walked in and bowed at my feet. Pride swelled within me, I
was worshiped by these people, and very soon I would be immortal. I needed
the Chief priest to carry out the rituals; a hundred white priests were
needed.
The priests had three major divisions, the white and the most powerful
communed with gods themselves having links to at least a god. They were said
to be the pure ones, who used their powers for good. Then there were the
black priests who conjured dark spirits and demons of Esu, their powers were
usually used for evil and other diabolical purposes, the number of demons
they could conjure depended on their experience, some new black priests
would usually conjure two to ten spirits, while the old and powerful ones
could conjure as much as ten thousand spirits and demons. They were called
the demon lords and there were very few of them. Even rarer and more
diabolical were the red priests, they called them ‘Omo Esu’ meaning the sons
of Esu, Lord of the demons, because they had direct links to Esu himself.
There were only five known red priests at the moment.
‘Alaba, get up,’ I told the chief priest, he still had his head bowed; ‘I
would need your service.’
‘Anything you ask for my queen, the great one who communes with the gods,’
Alaba bowed again. Alaba feared and respected me even though he was the
chief priest. At my birth, I was said to have the eye of a goddess, a gift
from Olomi and the heart of a lion, a gift from Agba, ruler of the jungle.
It was also said that I could see the gods even as a toddler, and sometimes
at an age when toddlers usually wouldn’t have mastered speech, I would
mention the names of the gods- though I can vaguely remember those days.
‘Alaba, I need a hundred white priests,’ I told the Chief Priest.
There was no way he would have missed the finality in my voice.
‘But…but…my queen, what you ask for is almost impossible, there are not that
many priests around the kingdom and going to neighboring kingdoms might not
yield much-’
‘Get them!’ I interrupted him. I could see him fidgeting, ‘I don’t care how,
if you have to travel the whole world, do so, but get me a hundred white
priests in seven days or you would join your ancestors in the next realm.’
‘Yes my queen, your wish is my command,’ he answered, head bent low in
submission.
‘See Ologun for anything you need, when you have the hundred priests, I will
tell you what to do.’
‘Yes my queen,’ Alaba wasn’t ready to lose his life, nobody challenges me
and lives, and I was the queen.
‘Now go,’ nobody was going to stop my plan, even the old priest.
‘Yes my queen,’ he stood up and left.
The first phase was in the making, I could even feel the baby move in me.
Poor child…poor child…I thought of the curse. I quickly pushed it out of my
mind, I was going to be immortal, and that was all that mattered.
*
In five days after I gave him the order for the hundred priests, about
mid-day, I saw Alaba walk in with a smile on his face, I knew he had
completed the task that I gave him. The Chief priest must have been glad he
didn’t have to lose his head.
‘The hundred white priests have arrived,’ Alaba said, trying his best to
compose himself. ‘What would you have them do?’
‘Good question,’ I paused just for the effect, ‘you’ve been saved the stress
of your former duty.’
Fear gripped Alaba, I could see it on his face, ‘but my queen, I didn’t fail
you in any way, why would you want to relieve me of my duty?’
I laughed at his stupidity, and at the bewildered look written all over his
face. ‘I never said I relieved you of your duty as my chief priest. You are
no more required to find a cure for my ailment.’
‘Oh my queen, have I wronged you?’ he dug his face in the floor.
‘Have you found one?’ I asked teasingly.
‘No my queen,’ he answered.
‘Then you should be glad, because I have found a solution to my problem.’
‘You have, how?’ more bewilderment was written on his face.
‘Don’t worry about that. All you need to know is that the request for the
hundred priests have something to do with it,’ I held my head up high in
pride, as he bowed in awe.
‘All I needed was some more time, my queen-’
‘Shut up! More time…more time….till my death,’ I felt like striking him dead
there and then.
‘Forgive me my queen, please turn your wrath away from me,’ he said, visibly
shaken.
‘You are forgiven,’ I smiled.
‘Thank you my queen,’ he cowered.
‘Gather all the priests, this night we shall carry out the rituals that
would ensure my life.’
‘Yes my queen,’ the priest replied.
‘Before you go, let me give you all the details of how the rituals should be
carried out as directed by Osupa himself,’ the ‘Osupa’ was emphasized, I
always liked the effect that being visited by the gods had on Alaba.
You were visited by Osupa himself?’ the chief priest could not hide the awe
in his voice, ‘you are favoured by the gods my queen…May you rule for long.’
I smiled, ‘For eternity Alaba, eternity…’
*
The moon was full, and I was surrounded by the one hundred white priests. I
was in the middle, dressed in a white robe I had worn for the rituals. They
danced and sang around me, everything was in unison, their voices, the
movement of their heads, and their body movements.
The ritual was supposed to go on for seven days, calling the power of
immortality on me, a gift from the gods.
‘Hulla, Yabba! Hullla, Yabba! Hulla, Yabba!’ they sang for seven days and
nights, in front of the sacred river. Hulla, Yabba! Hulla, Yabba!
The chant had become music in my ears…wonderful music, because soon I would
be immortal…but the curse, I wondered.
*
The time for my child to come had finally come, and I could feel the spasms
of pain that came at child birth.
I remembered after the rituals, my illness had worn off, all the pains, the
fever; the coughs had suddenly disappeared after the seven day ritual. So I
knew it had worked, I was on the path to immortality.
Immortality…at what price, I asked myself…the curse came to mind but I had
chosen my path and I was not turning back.
‘Push, the baby is coming,’ the oldest of the nurses that surrounded me
urged, ‘you are almost there my queen.’
I did push…and push…and push…and with each push, I felt my life ebb out of
my body. I could only see a blur, the nurses above me were all in a blur,
they al seemed far away, their voices seemed distant.
‘The baby is coming out, push, we’re almost done,’ they urged, and nudged,
‘push…push.’
I felt everything slowly fade away, the room, the nurses, the urges and
nudges, until everything went blank. I was floating…floating away in
darkness. The darkness was real and gloomy but I was not afraid, I knew it
would come. It was the price I had to pay.
I opened my eyes and saw my lifeless body lying on the bed that was once my
labour bed. I watched the nurses fight to revive me; they were all terrified
and afraid. The queen had died in their hands. I smiled.
I was dead, yet I was alive. I looked at the nurse who now carried the new
born baby in her hands, tears in her eyes. I watched her as she carried my
new body. All the other nurses scrambled around the room screaming, yelling
for help.
‘The queen is dead,’ they yelled. That was the price I had to pay.
That was the curse, death…but not my death, but the death of my offspring. I
stared out of the pair of little eyes watching everything that was going on.
My Offspring would always give up their lives for mine…that was the curse.
My would-have-been daughter was now on her way to the other realm; I now
possessed the infant’s body.
It was the only way, Osupa had told me. The sacrifice was my offspring, and
it would continue like that from generation to generation, that was the only
way for my immortality.
Orun walked in and stood over my former body, nodding his head. Then he came
and took me from the nurse.
He stared into my little eyes, and smiled at me. Now he had ultimate power
over the kingdom, he was the king, the king of the kingdom. But why not, he
was the only one strong enough to rule the kingdom in my absence. For now, I
would just enjoy my infancy and watch my husband, who was now my father,
rule. Strange isn’t it, he was both…strange.
Maybe at ten, I would be ready to take my throne back, yes, I would be a
woman by then, the princess, then the queen, when Orun dies. Yes, I’ll be
the queen again, and I’ll find myself another ruling head.
From generation to generation, I’ll rule and never die, forever…immortal.
*
I was getting tired of the immortal game. Five hundred years of dying at
every first child birth, becoming the motherless child each time. I wouldn’t
say I was inhibiting the growth of my lineage since my fathers; husbands
usually took other wives, giving me step mothers, brothers and sisters. Left
to my line, the family tree might have resembled something like a long thin
branchless tree.
Osa no longer existed, so I wasn’t the powerful Queen of Osa anymore.
Osa had fallen a long time ago in the hands of one of my husbands, one of
the weak ones. I was still a child when it happened, so there was nothing I
could do about it.
Now that there was no throne to rule, being immortal was less attractive. In
these modern times of mass wars, politics, the internet, global economies,
no one would want to live from generation to generation, but I did. I knew
about both world wars, the civil war, was present at the independence, I was
even there when the Europeans first invaded. Life had become boring, being
immortal and living an ordinary life. I wish for the Osa days once again.
As time went on, I saw less of the gods; it was as if some of them didn’t
exist anymore. Immortality had become more of a curse than a blessing.
I had married several men over different generations, attended numerous
universities in different parts of the world. My relatives thought my mother
was cursed and then her mother, and that before her, they had all died at
their first child births, what they didn’t understand was that I was all of
them, being transferred from one generation to the other. A lot of them
thought I was going to die at child birth, and they were right, I was, and
would live through the child and the process would continue for eternity.
The news had spread to my present husband’s family. They had tried to
prevent me from getting married to him, but despite the criticisms he
insisted I was the one he wanted to marry. He said his love would break
whatever curse there was, and I almost believed him, but I knew better. The
curse could not be broken and he wouldn’t believe the story if I told him.
Bade, the love of my life, I didn’t know what I would do without him.
I knew it wouldn’t last and it saddened me, I would soon become the first
daughter of his love. Once I got pregnant it would be nine months before I
loose him forever.
Bade, the only man I had ever been in love with. He was soft and gentle, yet
strong and diligent. He was the hardest worker, yet he was the gentlest
lover.
I had made sure I didn’t get pregnant. I wanted our time together to last
longer. I didn’t want the love we shared to end so soon. How hard I wished
it would last forever. He had seen me crying several times, and he would
usually ask me what the problem was. ‘Its nothing,’ I usually told him,
‘just that I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost you.’
Each time, he would look into my eyes with so much intensity and love, so
strong I could feel the fire in my soul consume me. Each time, he would
answer me, ‘you won’t lose me, I will always be there for you, my love,’ and
then he would take me in his arms and kiss me.
I remember the first time we met, we both attended the same university, I
was studying law and he was studying economics. I remember when he walked up
to me; I was having lunch at the school cafeteria, when I saw a young
handsome man staring at me from the opposite table. His stare wasn’t the
usual I got, the ‘wow, she’s so sexy I would like to get a piece of her,’
stare, but a stare of genuine interest and something deeper.
He had picked up his tray and walked up toward his table. He got in front of
me, and just stared and smiled.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, can I join you?’ he asked shyly.
‘Of course,’ I kept on smiling to make him more comfortable.
He sat down and introduced himself, ‘I’m bade Phillips.’
‘I’m Ori-oh, Laitan,’ I was about to say Orin, my first ever name, the name
I had bore as a queen. I wondered why. Something about him attracted me to
him, he reminded me of Osupa’s grace. Though bade was a little shy, I saw
strength in him.
From then on we just clicked and it seemed we had known each other for long.
He told me about his parents, his siblings and dreams, and I told him about
school.
That evening, after we had gone to several places together, in front of my
hostel, we kissed… a soft gentle kiss.
‘Am I going to see you again,’ he said looking into my eyes.
‘Tomorrow would be fine. I’m still in school, not going anywhere yet,’
I laughed.
‘I’m in love with you,’ he said, with all the seriousness he could muster.
I couldn’t help but smile, he was so adorable, ‘hey we just met and you
don’t even know me that well.’
‘I do and I think I’m in love with you. It might sound crazy, I don’t
understand it myself, but…’ he stopped, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he kissed
my forehead and left, turning to stare back at me once. He gave me a smile
and turned back, he turned back and looked back smiling at me before he
walked into the distant.
I just stood there enthralled, in love, and scared. Scared for my self, and
scared for him. You don’t know me Bade Phillips, you don’t, I said to
myself. My five hundred year old soul had never felt this way about anybody.
*
I finally allowed myself to get pregnant after ten years of marriage.
After so much pressure from Bade’s family- I guess it was okay if they
wanted a child for their son- and after a lot of pondering I decided it was
time to let go and have a child. A child that would be me eventually because
of the curse, it saddened me.
The nine months of pregnancy seemed like forever, it was like waiting for
death, yet in my case it was waiting for new life. It was all unfair
especially to Bade, who loved me so much. I wasn’t even sure I could live as
Bade’s child, growing up seeing the man I love everyday and not been able to
have him. My heart groaned in pain…I would give anything to break the curse,
I would give anything to live a lifetime with Bade, I would give anything
for us to grow up together, have children together, and grow old together. I
would give anything for us to die together.
Bade was ecstatic, seeing the joy on his face only deepened my sorrow.
Only if he knew the truth…only if he knew, the curse could never be broken,
I was going to die, and it was the only way. He had endured a lot of
taunting and trouble from his family with me, and he hadn’t even taken
succour in another woman. He once told me he was going to stay with me
forever whether we had a child or not, but I couldn’t do that to him, he
deserved better. At least when I’m gone he would be able to get another wife
and move on with his life and get other children. My joy would be that I
would be watching him from the eyes of my child, his child…my eyes.
He wouldn’t even believe it if I told him, told him who I really was, what
was eventually going to happen, who his child would be. I’m sure he would
think I needed some expert help.
*
Finally I was in labor, trust Bade; he was quick at getting me to the
hospital. Through out my labour he was right beside me, encouraging me,
comforting me.
‘You’ll be okay my love, just relax,’ he kept telling me, he was right
there, in every moment. He had made me even forget the labour pain I was
going through. How I loved this man, Bade Phillips…how I loved him.
I could feel the life oozing out of me as the baby came out. The further out
the baby was, the weaker I got.
The doctors had started to panic, ‘her pulse is getting weaker…everything
seemed okay, what could have gone wrong-’ they wouldn’t understand it had to
be this way. I had to die.
Then I heard Bade, I could see the tears in his eyes, ‘I don’t know what I
will do without you. Please don’t leave me.’
The baby came out and I could hear her cry, I knew it would be a girl.
She seemed so far away, it felt all unreal and surreal at first. Then I
opened my eyes and I could see the doctor holding the baby. The baby…she was
alive, and she was beautiful…and she wasn’t me. Then I looked over at bade
who was standing over my body crying, that was when I realized I had left my
body.
I could not stand leaving him and seeing him in such pain. I closed my eyes
again and when I opened it, Bade was sitting right next to me, I smiled,
feeling weak, I was back in my body, right next to the man I loved, and the
baby was there right in front of me, alive and well.
The doctor placed her in my hands and I held her. Bade smiled at me and
kissed me on the cheek.
‘I love you,’ he told me.
‘I love you too,’ I told him, ‘and no matter what happens, just remember
that I love you and I will always do.’ I didn’t understand what was
happening but somehow I was there, and the baby was there, and we were both
alive, and it was the happiest moment in my life. Had the curse been broken,
I didn’t know.
I looked at our daughter and she seemed perfect, wriggling in my arms, the
most perfect little thing. She had the lips of her father and had my eyes,
she was beautiful.
‘She’s a big girl,’ the doctor said.
‘Yes,’ I looked into her eyes, and it was mine. The more I looked the
stranger I felt, it was the strangest feeling. It was as if I was staring
into my own eyes, holding my own self.
Suddenly I could see through the baby’s eyes, and through mine. I was the
mother and the child, but I could still feel the baby’s spirit linger in the
infant’s body. I thought I was free of the curse, but I was wrong. I felt
weak and tired.
Then I realized what had happened as I stared at the baby and stared at
myself.
Bade’s love had made me stay, yet I was in the baby, and somehow the baby’s
spirit still lingered in the child, fighting to hold on. The curse had taken
effect, but this time there had been complications.
The curse didn’t know love, didn’t recognize it, couldn’t deal with it, and
was now confused by it. The curse of immortality had been broken yet the
price of death still had to be paid. The death of the cursed was certain.
This time I was going to pay for the souls of all the babies that had died
in my place. I could see Bade from the baby’s
eyes- part of me was in the child, yet I also saw him from my own eyes. It
was as if my soul had been divided between the two bodies and I was one but
two, in the mother and in the child.
I was paying the price, but any moment with Bade was worth it. I lingered
on.
The doctors said I had to stay in the hospital for a few days. There was
something wrong but they had no clue what it was.
‘I love you Bade,’ I told him over and over.
‘I love you too Laitan, and you’re going to be okay, you and the baby,’ he
smiled at me, tears in his eyes.
I knew that wasn’t true, I was not going to be okay, but I cherished every
moment with him. The next day, his family came and left after a while, my
family also came, my step sisters, my step mum, and other relatives, they
also left after a while.
Through every moment, Bade was with me, I knew these were my final days on
earth, and he was there with me through every second, he never left my side,
he would send someone to get him something to eat, which he hardly did. He
hardly slept and it was wearing on him. The doctors tried to get him to go
home but to no avail, he never left his wife’s side.
As each day passed, I grew weaker and the baby also grew weaker, the doctors
could not explain the reduction in our pulse rates, medically, nothing was
wrong with either of us. Strands of grey hair had even started to grow on my
hair.
Four days after child birth, I knew the time had come. I could see Osupa by
the window, smiling at me, surrounded by little girls in white robs. They
all looked almost the same, they all had my eyes. They were beckoning on me,
calling my name, my very first name. ‘Orin, Orin, Orin, Orin, Orin,’ they
called giggling.
I held Bade’s hand, ‘I love you Bade.’
‘I love you too,’ he replied, his eyes were swollen from lack of sleep and
crying.
‘I have never felt about anyone, the way I feel about you,’ I squeezed his
hand.
‘I love you so much Laitan,’ he kissed my forehead, then my lips.
‘Its time for me to go,’ I told him in tears, his face was also covered in
tears.
‘No its not, you can’t go,’ he held my face, covering them in his tears.
‘I have to go, the children are calling,’ I smiled at him; I could still
hear the children’s voices. ‘I love you, just know that,’ I told him, ‘and
please take care of our baby.’
Now his voice was from a distance, ‘I love you too Laitan, please don’t
leave, I can’t live without you, Doctor!’ the doctors rushed in after his
call.
I could see him from the distance, holding and shaking my lifeless body, the
doctors also tried to revive me to no avail. ‘Please don’t go, I love you,’
Bade cried.
‘I love you too,’ I whispered to myself, ‘I will never forget you,’ as I
turned with the Children and Osupa. I was on my way to the beyond, the land
of the dead.
I had found love, and I had found death. I had lived a curse for five
centuries, and finally it had been broken. I had been dead for five
centuries, finally I had found life, the life in love, but the curse of
death was too strong, someone had to die, and this time it was me, not the
little ones, but love had set me free.
I smiled as I turned back to see Bade holding my lifeless body.
‘You’ll move on my love,’ I turned and never looked back. I had found love
and was going to cherish the memory for eternity. ‘Thank you Bade for
showing me what true love is,’ all I could see now was light, we had left
the land of the living forever.