21 replies to this topic

[Troy]

Check out the inforgraphic below, courtesy of Best Black Dating Sites


Via Best Black Dating Sites

[Troy]

While this may be an interesting or thought provoking analysis; does anyone see the problem with this particular comparison?

[Kola Boof]

Sigh.

Who gives a shit anymore? Seriously.

Black men are not the only men in the world.

And the SLOWEST way to get a BM is by being a black female who
"looks" black advertising her unyielding loyalty, love & devotion.

I have 4 boyfriends right now. And I like it this way. I'm 42 and wish
I had done things this way long ago. 1 is Black American, 1 is African black,
1 is White and 1 is Latino.

I truly believe this is the way of the future and I'm writing a book about it.

This girl is probably really young. She has my sympathy.

[Troy]

Kola, first thank you for comment HERE. I will invite the creator of this "infographic" to comment here, she has the link. I'm not sure how old she is, but I suspect she is relatively young as well.

The problem I have with the analysis, is that the comparions assumes all the women actually meet the criteria that have been used to eliminate the available men. In order words, it ignores that fact that there are also fat women, uneducated women, gay women, incarcerated women, etc.

The analysis also fails to consider that man of the men fall into multiple categories and as a result are double, triple, quadruple counted which greatly exaggerates the number of men eliminated from contention.

The are many problems with the data as presented.

Then of course there are the social ramifications of using flawed data, misinformation really, to promote an agenda which is not based in reality. If a woman finds it difficult to find a "good" Black man it will not be because of the reasons describe above.

[DeePee]

i'm with kola: who gives a shit anymore? and, if some is good, more is better. HOLLA!!

besides, this question is way too broad, and we all know that broad questions can never be answered in any practical way. in fact, broad questions can be a really sneaky way of holding individuals back from looking at themselves. it's personal questions that are more useful... i.e., 'why do *you* want a man in your life?' and 'what do *you* have to offer a man?' etc.

and i'm also with troy: yes, this sounds like a young woman's question, and yes, "data" is useless in answering such a personal question.

and finally, troy, you've never known me to publicly entertain topics like this. WTF am i doing here? hmmmmmmmm... maybe i'm trying to procrastinate on a deadline... ? :-)

[Troy]

Diane everyone need a break from time to time, thanks for weighing in :-)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not shooting down data as a tool for understanding issues like this. My problem is with the way the data is used in this particular case.

[Cynique]

Every single young woman, black or otherwise, yearns to find the man of her dreams, - a lover who would embody her ideal mate. But one thing will influence her decision to settle for less. Making her feel special is a plus. Helen Gurley Brown, the retired editor of COSMO magazine, was once asked what was her idea of a sexy man and she replied: a man who thinks I'm sexy.

If an informal survey was taken of single, childless, professional black women who are not obese, it wouldn't be surprising if they prefaced the requirements for their "Mr. Right" with the "in a perfect world" phrase. One reason they are single is because they have high standards. They want the "best case scenario" and the odds of this happening are, indeed, low...

I don't think black women are against dating outside their race, but once again they have to compete with white women for this pool, and the results could be discouraging.

[Christi]

Hi Troy, I read the chart and I thought some things were wrong. It said women were looking or black men who (1) had not been to jail (2) having a job (3) making 30K+ (4) being in-shape and (4) did not have children by other women. I don't agree with the way those questions were laid out. Most "good" women do not care if a man went to jail once or twice, but they definitely do not want a career criminal. They also do not care how much money he makes because 9 times out of 10 she makes enough to carry the financial burden. Some women like obese men, what if they are obese themselves?? We keep hearing about the BBWs right?! The job situation is mute if anyone follow the economy right now. And finally it would be unfair to expect a man not to have children by other women, when she might have children where the father is not around also. The problem with this chart is that "good" women that want "good" men do not use these criteria to define what a good man.

[Troy]

Hi Christi, yeah the definition of what a "good man " (or women) is of course subjective, and to use it as a means for determining the unavailability of good men for women in the generla case is flawed reasoning.

As you suggest there are of course good men that are overweight, perhaps a child from a previous marriage, and recently laid off.

Of course some women might look for Brothers that are Christian or has some form of spiritual beliefs, and many other criteria that are not on the list above.

At the end of the day women (and men) need to have realistic expections of what another human being can and are capable of offering. Humans are all individuals and should be evaluated as such.

Using a laundry list like the one above, as the basis for your selection criteria for findling a "good man", will virtually guarantee that you rule out many of them.

[JA Johnson]

In addition to the insightful critiques from Troy & Christi, there is this: attraction and love are inspired by intangible factors that are difficult to describe and are nearly impossible to measure. We all know the phrase that comes up when we're talking about what attracts us members to the opposite sex, "I'll know him (or her) when I see him (or her)." These intangibles outweigh most any other objective factors when we think about to whom we're attracted. That's why we sometimes find ourselves entangled with someone who really isn't a good match for us. It's chemistry, and as anyone who survived high school chemistry lab can tell you, sometimes experiments go well, but often they're a disaster.

[Troy]

Mr. Johnson Welcome. I'm glad to see a Brother chime in here.

I completely agree with what you wrote. Ignoring the analysis presented, what do you think about the validity of the premise: That there are very few eligible Black men for Black women?

[Cynique]

I was so busy promoting my upcoming book that I forgot to address the question that headlined my other post. "Where are all the good single black women?" Well, if we subscribe to what Christi says, many of them will soon be married because they have no problem with fat guys who don't earn much or haven't done hard time in the joint or who happen to have baby mamas. There're plenty of these dudes available for "good" women like thisto marry. Or, as JA Johnson suggests, bootie calls are temporarly dispelling the loneliness of other good single black women before they come to their senses. And what about the rest of these attractive, upstanding, discriminating career girls? Where are they? Undoubtedly enjoying free time activites, taking trips, buying shoes, driving fast cars, revying up sex toys, - occasionally asking themselves who the heck needs a man??? So, who's left?? Those few lucky enough to link up with Mr. Right - the only one. and, oh yes, in a couple of days you'll be able to link up with the "The Only One" the new book I have coming out.

[Kola Boof]

Cynique, I'm going to buy a copy of "The Only One" and I'll also be sure and post
the link on Twitter & Facebook.

[Cynique]

I appreciate your support, Kola. Thanks! However, this e-book is not available in its entirety but rather on a chapter a month basis as part of a new project I have become affiliated with.

[Kola Boof]

Oh yeah....I was asked to write for that Cynique but I didn't have time.

"Chapter a Month" is a really big deal--those are major authors in that program.
Congratulations.

I've become friends with Bernice McFadden (we're also on the same label). I believe she
has a continuing story on "A Chapter A Month."

Well...I can't wait to read your story and will be posting the link NEXT WEEK because I go
into the hospital the 29th for some routine brain tests (nothing serious).

Congrats. You've always been a brilliant mind on this board, that's for sure.

[Cynique]

Looks like good white men are hard to find, too. The fairy tale dream of living happily ever has become a big laugh....

[Cynique]

But you do remember him saying "people make me sick....You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore."

[Troy]

This Brother seems to have a solution for the Sista's: Just marry white guys.

Read a review of Ralph Richard Bank's book Is Marriage for White People? How the African-American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone

[Xeon]

Who gives a shit anymore? Seriously. Black men are not the only men in the world.

Good point. I agree. Black women are going to have to find and create their own happiness. If black men are that disgusting, weak, inept, undesirable, worthless, horrible, unaccomplished, unworthy, etc, etc, by all means, seek non-black men who are not. Unfortunately, life is not a rehearsal. You only get one shot and that is that....no second chances or re-takes. Do what you have to do and do yourself a favor -leave 'em the fuck alone! E'nuff said.......

[Cynique]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN