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Beautiful. Aw Del now THAT is cynical LOL! KIds have kept together many a dysfunctional marriage. If it were easier for people to raise kids on a single wage (free of government involvement with child support payments), more marriages would have dissolved. Today it is FAR too easy to get married and FAR too difficult to end a marriage. Legal (government sanctioned) marriages should be eliminated.

I hear you @Mel Hopkins women do have a great advantage in that they are generally not expected to foot the bill especially on a first date. Curiously that "social norm" has not been replaced. Shoot, I need someone to treat me to a great date once in a while. Well this is the longest period of time I've gone without a steady main squeeze. I know the longer I remain single the harder it will be for me to get married. I too wanna leave the world the way I came into it, inside some pu--y! (did I go too far with that one?)

Toned body? Yes! Muscular one? No. Working out? No. Daily walk around the block? Yes. Motivated? No. Lazy? Yes.

I wrote this commentary below a couple of weeks ago but changed my mind about posting it because it was too cynical. But, on second thought, men do need to know they are not premium goods. Marriage really is a sacrifice for women. Especially if love isn't their primary motivation to get wed. In this day, particularly in the black community, where the battle of the sexes is ongoing, certain assumptions are made such as black men and women not being able to live with each other nor being able to live without each. But is it a really a "given" that all black women or woman of any color unequivocally need a committed mate of the opposite sex? If a woman is independent, has a career she's passionate about, one that provides her with financial rewards that make a residence of choice and a car affordable, if she has an array of sex toys that take her places shes's never been, a busy life full of avocations then, other than for household or car repairs, what does a woman need a man for? Motherhood? A status guaranteed to not only obliterate her identity but subject her to a life time of worry, sacrifice, and exhaustion. The only dubious compensation for enslavement to a child is an interval of attracting attention via a grotesque stomach shown off in a tight dress? And later, the obligatory breast-feeding project too frequently accompanied by photo-ops capturing these boring moments for social media exposure? Not to mention conducting a public suckling that gives her a chance to defy frowns and dare someone to not be as thrilled as she is over doing what any cow can do. Like marriage, what's the big deal about motherhood? Not a something that calls out to you? Then get a cat or become a favorite aunt. And who would would miss cooking meals every night and doing dirty laundry, and the drudgery of housework, the hassle of chauffering kids and nursing their ills and enduring in-laws and having no private space or time for oneself? Who'd miss the marital togetherness - the snoring and farting and groping and thrashing of a slobbering blanket hog giving mattress springs a hard time? if you have the courage to buck tradition and resist the pressures of society, do so and remain happily single, Who needs a man, an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye? (Something, you, yourself, could be free to have when seeking a change of pace in the embrace of a stud from a reserve supply of disposable fuck-buddies.) Do i speak from experience or bitterness when promoting this alternative existence? Not particularly; Inspired by an earful of common complaints, i am simply coming from a place in my imagination that pictures the possibility of a different lifestyle, - one that promises another kind of "fulfillment" - one that invites "you to do you". Celebrate yourself and leave marriage and a family to those for whom this claustrophobic commitment fills a void.

Thanks @Mel Hopkins for the heads up on Stacey Abrams accomplishment as a romance novelist, whose pen name is Selena Montgomery:

My pleasure @Mel Hopkins I can't up on the entire Black book world single handedly -- thought I do as good a job as anyone out there This is even more interesting than N.K. Jemison Hugo wins. BTW you know that Jemisin's cousin is W. Kamau Bell? Someone shared that with me when I posted the info on N.K. on Lipstick Alley's book forum. I have not taken time to confirm this but it is an interesting factoid.

One could easily argue Del that not having to compromise is what actually keeps you sane. I've lived with someone most of my adult life, not having to compromise is so much easier. 70 doing a 25 year old, as in the case of Nelson Rockefeller, seems tantamount to pedophilla. Maybe, in 14 years, I'll feel differently....

The latest newsletter I emailed this week, performed relatively well, a better than 25% open rate, good engagement across the items listed, new paid subscribers, and a number of emails thanking me — especially for introducing people to the writer N.K. Jemisin; which I've excerpted below. This morning I received the following email: Hello, I hope all is well. If I am not mistaken...Octavia Butler has won the Hugo Award several times. You mentioned Jemison is the first black writer to win this award. You should do some research to verify this information. Thank you, While I'm far from perfect this email irked me mainly because the women started out ny suggesting that she might be wrong, but then strongly implied that I was wrong and proceeded to chastise me for failing to research and verify information. Usually if someone is sincerely trying to help; they point or the error and provide the correction, "Hey Troy Butler actually won the best novel award in 1986." When that happens I correct the error, apologize, and offer to send them a free book. After years of dealing with trolls, ignorant people, and just plain hater I've learned to either take the high road or not engage at all. This time I replied as if the comment came from @Delano or @Pioneer1 and they caught me in a bad mood Of course if the person read or at least understood what I wrote they would see that I did not I write Jemisin is the only Black writer win a Hugo Award. Hugo's are bestowed in several categories. Jemisin is in fact the only writer to win the Best Novel Hugo in three consecutive years. Indeed, she is the only Black writer to win the award period (as far as I know). I also saw (but did not read) a number of articles speaking to the controversy surrounding the Hugo Awards particularly as it related to given the Best Novel award to writers of color. Jemisin winning the award three years straight apparently ruffled the feathers of white male scientific fiction writers (yawn, no surprise there). Still giving the top honor to one writer — any writer three years running speaks volumes about that writers work. This is why I led withJemison'ss accomplishments, because those three books must be really very good! *Please note this mentioning Jemison was neither acknowledged by the publisher or the author. Everything in the newsletter is editorial. There is no paid placement. The only exception might be a banner at the top of the page, but that is clearly indicated and not in every newsletter. Octavia Butler did win two Hugo Awards including a win for best Short Story (1984) and Best Novelette (Bloodchild, 1985). Samuel Delany was nominated numerous times and won twice (but not for Best Novel), Nalo Hopkinson was nominated for Best Novel, Nnedi Okorafor was nominated a couple of times and won Best Novella for Binti (book #1 in a trilogy) and an AALBC bestseller. There are only Black nominees and winners in a variety of categories since the award was launched in 1953. Jemisin accomplishments stands out. Recommended Reads N. K. Jemisin the Only Writer to Win the Best Novel Hugo Award in three Consecutive Years The Hugo Awards are generally considered the highest honors bestowed in science fiction and fantasy writing. The Best Novel Hugo Award is considered the most prestigious of all the award categories. Previous winners of the Best Novel Hugo Award winners have included Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke. In 2016, Jemisin became the first Black writer to win the Best Novel Hugo for The Fifth Season. She would go on the win again in 2017 and 2018 with The Obelisk Gate and The Stone Sky, respectively. These novels make up the post-apocalyptic and highly acclaimed New York Times bestselling Broken Earth trilogy.

@Delano, what say you about NYC being a spiritual mecca. @Mel Hopkins, whatever the reason, I'm sure I;m not alone is saying, I'm glad you hang around here.

@Cynique LOL. Yeah, well, I say today anyway... a lot of hype .... but, Uh.... most of them .... nothingness.... LOL... for me, it would definitely an emotion coming from bitterness and ... in-laws.... and etc. But then, still, I continue to think about my kids . . .

@DelanoThank you! I needed that. @Cynique LOL. Me too. @Mel Hopkins Me too! Thank you for the encouragement! For me, there are so many obstacles. @Troy LOL. Me too! @Delano Get out!!! I wish... One of my kids pedaled a bike with a group all the way from California across America to Virginia.

I am coasting on my decades of cycling . Although I need to stretch to walk.

The Tiger inspired from The Tyger from William Blake Tiger Tiger, burning bright, In the fairway's grown in night; What media mouth or statry, Could frame thy fearful symmetry? In what distant green's or tee's, Burn from fire in thine ease? To what break's dare he conspire? What the hand, dare seize the iron? And what ankle, & what art, Could twist the sinew's of thy heart? And when thy heart began to beat, What dread hip? & what dread feet? What the driver? what the wedge, In what furnace burn'd all hedge? What the blade's? what dread club, Dare the deadly dimple's snub! When the bet's cash'd in their doubt's And water'd clicker's with their eclout's: Did he smile his work to see? Did he who made the Lamb's make thee? Tiger Tiger, burning bright, In the fairways grown in night; What media mouth or statry, Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? The Lamb https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43670/the-lamb-56d222765a3e1 The Tyger https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43687/the-tyger

Yeah needing a partner ia problematic gir bith parties. Wanting is better. I used to joke if I was a woman I'd be a Lesbian.

While you need not marry I think relationships keep yiu somewhat sane. Living alone doesn't require any compromise. Although if you die in the act like Rockefeller, it's a wrap for the woman http://nymag.com/news/features/scandals/nelson-rockefeller-2012-4/

@Mel Hopkins, no need to feel sorry for me -- at least not yet. I'm enjoying my freedom now, but I would like a committed partner at some point in the future.

Virginia has arts and a nicer ocean, but churchwise they are similar to dallas. I never heard anything about New York being a spiritual mecca. Honestly it seems like one of the least spiritual places in the country. It is the home to the world financial markets -- that alone should disqualify it. The land mass has been completely paved over with concrete making is entirely devoid of nature. The lights drown out the stars, cutting you off from the rest of the universe. The air polluted and it is too noisy to even think clearly divorcing one from their own psyche. Just a few many reasons I would live almost anywhere else than New York City Spiritual Mecca -- I dunno about that one sis!

This is not cynical at all (well maybe the bit about, "...an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye?" but over all it strikes me an honest statement. I wonder @Cynique if you would be as forthright and express this sentiment to your husband? GIven that fact man more an more people are choosing this lifestyle; in 2014 more than half of adults 16 years or older were unmarried (a dramatic increase from a generation before), it must be an increasingly desirable arrangement. Despite the fact that many single people did not choose or desire to be single. However if the culture celebrated being single with the same gusto they celebrate matrimony, there would probably be more single people and those single people would probably be happier seeing their lifestyle being validated and supported by the culture. @Cynique will this post make the list?

@Troy, I kind of feel sorry for you - most likely when you marry again it will be to some PYT and you will have to revisit fatherhood again... That is another thing that hasn’t changed. Yes, I’m casting a wide net with my generalizing but if a woman wants to marry these days it’s for financial asset growth and babies! As for your comment lol - my mother always says, “men come into this world through the Pu-C and spend the rest of the life working to get back in it.”

Me too! And She’s on my list to read too! Thank you for introducing her!

@Mel Hopkins I actually ran a few queries on my site and came up with a few other authors who won the award. I just updated my post. I can certainly understand why you are not a huge fan of awards. I have strong concerns about them as well. Most are political (the Hugos are no exception). The selection process are usually biased, for a variety of reasons, usually having nothing to do with the quality of the work. Obviously they do little to celebrate deserving Black authors. I could of course go on and on. Ignoring all of the problems, I think Jemisin winning three years in a row is a big deal. If the Hugo selection committee wanted to make up for freezing out Black people; one award would have sufficed, Two awards would be enough to make a clear statement that the were trying to correct past slights, but three award for Best Novel, by the same writer, three years in a row, tells me these books must be excellent. Book #1 is on my list of books to read.

LOL she lost me at get up at 2:30 a.m.! Shoot I was not in bed at that time the last couple of nights.

Inspiring fitness stories! I’ve done this so many times in my life, I’m embarrased by it. Especially since I usually fall off the wagon by year 3. These women came here to slay! Bravo to them and much success to you @Chevdove !

Keep on going.