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Dating today vs back when.


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Hmm 🤔

 

I got so much to say... where to start... 😭

 

My perception of dating now is that it's severely broken. Here's why from my point of view.

 

Do not court someone and expect them to chase you. Too many men in my gen do this. And it is ridiculous.

 

They will approach you, and after so many times talking, expect you to prove yourself as to why you'd make a good wife to them. Like they want you to chase them, beg them, and do wifey things for them.

 

If I was the one courting him, I'd understand, but he walked into my life. Not the other way around. You're supposed to be convincing me that when you propose I should say yes, while also seeing if I'm actually the one you wanna propose to.

 

It didn't used to be that way, but too many guys think they're slick and irresistible.

 

I also don't like that men in my generation want a traditional modern woman. It's one or the other.

 

Like, the black community is very matriarchal and so women are expected to work as hard if not harder than men, but then we're expected to submit and pretend like the community is patriarchal and do the cooking and cleaning all by ourselves to prove our womanhood.

 

If you want a traditional woman you have to be a traditional man and take on the "outside" duties and responsibilities. You can't expect me to work along side you and then take on all housework by myself. I know some who live like that and I'm not doing it. That's a scam.

 

We split evenly in duties, or you take yours and I take mine. My own mother was a housewife and wasn't expected to do anything but housework. Cooking, cleaning, decorating, organizing, HOUSEWORK. And she was 🔥at it.

 

I always wanted to be that, but with this world as it stands I don't think I will. 😅

 

Plus, there's the difference in opinion in when sex is supposed to happen. So many men now think just cause you like them that means you drop your panties or it's not sincere. There's no build, no playfulness, no sparks, no crush, no butterflies to a lot of dating anymore. Just "let's go out, eat, text, eat again, fnck, then never talk again." I've seen and heard about it too many times and I refuse that lifestyle. It's self destructive.

 

So yeah, that's just my take. I'm sure others have their own experiences with the dating world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SpeakHerTruth

You make a lot of excellent points as usual.

It must be understood AND ACCEPTED by both men and women that generally speaking, we tend to think differently and look at sex differently.

Men tend to look at sex from a recreational point of view, where as women tend to look at sex from more of a serious emotionally involved point of view.
We tend to give our heart less to people we're having sex with than women do.
When BOTH sexes grow up understanding and accepting this, they can relate to eachother better without trying to FORCE eachother's ideology and mentality on eachother.





MansaMusa

I like that name you chose!

Hey man, I have a couple questions for you if you don't mind......

You sound like a young brutha to me. 
Likely a lot younger than myself being in my mid-50s.

First of all, I'm not going to ask whether or not you were serious about "shooting your shot" at Speak because no matter what you say, joke or no joke...I know you would have snatched that catch up if she took the bate....lol.
So my first question is, why are you trying to pull females online.....don't you come across enough women in the real world that you can shoot some game at and pull?


Second.......
For quite some time now I've been saying that there isn't truly a shortage of Black men.....but actually there is a shortage of Black WOMEN.
Everywhere you go in this society whether it's at work, in school, in the mall, etc.....you have a bunch of Black men standing around with doo-rags on leaning against a wall or on a counter grinning.
And it seems as every Black woman has 5 or 6 bruthas sweating her for this and that.
Seems to me that's a short of Black women to go around for all of these thirsty bruthaz.
Would you agree with me that actually there's a shortage of Black WOMEN instead of Black men?

 

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On 3/23/2023 at 8:13 PM, Pioneer1 said:

When BOTH sexes grow up understanding and accepting this, they can relate to eachother better without trying to FORCE eachother's ideology and mentality on eachother.

 

Women can't afford to look at sex recreationally because then they get called sluts unlike men. And more now than ever before women aren't giving their hearts to men they lay with and men are pissed for it because now they feel they've lost leverage and control they once had. But hey, you get what you wish for.

 

And I don't care if a man views sex differently than me, I'll never try to force him to wait; I'll just leave him alone. But men don't mind trying to coerce a woman into sex because they find her attractive instead of just walking away.

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I agree that women can't afford to look at sex recreationally like men; not just because they'll be called sluts......usually be OTHER WOMEN more so than men....but because they also run the risk of getting pregnant from sexual activity and have to bear the responsibility of taking care of any children resulting from their flings.

 

 But men don't mind trying to coerce a woman into sex because they find her attractive instead of just walking away.

This is because many if not most men look at sex not only as fun and recreation but as a "challenge".
They look at having sex with a woman who was originally hard to get as "conquering" her or breaking down her wall of defense.....which is a rewarding feeling.
It may sound cruel on it's face, but if a man is weak and wimpy when it comes to women and sex.....he'll often be weak and wimpy when it comes to the other challenges of life, and a lot of women instinctively  know this. 
Which is why they would rather take an arrogant and persistent asshole of a man over one who is more respectful of her wishes but easily gives up on pursuing her.

 

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7 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

.usually be OTHER WOMEN more so than men

Stop lying. 😭 Omg. What happened. You made so much sense the first day and now you're in full Mars mode. 

 

9 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Which is why they would rather take an arrogant and persistent asshole of a man over one who is more respectful of her wishes but easily gives up on pursuing her.

No. 

 

11 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

but if a man is weak and wimpy when it comes to women and sex...

 

Then he's not a rapist. 😂 The end. Omg. 

 

But you've been around so Ima let you have this. 

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SpeakHerTruth

I'm gonna lace you up on some game youngin'.......LOL.

Most men don't consider a woman a slut simply because she sleeps around.
It's her BEHAVIOR OUTSIDE that gets her called a ho or slut.

She can have sex with SEVERAL different men,  but as long as she acts like a high-class lady and dresses appropriately with respectable mannerism....the most she'll be called is a GOLD DIGGER.

But hell, she could be a damn VIRGIN....but if she's walking around with booty shorts on, breasts hanging out, cussing, being loud, hoping in an out of every dudes car willing to give her a ride, don't know how to dress.....especially for her body type.....she's gonna be called a ho by a lot of men.
They're going to ASSUME she sucks a lot of D's and keeps her legs open, even if she doesn't....simply because of her low class and vulgar behavior.

Now I just put you up on some game.....and GAVE yo ass a golden nugget.
You can either pick it up....or kick it to the side....your choice....LOL

 

Pin on Emoji SAY SO

"Awwww....I don't believe that shit".

 



 

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On 3/26/2023 at 9:57 AM, Pioneer1 said:

Which is why they would rather take an arrogant and persistent asshole of a man over one who is more respectful of her wishes but easily gives up on pursuing her.


women this can’t possibly be true… Is it?  I heard women like a little thug in their men… 

 

@Pioneer1 it is hard to know if a woman sleeps around. If you get into her pants quickly you can probably assume she does. 

 

however i see you don’t define a slut based upon the number of sexual partners a woman has had, but based upon her behavior. 
 

is a hooker a slut? Can a man be a slut? 

 

@SpeakHerTruth thanks for sharing your experiences/thoughts.

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18 hours ago, Troy said:


women this can’t possibly be true… Is it?  I heard when like a little thug in their men… 

 

@Pioneer1 it is hard to know if a woman sleeps around. If you get into her pants quickly you can probably assume she does. 

 

however i see you don’t define a slut based upon the number of sexual partners a woman has had, but based upon her behavior. 
 

is a hooker a slut? Can a man be a slut? 

 

@SpeakHerTruth thanks for sharing your experiences/thoughts.


Troy, haven't you heard the old saying "nice guys finish last"?

Most women are attracted to MEN....those who exhibit the male characteristics:  Bravery, Boldness, Assertiveness,
They call it "thuggishness" but it's not really that because thugs are just violent criminals and many times bravery isn't even part of their make-up.


Is a hooker a slut?
Not in my opinon.

A hooker is just a slang term for a PROSTITUTE; and prostitutes are just women or men out to make money by performing sexual acts.
A slut is a derogatory name for someone who is promiscuous.....not necessarily getting paid for it.
 

 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I totally agree that dating has changed a lot over the years. I think one of the biggest differences is the rise of online dating apps and websites. It's both easier and harder to meet people now, because while there are more options, it can also be overwhelming to choose who to talk to. Another thing that has changed for me is my perception of what a "perfect" date is. When I was younger, I had a lot of expectations and pressure around what a date should be like, but now I just want to have a good time with someone and see where things go. Speaking of online dating, I actually met my girlfriend on a dating site called https://www.uadreams.com/. At first, I was skeptical about the idea of meeting someone online, but I decided to give it a shot and I'm so glad I did. It's amazing how technology has changed the dating game and allowed us to connect with people we might not have met otherwise.

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On 3/27/2023 at 4:44 PM, Pioneer1 said:

"nice guys finish last"?


Yeah nice guys can get victimized and taken advantage of by predatory women. These are the women that like the bad boys.

 

@Steinsman I have never matched with anyone on a dating ap, but I don’t have a problem meeting women the old-fashioned way.  
 

I don’t know if it is easier or harder to meet people nowadays, but I’d assume it is easier. There are just more people, traveling is easier and race mixing is acceptable 🥰 so your pool of prospects is bigger. I’d rather be dating today than any other time in history.

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I can only express my opinion on dating now because "back then" I was too small and knew about dating only from my parents and other relatives, Or from books if we're looking that far. I think that, first of all, daring now is not that romantic. Of course, it all depends on the person, but still, I believe romance is slowly dying. People are more direct, and they are in a "rush" to get to know the person as fast as possible because we live in such a period. Everyone is running for something, for work, for love too. They are afraid to be late and lose time.
And now we have so many dating apps, but it's not for me. I've used a lot of them, but I've never met someone interested in serious relationships. But if you're looking for fun, friends with benefits, you travel and want to meet someone - perfect option. Maybe it works for someone, but not for me.
I prefer "old-fashioned" ways of meeting potential partners - mutual friends can introduce you, you share the same hobbies, and meet at yoga/library/gym/pottery club, and so on. Or in a cafe, in a park, and so on and so for. I don't know why, but I believe that then you have more chances to create something more.
I may be wrong, I may be right, but that's how I see everything.

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@mellypops welcome to the forums!  You make an important distinction between meeting someone for serious relationship and meeting someone for fun.

 

I don't have data/studies/research to support my opinion, but I think men are usually looking for fun rather than a erious relationships.  This difference becomes more profound as people get older.  Basically, by the time you are in your mid to late 40's it is difficult to find a serious partner because perhaps all the ones interested in a true romance have been taken

 

Relationships where the man is oblivious to, or does not care, about the woman's desire for a deeper serious relationship and where the woman ignores the clues that the man is only interested in "fun," usually end badly.

 

I don't have the answer, because great relationships can start out as fun, and women who state up front that they want a committed romantic relationship will run off many guys.  Actually, this is probably a good thing, because any guy run off knowing a woman wants to work toward a "romantic" relationship is not worth pursuing if that is your goal.

 

And before someone accuses me of being sexist yes it could be men looking for something romantic and the woman who is just trying to have fun. 😍

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