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Upcoming book. An erotic mystery

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Pearl was black.

Actually, it wasn’t quite that simple since Princess Washington was not blue-black like the African model Alex Wek, nor was her name Pearl. These distinct factors, more than anything else, provided her with a guilty pleasure that almost freed her from the stress of her very complex life which she badly wanted to alter.

So here she was, at twenty-one, a Brandy look-alike (only with bigger titties and ass) galloping into urban history as a “Goody-Two-Shoes”. This frustrated Pearl because her deepest darkest secret was to dirty up her halo! Yet she knew nothing of how to peddle herself as a bitch.

“Girl, you suffering from a terminal case of silliness with your Brandy-looking ass. Evidently, you don’t know the untold story.”

Pearl stared at her church-going, but more (much more) worldly friend, LaNisa Johnson. “What untold story?”

“The real story.”

That puzzled Pearl who glared at LaNisa quizzically. “How do you know it’s real if it’s untold?”

“Because its true, that’s why.”

“Well, I love the truth…so tell me.”

“Okay.” LaNisa smacked her lips loudly. “According to those in the know, there are more freaks in the church than in the strip clubs.”

Pearl jumped back.

“Honey, ain’t no lightning gonna strike you, so calm your Brandy-looking ass down.”

“You talking like that, I don’t see why not.”

“You wanna know why?”


“Because freaks in the church keep in on the DL.”

“I-I don’t believe you.”

LaNisa played with her manicured nails. “Hmmph, what you believe or don’t believe is on you, but let me put it like this. Every profession has its, shall we say, secret institutions.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “You sure you don’t mean sacred institutions. You know how you get things mixed up.”

It was LaNisa’s time to roll her eyes. “Girl, I do know the difference between sacred and secret, and if I had meant to say sacred, that is what would have come out of my mouth.” LaNisa put her hands on her hips. “Big Mama didn’t make no mistake. Now, run a and tell that.”

Pearl wanted to groan. LaNisa, her big-legged, red-boned friend, was so melodramatic, but Pearl, for some reasons, felt inclined to believe LaNisa this time.

“Okay.” Pearl’s voice cracked with embarrassment. “How do you know about you know what?”

LaNisa chuckled. “Now, I hope you not thinking that I just got lucky.” She sipped her Diet soda like it was no big deal. “So,” she asked, “Do you think that I know because I’m lucky or that I know. You know….really know?”

“Oh my God, LaNisa?! Pearl shrieked. “I-I can’t say for sure.”

“Go ‘head, take a guess. You my girl.”

Pearl didn’t say anything.

LaNisa smiled slyly. “Girl, I can almost hear you thinking, but its almost time for us to get back to work so perhaps you need to think this over. Maybe you really don’t want to know about church.”

“All of a sudden, I’m beginning to get the feeling that you need to fall down on your knees and pray.”

“That’s funny. A certain reverend told me to same thing, only he didn’t see me having much time to pray while I was on my knees.”


“What, scandalous?”

Pearl felt flushed. “But when we were young, we both said we would wait until we were married.”

“Oh, my plans didn’t change. I did.”

“Durn, girl, why you didn’t tell me you were doing the nasty?”

“Pearl, get real. You think I wanted you lil’ goody-two-shoes ass praying for me, trying to get me to quit.” LaNisa stood up.

“Wow, you even talk hip.”

“I am woman,” LaNisa purred. “All woman.” She smiled at Pearl. “You got all that female stuff and don’t know how to operate any of it. Shame of you for wasting one of the greatest commodities on the planet.”

Pearl anxiously waited for LaNisa out in the parking lot. The work day was done and the two friends had chatted over the phone, agreeing to meet for a quick meal before heading to their respective apartments.

LaNisa approached, talking to a short, dark-skinned girl who Pearl knew worked on the seventh floor in accounting.

“Pearl, this is Angie,” LaNisa said by way of introduction. “Angie, Pearl.” After the brief introduction (which was more of an appraisal) LaNIsa put her hand on Pearl’s shoulders. “Angie goes to chuuch.”

From the moment, LaNisa uttered the word chuuch, sounding like Snoop Dog, Pearl instantly knew that Angie was a DL church freak.

“You will love chuuch,” Angie gushed.

“But I attend church.” Pearl’s diction was flawless.

“And that is precisely why,” LaNisa frowned, “you have never had a truly religious experience.”

LaNisa and Angie high-fived each other, enjoying the joke.

“I just happen to have a lot of respect for the church.” Pearl suddenly felt defensive. “And I will apologize in my prayers for the two of you if you have somehow mistaken it for a night club. It’s God’s House, not the Gold Club.”

“Bitch, stop it,” LaNisa groaned. “You wasn’t talking that shit on the phone.”

“Well, that was before you put my business all out in the streets.” Pearl glanced at Angie. “It was private.”

“But in chuuch, we delight in helping underprivileged sistas like you,” Angie remarked sincerely.

“Hmmph, I bet you do.”

“We find strength in numbers.”

“Why,” Pearl snapped, “you think there won’t be enough room in hell for all of us if there’s enough of us?”

“Hell,” LaNisa cracked, “that sounds like a plan too me. We could start a group, Jezebels Anonymous, and our motto would be: Do your thang. Ain’t enough room in hell for all of us!”

“I’m so glad you have it all thought out,” Pearl commented irritably, “but personally, I want to go to heaven.”

“An orgasm is heavenly,” Angie chimed happily.

“That strikes me as so masculine, something a brotha would say." Pearl shuddered.

“Look at her. Look at her.” LaNisa laughed. “Chile having a hot flash.”

Pearl pouted. “Goodbye, LaNisa. I’ll be in touch. Angie, it was a pleasure to meet you. May I suggest that the two of you try not to corrupt each other too much?”


“Can’t say I didn’t try.”

“Pearl--------“ LaNisa began.


“I know your tired ass, so work on something else other than becoming a den mother ‘cause the last thing I need is for somebody trying to babysit my sex life.”

“Yeah,” Angie added. “Just be happy for us.”

Bitches going straight to hell, Pearl thought as she drove out of the parking lot.

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