GHETTO NATIVE SON/

[harry brown]

GHETTO  BORN,YOUNG,GIFTED,BLACK,WHATS IN HIS SOUL AND MIND.OF HIMSELF  HOW  DOES  HE   DEFIND/OF HIMSELF  DOES  HE  HAVE  DESIRE,GREAT  EXPECTATIONS/..DOES HE SEEK  BLACK  HISTORY  FOR  KNOWLEDGE AND  MOTIVATION/.FOR GHETTO OTHERS, DOES HE BRING INSPIRATION/..OR DOES THE  GHETTO  SELF DESTRUCTION, DESTRUCTION,  THE RUINS, SLOWLY  CONSUME/.AND  HAVE HIM  ENTOMBED AND CONTAINED  IN A PRISON CELL ROOM/...

[CDBurns]

Harry, the writing instructor in me has to give you a critique. Do not write using all caps. Poetry is the conservation of language. Poetry allows the writer to convey thoughts in a form that utilizes form and meter in order to break down the conventions of society in a way that is both visually beautiful and creates music to the ear.

 

With that said when you use all caps, you remove the ability for certain words to take center stage because the eye is drawn to the capital letters. More important in internet writing, ALL CAPS = SHOUTING!!!!! and I don't think it's your intent to have each word shouted in this poem.

Also the great thing about the message board is it will allow you to use spaces and line breaks which allows for Caesura (pauses in the poem that occur naturally or due to punctuation of line breaks). Go ahead and use the return button instead of shaping the poem like one big paragraph.

 

Other than that I really like the allusion to Richard Wright in the title and would say immediately that a comparison to Brooks' "We Real Cool" would be a appropriate if it was written with better form.

[Troy]

Chris you raise an important point.  I never really noticed the poetry in Harry Posts.  One day another posters (Chris Hayden), pointed out the poetry.  I then went back and got it.  On a couple of occasions I actually went back an re-wrote Harry's poetry in a more conventional format so that others my get it too.

 

I don't have time to do that any more, but what he writes can be easily missed or dismissed because of the all caps...

[CDBurns]

I agree Troy. I've been checking it out, but today was the first day I felt compelled to write something. I'm hoping others begin leaving critiques and spending more time on the site.