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harry brown

WHY BLACK MEN CHEAT///

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AUTHOR   MICHAEL   BASIDEN  HAS  A BOOK,WHY MEN  CHEAT,REASON  WHY  MEN  CHEAT   BECAUSE  OF  THEIR  UPBRINGING.BLACK  HOMES,   PARENT     IS  UNFAITHFUL.PARENTS   CREATE CHEATERS.. I SAY,   BOY  SEES  HIS  FATHER     WITH LOTS OF   WOMEN,  THINKING  THAT'S  GOOD..FATHER  HAS  CHILDREN  WITH OTHER  WOMEN  NOT   TAKING  CARE  OF  ANY.....I  MENTIONED  DESMOND  HATCHETT     WHO  HAS 30  CHILDREN  WITH  11   WOMEN,  HOW  ARE  THOSE    BLACK BOYS  RAISED,/OK TO  HAVE  LOT'S OF  CHILDREN, WITH  LOT'S OF  WOMEN////ACTRESS RUBY  DEE  HAS   DIED    ,SAW   ON    TAVIS SMILEY,    LAST  NIGHT,SEEING  WHETHER    HE  WAS    TALKING  TO  HER      ABOUT  HER CAREER,OR  IF  SHE  HAD  DIED...IT  SAID  A  TRIBUTE  TO  RUBY  DEE..   SHE  HAD  A  LONG  CAREER,SHE  WAS MARRIED  TO   HER  LATE  HUSBAND   ACTOR  OSSIE DAIS....THEY  HAD  A  LONG  MARRIAGE..HAPPY  FATHER'S  DAY  TO  ALL  THE GOOD BLACK   FATHERS./////

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Black men cheat for the same reason White and Asian men cheat, because they love sex.

This isn't rocket science, I'm not sure why there remains so much controversy and scandal around the fact that given the opportunity most people tend to have sex whenever and with whomever they like.  It's been this way for thousands of years despite attemps by governments and religious institutions to prevent it.

Not to accept certain facts is a testimony to the immaturity of society today regarding their own sexuality and even humanity.

Having sex is part of ones nature as a human being.
It's a strong biological desire similar to eating and taking a dump.
You can control the behavior but you have very little control over the desire, nature put it there for a reason....a very good one.
To maintain and continue the human population!!

Having sex with someone other than your "main" is no more cheating than a person who regularly eats at Taco Bell occasionally dipping into Burger King, lol.

Now, I respect the institution of marriage on the grounds of religious obligation and raising children, other than that....I think it's a henderance in this society that is so open and relatively more liberated sexually than in times past.

 

What you have is a society that is free physically but too many are still bound psychologically to archaic values that they don't completely understand and it produces confusion and disharmony among the populous along with a lot of unnecessary guilt.

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If given the opportunity, all men don't cheat, Pioneer.  Some don't let their penis supplant their brain - or their heart.  It all depends on whether or not they are in a relationship that they are committed to.

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Cynique, I tend to agree with Pioneer on this one though we may be arriving at the conclusions from a different angle--which in the final analysis makes little difference.

Chris Rick famously quipped that men are as faithful as their options.

Many men who are "faithful" love their wives and have no intention if breaking up with them.

The concept of monogamy is an invention of man. Much the same as the requirement of celibacy for Catholic priets. Because man makes a rule does not make it natural.

Besides aren't things that are natural easy to do? It seems to me monogamy is not one of those things.

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Come on, you guys.  There are too many extenuating circumstances to claim that all men cheat if given the chance. I am, of course, speaking of sexual intercourse, not flirting.  Men are polgyamous but they may also be discriminating. Would they cheat on their mate with  a female who they found physically repulsive?   And there are men who are simply "one-woman men".  I've known a couple of women who said they were told by men who they tried to seduce that they didn't play around on their wife.  I've also heard of cases where men attempting to cheat couldn't "get it up" because they felt guilty. Other cases where a dude and a girl have spent the night in the same bed and nothing happened. 

 

You guys would be surprised what you'd hear in a hen session about men and the myth of their highly vaunted sexuality.  All men are not equal when it comes to their level of testosterone.  Some are more horny than others.  And medication can affect a man's potency, as well as alchohol.

 

Men may lust in their hearts.  But so do women.  Never underestimate the intimidating effect a hot-to-trot woman on an insecure man. 

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I did not mean to suggest that men do not discriminate.  But based upon my experience as a dude in the company of men, men probably discriminate a lot less than you might imagine.  I'm sorry to break it to you, but I never encountered a woman who could not find a man to sleep with her.  Even the drugged out crack whore can get a man to PAY to sleep with her.

 

There are many jokes about this too.  You heard of "Coyote Ugly" right?  A woman so ugly that a dude would rather chew his arm off rather than wake her AFTER sleeping with her.  A double bagger; a woman so ugly you put a bag over her face and one over yours in case the one on her breaks and so on...

 

Of course, as you suggest, all men are different.  Some men are certainly more doggish than others.  Most men are not like the guy Harry always talks about with the 30 kids.  And sure there are men who wish to be and are celibate and monogamous, but I strongly suspect they are in the minority.

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Well, Troy, I'm not disputing that men desire sex.   My point was that put in circumstances conducive to sex, all men don't take advantage of this and they refrain from doing so for various reasons. And it doesn't necessary have to do with a woman's ugliness; might be her personal hygiene or halitosis or her weight. Of course any woman can find some man to screw her. Even a dead woman is fair game to some. Nevertheless, for whatever reason,  there are women who lament the fact that men rejected them when they tried to seduce them. And of course both men and women lie about their sex activity. Women do so to avoid being thought of as sluts, and men do so in hopes of being regarded as macho. Image is a factor.   

 

In the demanding throes of modern day life, stress takes its toll on passion and drive. We are no longer living in the stone age. Surveys have revealed that many couples go weeks without sex, or even have separate bedrooms. Yes, some men have mid-life crises affairs.  But it's not unusual for wives to complain about their husbands having low sex drives. Like everything else nowadays, it's complicated.

 

Why do men cheat?  Because,  as you and Pioneer contend, it's their nature to have sex with anyone wherever it's available whether they are single or in a relationship? Really?  Are you guys speaking for yourselves?    :wacko::wub:  :P  

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Guest Lisa Brown

How do you have a strong loving family if pple are cheating? Cheating causes a lot of damage to the family structure. It results in family tension, fights, divorce, certain family members not talking to each other, and children who are not loved or cared for bc they r illegitimate or bc their parents are not on speaking terms.  How can you be so dismissive of cheating when it causes so much damage? Do you propose we go back to the days of polygamy and women accept it.  In that case men get to satisfy their need for variety, but women get to sleep with the same old boring man? How is that fair?  Say you let both partners cheat, but then how do you form a close relationship with someone if you r both sleeping with other pple?  Monogamy is the only way to build a strong loving family structure. Anything else results in jealousy, anger, fights, and destruction of the family. This then leads to children being neglected, unloved, having low self-esteem, and incapable and fearful of forming lasting loving relationships when they r older.  (Some children though find a way to overcome the damage done to them by their parents and turn out to be better human beings that their parents were.) Some may say oooh you can cheat and have fun when your younger and then when u r older become monogamous, but bad habits r hard to break.  The argument should not be about what is natural, but instead about what is the right thing to do.  When someone makes me angry, my natural reaction is to slap them, but is that the right thing to do?  Often times the things that r easy to do are not the right things to do. Having a good relationship takes work, but is something we should all strive for in order to create loving environments for our future children.  Men who r monogamous are not weak and missing out. Instead these men are strong, mature, secure, brave, unselfish, and not scared to make themselves vulnerable in loving someone fully and completely.

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Hi Lisa, one could argue that a strong loving family exists because men cheat. ;)

Cheating, in and of itself, does not cause damage to the family structure and illegitimate children.  Lack of birth control causes this.  As far as arguments and jealousy, getting caught and lack of discretion is usually the culprit.

Stating that monogamy is the "right" thing makes assumptions that I'm not willing accept so easily.  What makes monogamy right? I don't ask the question lightly: Sapiens have been running around on this planet for about 200K years.  When did monogamy become right?  If there was a start, when did it happen and who decreed it to be right? Is this a permanent rule?

I understand our cultural standards completely, but I can also observe our collective behavior as well.  The cultural standard is that people are only supposed to have sex with one other person, of the opposite gender,  that we are married to.  

Again one will argue this is the right thing to do, but I'm not so sure.  Given the almost complete failure of anyone to do this should be a clue.

Also who says monogamy has to be limited to men?

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Hummm. All these old threads from the past, are interesting. On this one, I must've been in pure contrarian mode when commenting.  Suddenly, I'm on your side, Troy. :o

IMO, faithfulness is about buying into the concept that love is a prison that confines rather than a sentiment that expands.  Monogamy is for those who find security in a world with a population of 2, where religion is represented by worshiping each other.  If it's the true nature for a woman or a man whose appetite for apples does not dull their taste of oranges, then sameness is a stifling alternative to diversity. The welfare of children should not totally control one's life and they probably benefit from being spared this form of suffocation. A fulfilled parent is a better parent than a frustrated one.  I respect and admire those who make and keep their romantic commitments but I wouldn't judge anyone of either sex who has an appreciation for variety being the spice of life, - as long as discretion is exercised. Of course, marriage involves responsibility and dedication, and I guess that's why so many are now delaying it.  If it's not a natural state for you, then there's no need to bow to societal and parental pressure to enter into it  

Yes, I was wed for 50 years and I think the reason my marriage lasted that long was because my husband  and I gave each other a lot of space and encouraged our kids to be independent.  Life is too short to live by other people's rules. Be true to yourself.   And - duck if your pistol-packin mate catches you indulging your passion for polygamy.  ;)

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Cynique, you might be surprised how often old threads are read.  The old Thumper's Corner is still read.  These conversations may be old to us, but to new visitors, they are brand new.

Speaking of monogamy here is a book out which came out earlier in the year, The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love, in which the subjects say they waited and have apparently found bliss.  

But of course, real life never matches the finely crafted narratives created by celebrities selling products. In fact, the real lives of many of these celebrities, often turn out to be something completely different even extreme by present day standards.

wait.jpg

 

 

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Troy

You asked an excellent question that I've found myself asking many women over the years..especially those who claim to be irreligious.
WHO told you monogamy was the "right" thing?

As far as I'm concerned it's a matter of preference....choice.
Most men are polygamous and prefer multiple parnters.
Most women are monogamous and prefer the comfort of a secure single relationship.
Harmony comes when both groups respect the desires and preferences of the other and work along those lines.


The above book was clearly aimed at women because most men aren't waiting on "Ms Right".
Ms Right for them is whoever they find attractive and is willing to sleep with them.

It's a shame so many young women are being indoctinated into holding out for some mythical "knight in shining armor" who doesn't exist.
I blame Hollywood for this and the fantastic (in the truest definition) standards it seems to set for so many young women.

But concerning that book....
It's unrealistic and down right absurd for a couple of wealthy attractive relatively young people to sit back with grins on their faces telling the average man and woman to "wait".
You learn about relationships by HAVING them and the trial and error of making mistakes.
Telling people to wait for the perfect mate is like telling a young driver's ed student they should wait until the weather is 70 degrees and perfect before being taught how to drive.

This sounds like some foolishness they picked up from thier priveledged White friends who have so much money and so many friends they have nothing better to do than play "relationship games"...lol.



Lisa Brown

I know you're young and fresh to the world so I'm gonna tell you the straight up truth and you can either accept it or reject it...but it you accept it relationships will be much easier and things will make more sense.

Men cheat because they like sex with multiple women and if they told you the truth they know you wouldn't sleep with them....so they lie to you.

Not all men cheat or have sex with multiple women.
Some men are gay, others have a low sex drive where they don't want sex as much.
But MOST men do....especially those under 40.

That's a biological reality and there's NOTHING wrong with it.

The only thing wrong is the MISEDUCATION of most women in this society concerning male biology and psychology.
You've been TAUGHT that normal is wrong or bad....so now you must be UN-TAUGHT.

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I remember a friend told me i should hook up with a woman who was checking me out. He couldn't comprehend me not sleeping with her. 

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Human sexuality is complex.  I'm not sure why people believe humans are monogamous by nature, particularly since NOTHING in our collective behavior suggests that we are.  

If two people chose to only have sex with each other and actually accomplish it over a lifetime, and it makes them happy--that is great.  To expect most humans to enthusiastically embrace and conform to this behavior is woefully naive and unrealistic. 

 

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"cheating"  is nothing more than an attempt to control the behavior of the spouse.  It's a level of cowardice.  As in the "cheater" rather sneak around than have a conversation with their partner to change the terms of the initial agreement of a closed marriage.

If it weren't - the topic of this discussion would be "why do black wo/men have multiple sex partners?"

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True, cheating, by definition, is behaving in a way that goes counter to the rules, as in the case with conventional marriage vows.

Most "cheaters" I'm aware of don't make much of an effort to cover up their tracks; Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, etc.

Reapers simply wrote cheating is "fucked up end of discussion."  I wonder what she (you know Guest Reaper is a she), believes we should do with cheaters?  Should we execute them? Give them a stern talking to?  What?

Christian ministers cheat and eternal damnation does not seem to deter them. Public humiliation did not seem to bother Bill Clinton. Losing his family, many millions of dollars, and perhaps his career did not stop Tiger Woods.

 

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It doesn't necessarily follow that monogamy leads to a happy home life. Being polygamous is not the same as cheating. I have known and met people who have open relationships. Otn one instance the adult child was more upset than the partner.  What is moral, ethical and good is another debate. I also knew a couple where the woman was a leabian. However that was more of a business situation. Plus she did use sex as a weapon. But he didn't care. 

I also had a coworker that said certain sex acts her partner should see a prostitute. 

There's what works and what works for you. They are not always the same.

Interesting. 

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher had an open relationship. But it broke yp when he hid one his lovers. At that point he was cheating. Its not cheating if the other person knows about your lover. 

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 I divorced my ex-husband for being disrespectful, not for an "adulterous" affair.  I found out he was having an intimate and sexual relationship with another woman but didn't bother to tell me. If he would have told me he was seeing someone else, it would have given me an opportunity to decide how to proceed.  He didn't. His silence took away my choice and also put my life in danger. 

I believe when you're  in an intimate relationship you don't keep secrets from each other.  Openness and vulnerability toward each other is the foundation of a great relationship.

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Troy


If two people chose to only have sex with each other and actually accomplish it over a lifetime, and it makes them happy--that is great. To expect most humans to enthusiastically embrace and conform to this behavior is woefully naive and unrealistic.


Logical, natural, and well said!

 

 

 

Del

I remember a friend told me i should hook up with a woman who was checking me out. He couldn't comprehend me not sleeping with her.

This is a testimony to the OTHER extreme that seems to be pervasive among too many Black males.....atleast when I was coming up.

Not only did we have the dominant middle class White society that was sexually immature and somewhat timid who tried to force their morals on sexually confident Black men.....

But on the opposite extreme it was part of AfroAmerican male culture...especially among young men....that you were supposed to sleep with ANY woman who showed sexual interest in you!

I never did understand the thinking of some brothers.

We'd go to a party or a club and the first drunk "hood rat" that smiled at them, they'd jump all over her and take her off into a room somewhere, and later claim he really didn't find her that attractive!

Same thing in school, half of the boys lining up to bang that ONE girl who was known as a "freak" for anybody.

If you didn't bang every girl who gave you an opportunity to, they'd look at you like you were crazy.

According to some of them, you're aren't supposed to turn down ANY coochie!
No discretion what so ever.




Mel

I hear what you're saying about the deception part of cheating.

Certainly the lying is wrong and cowardly.

However most of these men know that no amount of "re-negotiating" and explaining is going to convince their significant other to OK them having sex with other women, so they figure why even go there.

I mean, even if your ex promised to be very considerate and use protection...would you honestly have given him the go ahead with other women?

I personally believe the best thing to do if you know you like multiple partners is not even get into a relationship at all.
But a lot of relationships today aren't based on love or sex, but one sharing the bills....
A lot of couples rely on eachother just to survive economically, which is another reason why people just go ahead and CHEAT rather than risk breaking up their "business partnership" by being honest.
It's also another reason why a lot of women who KNOW their men are cheating on them continue to stay with them....it's a financial decision.

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Openness, Mel can be even harder than monogamy.  I'm not sure it is any more natural either.

People are often not honest with themselves and don't bother to look deeply into their own hearts. How can they be open with someone else if they are not open with themselves?

I believe everyone has secrets.  I don't think that is necessarily bad.  If I verbalized everything that crosses my mind to my wife she'd know I was crazy :)  I think we all are a little "crazy" on some level and some things are really best kept to ourselves...

 

 

 

 

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59 minutes ago, Troy said:

I think we all are a little "crazy" on some level and some things are really best kept to ourselves...

I study people like kid studies ants and I know we all are batshit crazy yet I overshare with those whom I am intimate.

When I don't feel like sharing it's usually because I don't know and I'm in cocooning to find out. I'll withdraw until I understand then I share.  

It is important to Know ThySelf because if we don't that's when we find ourselves in compromising positions.

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You say compromising positions like its a bad thing. 

Thats when the negotiations and deals get made.

 

Hee hee hee. Visualise hands rubbing together. 

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10 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

I mean, even if your ex promised to be very considerate and use protection...would you honestly have given him the go ahead with other women?

@Pioneer1 Most likely, but I don't know. He never informed me.     At the least, let me know  who the women are just in case they'd tried to run up on me. 

When I was married and my oldest daughter's father " and his wife came to visit our daughter and us; my ex had a fit. In fact,  Ex was extremely jealous of my close relationship with him.  My daughter's father and I were not and are not sexually involved.  So I figured our marriage was closed.  I was attracted to other men but I didn't act on it - if I wanted to I would've told my X-husband.

It's mutual respect especially for those you love that is the foundation of all relationships.  In fact, those are the type of people I associate with closely.  I have respect for my daughter's father's wife and she for me, I suppose.  She knows I wouldn't do anything with her husband without her consent. He has actually come to visit his daughter (us) with their children and she's remained home.   Thinking about now, I realize that I just deal with very mature men and women who have no time for sneaking around.

Which brings me to this.  It's not about negotiating; it's about informing.   The consequences be what they will.  No one can tell an adult what they can and can't do.  Now if there's a law against adultery on the books in the state that one lives in - then no amount consent will avail.  If not, however, then engaging in intimate relationships might help with one's growth.  

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There was a documentary on swinging. And they interviewed couples. One guy said he saw his parents at a swinging party. He said swinging just amplifies what ever is going on in your relationship. 

Although some like the idea of it.  They are not emotionally prepared, balanced. 

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One of my buddies is into the swingers scene too.  There are clubs all over the country where you can go a have sex with other people.  Married couples go, single men go, all types of folks.  He described one situation when he'd brought a woman to climax and her man got bent out of shape... I guess these clubs are not for everyone.

@Mel Hopkins, if your husband got horny and hired a hooker cause he just wanted to be serviced, do you view that the same engaging in an on going extramarital relationship?  I hope ou do because there is a world of difference between to the too.  The former is no different than masturbating--you are just not doing it yourself.  Do you really want to know every time your husband masturbates? Why?

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8 hours ago, Troy said:

if your husband got horny and hired a hooker cause he just wanted to be serviced, do you view that the same engaging in an on going extramarital relationship?

@Troy, I can't rule out if it's the same activity or not without knowledge of either.   However, I don't believe there's a world of difference between the two.  If someone engages in sexual activity whether it's solo, a commercial pursuit, domestic or casual - there's still a level of intimacy.  People say "It's just sex" and  while that phrase may be true, I've learned that we humans can turn the most perfunctory behavior into a habit.  

Also "servicing" comes in many forms to satisfy psychological needs.  If we're in an intimate relationship I don't believe our spouses shouldn't be kept in the dark.

Case in point, I enjoy cooking for my family and sitting down to eat a great meal with them.   I also snack on junk food that has no nutritional value, eat chips in bed when I'm really not hungry. I enjoy going to great restaurants and can easily spend almost $100 on a meal. All are pleasurable to me...but if I'm 100 lbs overweight, obviously being serviced by food is a sign there's psychological distress. 

With food intake, or lack thereof, there are physical signs so it's difficult to hide this activity from my spouse.   If I hide my sex servicing activity (unless it leads to STD or a baby,) from my spouse, then we're not intimate.  He's just a roommate and not a very close one at that. 

By the way, I've never really known any man to hide his masturbation habits from me,.   Not really sure what I should read into that lol

 

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:-) you don't have to read anything into it. Some people are exhibitionists.  However, when one hides something that means you don't know about it, so you can't know what is being hidden from you unless the hider is not very good, or you are a budding detective.

I would not put the food industry in the same category as sex workers--the food industry is far worse.  Look at the some of the most poverty-stricken Black communities and you'll find communities racked with diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. There was a study just released that looked a longevity across all American counties, there was a 20-year longevity gap!  I don't have to tell you which group died at the youngest ages. Poor black communities are preyed upon by the food industry.

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22 hours ago, Troy said:

I would not put the food industry in the same category as sex workers--the food industry is far worse.

@Troy

O/T

First, I have to state, if one is able to make decisions for themselves and is not incapacitated then we all have the power to make choices and are responsible for our actions.  

Having  said that, I have to put sex and food industries in the same category - . Consumption is based on choice, supply and demand.  Malnutrition and starvation are different.  I'm not including starvation in this scenario.  Malnutrition is preventable in a America and doesn't matter where you live.  Prior to this administration there was always assistance to eat well, whether it was through the government or nonprofits. It's not easy but it can be done.

I remember growing up, there were some members of my family, one in particular,  my 2nd cousin was single with 5 sons. I don't believe she finished high school at the time - but she kept her boys well fed, clothed and roof over their heads.  Once when I was hanging out with her (she's about 13 years older than me) her boyfriend visited.   He drove my cousins (one of her sons) and I to Sheepshead bay because my 2nd cousin had to go grocery shopping.  He bought some food and she had food stamps to buy the rest.  This was a regular practice for her. that is until they opened up a big red supermarket in bed-stuy. Then she took her shopping cart, just like her mother and grandmother before her, and walked a distance to purchaseg groceries.   Before I left Brooklyn I would go to "Big Red" too because the produce and sales were excellent.  No one is trapped in their own neighborhood when it comes to purchasing groceries... yes it's an inconvenience to travel outside your neighborhood to buy food but its doable.  

22 hours ago, Troy said:

However, when one hides something that means you don't know about it,

Back on topic "Why (black) Men Cheat"

@Troy that's my point - if I'm in an intimate relationship - such as marriage there shouldn't be anything to hide.  I don't snoop. If a man feels the need to hide something from me. I'd prefer we just not be physically together.  It doesn't make sense to live with a stranger.   

The root of cheating is subterfuge (deception to achieve one's goal)  and it takes away the opportunity for the partner involved to make decisions based on good intel.  "Why  Men Cheat"  is simple, they are dishonest and/or  can't face the truth of their own desires. 

 

 

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Troy


if your husband got horny and hired a hooker cause he just wanted to be serviced, do you view that the same engaging in an on going extramarital relationship? I hope ou do because there is a world of difference between to the too. The former is no different than masturbating--you are just not doing it yourself.

I don't know if most of the women who read this "caught" the real meaning of what you said or the point you were trying to get across.

To many men, especially young men.....sex is biological need and a "game".
It's not about love so much as it's about quenching a thirst and scoring points to establish status.

When I got older I found out that women tend to attach more feeling or emotion into sex than men do, which is why so many don't understand how their husbands can have sex with other women and not love them yet ONLY love his wife.

 

 



Mel

It's true that many Black people choose to eat garbage because it tastes good, even if it's not good for them.
However, much of this garbage is specifically designed and marketed towards Black people.

Something is being put in this food to not only attract Black and Brown people but also affect their bodies by disrupting their natural hormones and chemistry.

Have you noticed how so many Black and Native American/Latino young people are this fat "puffy" shape today?

I don't remember seeing so many Black youth....male and female....who look "stuffed" like an egg roll or pepperoni roll.

No shape, no muscularity...no butt...no hips....just a roundish puffy blob at 17.

This can't be from simply over eating or eating too many potato chips, there MUST be something in the food that is disrputing their hormones.

 

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Hi Mel, why then is obesity in impoverished communities to high and life expectancies so much lower?  

There is more to the story than just availability of healthy. Many people simply don't know any better and have fallen victim to highly sophisticated marketers who have preyed on them before they could even speak. I think this is more blaming the victim and letting marketers who take advantage of psychometric data, effectively brainwashing people completely off the hook.  It is like saying the drug pusher and cigarette maker are blameless, because people are free to make their own choices.  It just is not that simple.

Also, there are people, who live in communities right here in America where healthy choices are extremely difficult to obtain, the people don't have cars and there is no public transportation, besides the stores are so far away they can't afford the gas to get to them.  I could go on, but sometimes we take it for granted how much easier we have it compared to others.  The people I'm talking about are nameless and faceless and for the most part no one advocates for them and they are only dealt with by the criminal justice system.

Pioneer, of course, there is stuff in the food making us mushy and die earlier than normal.  All one has to do is look around to see that.  But I doubt Black folks are specifically targeted.  If you go into a poor white community you see plenty of obese people.  The real targets are the uneducated, largely poor, masses. 

Yes Pioneer, I do believe think men and women, in general, feel and behave differently when it comes to sex.  I don't think this is solely due to socialization; there must be a biological basis as well.

 

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Troy how do men amd women behave differently in your experience. I am not saying there isn't a difference. I just want to hear your thoughts. 

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4 hours ago, Troy said:

Hi Mel, why then is obesity in impoverished communities to high and life expectancies so much lower?  

@Troy  The answer,  like I mentioned earlier, is 

Choices. 

I won't join you on the slippery and dangerous slope you are traveling. I'm frustrated that people voted against their own best interests in this last election, but I respect their choice.  They still voted their interest - it just was the best interest.   Same with transportation and distance...We're talking about inner cities here - transportation is the hallmark of inner cities -

if you want to eat healthy you make the effort...it's not like we have sow and reap this year's crop or slaughter a cow or pig

By the way, just like with hypnosis, there's no amount of marketing that can make someone do what they're not prone to do.  We make choices to satisfy our wants. 

 

4 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

When I got older I found out that women tend to attach more feeling or emotion into sex than men do,

@Pioneer1 Then how do you explain the world's oldest profession?   

Don't let them women run game on you... they're quite tricky with that "catching feelings" stuff. LOL 

I think men confuse emotion with guilt... We women tend to have buyer's remorse or guilt when think about  judgment but it only last until the next time we jump into bed with next dude... In fact, a lot of us women talk about throwaway sex - there are just guys you don't care to impress so you have sex to get some... and then there's the men you really like so you take a long time to have sex with you want to get to know him and ... you don't want him to think you're "easy"... If you think a woman has "caught feelings" that's a good sign - she wants you to think "sex" is very special to her.

 

Edited by Mel Hopkins
update comment

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People don't always know they have choice. 

Troy you are both hard working and fortunate. Most less so.

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2 minutes ago, Del said:

People don't always know they have choice. 

What would be the instance when people don't know they have a choice? Who are these people?

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Mel the question that led my last post was rhetorical.

Many of the people who voted for Trump were simply lied to. They were misinformed and sold a bill of goods.  They were conned.  

Sure victims have choices, but they are still victims.  She was raped because she wore a revealing dress.  He was robbed because he went to the ATM late at night.  They voted for Trump because said "crooked Hillary" and the democrats gave you jobs to Mexican who illegally crossed the border. You see what I mean?

Mel I think in this case you are viewing the world from your perspective  They are plenty of decent people who are simply not nearly as informed, discerning, and smart as you are.  They are easy prey for marketers. 

Mel, I think most people don't know they have choices.  This could be through simple ignorance of, or laziness to pursue, options.

Del yes it is true I work hard, but so do a lot of people.  

Del I believe men and women are different in numerous ways but I would never say all women are this way and all men are some other way.  A good example would be height; the median height for a man is more than that of a woman, but there are of course women who are taller than some men.

That said, men can climax more easily and quickly than women. Women can have multiple orgasms and sustain them longer,  These physical characteristics inform the way we behave sexually.

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Mel I had a relative that grew up in tje city. He went to the country and saw fresh vegetables for the first time. He said, "I thought string beans came from a can.

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1 hour ago, Troy said:

Mel I think in this case you are viewing the world from your perspective  

@Troy  I am .. My perspective is from years of working with, for and volunteering with disadvantage and impoverished people from in New York,  New Jersey, Wheeling, WV  and Chicago, IL ...  since I was 15 years old.   If people believe they have no choice, they've lost hope already which goes back to my original comment. 

ORIGINAL STATEMENT - "All are pleasurable to me...but if I'm 100 lbs overweight, obviously being serviced by food is a sign there's psychological distress."  

If someone makes poor food choices something is wrong. The person is in distress and needs tending to... Or they are simply lazy or ignorant - but again those are choices too.  
 

34 minutes ago, Del said:

Mel I had a relative that grew up in tje city. He went to the country and saw fresh vegetables for the first time. He said, "I thought string beans came from a can.

@Del This is priceless!


I didn't know Turkeys could fly until I lived in Wheeling and saw them take flight in my backyard.  Your relative and I suffered from the same affliction; (DGAS) until we did.  Ignorance is a choice though

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Ignorance generally doesn't know. 

DGAS? Mel how often have you seen knowledge replace ignorance in arguments?  100% or less? 

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8 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Something is being put in this food to not only attract Black and Brown people but also affect their bodies by disrupting their natural hormones and chemistry.

Have you noticed how so many Black and Native American/Latino young people are this fat "puffy" shape today?

@Pioneer1 I have noticed this - - especially when I was flying and would eat certain foods especially in NY/Houston.  I think it's due firs and foremost to all the added SUGAR. Next,  fish/meat that is genetically engineered or receive genetically modified feed.  Shrimp, fish, such as cod, tilapia, salmon it is usually packaged "farm raised" and it's deadly to them and humans.  The best fish is "wild caught" but it cost more and can be scarce depending on the supermarket.    A lot of packaged foods and breads contain "soy" products which are harmful and HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) - a chemical compound that is used as sweetener but is known to cause liver damage. Oh and again... "SUGAR"!!!

I feel like we're  in the movie "Constant Gardener" where the poor Africans had to give their consent to be "guinea pigs" for pharmaceutical testing or they wouldn't receive health care or food. 

1 hour ago, Del said:

Ignorance generally doesn't know. 

DGAS? Mel how often have you seen knowledge replace ignorance in arguments?  100% or less? 

@Del
DGAS = "Don't give a sh*t" ( until we do.)   Exactly!  Ignorance is not knowing ( the state or fact of being ignorant :  lack of knowledge, education, or awareness _)  It's not a bad word. 

I was ignorant to the ways of nature until I moved to the country.  

I haven't heard a lot of people argue their ignorance.  I've mostly heard people argue their perspective of a topic.     

Edited by Mel Hopkins
added a word

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