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Straight outta my family


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Well, it finally came to pass. What folks being interviewed on the evening  news  lament about when describing whatever calamity  they always figured happened to someone else had suddenly happened to them, has happened to me. 

.It all started on Memorial Day at a family cook-out.  There I sat gnawing on a barbequed rib, licking my lips to savor the sauce when I was joined by my oldest granddaughter, the one I had christened my "golden girl"  because she was so smart, accomplished, and pretty.  A mischievous grin creased her face as she plopped down and promptly informed that she had something to tell me. Before I could wonder what, she made her 2-word announcement, "I'm gay!"

I continued to chew but the meat wasn't going down as her whole life passed before me, including the red flags I'd chosen to ignore.  "I've told every body else", she went on, "and now it's your turn." I considered talking with my mouth full so she couldn't understand what I felt like saying. But I kept my composure, reminding myself how liberal I always lied about being when it came to homosexuality, while giving lip service to  my "live and let live" philosophy during arguments with the religious nay sayers who had driven me into the gay camp with their sanctimonious prating, and playing of  the abomination card. "Well, I still love you," was all I managed say as I tried to blot out the visuals that began to flash in my mind inspired by my other favorite line of defense against homophobes.  "What goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is nobody else's business."  EU.

Months later, same scenario, different holiday, gathered around a card table munching on a barbequed hot link, trying to ignore the familiar grin my granddaughter was flashing, as my 2 daughters exchanged wary glances.  "She's not my husband, she's my wife," my granddaughter explained during the Q&A period following her announcement that she and her partner had gotten married. How could you call someone who wears combat boots, vests, and pants that sag a "wife" was all I wanted to know.  Not swayed by the long dread locks said wife sported, I shrugged, glad the she was not among those present since my son's sullen disgust would've proved awkward. (So much for his theory that his daughter's affair was just a phase.)  At least her out-of-state mother was accepting.  Indifference was the reaction of her cousins and brother..

And then it was Labor Day  Little did I know how significant that word would be as the usual crowd gathered to bid summer good bye and chow down on whatever was smoking on the grill. "We got a friend to be a  sperm donor," was my  granddaughter's explanation for her pregnancy. "Did you by any chance enjoy making the baby?" I asked vicariously, following the news that the semen squirter was a good looking college graduate. A sly smirk was the answer.  "He wanted to stay all night," she confessed.  With that being the case, I was puzzled as to why then the attraction to women. And a butch one in particular. My granddaughter, however, was having none of my interrogation.  She reminded me that she was an adult who didn't have to justify her choices in life. And she's right.  

Tonight is  New Year's Eve and everybody has different parties to go to. No family gathering, - thank goodness.  I'm staying home and when the shooting starts, I'll guzzle some Champagne and contemplate what 2016 will hold. This I know. Hardly a day will pass without an occasion to give pause and absorb the closure provided by the  "it is, what it is" adage. C'est la Vie.

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Hi Cynique, I read this last night on my cell phone it reads like a short story and was very engaging.  The title is inspired as you can read a lot into it.  Your life would make a fascinating memoir, and you have the wit to pull it off.

I just finished read a memoir by a written by a 25 year old white boy, Dan Marshall, Home is Burning.  It made me think of your story.  Not that your lives have very much in common... 

Basically he is a rich kid who has two terminally ill parents and the story covers a two year period ending with the father's death.  The story would have been much sadder for me (I can see other people crying by the end), but in my present state of mind it is hard for me to feel a whole lot of sympathy for some rich family that has had every advantage imaginable.

What reminded me of your story is that Dan's sad tale was told with humor, like yours.

Yeah, the lesbians who go for mannish women always confused me, but I guess human sexuality runs on a spectrum.  

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Because of the pivotal year during which I was born, I have been fortunate enough to have witnessed a very interesting period in America's evolution. And seen through my eyes has made it even more compelling because although i was black, i was surrounded by whiteness and this gave me a dual perspective.  I don't have a degree in history. I have lived history, being a part of the back story that never got recorded in books.   

People are always telling me I should write a memoir and I think about doing it but I am, for want of a better word, lazy. My Muse needs to energize me because my urge to write comes and goes and suffers from dry spells. I have considered dictating my recollections into this device called a "dragon" which transforms spoken words into typed text. That way I could get it all down, and then go back and edit  the draft the dragon would produce.   I do know that if I decide to take on this project,  I'd better hurry up because time is running out... 

BTW, Happy New Year.  And whatever happened to feature that allowed you to upload pictures?  i wanted to post a greeting card on this site.   

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Hey Cynique regarding adding images I gather that you don't see the option pointed to in the image below.  If not, I really need to go back and review the permissions for these boards.  I may have gone a bit overboard trying to lock the site down, protecting it from the Unkle Ruckuses of the world.

Think of your memoir in smaller chucks.  You don't have to do all 80+ years in one humongous tome.  You can just write about periods of your life or you can compile a series a more manageable vignettes like the one above about your granddaughter.  

You can write for the senior citizen a demographic, overlooked group if you ask me.  It will be interesting because of your perspective.  Dan's "memoir" only covered two years.  Maya angelou wrote about 10 covering different parts of her life.  

You could even flesh out "The Golden Child's" story.  Your perspective/input on her father's reaction, her parents divorce, what makes her "Golden", is she tarnished as a result of the revelation, do the parents blame themselves, did you see signs from her childhood, etc, etc. But from your perspective, given a the historical and familiar content. She told you she was an adult and did not have to justify her life choices, to you, her grandmother, you say that is "true."  Was this true in your day?  Is it a good idea today?

You shared a bunch of stories here that would be a good start, maybe you can just mine the archives for ideas.

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Yes, you must've erased that option you indicated with an arrow because it does not appear on my screen.  Thanks for the suggestions in regard to compiling a memoir collection.  Maybe I'll make it a new year's resolution.

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Hello Cynique, Happy belated Holidays. Well, I have just learned how you spent a portion of your holiday. We all have unique family members. I agree with Troy on how well you handled the announcement. I also agree that you should write. You are a fine storyteller.  Recapturing one's life is really a big task indeed.You are rich in your wisdom, I think you should try it.

Now, there is one thing that I cannot hear from you--the time we have left, and of course, the lazy part. I am in the same boat--not the lazy part. I feel like if I don't get it done now, it won't happen. For this I say, leave instructions for your memoir for a dear family member to write--perhaps your grand daughter. That's exactly what I am going to do if my clock tries to stop ticking before I get my stories done :)

Finally, homosexuality is no longer a secret to be left in the closet. My oldest sister was gay for a while and then she went back to men. Was she gay or not? I am still confused (LOL). Looks like the discussion board is off to a great start.

 

Hello Troy,

I just finished listening to the sample audio version of Home Is #@%*!#@ Burning. OMG! I am working on my semi-biography now. I have been wrestling with how intense to make it. I think I just got my answer.  I've got to get this book. Glad to be back.

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Hey Shirley, yeah Home is F*ucking Buring was interesting, but I think Cynique's story would be more interesting to us.  I'm sure we could relate to and and enjoy her story more--not that I have loads in common with an 80 year old woman, but our families share the same cultural experiences. I could learn from her story, in many ways her story is mine.

Dan's story while interesting too, missed everything that was in Cynique's little story. When Cynique writes, "...gathered around a card table munching on a barbequed hot link,"  I'm already bringing in a lifetime of related experiences because I been in that setting countless times. I know, and enjoy the experience.  Of course I have a cold one in my hand, telling the folks on my left and right to look out for the train!  

I also know the inquiry from a elder.  The worst are the judgemental ones, or the ones who are simply nosey.  The ones love the most want to help.  You know whose talking to you before they crack their lips.  

Dan came across as a privileged and spoiled rich kid.  To his credit Dan acknowledges this throughout the book, but that did not exactly endear home to me--despite the tragic loss of his father.  Shoot, I lost my father at 17. Many kids his age don't even know their fathers. Dan in stark contrast had a father than loved him and provided a splendid life for him and his family.  His grandparents were loaded too.  I'm all broken up over his "tragic" life.  

We really need more stories like Cynique's published. But I don't expect those, who are just as privileged as Dan Marshall, who make up New York publishing to do it.  Maybe if Cynique, added some lesbian sex scenes, a drug dealer and plenty of foul language, maybe it will get pubbed. 

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Troy, I know that's right. We do need more stories like Cynique's, yours, and mine. However, my recent experience with trying to acquire representation is telling me that the literary powers that be aren't really interested in our stories right now. I have started using more racy language and scenes in some of my writings. It is not so much that I want to--however, I am finding that this is what gets more attention. The more F words, the more eyes are on it.  What a pity to have to do this. I just want to write for the purpose of empowering our youths. Unfortunately, all of us couldn't be born with a silver spoon. But you know, I think that's what makes our stories so rich. I, for one, will never sell out. I will publish, promote, and market my own if it comes down to that. I am no longer struggling with my brief stint of identity crisis :). By the way, I saw Hateful Eight last night. OMG! While it did disturb me to some degree, I was rather entertained despite the language, racial insults, assaults on the woman, etc. See what I mean. The more trash the merrier the audience. This is our sad world!!!! 

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The setting of stories like my little vignette are, indeed, examples of the distinctive culture that is unique to America's black diaspora, as opposed to the Afro-centricism that others want us to claim and adopt. These latter day, self-styled Afro centric grios always lecture Blacks about not knowing their true identity.  Maybe we don't know our past. But what we do know is what we have become after being transplanted in a country that forced us to adapt to a hostile environment.  Our bodies may have been enslaved but our souls transcended this and we evolved into people who learned how to make the best of the worst. And this included finding ways to enjoy ourselves in spite of our travails.  

 A select  few black female authors have capitalized on this, their sistagirl books inured in black culture. And, as usual, TV has provided an alternative to such books  because black folks would rather watch than read.  So the black-flavored art imitating life soap operas and  sit-coms and reality shows that appear on BETand OWN enjoy great popularity.

But  I've noticed  what's now trending in the publishing world are the bestsellers and the subsequent movies based on them, books that fall under the futuristic/fantasy genre, and include series  like Twilight, The Hunger Games, and Divergence, all featuring strong young female heroines and aimed at  the audience of Millennial readers,   If some black author could come up with  a black version of one of these type of books, this might be the way to go.  .  .                  

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@Cynique, do you see the option to add images now?

Hey @Delano I found an interest website that programmatically does numbers and does a reading for you. I generates a video using your name and everything. I'll start another conversation about it when I get a chance.  I actually discovered it as a Google ad on my website. I guess I being discussion numerology too much :-)

troy-numerology.png.ce88e3c4ba63409662f6

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Cynique I have not idea what changed regarding adding images.  The developers of this application push out upgrades every 5 minutes. 

Del, man I can't find the site again to post a link.  Once I do I'll post it in a new thread and tag you.

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