Why many black men choose to marry women of other races.

[Guest LeAnthony32]

Being a 23 year old black man splitting my 23 years btween a city that has a strong African American influence ( St. Louis) and another city that despite the growing number of African American the culture is weak and seems to lack roots (Phoenix), I have learned one main thing about black women and women of other races, most black women do not know there roles.

Hear me out, the reason for the growing number of black men looking to marry outside of there race is do to the fact the a growing number of black men a being educated and finding out what they want in life and in women. No matter what anyone says about the white race, thewomen in it know there roles and stick to it. That also goes for the Spanish cualture as well as the asain. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that any one race of women is better then another but there are clear diffrences and one main one is if a young white women chooses to have sex and have more then one child out of marriage they know what kind of person they are and know what kind of man that they are going to get. Looking at the same picture in the asain culture those women are kicked out of there families and they never end up with a guy that is considered someone that is going places or a so called catch.

Then you have our beautiful women who choose to let the guys walk over them, treat them like shit on there wayto getting somewhere and then wonder why the guy leaves them when they get to the top. It is because a strong black man wants a strong woman by his side. Not because it's the cool thing to do but because in this world if you are weak or any part of you are weak then you can and will not make it. I'm not saying our black women are weak but theyoy get strong after they put them selves through all the bull shit and by that time the man has moved on. Play a role and stick to it, if you are a strong woman be strong all the time, if you are a slut for lack of a better word then that's what you are and stick to it you will be much happier. Also leave the past the past, everyone has one but when you walk away embrace the new things around you and althogh you should never forget where you came from thegoal is to make everyone else forget it because that is what is truely going to get you somewhere.

I know a lot of black women are goingto say that the reason they are weak is because of the black man, which is true. But on the same note why letthem do what theydo to you girls. One thing I can say is there is something about black men with even the smallest head on there shoulder, if they want something they can get it as long as they have any passion for it at all. Knowing this women keep your guard up and look forsomething more in life then a black man that is doing something with his life and do something with your life , while being open, asyour black men are, to any race to fill your needs as a women and as a Acrican American. In doing so you might learn what a lot of succesful older people know, life is short and no one dreams in color and I is not your job topaint the picture, it is Gods.

(sorry about all the spelling errors on the way to work)

[Cynique]

Where do you work? For a garbage collection agency? Anybody as semi-literate as you has as lot of nerve demanding that black women be educated. Does it ever occur to a young black man like you that you have to bring something to the table, yourself, before you make demands on a woman.

Take a long hard look at yourself and consider whether or not you know "your place". You would probably stand a better chance with a fat white girl than a strong sista who's got it going on.

[Cynique]

Furthermore, people DO dream in color! And if it's God's job to paint the picture, why are YOU subjecting us to the smear of your finger painting?

But I forgive you. You are young. Anybody who says a slut should know her place and be happy with what she is, - can't be all bad. All of you sluts out there, take heart!

[Guest mlfurm]

So let me get this straight... The fault for black men treating black women like crap lies with the women?????????????? I suppose then that the fault for the rape lies with the victim for allowing the rapist to rape them? What a load of garbage! I think you've been able to illustrate the problem very well by your arrogant, chauvinistic, and stereotyping post where you attempt to hide your cowardice at not taking responsibility for yourself with thinly veiled compliments. By the way, Y'all are not treating the white women any better one you get em. I think it's probably a safer bet to say y'all are going to them because the white women don't know your tricks as well.

[Guest Kage]

Go get a drink, you may need one for this true story...As a divorced black man who has been married to a mixed woman (black & white) as well as a Mexican woman (born and raised in middle/upper class Mexico City) let me speak on this topic. Read what you all have written. The problem, in my humble opinion, is our failure to communicate with each other. Before you do it, stop - and don't blame "the man", let's look in the mirror. I ventured down the road away from our brown skinned princesses and queens 20 years ago because I thought that looks were everything. At that time what was considered beautiful were women like Vanity, Pebbles, Paula Abdul, Bunny DeBarge, Tisha Campbell etc. and as a college graduate with my arrow pointed up that's what I foolishly went after. I disregarded the fact that the lady had no concept of credit, of child raising, or of taking care of her man outside of the bedroom.

By the time I'd freed her and myself from my mistake I was at a loss as to how to connect with a real black sister. I tried and many were concerned about the car I drove, about the bling I did or didn't wear, how many rooms my house had...but~ that's because I went searching for my queen in the clubs and through friends. Friends who found their ladies...at the club. Disappointed and confused I decided to look outside of our shores and found a beautiful Jennifer Lopez look alike. Hell, if it was good enough for Puffy... After a whirlwind, hot and sexy 6 month romance we were man and wife. Yes, in their culture it's "man"...and wife. A month into the marriage I realized we had nothing in common. She didn't understand Chris Rock's humor. She disrespected black women in front of me, and I had no desire to watch her "Novelas" every evening or eat tortillas y queso con todo comida (with every meal). It became apparent that she was every bit as lost as I was and every where outside of the bedroom we were more than a border apart. Needless to say we agreed to go our separate ways.

Now, here I sit. A single black man knowing what I need to make my soul happy; a partner who has fought the battles that I have fought. A partner who I can empathize as well as sympathize with when she has a bad day. Someone who "gets" Frankie Beverly and understands what Prince meant when he sang "If I was you Girlfriend..."

Our brothers, like I was, are lost. They follow the drum beat of the media which tells them that natural hair is ugly and that a strong woman is the wrong woman. But...deep inside, they want...no they NEED... a BLACK woman. Sistas...if you can bring yourselves up. Love yourselves FIRST, then be patient with our confused young brothers. Show them kindness, show them politely ~ how to treat you with the class that you deserve, give a brother a friendly smile once in a while. Have their back when they falL and don't belittle them or make them feel less than they can be. They will stand up and be stronger because of it. More importantly, they will LOVE...REALLY LOVE YOU because of it. PEACE... Kage

[Cynique]

I applaud your honest, eloquent and perceptive comments in regard to the ongoing conflict between black men and women. In fact, if I were a single young black woman I would not only take your advice, but I would track you down and throw myself at your feet and say, "Here I am. Lock me up in your 'Kage' and make me your prisoner of love"!

But - as a widowed senior citizen, something keeps nagging at me. Why are black males so adamant about having a "strong" female? Casting a woman in this ambiguous role makes it difficult for her to be supportive and sympathetic because by being strong she loses patience with a needy man who depends on her strength. Power is a great aphrodisiac and a dynamic man is a babe-magnet. In exchange for her loyalty, a woman wants a man she can look up to and respect for his strength and good judgment. A man would be better off seeking an intelligent, interesting, charming woman to complement rather than equal him. But the philosophy of most brothers seems to be that "behind every strong man is a stronger woman - ready to prop him up".

[Guest tae]

first and foremost i would like someone to tell me if it is a crime for a black man to marry a white woman?

second thing is why are we subjecting each other to what we were subjected to for so long?

did our fore fathers and mothers march for equal rights for nothing?

now it is no longer a crime(even though it never was a true crime in my opinion)for a black man to marry a white woman

i say stop putting them down.

deal with your insecurities and jealousies and stop trying to divide a man and his wife.

[Cynique]

When did it become a crime for black women to verbally resent men of their race deserting them for air-head barbie dolls or trailer park rejects? Didn't civil rights activists also fight for freedom of speech?

Are you a black guy married to a white woman? Has disapproval of your union created a rift between you and "Becky"? tsk-tsk. Tell ya what. Why don't you ask your momma to provide a bosom for Miz Anne to cry on. This will give you time alone to deal with your insecurities that are undoubtedly assuaged by having a white woman on your arm. And I guess not being adept at giving "BJ"s is reason enough for black women to be jealous of white ones.

LMAO. You should know better than to come to this forum and think you can escape being trashed for arrogantly defending mixed marriages.