An excerpt from Terri Ann Johnson’s “A Silent Night?”

I turned my head, once again taking in the view of M Street and the shops below where I knew folks had dropped some serious coins to make sure their loved ones would be happy in the morning.

My eyelids felt like cement blocks were weighing them down, but I fought to stay awake. I wanted to take in everything, on this, what could very well be my last day alive.

There was a fifty-fifty chance.

At least my HMO had chosen Georgetown Hospital and hooked me up with a private suite, no extra charge.

The creaking of the door startled me from my thoughts, though I didn’t have to turn to see who was entering. I didn’t know why, but the door only creaked when Nurse ReAnn entered.

“Ms. Lachelle, I have your ice chips,” said Nurse ReAnn as she gingerly laid the cup on the tray.

Every time I looked at her, I had the same thought: she looked just like Wilona from Good Times.

I thanked God for Nurse ReAnn every day. Even when I didn’t speak to her for days at a time, she didn’t pay that mess any mind. If I didn’t talk to her, she’d just start humming, sounding like the folks at my grandmother’s church, maybe Angels Watching Over Me, by that Hawkins lady.

I let her hum, even though that was it. I was so mad at God that I didn’t want anybody to come into my room. She knew it, but, she still came in, opening the blinds, watering the plants, humming her tune.

I’d been in the hospital for three weeks, now and when I first came in, Nurse ReAnn called me Mrs. Jackson. But she’d transitioned from calling me Mrs. Jackson to Ms. Lachelle. She never mentioned it, but I think someone told her about Brian. Even though it had only been about a month since Brian died, I liked Ms. better anyway and when she started addressing me that way, I began to soften up and let Nurse ReAnn take care of things. Even Tracy and Vanessa got their information about me from her. I mean, they’re my best friends, but I didn’t want their stress right now. So, I told them, “Get the 411, from Nurse ReAnn or don’t get anything at all.” They chose the former.

“Ms. Lachelle, I know you feel that keeping you in here for the past few months has been a stretch, but with your medical history, we want to get you through this, okay?” asked Nurse ReAnn, bringing my thoughts back to the present.

I gave Nurse ReAnn the side-eye because I could’ve stayed on bed rest at home and not come in until today for the birth of my baby. But then, I tried to smile because she had kept me so comfortable.

But it was hard to smile because I felt almost paralyzed.

It was hard to keep my eyes open or even to move my lips. From the TV that hung in the corner of the room, I heard Steve Harvey say, “And the number one answer is,” but I couldn’t open my eyes enough to see what rolled over on the board.

Finally, I allowed my eyes to completely close, then, a second later, frantic shouts came from Nurse ReAnn.

“Code Blue, Code Blue!”

Over her voice, there were beeps and alarms, and then other voices before there were more beeps and alarms.

Something was wrong. That was my second to last thought. My final thought: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!