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Guest Nubianpoet

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Guest Nubianpoet

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to a Bible meeting with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box,"Would you like to go to a House of Worship

with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet..

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to a Bible meeting with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to a Bible meeting with me and learn about God and His son, Jesus Christ?"


This time, a little voice came out of the box,

"I heard you the first time!

I'm putting on my shoes!" :rolleyes:

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Guest Nubianpoet

Quote of the day

I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

--Michael Jordan

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Guest Nubianpoet

Hey Carey, let's do this thang! B)


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Guest Nubianpoet

OH NO, he's Dead! :(


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Guest Nubianpoet

Glad 2 be back home! Bad time 2 try to go to a beach! :(

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the> door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,> standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.> > "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"> > He slams the door and returns to bed.> > "Who was that?" asked his wife.> > "Just some drunken guy asking for a push," he answers.> > "Did you help him?" she asks.> > "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out> there!"> > "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you re member> about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?> > I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" God > loves drunken people too.> > The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding > rain.> > He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"> > "Yes," comes back the answer.> > "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.> > "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.> > "Where are you?" asks the husband.> > "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.> > >

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Nubianpoet

The Candy With The Little Hole

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:




Orange ..............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're a$$-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room! :P

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Guest Nubianpoet


Little Firefighter


A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he

> noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders

> hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The

> girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by

> her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

> 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

> 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer.

> The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's

> testicles.

> 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to

> run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar,

> I think you could go faster. ' The little girl replied thoughtfully,

> 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

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