“Virtue, your man dogged you and you gonna let him get away with that mess? If I was you, I would be busting some holes in his tires and smashing out the windows. No man gonna play me for a fool,” my friend Erika said, trying to convince me to get my fiancé Kevin back because I caught him having sex with another woman. “If you don’t want to do it, I will, but I can’t let you go down like that, girl. I hope Kevin’s dick falls off for cheating on you,” she said, ready for a fight.

“I know, but I can’t do that,” I said while we were parked in her car across the street from Kevin’s house, doing surveillance of the area and looking at Kevin’s cherry-red Lexus parked in his driveway. “What if we get caught?” I was tempted to do just what she said because I was so angry with that sorry bastard, but I’m afraid too. I’m not the ghetto-chick type. This is the kind of dumb stuff you do when you’re sixteen, not twenty-six.

“So what if we get caught? Kevin deserves payback. You ready or not?” Erika opened her door to get out of the car.

“What if we just scratch the hood or something?” I said, thinking of something that perhaps will cause less damage.

“Girl, I have a brick in the trunk with that cherry-red-Lexus’s name all over it. You can scratch on the hood all you want, but I’m busting that windshield out.” She popped the trunk and got out of the car to get the brick out of the trunk.

I was glad it’s four in the morning. But time just changed for fall, so the sun is going to be up real soon. Hopefully, the time will help our chances of not getting caught. I hesitantly got out of the car after Erika came to the window telling me to get out while she’s holding a red brick in her hand. She must have taken it from the landscape in the front of her townhouse.

“Here, use this to scratch the hood.” She placed a flathead screwdriver in my hand. “I will bust the window out when you’re done. Then we need to run like hell because I’m sure the sucker has his alarm on,” she said from experience. Plus, she insisted we wear dark clothes. I wore a black Washington Redskins cap on my head covering my short bob haircut, a black pullover sweatshirt, and black jeans. Erika, standing two inches taller than I am at five foot eight, has her straight, weaved hair pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of her neck. She had on a plain blue T-shirt and a black leather jacket over it, and dark blue jeans. We were both wearing matching black Nike tennis shoes that we bought together on a shopping trip.

We scoped out the scene again before we crossed the street. Kevin lives in a middle-class neighborhood in Charles County, Maryland. He doesn’t have an electric gate so we don’t have to worry about getting in the yard. We made sure we didn’t see any lights come on from residents hearing any suspicious noises or any annoying dogs sniffing us out. When we thought the coast was clear, we quickly but quietly ran across the street into Kevin’s yard.

I immediately got to work inflicting my damage on Kevin’s precious Lexus. The fool didn’t park it in the garage; he’s such a show-off. All I needed was the light from the moon to complete my masterpiece. It felt so good scratching the car’s hood. My fear evaporated, and all I could think of was how I thought our relationship had been so perfect. Kevin just recently became partner at his law firm, and I just recently started my dream job as a talent agent at Forbes and Associates Management. I was on a high. When Kevin proposed, it was just the icing on the cake. I couldn’t have been happier. But now I found out that I was only the woman he wanted to display to the public. I’m modest and carry myself in a low-key manner. And going to the clubs is complete nonsense to me. I am the perfect image that Kevin needed to help him climb up the ladder. But instead of loving me back, he used me for his gain, to build his public persona. I bet he won’t think I’m so innocent now, I thought while I craftily scratched a huge D on the hood, now making a line for the letter I.

Erika couldn’t contain herself. She was laughing so hard. “Yeah, girl, dig right into that hood; that will teach him not to mess with you.”

I forgot that I’m supposed to be scared. I was enjoying this way too much. I kept picturing walking in on him and that fake-dirty Vanessa having sex on the floor in his living room. He must have thought I wasn’t coming over that night, but stupid me wanted to surprise him by cooking him dinner and running him a hot bubble bath after his long day at work. But I was the one surprised. Vanessa was my friend—at least I thought she was. She and I used to hang out a lot when we were in college. I always had a little feeling she had her eyes on Kevin, but I didn’t think much of it. She proved she wasn’t my friend after all, and besides—what woman would do that to another?

I finished the letters C and K. Then I stepped back from the car and admired my handiwork. I hope he likes driving around in that.

“Okay, girl, time for the big finale,” Erika said, overly excited to get her revenge too. “Go get in the car and start it. When I’m done, we need to get out of here quick.” She gave me the keys to the car.

I followed Erika’s instructions and got in the driver’s side of the car and started the engine, ready for our getaway.

Smash!

Now the hollering sound of Kevin’s car alarm filled the air. Erika smashed the brick right in the center of the windshield. She was running toward her car like her feet were on fire. I had the car in drive, ready to speed off. My heart was racing so fast I swear I was about to have a heart attack or stroke, or I’d be the first person to die from my heart busting out of my chest in fear.

Erika leaped into the car and we were off. As soon as we felt we were a safe distance from the house, we slowed down. Whew! I had never done anything like that in my life. Erika was sitting back in the seat unfazed at what we’d just done.

“Girl, that was sweet! We need to get that ho Vanessa too. I never did like her. This is a good reason to just bust her in her face.”

“Girl, I’m so scared, I nearly peed driving out that neighborhood like a maniac.”

“But it felt good getting him back, right?”

“Yeah, it did!” We both laughed thinking about what we just did.

#

One thing I forgot while carrying out Erika’s plan is that Kevin has surveillance cameras. I was so caught up in the moment I forgot all about it. He had them installed two months after he got his brand-new Lexus. We were busted!

Erika did not even flinch when we got arrested at my apartment at ten a.m. that morning and were told we were going to spend a night in jail. Kevin, with his inside connections, made sure we didn’t get a hearing until the next day to teach us a lesson. I was crying like a baby, and Erika was playing cards with our new cell mate Gina; the woman looks like she could bench-press a Mack truck. I was afraid to go to sleep. I couldn’t get over the stench, and another cell mate, Rhonda, kept giving me the eye. “Lord Jesus, please help us out of this mess.” It’s been a while since I’ve called on Jesus. It didn’t seem I had a reason until now. How could I have been so stupid to let something like this happen? “God, I promise if you help me out of this I will go to church more. I’ve been meaning to, really; I just didn’t have the time. But I promise I will go starting this Sunday.” I was scared. My “good girl” image was ruined.

Kevin was surprised that I could even act in such a way. The next day he dropped the charges, and all I had to do was pay for a paint job and a new windshield. I can’t say that I was grateful, but I was happy not to have the charge on my record. And like I promised God, I was at church that very Sunday. But that was just it—I went to church, but I didn’t get much of what the pastor was preaching about, so I lost interest regarding the Word of God. I continued going because of my promise to God, though.

A week after our night in jail, I reluctantly agreed to go to Wild Nightclub with Erika after she’d pestered me about it for days. I even wowed myself by putting on a hip-hugging gold dress that fit my size-four body perfectly, along with strappy high-heeled shoes. This dress turned me into a diva. The stress over the end of my “presumably” perfect life with Kevin made me do things I never thought I would do.

Wild Nightclub is no ghetto club on the block. It’s in an upscale part of D.C., and it’s real classy. You can’t get in unless you’re dressed fashionably. No sneakers, caps, or sports attire allowed. The décor is warm and relaxing—ironic, considering the club’s name: “Wild.” It certainly sets the tone to relax and have a great time, which is exactly what we came to do. The music was booming, and everyone around was having fun dancing, drinking, or just observing the scene. What made Erika and me laugh out loud is when Jazmine Sullivan’s song “Bust Your Windows” started playing. This was now going to be my song for the year.

Men were begging for my attention. Erika and I were playing the crowd like Thelma and Louise. We were the envy of every woman in the club, at least we thought so, and I loved the attention and the power I was having over the men. There was a fine brotha on the other side of the club in the VIP section that became the center of my attention. He looked different from any man I’d ever dated. He certainly wasn’t a white-collar brotha. He was dressed to the nines in a nicely fitted dark blazer contrasting a button-down shirt, dark pants, and clean leather shoes. He was cleaned-shaved, but had the look of a thug and a gentleman all wrapped up in one. He had a swagger about him I couldn’t deny, and he was reeling me in like a hungry fish on a hook. I was captivated. Just looking at him reminded me of Usher’s song: “Make Love in This Club.” Who am I and what’s going on with me right now? I am not Virtue tonight. I put on my best “you want this, come and get it look” to let him know he needs to come over to me. I moved my body seductively so he could get the picture—really, a good look of my nice behind.

I knew he wanted me too. From the moment I stepped into the club he had his eyes on me and mine were all over him. Our eyes spoke the words across the dance floor, which we couldn’t speak in the loud, crowded space. I finally took a seat at the bar and he joined me.

“What are you drinking, empress?” he asked as he signaled for the bartender. He must have a Jamaican or Caribbean connection, using the term “empress.” But he sounded American.

“Water,” I said smoothly. He looked at me surprised, and then asked the bartender for two bottles of water.

“People don’t usually sit at a bar for a drink of water,” he said close to my ear. I could feel his lips and warm breath against my ear, and I almost leaped from the stool in excitement. He was doing to my body with words what Kevin never did with his hands. I wanted him right here, and I was shocked at myself for even the thought of it. I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I’m just not myself anymore. But I played along for the night.

“I’m Ty. What’s your name?”

“Virtue,” I said as sexy as possible.

“Virtue, nice. You certainly are the most virtuous woman in here. I couldn’t stop watching you since you walked in. You look great in that dress!” The bartender placed our waters in front of us and moved on to the next patron.

“Thank you. So how many other women have let you down tonight?”

“One, if you refuse to let me take you out of here and go for a ride,” he said seductively.

“You go, girl; get your groove on. I’ll be all right. I got a new friend right here,” she said as she planted a kiss right on her new friend’s lips.

#

Ty’s ride was a C-class silver Mercedes. Suddenly, I was a little scared. I started to think he may be some type of drug dealer. Reality started to kick in real quick. What was I doing getting in this strange man’s car? But he gently touched my elbow as he opened the door for me. I got in the car. He closed my door and walked around to the driver’s side. I was fighting between trying to act like a “bad girl” and my true self.

“I want to take you for a ride—is that okay?” he asked as he started the engine.

Hell no! I thought, but with some confidence in my voice, I said, “Sure.”

“I don’t really remember many people at the club, but I’ve seen your girl there before. She made a scene for herself dancing on the bar once. But I’ve never seen you. Is this your first time?”

“Yeah, she wanted to get me out of my funk over a breakup. You come here often?”

“Sometimes. It’s something to do on a Friday night when I leave work.”

Ty pulled out of the parking space, turned out of the parking lot, and then left onto New York Avenue NW.

“What do you do?” I asked, praying he had a legitimate reason for owning this car. What the heck was wrong with me? This is not what I do. I don’t pick guys up at the bar and let them take me home. It was okay when I was playing this confident, seductive, bad girl in the club, but now I’m in his car. I don’t feel so confident right now. But then again, when I was little innocent Virtue, look what it got me—my fiancé screwing another woman.

“Don’t worry; I’m not a drug dealer or pimp. I saw your expression when you saw the car.” I was embarrassed. I shouldn’t have judged him so quickly. But the whole night has been bizarre for my character. “I own two barbershops and a clothing store.”

I was impressed.

“Does that get your stamp of approval?” he asked, taking his eyes off the road for a quick second to get a look at me.

“You must not have been too scared; you’re still here with me,” he said, feeling for my hand as he drove down the highway.

By the time Ty took me home I already knew he’d be spending the night. My good-girl ways had left me for tonight, and I had every intention in enjoying being bad. We barely made it inside before he had my dress unzipped and down at my ankles. I almost popped every button off his shirt in the heat of taking it off him. I admired his smooth, muscular chest and almost died in excitement when I finally got his pants and boxers off, revealing his manhood, which, I hope, is about to bring me much pleasure and erase the pain I felt inside over Kevin breaking my heart.

Chapter 1

I stood at the altar with my hands lifted up, tears pouring down my face. For the first time in my life I felt a peace embrace me that can’t even be described in words. When the call offering the gift of salvation was given, it felt as if my body rose from the pew on its own. The Holy Spirit had been working on my heart and mind for a long time. But today, I couldn’t resist any longer. I boldly walked up to the altar and declared to Jesus and everyone in the church that today is the day that I openly give my life to Christ. There were at least three hundred people present in the sanctuary. I didn’t care who was around me. I absorbed the song being sung by the praise team: “I Surrender All.” God, I surrender all, all that I am, all that is within me, it is yours, God. What would I be without you, Jesus? As I accepted the call of salvation and gave my life to Christ, all I could think of was the crap I had been through and gotten myself into … but you, Lord, you delivered me.

I feel so broken, God, so lost. I seek joy and pleasure in sex and even with Ty in my life, I still don’t feel whole. I prayed silently unto God. I still didn’t want others around me to know my sins, even though we are all guilty. I broke up with Kevin and went right into a relationship with Ty, and even though we’ve been together for two years now, I wonder if I truly love him, not just for sex, but for who he is. And I wonder sometimes if he is going to cheat on me like Kevin did.

“Romans 10:9–10 states that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved,” Pastor Judah Hastings said, standing at the podium addressing the congregation.

“Lord Jesus, I thank you for dying on the cross for my sins so that I shall be saved. God, I surrender my life to you. You are my God; you are my King, my Redeemer, my Savior. I am your daughter now, and I accept you as my Father. Forgive me of my sins, Lord; cleanse me and wash me clean. Please send your Holy Spirit to guide me on your path of righteousness and to teach me how to live a life pleasing and acceptable to you. I pray with all my heart and everything that is within me. I am nothing without you, God. I can’t rely on men to bring me pleasure, because when they leave me and the sex is done, I am still broken. But with you, God, I am made whole,” I prayed to my Heavenly Father.

I couldn’t stop thinking about my past sins and all that God has delivered me from. I was so grateful to have this opportunity to stand at this altar.

“Thank you, Jesus, for sparing my life, that I even have this privilege to accept you as my Lord and personal Savior. This is a new day for me, a day of change in you.” I lifted my hands in praise and thanksgiving. Tears were pouring down my face. I haven’t cried this much since I caught my ex, Kevin, cheating on me two years ago. Ty has been able to numb that wound ever since. But I release that pain—the need for peace and joy in sex and men—over to God. I receive restoration now!

Thoughts of my past tried to cloud my mind. I pushed them aside. I surrendered my life to Christ; therefore, I am a new creature in him who loves me. I looked around; there were at least thirty of us at the altar, all of different races and nationalities, and none of us had a dry eye. An Asian woman to my left was quietly speaking in her heavenly language; I could tell she was not speaking in her native language. I could hear the power of the Holy Spirit through her prayer. To my surprise, a Hispanic man was lying stretched out on the floor, weeping and praying. It always amazed me seeing a man lost in praise and worship to the Lord. I’ve been praying for Ty to at least one day agree to come to church with me. An African American woman was jumping and shouting praises to the Lord. We have all been set free. Jesus died for all of us. The congregation was sharing in our salvation acceptance. People were shouting and singing praises unto God. “Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus! You are the Great I AM.” How I wished Ty and Erika were here at the altar with me receiving their salvation as well.

I looked around again. The praise team was still on the stage now singing a different song: “Praise Is What I Do,” by Shekinah Glory Ministry. The women were all wearing matching two-piece red skirt suits. And the men were wearing matching black suits with white shirts and red ties. I can imagine that angels in heaven could sing as harmoniously as the praise team. I could feel their souls in the song. Just listening to them makes you want to forget everything and just praise the Lord. It seems everyone in the congregation was on their feet; no one wanted to miss the opportunity to embrace the power of the presence of the Lord. This must be what heaven feels like. The atmosphere was conducive of praise and worship. I never wanted this moment to end. I wanted to stay in complete awe of the Lord.

Chapter 2

Who knew being saved would be so difficult? I thought as I anxiously waited for Ty to arrive to tell him we can’t have sex anymore. I got saved at church today. So I needed to start on the right path, right? My hands were sweating; I rubbed them on my jeans. I kept staring at the front door waiting for Ty to arrive for our weekly Sunday night dinner and a movie. I’d rehearsed this line in my head about a hundred times now. “Ty, I got saved at church today so we need to stop having sex until we’re married.” There’s no easy way to say it. I wondered how he was going to react.

I got up off the couch and looked out my apartment window. This weather was so crazy in Maryland. It’s winter, but it feels like spring. I guess I shouldn’t complain; last year at this time there was a blizzard. I remember because I was supposed to fly out to L.A. to a major national talent show to scope potential clients. Eric, my boss, wasn’t too happy about it. If he could, he would have found a way for all of the agents to fly out. But the agency had grown since. In fact, I was working on landing a contract with a major gospel recording group, the Hope Sisters, to be their talent agent. It was just a matter of time before I sealed the deal. My career as an agent was taking off. And who would have thought a talent agency could be so successful in the Washington Metropolitan area? But like Eric said, not all the stars are in Hollywood.

After graduating college with my master’s in public relations, I thought Hollywood was where I had to go to become a talent agent. But the scope of the business was changing, and Forbes and Associates Management was becoming one of the forerunners in proving that fact with offices in D.C. and Atlanta and planned to open an office in New York City in a year.

My life seemed so perfect—now, at least. My career was booming, and I was in a wonderful relationship with the perfect guy who treats me like a princess (although the way we met two years ago was rather interesting). But he was definitely nothing like my ex-fiancé, Kevin.

Looking out the window, past the parking lot of my apartment complex, was the doggie park, with benches and birdbaths. The grass was green, despite the “supposed to be winter” weather—not that spring green, but green enough to notice in January. I saw my neighbors with their prize dogs pooping or running to catch a Frisbee. It was so beautiful out there, so peaceful. Now with me going to tell Ty that we have to refocus our relationship, I was afraid I was going to raise hell.

I can’t say that refraining from sex was going to be easy for me either. I enjoyed it, and the sexual relationship that Ty and I have is great; we’re both satisfied and we’re happy. Sometimes I wonder, though, if we would be together if the sex wasn’t so great. Ever since that first night we met and slept together, Ty helped erase all the bad feelings I had about my breakup with Kevin. He touched my body and pleased me in ways I never imagined was possible. His lovemaking was like therapy to me. I just get lost in his kisses, touching, caressing, and sweet ecstasy. I wonder sometimes if I love him just for the sex. But either way, we’ve got to stop having sex. Continuing is not worth my salvation. I’ve been convicted of this for months; I can’t stand feeling guilty anymore, even if it means losing Ty. I’ve come to love the Lord more and over the past two years, and I’ve come to know that when all else fails, he is always faithful. But Ty is reasonable; he will surely understand, and we will work this out. We can still be in a relationship; we just can’t have sex anymore. There are many relationships that are successful and are practicing abstinence. All this thinking about it was making my head hurt. I silently prayed for God’s direction on how to bring up the topic to Ty.

Ty and I always talk about getting married someday, so it’s just a matter of time; we won’t be abstaining for too long. Plus, I thought, happily, it will make our wedding night even more eventful. Yeah, he would probably see that as a positive too … I hoped. I turned away from the window and took a seat back on the couch in my living room, continuing to wait on Ty’s arrival. I had one of my favorite movies, The Best Man, starring Morris Chestnut and Taye Diggs, ready in the DVD player to watch for our movie night. Dinner was ready, still warm in the dishes on the dinner table: sirloin steak, baked sweet potato, and fresh steamed green beans. I cheated with dessert and bought chocolate cake—Ty’s favorite—from the bakery.

Ty was real with me, something I really liked. We can be up front with each other about our feelings, our needs, and our wants. So, come to think of it, this won’t be a huge issue after all, I tried to reassure myself. He still opened the door for me, even after two years of dating. He calls me at least once a day to see how I’m doing, and he makes a point to take me out on a date at least once a month. His parents taught him well. He’s also very successful in his business, and his money is legit. We would have a great marriage.

I heard a car pull up outside the front of my apartment door. That must be Ty. Okay, here goes. We’ll see if our relationship is as perfect as I thought it was.

“Hey, babe,” Ty said after walking in the door and shutting it behind him. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to tie up some loose ends at the barbershop before we closed. I got your favorite popcorn.” He pulled out of the grocery bag Orville Redenbacher’s Movie Theatre Butter popcorn.

“Thanks, sweetie. Dinner is ready.” I got up and walked over to give him a thank-you kiss.

“Yeah, I smelled that goodness from outside; you know how to keep your man happy in the kitchen and the bedroom. I’m a lucky man.”

“You sure are. Just don’t forget it,” I said, grinning at him.

“I won’t, especially if you’re giving me that special dessert later.” He pulled me into him and hugged me tight and kissed me on my neck. “How was your day?” he asked, looking into my eyes now.

“It was great. Actually, I want us to talk more about it over dinner. Let’s eat before the food gets cold.” I pulled him toward the kitchen.

After fixing our plates and sitting next to each other at my four-seat oak dinner table, Ty got right into the topic of the day.

“What is it you want to talk about?” he asked after taking a bite of sweet potato.

While I was standing at that altar today, all I could think about was God. All I could think about was how unselfishly he died on the cross for my sins and how I wanted to surrender my life to him. Now sitting here, next to Ty, a huge reality hit me like a ton of bricks. He won’t understand any of it at all. Every time I invited him to go to church with me he came up with some reason not to. He has respect for God, but not a relationship. How do I explain my salvation to him?

“I got saved today.” I looked at his face for his reaction. I figure there was no use in dragging it out. I’m certainly not ashamed of it. I just hoped Ty understands.

“Really?” he said a bit too nonchalantly. He continued eating. “I didn’t know you were thinking about doing that.” His tone told me he was not interested in my church talk.

“I’ve been going to church for a long time; it was just a matter of time before the teaching all sank in. How do you feel about that?” I asked, unsure of what his answer might be. I was having difficulty reading his facial expressions. I placed my fork down and nervously took a sip of apple cider from my wine glass. The lighted candles on the table seemed misleading now, given our conversation and the uncertainty of where it’s going to lead.

“Well, I am happy for you if that’s what you want, unless there is more to your being saved that you haven’t told me.” He took a sip of apple cider. I knew he wished it were real wine, but I don’t drink alcohol, and he respects me enough to oblige.

“Well, there is.” I hesitated for a moment. I closed my eyes and silently prayed to God, petitioning that this whole thing doesn’t blow up in my face. I opened my eyes to look at him and said, “We can’t have sex anymore.” Hearing myself say the words out loud hit me smack in the face. God, how am I going to deal with not having sex myself, along with expecting Ty to be in agreement? Being saved was all new to me; I can’t expect to change instantly in one day—or expect people in my life to automatically accept the new me.

Ty placed his fork down on the table abruptly. Obviously, what I just said spoiled his appetite. “You can’t be serious, right?” He looked at me as if I had lost my sense.

“I am serious, Ty. I haven’t been feeling good about us having sex for a long time, and having just given my life to Christ, I know I can’t have sex anymore until I’m married.” Saying this was harder than I thought it would be. I’m saying the right thing; God, please help me follow through with my actions.

“Virtue, I can compromise on many things, but not having sex is not one of them.” Ty pushed his chair back and quickly left the dining area and walked into the living room. I blew the candles out and followed him. He was sitting on the couch now with his eyes closed, obviously trying to calm down. I knew he was upset about this.

“Ty, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. We plan on getting married someday, so it won’t be forever.” I tried being the voice of reason.

“Someday, but not today; so what does that mean for right now, and tomorrow, and the next day?” he said after opening his eyes and looking up at me standing over him.

“Please, Ty, can we just try to work this out, take it one day at a time? Why don’t you come to church with me? That way, you can understand what I’m talking about.” I sat down next to him and placed my right hand on his left hand resting on his lap. If only he would come to church too and get in a relationship with Christ for himself, then he would better understand my position.

“Virtue, I am not going to tell you I am agreeing to stop having sex. Neither am I going to say I will try. And no, I am not going to church with you. I’ve told you that before so stop asking me.” He snatched his hand away from mine. “We’ve been together for two years now and we were having sex from day one, so it’s not that simple to just stop. I can’t believe you’re even asking me to.”

He was right. I can’t just spring this on him tonight and expect him to agree to it. Maybe he needs more time. “Okay, how about we talk about this later? I’ll give you time to think about it. But definitely tonight we are not having sex.” I waited for the explosion.

“What the hell, Virtue!” Ty exclaimed, jumping up to his feet. “Don’t you think you are being unreasonable about this? You just got saved today and now you expect everything to change? I love you and take care of you, and I’ve never done anything to hurt you, but what you’re asking me is not going to happen. I was afraid this would happen with you going to church every week, church service on Sunday and Tuesday for Bible study. They’re over there brainwashing you into their beliefs. Now you want to come push that junk on me. I believe in God and all, but that other stuff is garbage!” He stared down at me.

I placed my head in my hands and tried to control my feelings, fighting back the tears that were threatening to race down my face. I felt so conflicted. I didn’t want our relationship to end, but I wanted to do the right thing in the sight of God. I got up and just started kissing Ty, out of habit. I was feeling the guilt of it already. I couldn’t chance losing him, not like this. And I needed him to calm down before this whole thing turned into something I didn’t intend it to be. I could feel his body relax as I kissed him deeper. Then I pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Let’s talk about this later, okay? We don’t need to get in an argument about this.” I gently pulled his arm, urging him to sit back down next to me on the couch.

“Okay” he said, pulling me closer to him.

“Good, so can we watch our movie now?”

“Yeah, but you have to make the popcorn—now that you’ve gotten me all fired up.”