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Something to take your mind off the economy and the race to see who will be the next cripple in the white house. And to think that Gays are fighting for the right to enter the blissful state of matrimony. Why MARRY? You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. __________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ”Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” ”Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.” __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: ”Husband Wanted”. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ”You can have mine.” __________ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. __________ A little boy asked his father, ”Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don't know son, I'm still paying.” __________ A young son asked, ”Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?” Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.” __________ Then there was a woman who said, ”I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.” __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. __________ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say – talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. __________ First guy says, “My wife's an angel!” Second guy remarks, “You're lucky, mine's still alive.” __________ A Woman's Prayer “Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand a man; to love and to forgive him; and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength I'll just beat him to death!!” __________ AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.” The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.”

Besides death and taxes and Republicans harassing Obama, there are other certainties in life. COSMIC LAWS Truer words were never spoken. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theatre and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. -- ******

Well, again, Troy I chose to experience this book, and to me this was easy to do because Morrison provided the settings for you to immerse yourself in. I personally didn't have a need to know more about the characters because they were not compelling people, but simply products of their dreary environments. And this is where Toni's technique and style come into play. She requires the reader to transcend the circumstances and to distill what can be learned from the journey. In this case the message to me was that "happiness is relative". In reading "Home", I didn't really compare the Korean vet of yesterday to the Iraqi/ Afghanistan ones of today because that was too easy to do. I'm never shocked by how history repeats itself because I've lived long enough to expect this. Life does what it does. This is a hard realization for some to accept, for those who think they can manipuate rather than navigate the obstacle path of their existences. As for how this book stacked up against the other ones I have read by her, it's somewhere in the middle. But I did like "Home" better than the long overwrought "Beloved" for the simple reason that it was shorter. I don't think "Home" will harm the body of work that is Toni Morrison's legacy. I wouldn't dispute that Morrison's publishers depend on Toni getting by on her reputation, but then she's earned the right to do this. Just like Maya Angelou. As for comparing Toni to Ali, I'd just say that rather than being a pathetic figure - a ghost of his past self, she remains aloof and in tact, changed only by her gray hair.

LET ME TAKE YOU BACK,ENVISION IN YOUR MIND.LONG AGO,SOUTHERN WOODS, IN THE DISTANCE,THE DEVIL AND HIS DEMONS,THEIR EVIL VOICES ECHOES..BY THE MOONLIGHT,UPON THE GROUND, A HANGED BLACK MAN'S SHADOW..DRUG GANGS,STREET GANGS, WOULD THEIR BLACK COMMUNITY VIOLENCE END/.IF THEY REALLY LOOKED AT PICTURES OF HANGED BLACK MEN/.THEY WOULD HANG ONE BLACK MAN, SOMETIMES TOGETHER 2 OR 3.NAKED BLACK MEN SWAYING BACK AND FORTH BY THE SOUTHERN NIGHT BREEZE.. STREET GANGS,.THEY COULD SPIRITUALLY TRAVEL BACK IN TIME UNDERSTANDING WHERE BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN..IF THEY REALLY LOOKED AT PICTURES OF HANGED BLACK MEN....SOME BLACK MEN WERE BURNED ALIVE BEFORE THEY WERE HUNG.CELEBRATING,NO DOUBT,SONGS BY THE DEVIL, WERE SUNG...WOULD STREET GANG VIOLENCE END, AND BLACK UNITY BEGIN/. IF THEY REALLY LOOKED AT PICTURES OF HANGED BLACK MEN...

I was taken aback by the slight hint of cat urine in Mrs. Eels basement but honored at the same time. I took baby steps as I followed her down the stairs into his place where she would come and lurk at her beautiful things. The stairs didn’t creek or make any noise as old staircases would and they were clearly rotten or being eaten by the rats of my assumption. I don’t think the smell bothered Mrs. Eels because she never said ‘excuse the smell my dear.’ She never said it out of all the times she allowed me to be in the magical place of beautiful things. Mrs. Eels pulled a string that clicked when she pulls it and about 30 watts allowed us to see the fantasy and shine. Though things were dirty, I could see the gold trim on the tea cups and the elegant designs on the handles of each cup. Mrs. Eels allowed me to touch her magical and beautiful things. I began to wipe them with my thumb to make out the intricate pieces by rubbing it and not to blemish it but to see and feel the value as Mrs. Eels did with her human eye. I was not a connoisseur of magical and beautiful things. I would walk around the room looking and peeking into the corners of dust and value, getting value on my clothing and dirt in my throat. I found a small lamp that had a cheap brown cord attached. I searched for an outlet and the only one visible was covered with dust and rat hair. I used my shirt sleeve to wipe it off and I plugged the cheap in. With the lamp, I could see at 70 watts more magical and more beautiful things appeared. There were smells of Marie Antoinette, Bernadette Freedrick and Malor Curtue all of whom are dead people; disguised as the beautiful and the magical. There were broaches silver and rare. Alot of treasure and distinct application in each piece. Some so priceless, I dare not rub them with thumb or sleeve. I made my way in the circle to see the beautiful and it overwhelmed the space with abundance and a continuous ticking of a time piece I was sure to have belonged to a confederate or someone who resembled Custard. I fancied myself to view behind the stairs that made a circle and behind their were little rat droppings and in-between were ruby diamond earrings hanging from a nail. I flicked the earrings with a shaking wrist and eye. Mrs. Eels deep masculine voice summoned me to return for a sandwich and tea. She said for me to bring the Eleanor and Martha, which were tea cups I had favored while circling the Basement of Magical and Beautiful Things. I have favored them during a thumb. I did hurry to go back and retrieve them both, not matching, but like things favored and memorable they would be well received of the tea we drank. I settled them on my right and left hands carefully walking up the non creek, not turning the 30 watt off, expectant for another chance to thumb and wipe. So expectant. The top of the stair door open for the grand entrance of Elenor and Martha. I, personally, did not matter for only Elenor and Martha were of importance. I carried them both to the table where Mrs. Eels had placed two fine linen down, directing me with her snooty nose and eye as she spread the sandwiches. I placed them both so gently down. There was distilled water, a special cloth and I assumed to clean them. Mrs. Eels opened her mouth only as necessary and this was one of those times. She instructed me to first turn over each cup on its mouth where I would not drink and wipe the part that was of no use. Elenor, the first cup was gold lined, even on the bottom and strange. The real Elenor was not as refine with gold her bottom. I dipped the dusting towel in the distilled water and gently wiped Elenor’s bottom. Mrs. Eels instructing me to bend forward towards Elenor to look at the short neck and rub so gently to clean her. I stuck my neck out like an osterige to see and thumb. I then, on my own, began to rub the large outer mouth and looked at Mrs. Eels to get approval. She said nothing as I knew was silent approval. Mrs. Eels then instructed me with her eye rolling to turn Elenor over and pour distilled water into her, cleaning her of all dirt and rat hair. I raised the jug distilled and poured little into the mouth, then sopping it with my fine cloth. I poured for Martha in Mrs. Eels possession; she sopping Martha’s mouth. A whistle of tea ready and so good to hear the chime. Mrs. Eels had steeped without lemon, adding a few grains that looked like rat droppings, but I knew they were fine tea. Steeped just right I dare sip first to cool mine. I felt my cup of Elenor’s heat from the steam as it rose from cup to my nostrils, my spectacles fogging over. Mrs. Eels drank her Martha, hot, sipping expertly. I wanted so badly to appear very grown up but I was scared of the degree. Mrs. Eels could see I was anxious so she jested for me to get at cube of ice from what she called the North Pole (the freezer). I jumped up, bumping and shaking the table, spilling some of Elenor and Martha out on the table. This didn’t bother Mrs. Eels because tomorrow, Mrs. Eels will be dying. She will lay down to rest. Weeks later my father came to me, sharing Mrs. Eels had passed away as her days promised were only extended until that night before. In the coming weeks I spent my summer days in Mrs. Eels basement clicking the 30 watt and plugging in 70 watts, dusting the way I felt she would. I mourned Mrs. Eels by being allowed to go back and continue to value her magical and beautiful things. Some days I would sit in the presence of the 70 watt and think about how fortunate I was to rub my thumb and sleeve and touch the rat hair. I managed to spend the summer and an additional year of the days, returning to the 30 watt to keep Mrs. Eels in there. My click of the dirty string, stepping the non creek into Mrs. Eels heart. When I make my way to the 70 watt it was mundane over the year because I was least attracted to the 70 watt, but not to its surroundings. The wealth of the basement left me rich with the magical and the beautiful things but I did not get pleasure as much because all of the beautiful and magical were missing Mrs. Eels as I. Things began to look les mysterious and more resolved. It began to look like a place of leaving; a place of matrimony. Only a place where Mrs. Eels would marry her life and her joys together. Martha and Elenor were missing from Mrs. Eels basement of magical and beautiful things, so I ran up the non creek, gathered them from the counter where Mrs. Eels had last drank and left her pewter lipstick stain. I didn’t wipe it but smelled it. Martha smelled like Mrs. Eels and I would keep it that way. I did not run down the stairs passing the 30 watt. I walked so I would make no error in care for the best tea cups in all the world. I walked Elenor back to her original place and Martha to hers. I had not left my DNA on Elenor and would never intend to. I made a walk around the basement; returning to behind the staircase where the earrings were on the very same nail. They looked cleaner, more polished. Also on the nail was a note written in Mrs. Eels handwriting with a calligraphy pen. So elegant, it read, “I enjoyed my final days pending beautiful time with you, feeling magical with Martha and Elenor. We enjoyed the tea from the queen and water from the well of infinite happiness and much silence. You are the child who understood my most silent direction. I enjoyed my basement of magical and beautiful things. You are now the owner of the things and I love you. My spirit is the 30 watt, just as you contend, always clicking when you enter the room. We always clicked.

THE DEVIL KNOWS WE ARE NAKED.BLACK PEOPLE ARE MORE BARE ,THAN THE DARK LEAFLESS TREES IN WINTER.WE ARE BARE BECAUSE WE SHOW WE CANNOT HAVE UNITY.. OUR BLACK LEADERS VOICES, MORE SILENT THAN THE SILENT RAIN THAT FALLS..BLACK LEADERS CANNOT ORGANIZE KWANZAA PRINCIPLES UNITY IN OUR COMMUNITIES..THE BLACK RICH,THE ATHLETES,ENTERTAINERS, SHOW THEY WILL NOT COME TO POOR BLACK COMMUNITIES AND CREATE A NEW BLACK WALL STREET.THE BLACK MEN AND WOMEN SHOW,THEY CANNOT USE SEXUAL PROTECTION,NO FEAR OF AIDS,HIV VIRUS.BLACK MEN AND WOMEN SHOW THEY HAVE NO RESISTANCE, NO SELF DISCIPLINE WITH DRUGS...AND THE CHURCH,BLACK RELIGIOUS SHOW THEY HAVE NO STRENGTH TO DEBATE THE PREACHER WHEN HE SPEAKS OF GOD AND CHRIST AS WHITE, KNOWING THERE IS NO PROOF...BLACK PEOPLE ARE MORE CONFINED THAN THE SLAVES ON SLAVE SHIPS AND THE PLANTATIONS..WE SHOW TO THE DEVIL , HE DOES NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING,WE WILL EXODUS OUR RACE OURSELVES...WE STAND IN OUR COMMUNITIES LIKE BLACK BARE LEAFLESS TREES,SOULS LIKE THE WITHERED LEAVES UPON THE GROUND...........