Troy Johnson--President CEO of AALBC, HNIC, Top Banana, Duke of New York, De Mayor of Harlem, and all round swell guy, send me some AALBC literature recently. It contained a profile of your typical AALBC habitue.

I was startled, though, if I had the brains of a gnat, to discover that that person was female, well educated, reasonably well off financially.

I gasped in astonishment! I choked back a horrible blood curdling scream. I almost strangled on my pig snoot sammich (served St. Looie style with the potato salad on top).

All this time I suppose I have been behaving as though the viewers were like me. Yes, that would be warm, funny, popular and good looking, too.

But it would also mean persons given to a sort of raunchy style of humor. A risque style of expression. A taste for the bizarre in sexual matters....

But I digress. Visions of church ladies in big ole pink hats and white gloves stampeded in sensible pumps through my feverish brain! It occurred to me that, rather than sharing my rather ribald and boisterous POV (no doubt due to the Negro blood in my veins) they might be horrified. That they might see me as--choke! I can't say it--THE OLD DIRTY BASTARD OF AALBC!!

Your comments, please.

Feel free to lie like rugs to avoid hurting my tender feelings, by the way.

Surely you don't think that only a church lady would fit the profile you refer to, Chrishayden. The description of the typical female poster on this site as being "educated and reasonably well-off" does not disqualify her from also being witty and edgy and risque.

Intelligent chap that you claim to be, one would think you could figure this out, especially since these are the kind of women who keep you in check on this board.