FINALLY A CURE FOR INCELS from Steven Barnes of Lifewriting

[richardmurray]

 

 

 

 

current discussion 

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A CURE FOR "INCELS"?

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Hannah's note said: "Dear Steve. I wouldn't go with you if you were the last dog on Earth."

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I'd had a crush on "Hannah" (not her real name) for years, and finally asked her to "go" with me (our middle school version of "going steady.") And at the end of the next school day, as promised, she passed me that note, all the girls in class giggling at my humiliation.

I felt like a crushed bug.

We all know what it feels like to get our guts kicked out, and that was my first. The most painful thing is that we'd been perfectly friendly up until the moment I told her how I felt. And then…devastation. My introduction to the "friend zone."

Now, strictly speaking, the "friend zone" is that place where one friend wants more from the relationship than the other one. The first time I heard the term was used by a woman to describe HER situation. It's painful. But we've all been there, or "put" someone else there - THEY wanted intimacy, and WE weren't interested.

Somewhere in the early 21st Century, this term started indicating something nastier: guys used it to describe being rejected by women AS IF IT WAS THE WOMAN'S FAULT. As if they themselves hadn't done the same thing to others. This doesn't pass the Three Gates, not at all. Not honest, not kind, not useful.

And these embittered men (the female version is the "there are no good men" crowd) lumped together on the internet, wove their conspiracy theories and decided to blame women for their lack of sexual success, and in so doing totally missed the game.

There's an expression that from time to time Life gives you a "cubic inch of opportunity. You either grab it, or its gone forever."

This moment, with "Hannah" was a turning point in my life. Even in the midst of my pain I could FEEL that there were two choices I could make. I could blame her…OR I COULD PROMISE MYSELF I WAS GOING TO MASTER THE GAME.

And somehow, I DID see it as a "game", even then. We all watched the popular girls and guys gravitate toward each other, picking each other out of a crowd, and we have two basic choices: we can resent them and give up, become embittered and resigned…or DECIDE TO WIN.

As simple as that.

I decided to win.

I wanted, frankly, to be ADMIRED BY THE MEN I ADMIRED, AND DESIRED BY THE WOMEN I DESIRED. Life changing.

And from that moment on, there was a part of my mind that was constantly watching and evaluating. High school was better than Jr. High…I was starting to figure it out. And by the time I got to college, as Sherlock Holmes used to say, "The Game was afoot!"

I was operating by instinct, really, but things were starting to work. And then work better, until I was pretty popular. Got married. And thought we were happy…

Until my marriage blew up, and I found myself alone, in an apartment in Vancouver Washington a thousand miles from any friends, broke, with nothing but my dog, a television set, a bed, and a Glock 9mm. NOT a good combination when you are spiraling toward depression.

I needed to change. FAST. I was lost. No idea how to approach women. Adrift. AND THEN I GOT ANOTHER CUBIC INCH OF OPPORTUNITY, an inspiration birthed by desperation, and GRABBED IT. And that insight BLEW EVERYTHING WIDE OPEN.

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I am now celebrating my 25th anniversary with my wonderful Soulmate, Tananarive Due. In fact, I'm flying to Atlanta next week to celebrate. She and I have talked deeply and extensively about how we were lucky enough to find each other. And I realized something:

A CRITICAL step in being able to find love was having TOTAL confidence that I could ethically and enthusiastically satisfy my sexual needs whenever I wanted. I mean that. "Sex," in addition to being ecstatic fun for its own sake, is also the "test drive" for a deeper connection, a place where two people are learning about each other, communicating on deep and often non-verbal levels. And in most modern relationships if you can't make each other happy on that level FIRST, you'll never get to what we really want: deep, lasting connection with a life partner.

And I decided that, now that I'm an old married guy I'm "out of the game" and on to the next level…why not share everything I'd learned after decades of pain and struggle?

Every squirrel in the forest finds a partner. WHY NOT YOU?

So I set out to write a book that would teach guys EXACTLY how to "get out of the friend zone" in life. This is NOT a "speed seduction" book, filled with slimy manipulation techniques. Those, and the "how to make a man fall in love with you" books and courses are about "hacking the human mating drive", FAKING being a healthy vibrant potential partner. The men and women who pull those tricks deserve each other.

Here's a hint to you: that sort of manipulation and blame simply doesn't pass the "Three Gates," the basic spiritual laws of personal evolution: "Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Useful?" The "speed seduction" people are interested in one thing: "Useful". Too often, they don't care about lying or cruelty.

And this leads nowhere. Yes, you can get some sex, but you are literally tearing your own heart apart! You don't have to steal sex…or con someone out of it. You can simply learn how to stimulate that desire like a healthy animal. Women want sex too. And if you can put your behaviors and beliefs in alignment with your actual nature, they'll want it with YOU. Not "all" of them of course, but honestly…how many do you need?

YOU know lying and manipulating and blaming aren't right. That's just your fear of loneliness short-circuiting your brain and ethics.

You KNOW that there is a better way, a more natural, healthy, and fun way.

You know this, but can't understand why the True Path has been out of reach.

Over the years I've coached thousands of people in different aspects of personal development within the LIFEWRITING and FIREDANCE systems. Even created the wonderful SOULMATE PROCESS class. But this first step, gaining sexual confidence, is something I've NEVER addressed directly.

It is time.

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While this was deadly serious, I also had a lot of fun with it, and this is necessary because we're taking a deep dive into an empowering view of human sexuality, one that treats men and women as equal and complementary aspects of the same being. That's the "Beast with two backs" after all. So I mischievous chose a title that I knew would turn off anyone who took themselves too seriously, or had sexual hang-ups that would inhibit growth.

So the title is DELIBERATELY PROVOCATIVE and NFW. Let's just call it CENSORED: The Ten Commandments for escaping the "Friend Zone" in 100 days." by "Professor B"

And yes, I deliberately chose not to put my name on the cover, for LOTS of reasons…trust me, I'm still gonna take heat for this.

Am I serious about that? Deadly. IF YOU WILL FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS, in 100 days you'll see the world very differently, and know EXACTLY the path you need to follow to enter a world of joyful intimacy. And know exactly how to spend minimal time in the "Friend Zone."

You'll read a chapter a day for the first ten days, then create a program taking 5–10 minutes a day to actually heal your attitudes, actions, and beliefs.

And to help you…we added the exclusive ANCIENT CHILD MP3 for the healing of emotional wounds. We give you ALL the basic tools you need to clear out any negative emotions, fear, lack of clarity, resentment…ANYTHING that stands in the way of loving and accepting yourself so deeply that you radiate that "special something" that attracts others. That "I'm a healthy, happy person, and if you spend time with me, you are going to SHARE that joy."

No tricks. No lies. No deception. Just honest human communication and the healthy desire for passion and connection.

That's my pitch. This first edition of CENSORED is the beginning of something new, I can feel it. I don't believe there is anything quite like it. And I'm inviting you to join at a special 1/2 price (compared to our other courses) rate. Join the FIREDANCE group and brainstorm with us about how to make it even better. But I can promise you something:

If I didn't have this information, I'd be lost. And I'd pay a HUNDRED times the price to learn it, no exaggeration. Yes, I've made big promises. But this is a critical issue for millions of lonely guys. I used to be one of you. I feel your pain. And this book is a "message in a bottle" back to my own younger self. A guide for my son, just setting out. And a specific handbook for the young men, neurodivergent, heartbroken and confused who just want to be good decent human beings…and get laid.

This was the door out. Try it. Read it. Follow the instructions. And if after thirty days you don't believe its worth at least TEN times what you paid for it, your money will be happily refunded.

The "Friend Zone" isn't hell or purgatory. There is no need for guilt, blame, or shame.

"Incel" originally just meant someone who wants sexual connection without having it. FORGET what the trolls on either side of the gender divide say about it. I'm hewing to that original meaning, and to HELL with the immature men who think women have some obligation to sleep with them. Sheesh. That is POISON.

Part of being an awake, aware, ADULT human being is knowing how to satisfy our hungers ethically, honestly, and responsibly. And yes, that includes sexual hungers. We all have them. Let's be honest about how to satisfy them, shall we?

To get YOUR copy of CENSORED: The Ten Commandments for escaping the "Friend Zone" in 100 days. just go to: WWW.INCELCURE.COM

Simple as that. Download. Read. Use it. And in 100 day…you will see the world differently, I promise. And sex…bountiful, passionate, frisky and joyful…will no longer be a mystery.

Guys…it's time to step into the 21st Century. I promise…the ladies are cheering us on!

Namaste

Steve

www.incelcure.com

 

MY COMMENT

every squirrel in the forest finds a partner:) that's a good line I was going to call Steven Barnes Steven Player Barnes but then halfway through I realized he is Steven Hitch Barnes Had fun reading this too. In seriousness, you spoke truth. The key is all the people who wanted intimacy with you who you rejected that you don't think about while alone.  funny ain't it:) Yeah, I am fortunate, I have always been liked by females and I was lucky in talks with my parents, about these issues, that I learned to not treat relationship failures as a symbol of me, when i caused someone else's relationship failure.