Dolemita: The Movie

[Pioneer1]

Play this track every time you enter the thread to maximize your entertainment experience.....lol.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Move over Dolemite!

Make way for the Big Bad Ass Mamma herself!


 

A Rudy Ray Productions

in collaboration with 

Warn - A -Brutha Studios

aka Contradiction Pictures
and
Saul Turtletaub Entertaiment 

presents:

DOLEMITA
 

 

 

                            

[Pioneer1]

  Starring

 

 

You know her as that crazy ass woman who used to
whoop Gabby Sidibe's ass in the movie Precious!

 

 

 

"Bitch you here me callin' you!
Git'cho ass up in here!"






As well as her raunchy stand-up comedy routines!

 

 

 

 

Yall, I took one look at that lil' ole thang he pulled out and said...
Nicca is that yo D!*% or do you got 2 belly buttons???"






MO'NIQUE


As aka C Lady Dolemita

[Pioneer1]

 

And co-starring.....
 

 

The man we all know and love since his early comedy days....




"But see now, the crazy thang about it is....
Anybody can get some p****sy now-a-days!
Like when I was comin' up...you know....
a  nicca had to SANG or DANCE or somethin' to get some p***sy!"

 

 

RICHARD PRYOR
as 
POP






"Got damn boy.....da' hell you doin' back here?  Shit!
And who all them long legged gulz in the car wit'cha???
You owe some niggaz some money or something?
Is we gotta pack up and move again???"
 

[Pioneer1]

Also starring......

 

You know him as Prince Hakeem from Coming To America

"I love the flower bearers....trust me, I do.
But just once father....
What would be wrong with ME  washing my own penis, for a change?"

 

 

 

 

 

And as Quick from Harlem Nights


 

"Nah muthafucka, the last White man who slapped me and got away with it
was the doctor who slapped me on the butt when I was born.
And I'm STILL looking for his ass!"
 

 

 

 

And now.....

 

as Dolemite himself!




EDDIE MURPHY




"Slow down daddy.....you walkin' too fast!
These jive ass muthasuckaz can't keep up with us!
Look here daddy.....
You outta take your pimp cane and CANE these jive niggaz like they stole something in Singapore!"
 

[Pioneer1]

 

 

also starring...

DEMOND WILSON
 

and

Delano "Snake Hips" Jenkins
(Dolemita's Enforcers)

"Listen Honky!
Ain't nobody come here to listen to you and yo' ugly ass wife
playin' on no GOT damn piano and sang about the old days!
We were sent here on a mission from Lady D, herself!
Now take us to the muthafuckin' safe and open it up chump!
I'm an expert in Astrology and can read minds too.
So DON'T try to jive us, sucka!"
 

[Pioneer1]

 

"Well ain't that nothin'.....
What took yall jive ass niggaz so long!

Yall make me wish I woulda kept my job at the Post Office.
The pay wasn't right, but atleast I didn't have to deal with slow ass
simple minded ass fools all day!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry it took so long Big Mamma but that jive ass
bowling ball shaped muthafucka claim he couldn't open the safe up!
Talkin' about he forgot the combination.
But don't worry Lady D, we handled it!
We brought the WHOLE SAFE back here on the truck and we'll find a way to get it open!"

"Well Chicago is playin' L.A. tonight and kick-off is in 5 minutes
Yall know Mamma never misses a Bears game!

Hurry up fool and git that GOT damn safe off the truck and down
in the basement, 'fo Dolemite show up here in one of them loud ass jive suits
and start asking questions!"

 

[Pioneer1]

also starring.....



in his first motion picture role....

 

 

 

 

 

"I need me TWO queens
to help me build MY kingdom"
 

 

 

 

 

You know him from his beefs with Tariq Nasheed

 

 

 

 

"Why you wear so much lip gloss and chap stick nigga?
Huh?
Why you always lickin' ya lips and dissin' Africans?
Yuze an ENEMY....to the Black nation!"
 

 

 

You also know him for his 15 years of fund raising to open up a private school for Black children 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm a DESCENDANT...of Frederick Douglas!
We need that school.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of WEB Dubois
We need that school.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of Chaka Khan
We need a school to teach our girls how to sang.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson
We need a school to teach our boys how to rap.

Send your Donations to FDMG Academy!"
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Philadelphia's own......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. UMAR JOHNSON

 

 

 

as Brutha OLINGA



The local neighborhood conscious brutha, agitator, dope buster.....

and Dolemita's chief enemy

 

 

 

"That jived ass hotep hustlin' nigga is threatening
to fuck up my whole operation!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No no see....yall don't understand.
We need to get rid of the pimps, the pushers, the sell outs
We need to get rid of the haters, the addicts, the prostitutes
We need to get rid of the strippers who try to black-mail conscious bruthaz with free lap dances
We need to get rid of them  FOR GOOOOOOOD!

....and start our communities all over again, clean."
 

[Pioneer1]

 

Dolemita Meets Fred Sanford.......