Dolemita: The Movie

[Pioneer1]

Play this track every time you enter the thread to maximize your entertainment experience.....lol.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Move over Dolemite!

Make way for the Big Bad Ass Mamma herself!


 

A Rudy Ray Productions

in collaboration with 

Warn - A -Brutha Studios

aka Contradiction Pictures
and
Saul Turtletaub Entertaiment 

presents:

DOLEMITA
 

 

 

                            

[Pioneer1]

  Starring

 

 

You know her as that crazy ass woman who used to
whoop Gabby Sidibe's ass in the movie Precious!

 

 

 

"Bitch you hear me callin' you!
Git'cho ass up in here!"






As well as her raunchy stand-up comedy routines!

 

 

 

 

Yall, I took one look at that lil' ole thang he pulled out and said...
Nicca is that yo D!*% or do you got 2 belly buttons???"






MO'NIQUE


As aka C Lady Dolemita

[Pioneer1]

 

And co-starring.....
 

 

The man we all know and love since his early comedy days....




"But see now, the crazy thang about it is....
Anybody can get some p****sy now-a-days!
Like when I was comin' up...you know....
a  nicca had to SANG or DANCE or somethin' to get some p***sy!"

 

 

RICHARD PRYOR
as 
POP






"Got damn boy.....da' hell you doin' back here?  Shit!
And who all them long legged gulz in the car wit'cha???
You owe some niggaz some money or something?
Is we gotta pack up and move again???"
 

[Pioneer1]

Also starring......

 

You know him as Prince Hakeem from Coming To America

"I love the flower bearers....trust me, I do.
But just once father....
What would be wrong with ME  washing my own penis, for a change?"

 

 

 

 

 

And as Quick from Harlem Nights


 

"Nah muthafucka, the last White man who slapped me and got away with it
was the doctor who slapped me on the butt when I was born.
And I'm STILL looking for his ass!"
 

 

 

 

And now.....

 

as Dolemite himself!




EDDIE MURPHY




"Slow down daddy.....you walkin' too fast!
These jive ass muthasuckaz can't keep up with us!
Look here daddy.....
You outta take your pimp cane and CANE these jive niggaz like they stole something in Singapore!"
 

[Pioneer1]

 

 

also starring...

DEMOND WILSON
 

and

Delano "Snake Hips" Jenkins
(Dolemita's Enforcers)

"Listen Honky!
Ain't nobody come here to listen to you and yo' ugly ass wife
playin' on no GOT damn piano and sang about the old days!
We were sent here on a mission from Lady D, herself!
Now take us to the muthafuckin' safe and open it up chump!
I'm an expert in Astrology and can read minds too.
So DON'T try to jive us, sucka!"
 

[Pioneer1]

 

"Well ain't that nothin'.....
What took yall jive ass niggaz so long!

Yall make me wish I woulda kept my job at the Post Office.
The pay wasn't right, but atleast I didn't have to deal with slow ass
simple minded ass fools all day!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry it took so long Big Mamma but that jive ass
bowling ball shaped muthafucka claim he couldn't open the safe up!
Talkin' about he forgot the combination.
But don't worry Lady D, we handled it!
We brought the WHOLE SAFE back here on the truck and we'll find a way to get it open!"

"Well Chicago is playin' L.A. tonight and kick-off is in 5 minutes
Yall know Mamma never misses a Bears game!

Hurry up fool and git that GOT damn safe off the truck and down
in the basement, 'fo Dolemite show up here in one of them loud ass jive suits
and start asking questions!"

 

[Pioneer1]

also starring.....



in his first motion picture role....

 

 

 

 

 

"I need me TWO queens
to help me build MY kingdom"
 

 

 

 

 

You know him from his beefs with Tariq Nasheed

 

 

 

 

"Why you wear so much lip gloss and chap stick nigga?
Huh?
Why you always lickin' ya lips and dissin' Africans?
Yuze an ENEMY....to the Black nation!"
 

 

 

You also know him for his 15 years of fund raising to open up a private school for Black children 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm a DESCENDANT...of Frederick Douglas!
We need that school.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of WEB Dubois
We need that school.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of Chaka Khan
We need a school to teach our girls how to sang.
I'm a DESCENDANT....of Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson
We need a school to teach our boys how to rap.

Send your Donations to FDMG Academy!"
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Philadelphia's own......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. UMAR JOHNSON

 

 

 

as Brutha OLINGA



The local neighborhood conscious brutha, agitator, dope buster.....

and Dolemita's chief enemy

 

 

 

"That jived ass hotep hustlin' nigga is threatening
to fuck up my whole operation!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No no see....yall don't understand.
We need to get rid of the pimps, the pushers, the sell outs
We need to get rid of the haters, the addicts, the prostitutes
We need to get rid of the strippers who try to black-mail conscious bruthaz with free lap dances
We need to get rid of them  FOR GOOOOOOOD!

....and start our communities all over again, clean."
 

[Pioneer1]

 

Dolemita Meets Fred Sanford.......

 

 

 

[Troy]

Very entertaining post @Pioneer1!  The accompanying sound track was sublime.

[Pioneer1]

also starring......


...you remember him as Antoine from Men On Film




"Don't get it twisted honey!
Just 'cuz a man might juggle balls.....
Don't mean he go be somebody's clown!"

 

 

introducing

DAVID ALAN GRIER

as Apostle Reverend Bishop Willie Wilson

of the Greater Mt.Zion Missionary Baptist Church Of Central Avenue

"Some folks get rich sellin' dope.
I makes mah money sellin' hope!"

[Pioneer1]

 

 

"Listen suga....
Ever when you wanna get out the sex industry, just let me know...hear?
I'll talk to Dolemita on yo' behalf and work something out.
I been knowing her since her Post Office days when we used to work the back-rooms together.
Holding envelopes up to them old light bulbs so we could see what was inside of 'em!"
 

[Pioneer1]

also starring.....


We all know and love her as
Thelma Evans from Good Times



"Ma, I'm confused about something?
I THOUGHT I flushed it down the toilet!
You ever heard of a TURD crawling out, growing legs, and walkin' around the ghetto???"


 

 

And her lovely photos as 
Jet Beauty in 1975!








Introducing.....


BERNADETTE STANIS

as
BABY GIRL

"Oooooh Big Mamma!
You think you slick, with all them beehives 'n shit hangin' outside!
But Dolemite go throw a FIT if he find out you been pushin' smack out of one of his Ho' Houses!
Better hope he don't find out!"

 

 

 

"He AIN'T go find out!
Cuz ain't nobody go TELL him!
Now git yo' nosy ass back upstairs and make yo' mamma some mo' money!
'Fo I put you back out on Central Avenue and make you work your way BACK up.
Lil' jive ass nothin' ass ho!"

 

[Troy]

Yeah Thelma is stacked. I took a photo with her some years back. It should be on my site somewhere…,

[Pioneer1]

Troy

Her AND Janet DuBois (Wilona....lol)

 

 

To be honest, Wilona and Thelma was the only reason I kept watching Good Times after James died.

[Pioneer1]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oooooh shit honey....
Later for them jive ass Chicago Bears...my JAM is on!
Move out the way sucka....and pass Mamma that bottle of muscatel."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Got DAMN gull.......
You rockin' the whole house with all that shakin' and shit!
I thought we was havin' one of them California Earthquakes.
You ain't Michael Jaxun!
Shit.....
You keep bouncin' yo big necked ass 'round like that and I'ma change yo name
from from Dolemita to THUNDA CLAPS!"

 

 

 

[Pioneer1]

 

also starring.......


You know and love her as the sassy Shirley 
from What's Happening!

 

 

"Whoa whoa whoa...hold on turkey tail.
You call this a TIP?
A jive ass penny???
I ain't got no fuse at home to fix, sucka!"

 

 

 

 

SHIRLEY HEMPHILL
 

as Big Bertha
Dolemita's second in command 
 

[ProfD]

I know it's not a movie that will ever come to fruition but I don't get casting dead people to play in it.  CGI and AI will blow the budget.

 

 It would be cheaper to use living people who either look like or can be made to resemble them.

[Pioneer1]

14 minutes ago, ProfD said:

I know it's not a movie that will ever come to fruition but I don't get casting dead people to play in it.  CGI and AI will blow the budget.

 

Easy......
Because as far as I'm concerned they're not dead.
They live on in Spirit.

Imagination is EXTREMELY powerful and it's one of the greatest Gifts given to humanity.

You can watch Richard Pryor or Redd Foxx or Esther Rolle on film or video and IMAGINE that they are still acting in their prime.
AI will only amplify this already inherent Gift. 

On top of that......
The younger actors of today don't carry the same MEMORIES of the ones we grew up with.
When you see Shirley Hemphill...you can hear her voice and even see her in your mind saying something similar to what I posted...lol.
The same with Richard Pryor.

I bet you couldn't imagine....say....Nate Parker's voice....if I offered you $100 to do so, lol.

[ProfD]

4 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Easy......
Because as far as I'm concerned they're not dead.
They live on in Spirit.

Imagination is EXTREMELY powerful and it's one of the greatest Gifts given to humanity.

AI will only amplify this already inherent Gift. 

Gotcha. Technology will facilitate bringing them back to the big screen.

 

Still, using actors who are alive would allow them to make money too.

[Troy]

AI are less expensive than real actors — much less.

[ProfD]

7 minutes ago, Troy said:

AI are less expensive than real actors — much less.

AI doesn't benefit the economy in terms of putting money into the pockets of real actors. Only the rich get richer.

[Troy]

Exactly and that is what will happen — unless we do something about it which seems unlikely

[aka Contrarian]

Puleeze. Using dead people to play parts in  his "movie" is no glowing testament to Pioneer's  imagination. It  does nothing but create a distraction, and the finished product is nothing more than the output of a mediocre mope suffering  from delusions of grandeur.

 

The same with using a string of different actresses to represent Dolemita, none of whom resemble  "aka Contrarian", the person  Pioneer is attempting to parody. The result is  a shoddy mish-mash that suffers from an already muddy plot.

 

Clearly this  "movie" is not the output of a wanna-be genius. It is the puerile brainchild of a moron playing with toys. More ludicrous than witty.  But,no accounting for taste, so knock yourself out, all you fans of cruddy comedy.

And, btw, I feel qualified to give this review because if you've seen one episode of this shit show, you've seen them all. Phew.

 

There were several reasons, Hollywood put the kabash on blaxpotation movies, one being the reaction from black civil rights organizations complaining how the content of these films reinforced negative stereotypes. So it's no wonder Pioneer is right at home on this movie set.

 

It would be interesting to see what AI would come up with if it was just supplied with a verbal description of "Superfly".

[Pioneer1]

11 hours ago, ProfD said:

AI doesn't benefit the economy in terms of putting money into the pockets of real actors. Only the rich get richer.

Less money in the pockets of actors?

Well, considering what's been going on with Hollywood, especially lately; look at it this way.......

Less money in the pockets of some actors might be a GOOD thing.
It would also mean:

-Less drug use
-Less money in the pockets of drug dealer
-Less suicides
-Less overdoses
-Less gambling
-Less (fill in the blank with any other self destructive habit that often comes with more money)
 

[ProfD]

49 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Less money in the pockets of actors?

Well, considering what's been going on with Hollywood, especially lately; look at it this way.......

Less money in the pockets of some actors might be a GOOD thing.

It's always easy to look from an outside perspective.  Turn that around. 

 

The question becomes, if your employer decides to replace you with another person or AI or robot, would you be just as fine with it.

[Pioneer1]

11 minutes ago, ProfD said:

It's always easy to look from an outside perspective.  Turn that around. 

 

The question becomes, if your employer decides to replace you with another person or AI or robot, would you be just as fine with it.

If I'm my OWN employer....that won't happen, lol.
This is why Marcus Garvey and Elijah Muhammad encouraged us to DO FOR SELF (or suffer the consequences of not doing so.)

It's hard to feel sorry for actors being replaced by AI when you have so many working class men and women being replaced by cheaper illegal immigrants and HAVE been since the 70s in this nation.


 

 But more to YOUR point.....actually Michael B. Jordan put AI to work for him in the movie Sinners by using AI to cast a double of himself as his own twin brother!

[ProfD]

30 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

If I'm my OWN employer....that won't happen, lol.

That was not the question though.  As an employee, would you be feel the same way.

 

30 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

It's hard to feel sorry for actors being replaced by AI when you have so many working class men and women being replaced by cheaper illegal immigrants and HAVE been since the 70s in this nation.

Plenty FBA/AfroAmericans have made great money as actors and lived clean, healthy lives too. 

 

It is wrong to cheat the younger generation out of similar opportunities using technology.

 

30 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

 But more to YOUR point.....actually Michael B. Jordan put AI to work for him in the movie Sinners by using AI to cast a double of himself as his own twin brother!

As a movie producer, that is choice Michael B. Jordan could make.  However, if he had employed someone who looked like him, another Black man would have been able to get paid too.