Mel

Lol....how are you going to sit up there and list ALL of them as "number 1" on the list?????

There's really no ranking because my ideal man has all three. Even if you met all the men (friends, lovers, associates, acquaintance) that I had an opportunity to have in my life - you'd see the all share the same characteristics.

While I'm sure Troy welcomes your participation, this list was actually crafted for men because we tend to look for different attributes in the opposite sex than women do.

Some of what you value, we can take or leave

Like height....lol.

I don't care how short a woman is.

I'd date a MIDGET if she was sexy...lol.

And WOULDN'T be ashamed to walk around with her in public.

I'd pick her up and carry her in one arm like a baby is she wanted me to.

There was one man, a friend set me up with, and we went out on a date.

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

Most people who are atleast moderately attractive don't need to be "set up" to meet other people.

They naturally attract others either at work or while they're out and about in their daily life.

Usually it's people who are generally not attractive enough to meet people in their day to day life....for whatever reason be it looks or personality....who need to be "set up" by a friend or turn to dating apps.

Just like if a person is constantly in and out of jail......there's usually a reason for it.
If a person has a hard time finding or attracting others, there's usually a reason.

I have never or would ever entertain, date or even tease a broke man.

See, that's one of the major differences between what most women are looking for and what most men are....lol.

Most men could care less about the financial status of a woman.

She could be too broke to pay ATTENTION let alone pay her bills...lol...doesn't matter as long as she was sexy, or pretty, or ultra-feminine.

See all of those mail order brides from dirt poor countries that men are willing to spend millions of dollars to get?

intelligence see this denontation it was what makes a man the entire package

Yet another difference between most men and most women.

Most men aren't looking for a super intelligent woman, just one who is intelligent enough to KNOW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC...lol.

As long as she ain't acting a loud mouth ghetto fool when you take her out somewhere and doing things like....

-Getting into arguments with other women while standing in line.

-Mean mugging and cussing out the waitress who has to serve us our food.

-Threatening men with what I'M going to do to them when they look at her wrong or say something she doesn't like

I don't care whether she can even read or write, as long as she has enough sense to carry herself in a mild, non-aggressive, feminine manner.

attractiveness If he has the first two - he definitely has this one.

I'm glad you said this because I initially was going to mention it to Troy.

Attractiveness involves ALL of these attributes and how they relate to eachother synergistically to make a person desirable.

I presumed when he wrote "attractiveness" he meant LOOKS, so I rolled with it.
But I would have chosen another word to be more specific like "beauty" or "aesthetics" dealing with the physical outward appearance.

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

There was one man, a friend set me up with, and we went out on a date.

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

Most people who are atleast moderately attractive don't need to be "set up" to meet other people.

They naturally attract others either at work or while they're out and about in their daily life.

Usually it's people who are generally not attractive enough to meet people in their day to day life....for whatever reason be it looks or personality....who need to be "set up" by a friend or turn to dating apps.

I know this was addressed to sista @Mel Hopkins but I'll chime in anyway.🤣

Nowadays, some folks are so busy in their lives that they don't have time to meet people in their daily routine.

Another thing is if a common friend thinks two people may be a match but won't meet each other under normal circumstances, that common person will set them up.

I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.😁😎

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

Like height....lol.

My first true love, my friend, my first born's father is 5' 6"... I'm 5'8" So there's that.

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

This makes a lot of sense, @Pioneer1 !!!

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

Most men could care less about the financial status of a woman.

She could be too broke to pay ATTENTION let alone pay her bills...lol...doesn't matter as long as she was sexy, or pretty, or ultra-feminine.

Of course they don't- See what Author Erick S Gray quote.
But there are certain types of men who marry up but they travel in a different circles. See: Alexis Ohainian married to Serena Williams estimated net worth 400M? Andrea Preti married to Venus Williams whose est net worth $65 M - $95 M? Travis Kelce S90 M married to Billionaire Taylor Swift. See: Congressmann Ro Khanna. I'm not saying he married because his wife is heiress to billions but there he is. By the way, that's me NOT searching for more examples. I think some women like me just notice when men marry women with larger bank accounts. My favorite type of couple is the work together and make bank - like the Obamas, Carters, even the first Bezos.

2 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Attractiveness involves ALL of these attributes and how they relate to eachother synergistically to make a person desirable.

Great minds 😉

18 minutes ago, ProfD said:

I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.😁😎

Brotha @ProfD me too! I wasn't even jaded about the two brothers that catfished me because at least we "met in the wild" 🙌🏽🥳😄

ProfD


Nowadays, some folks are so busy in their lives that they don't have time to meet people in their daily routine.

Well if they don't even have time to even MEET people, they have even LESS time to date and fuck....lol.



Another thing is if a common friend thinks two people may be a match but won't meet each other under normal circumstances, that common person will set them up.

Yes.
That makes sense, and sometimes it works out......sometimes.

Sometimes you try to hook two friends up and end up making 2 enemies because you insulted them.

You hook ONE ugly person up with ANOTHER ugly person, and both of them get mad because you suggested that they were so ugly they deserved to be with somebody else who was ugly too...lol.

Now they spend the rest of the month thinking to themselves......



"Now why would she think, that I'd want to date
a woman who looked like THAT????
Unless she thought we were on the same level???"



I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.

Not only is it more natural but more comfortable and fun that way, in my opinion.
Finding a mate through a dating app and questionnaire is like seriously asking somebody on a date is it ok if you can kiss them and touch their genitals.
Yes it's logical, but very unnatural and awkward.

When it comes to meeting another person, not only do you see them but you have to SMELL them...their pheromones and the spiritual VIBES they give off.
All of this plays a role in attraction.

I've said for years and I'll still say, dating apps is for WHITE PEOPLE because many of their marriages and unions are SHAMS anyway.
They force themselves to be together for reproductive reasons.








Mel



My first true love, my friend, my first born's father is 5' 6"... I'm 5'8" So there's that.

Shit, who was he....Eazy E?

I'm sure you weren't wearing the shoes you're wearing in this picture....lol.

This makes a lot of sense, @Pioneer1 !!!

All of those exclamation marks makes it seem as if you were surprised that it even came from me....lol.






But there are certain types of men who marry up but they travel in a different circles. See: Alexis Ohainian married to Serena Williams estimated net worth 400M? Andrea Preti married to Venus Williams whose est net worth $65 M - $95 M?

That wasn't love, those were business moves...lol.

And as sad as it may seem.......
Judging by how them and a lot of Black people see themselves, perhaps it may have been the sisters THEMSELVES who considered themselves the lucky ones who were "marrying up" because they were Black women who found themselves the object of the affection of White men.
Especially if they have any offspring from those unions.

They'll see that as some sort of "improvement" on their progeny.

When rich people and celebrities marry eachother, you can't assume it's love.
It's usually a business deal or their agents encouraging it for strategic reasons.

TRUE love is two people working at Taco Bell fall inlove with eachother and run down to city hall and get married.

Or some man working at Home Depot giving a homeless woman and her children a ride, they develop feelings for eachother...and after months of dating they get married and he accepts her children as his own.

If two poor or working class people meet, marry, THEN become rich....that's one thing.
But if people who are ALREADY rich and famous hook up, you have to suspect ulterior motives for the union.

21 minutes ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Brotha @ProfD me too! I wasn't even jaded about the two brothers that catfished me because at least we "met in the wild" 🙌🏽🥳😄

You met them honestly but those n8gglets were on some BS. 🙄

Unfortunately, there are way too many goofy azz people out here playing games.

I think people who catfish should be fileted & fried. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.🤣😎

7 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

They'll see that as some sort of "improvement" on their progeny.

Not an improvement in the way you think.

Being Fair-skinned (light beige) gives a Black woman options. If she's my complexion, or darker, the pool of available mates shrinks. My hair was long and soft so that's how I got a man's attention in the first place. But I can't tell you how many times a young Black man told me "I rarely date darkskinned girls."

That "I rarely", is a big turn off.

Even though Serena and Venus are successful I'm sure they heard a lot of that to their face and in the media. No one wants their offspring to suffer the same fate. You want your child to have access to all the resources. All my girls were/are light beige and all the boys from all parts of the world just showed up with quickness. I remember when one daughter said her suitor was from Egypt. She was turned off when he jumped because her pit bull 😄

As far the 1%, I can't say it was business transaction. Attraction probably came first. But from my experience it seems like white men are quick to marry - not necessarily quicker than Black men, but white men are going to step up anyway —because patriarchy. When it comes to marriage with Black men, it feels like they are signing up for partnership. And that takes a lot of contemplation on their part. I could be wrong, but at least that's how I felt when Black men talked to me about marriage. Honestly, there was a lot of I want to marry you but I need you to ...blah, blah because I'm not a traditional-type woman. Even my dad told my mom I was a handful lol. With white men it felt like they were supposed to do it and did, well at least they were quick to ask.

Mel


Not an improvement in the way you think.

Yes, your assessment is consistent with what I meant.

There are a lot of women of color....not just Black but Brown and even Yellow who want their children to come out looking closer to White and less like them not just because they think Caucasians are more attractive....but because they feel being closer to White will make their lives easier.

Mulatto offspring of White slave owners had it easier in the house than the Field Negroes.
The Meztizo offspring of the Conquistadores had it easier than their Indigenous mothers

Besides forced rape, women have a history of linking up with the male oppressor...not for her own sake but for the sake of her progeny.

I remember when one daughter said her suitor was from Egypt. She was turned off when he jumped because her pit bull 😄

Ofcourse,
Most Arabs and other Middle Easterners...like most Africans...don't have a love affair with dogs like they do in the West, lol.

In the East, dogs are used to hunt and protect the house....they aren't kept as beloved pets INSIDE the house.
We learned that shit from White folks because dogs were THEIR best friends, lol.
Arabs and Africans.....because they tend to have more of their cultures intact...maintain their distance from dogs and keep them outside.

You'll almost never see an Arab or African smooching and kissing dogs on the mouth like they do in the U.S. or Europe.


As far the 1%, I can't say it was business transaction. Attraction probably came first. But from my experience it seems like white men are quick to marry - not necessarily quicker than Black men, but white men are going to step up anyway —because patriarchy. When it comes to marriage with Black men, it feels like they are signing up for partnership. And that takes a lot of contemplation on their part. I could be wrong, but at least that's how I felt when Black men talked to me about marriage. Honestly, there was a lot of I want to marry you but I need you to ...blah, blah because I'm not a traditional-type woman. Even my dad told my mom I was a handful lol. With white men it felt like they were supposed to do it and did, well at least they were quick to ask.


((Pioneer1 jumps up and down in excitement))

Oooh oooh....I got a GOOD video for you, I was just watching this morning!

It's only a few minutes.
When you have time check it out and tell me if it resonates with what you've experienced and observed.

3 hours ago, ProfD said:

I think people who catfish should be fileted & fried.

I've learned that one of the better moves to make when first meeting others is to DOWN PLAY one's qualities.

If people see you at what they believe to be your worst and still want to be with you, then you know the relationship can only get better as you reveal more of your true self.

38 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

I've learned that one of the better moves to make when first meeting others is to DOWN PLAY one's qualities.

Facts. For a number of reasons, it's better keeping one's cards closer to the vest.

People make a huge mistake trying to impress others by spilling their bizness. Then, wonder why they got robbed in one way or another.🤣😎

Just now, ProfD said:

Facts. For a number of reasons, it's better keeping one's cards closer to the vest.

People make a huge mistake trying to impress others by spilling their bizness. Then, wonder why they got robbed in one way or another.🤣😎

Man you killed it with that one.

Who else would have thought of the Poker analogy and not letting others know what kind of cards you're carrying.....lol.

16 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Man you killed it with that one.

Who else would have thought of the Poker analogy and not letting others know what kind of cards you're carrying.....lol.

Every now & then I seem to come up with something to which you agree &/or find funny.😁😎

17 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Oooh oooh....I got a GOOD video for you, I was just watching this morning!

It's only a few minutes.
When you have time check it out and tell me if it resonates with what you've experienced and observed.

Yep! It does. I've studied people long before I even knew I was studying folks. I realized I could hear them before they even knew they were telling me who they were. So I can say a few well-placed words, questions, or statements they probably never expected, and all of a sudden, the real person appears. I love those "there you are" moments.  

This is why I appreciate it when people can identify their drivers and triggers. To me, that is the most important thing you can do in life—for you. Know thyself. Remember who you were before the world tried to mold you, and remember what changed you after interaction and engagement.  

Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete. After learning the structure, I'm sure these Gen X men realize that marriage was not the goal, but rather a step toward understanding themselves.

The thought of marriage was just a way to wake them up. Too many people are psychologically incomplete when they enter marriage, believing marriage is about becoming one. But even if you look at that equation, when has 1+1 ever = 1? Once you realize marriage was never the goal but rather a return to wholeness and completeness, everything that comes after creates a viable structure.

That's what I learned and am remembering on my journey. I had to go all the way back to who I was before the world told me what I should value to understand my value in the world and what I value.

2 hours ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete.

Too many people are psychologically incomplete when they enter marriage, believing marriage is about becoming one.

Once you realize marriage was never the goal but rather a return to wholeness and completeness, everything that comes after creates a viable structure.

IMO, as a society, we need to do a better job of telling the truth about marriage.

Marriage is a business arrangement, er, a contract between a man & woman to share their lives. 🤣

The married couple decides if they want to operate as a sole proprietorship, LLC or S corp.

Of course, throughout marriage there is a coordination of roles & responsibilities; assets & liabilities.

A successful marriage is one that works & bears fruit for all parties involved over a sustained period of time. 😁

The resident agnostic & standup comedian will be performing here all week.🤣😎

Mel

Yep! It does. I've studied people long before I even knew I was studying folks. I realized I could hear them before they even knew they were telling me who they were. So I can say a few well-placed words, questions, or statements they probably never expected, and all of a sudden, the real person appears. I love those "there you are" moments.

Looks like you've been in the wrong profession....lol.
Instead of sitting at a desk with your hair bald up in a knot anchoring the news or pushing carts of cold beer and soda pop up and down those tight airplane aisles, you should have been a PIMP (or a Madam); because that's what pimps....successful ones...are able to do.

I have an Uncle who was a pimp and he told me he had been able to do the same thing since a child.
Not only was he able to read people's thoughts and read their auras and colors but like you said he learned how to find about a person's entire history just by asking them a few strategic questions.

Psychology calls it deductive reasoning where learning one fact about a person will certainly reveal other facts about them just as surely as knowing one is an athlete will reveal to you that they don't smoke, watch what they eat, and exercise on a regular basis.
But he was able to do it on a much higher and more sophisticated level.
I've seen him in action.
He used to be able to point to people and tell me what they were all about and what they were into and then I'd go up and ask them and he was ON THE MONEY.

He could do this with White people as easily as he could with Black people.

It's a skill and gift that some would argue that he used negatively to exploit people, but it's certainly a skill, talent, and gift.



Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete. After learning the structure, I'm sure these Gen X men realize that marriage was not the goal, but rather a step toward understanding themselves.

Most of us Gen X Black men realize that marriage...like most other institutions in this society....are just SCRIPTS written for a play or movie that we weren't intended to star in or be the main characters in anyway, so we chose not to follow them.

The wedding ceremony itself...which has always been expensive and lavish...wasn't designed for poor or working class people.
It was obviously designed for wealthy people and a way to merge the wealth of families and keep it in a tight circle.

On top of that, marriage as it was structured in the West was designed for the man to work while the women stayed at home and kept the children and house.
Today women have to work....which means they will inevitably meet OTHER MEN and most likely will either leave their husband for them or just stay and have sex with other men they've met at work on the down low.

Most of us past a certain age have seen this and realize the sham of it and decided it's not worth it.


That's what I learned and am remembering on my journey. I had to go all the way back to who I was before the world told me what I should value to understand my value in the world and what I value.

Well, just don't go TOO far back...lol...you'll end up back in Brooklyn.
Watching two rats fighting over a piece of Jamaican Jerked chicken.






ProfD



IMO, as a society, we need to do a better job of telling the truth about marriage.
Marriage is a business arrangement, er, a contract between a man & woman to share their lives. 🤣

Exactly.
But this must be CLEARLY understood by BOTH PARTIES upon entering the agreement.
They can't be entering into a business contract assuming that it's all about LOVE and that they will remain faithful to eachother forever.

As a man you MUST realize and even expect that if you can't take care of your family alone and your wife has to work....expect that she will meet other men and may even end up having sex with them!

Prepare yourself for this FACT.
Those poor and working class men who DON'T realize and accept this are the ones filling up the local headlines with so many murder-suicides.

26 minutes ago, ProfD said:

The resident agnostic & standup comedian will be performing here all week.🤣😎

Funny but true!!! And easier to exit. But "hursh" because next thing you know the "private equity" folks will want to invest! Senator Rev. Raphael Gamaliel Warnock's bill became federal law keeping PE folks from purchasing single family homes - so you know marriage LLC is next.

1 hour ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Senator Rev. Raphael Gamaliel Warnock's bill became federal law keeping PE folks from purchasing single family homes - so you know marriage LLC is next.

Don't know hw effective Sen. Warnock's bill will be in keeping Black Rock & other huge investors from buying up other real estate.

They are creating a situation where many Americans will be living in rental properties.

Either investors &/or insurance companies could see marriage as a viable market too.

Give people incentives to marry;, er, start that bizness (LLC) & keep it going.🤣😎