Jump to content
Guest careycarey

Put It On Paper: No contract, no contact!

Recommended Posts

Guest careycarey

Well gruel world, CareyCarey's palms are sweating and his knees are getting weak, the marriage is but a week away.

That's right, the fire is stoked and the pot is boiling, now it's time to put a top on it. Till death do us part

But wait, vanquish any thoughts from your mind that I'm getting married. Nope, been there, done that, and it was a great time, and I am on the auction block, but today I am talking about a marriage of a different sort. Well, not really, but let me explain.

The state of Iowa is one of a few states that has legalized gay marriages. Now, since I live in Iowa, I have a vested interest in these ongoings. I could sit back and let the world turn, or get my feet wet. Well, before I could make my move to soon, or to late, the flood moved to my doorsteps. Don't get me wrong, I am not gay, and as I said, I am not getting married but my woman's daughter is gay and she is getting married... This Week!

I've talked about this in another post... 2 months ago:

"A women that I see on a regular basis, has a daughter that's a lesbian. Upon first hearing about her daughter, she was hurt. She didn't know anything about lesbians. She only knew what others said about them. Of course, much of what she heard was rooted in ignorance. She thought she had done something wrong while raising her daughter. Through a little pain, knowledge and a lot of prayer, she's now very comfortable with her daughter's lifestyle. In fact, her daughter, that once was married to a man, is soon to be married to a woman. And check this, they got my dumb ass up in the wedding. Yep, not only am I in the wedding, I'm the MC at the reception. It's a family affair"

Well, here I am 2 months later, wondering what it's all about. I mean, how am I going to handle this, and what am I going to say? Look, we've all heard a white person say "some of my best friends are black". Okay, I don't have to break that down, but we know how that affects us. Yep, those things are easy to say when Big Willie and Leon do not live in your neighborhood. When the pigeons come home to roost, it's a whole new ballgame.

But make no mistake about it, I am cool with the whole gay thang. I have no problem with who tickles who's love bone. Nope, to each his own. But see, since I have a propensity to run my mouth and love telling jokes, I have a bit of a problem. In my role as MC, I am going to play it very loose. Hey, I gotta be me. But loose lips sinks ships. Listen, I like to think of myself as a speaker and a gum shoe wordsmith, but I don't know what's politically correct in the gay world. I don't know if I should use words like Dude-ettes or Bride-gal & Guy-gal, etc. Really, I'm in quite a quandary.

For instance, I am thinking about telling a joke that involves cookies and hot dogs. I am going to say...

"There are a lot of beautiful women in here tonight and I am single. But I have to be careful, because when I reach for my cookie (girlfriend's name is Cookie) I don't don't want to pull out a long hot dog. Come on yawl, you know looks can be deceiving. I mean, I like hot dogs, but I like mine with mustard and ketchup and a little onion. Wait, I might be in the wrong place to be talking about the freaky deaky hotdog? I am simply saying I don't like surprises. When I reach for my Cookie, I don't want her to start growing... in all the wrong places"

That's one of my softer jokes. And, I don't know if you've been to a gay "bash" but the red carpet was made for them. Quit it, they dress to impress. But see, I don't have any shame in my game, but I am worried about getting shot. Are you kidding me, just because someone is gay does not mean they don't carry pistols. In fact, I know the bridegroom has a long 38. Really, just the other day, she shot a raccoon that's been jackin' with her trash. He will not raid anymore trash cans. This coon ain't trying to be the next victim.

So please, if you are gay or have gay family members or friends, holla at a brother. I need a little help. Tell me what to do. Come on now, I know everyone that's reading this post has a gay person in their family. Heck, I can count 3 or 4 in my family, and I ain't mad at them. Why should I be?

The day is coming and the microphone will soon be in my hand. Tell me, tell me, tell me true, what should this fool really do?

And, you might not like the whole gay marriage thing. You can tell me about that too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Carey. I ain't gay, so you have to filter this advice through that.

If you can't do it without "jokes" don't do it.

A wedding is supposed to be a solemn occasion. I assume that this holds true for gay people. Any jokes that you, as a straight person, will make are going to fall flat at least and might provoke violence at worst. This is THEIR wedding. Not yours. They don't want nobody shitting on their big day.

It sounds to me like you ain't very comfortable about doing this. To be absolutely honest, I must admit I wouldn't be.

I was born in 1950. If you must do it, say what you would say if you were presiding over your mother and father's wedding. Be brief as you can and sit down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

By the way you DID show the good sense to run this by somebody else before you did it.

Upon further reflection I must assume if they asked you to do this they know what they are getting. I mean, just like when they got Richard Pryor to do that Gay Benefit in Hollywood Bowl that time.

But I might still run something by your gal or the bride and groom if you thought something was rather risque. (Why, when I close my eyes do I see and hear you telling that joke about Jesse James robbing the train?)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As if to order

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0310/34051.html

"I said goodnight to the bridesmaid. I sat at down at the table where my whole staff was, all of them, by the way, bachelors. One of them looked at me and — as they would do after, I don't know, 15 gin and tonics and goodness only knows how many bottles of champagne — a staff member made an intonation to me that maybe I should be chasing after the bridesmaid. His points were clear, and his words were far more colorful than that.

"And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me and I said, 'What I really ought to be doing is frakking you,' and then tossled the guy's hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to a point where I shouldn't be there."

"Was that inappropriate of me? Absolutely."

Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0310/34051.html#ixzz0hbQZIs0e

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Chris, your comments are on point. I've ran this by a few more people (@ my blog) and they are saying the same things. Thanks for the feedback and if you have time, stop by there and read their comments. They are exactly like yours! I'm really reaching out for help, because as I've said, I don't want to get shot or get boo-did off the mike. :angry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Carey. I ain't gay, so you have to filter this advice through that.

If you can't do it without "jokes" don't do it.

A wedding is supposed to be a solemn occasion. I assume that this holds true for gay people. Any jokes that you, as a straight person, will make are going to fall flat at least and might provoke violence at worst. This is THEIR wedding. Not yours. They don't want nobody shitting on their big day.

It sounds to me like you ain't very comfortable about doing this. To be absolutely honest, I must admit I wouldn't be.

I was born in 1950. If you must do it, say what you would say if you were presiding over your mother and father's wedding. Be brief as you can and sit down.

Well, since I never got past the first paragraph of Carey's post, thanks to the distraction of me trying to figure out what a "gruel" world was, I have to rely on your feed-back Chrishayden. (I guess I should assume that he meant "cruel" world as in the saying, "Good bye, cruel world.")

So why, I ask, is a gay - or straight wedding reception cause for pushing the panic button? Don't the traditional proceedings for these affairs consist of guests simply giving well-wishing toasts, led off by the "best man"?? Guess I'm behind the times. I didn't know such occasions where comparable to gigs for stand-up comedians. Tacky, tacky, tacky. :unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh Lawd, why am I not surprised that you, Cynique, have graced this post. :rolleyes:

But since you are here, I think you hit on something very important... "Traditional"

First, there's nothing traditional about a gay wedding. There is no tradition! Now, you would also have to know the people involved.

Let me add a few comments from other people and my replies.

Maybe there are some soft comments you can make about the facts of their situation

You don't have to worry about your spouse leaving the toilet seat up.

You can borrow each others clothes.

When someone asks to speak to the man of the house you can look to your spouse and say, "Your turn"!

Ok seriously. This may be the new normal for some people. Just make it so they don't have to edit you out of the video. Keep the jokes to a minimum to not take away from their special day. Since they asked you, they know you at least a little bit, so they shouldn't be toooooo surprised.

Good luck.

March 7, 2010 5:52 PM

jjbrock said...

Carey I've been reading your blog for a while now...So I feel comfortable saying this...Stay away from the jokes please.

@SCL, I like!

"You don't have to worry about your spouse leaving the toilet seat up."

You can borrow each others clothes."

When someone asks to speak to the man of the house you can look to your spouse and say, "Your turn"!"March 7, 2010 9:12 PM

CareyCarey said...

I don't believe this. Two of my longest readers have drop by. I was actually thinking about you 2 when I wrote this post. Most of the opponents to gay marriages come from the religious front. I was actually going to call you 2 to the front of the stage but it worked itself out.

Ms, Ann, since you and SLC have been reading my blog, you know I have a hard time with a "blog"/"artistic" voice and the voice I would use in public. So you both are probably right. I have to move away from entertaining the crowd with a "blog" voice. Plus, there will be children there and I know the children of the "groom". So even though (SLC) your jokes were pretty smooth, I now wonder how the children will feel about them. But here's a liitle secret about some gay couples. There's usually one that plays a dominant role. In this case (this couple) I know who cuts the grass and takes out the trash.

Thanks for the feedback!

I'm still looking for proper names. Like bride and groom or what?

P***** said...

*Love* the jokes SLC suggested! Also love the idea about sticking to relationship humor. Also, if you know any funny stories about your friend's daughter from when she was younger. You might be OK working some of these jokes in by telling a story about the process you went to in order to arrive at an appropriate humor topic--kind of put the focus on yourself and your own lack of precedence.

Just remember that this is their special day: More special because they have family and friends who are risking, perhaps, their own not-so-comfortable feelings to be there to share it with them.

One more idea: Why don't you just ask the couple what they are comfortable with? Maybe they were looking for Kat Williams and pimp jokes and would be disappointed if you played it safe. LOL!

March 8, 2010 6:20 AM

March 8, 2010 6:58 AM

CareyCarey said...

P*****, I think you are on the mark.

"Just remember that this is their special day: More special because they have family and friends who are risking, perhaps, their own not-so-comfortable feelings to be there to share it with them"

Yes, this whole thing has kind of split her family. Some are very uncomfortable about even coming to this affair, but they are coming. And therefore, there is a need to lighten the moment. The other woman's mother didn't even know of the marriage, or her daughters sexual preference until 1 month ago. The daughter was very hesitant to tell her mother. In fact, the mother was told by someone else. There was tears but everyone is cool now. Well, as much as they can be.

You might have something, ******. "telling a story about the process you went to in order to arrive at an appropriate humor topic--kind of put the focus on yourself and your own lack of precedence"

Now, I don't know about Kat Williams type pimp stories :-), but I will ask the couple a few questions before I make a fool of myself and embarrass everyone.

Stop it with the Kat Williams, LMBAO.

SLC is right, they do know me and they did ask me to run with this. But I don't think they really knew what they were asking for. Well, they've seen me on a different stage, so I'd better keep fielding questions & answers.

March 8, 2010 8:04 AM

Post a Comment

Links to this post

The Old Black Church!: Are The Owners Of Christian Bookstores ...

March 8, 2010 6:58 AM

CareyCarey said...

******, I think you are on the mark.

"Just remember that this is their special day: More special because they have family and friends who are risking, perhaps, their own not-so-comfortable feelings to be there to share it with them.

March 8, 2010 8:04 AM

Yes Cynique, my approach may be tacky, or was going to be tacky, but I am trying to work things out. There's going to be a lot of tension in that room and the bride and groom are not scheduled to arrive at the reception hall until 1 hour after the wedding. My thang starts before the bride and groom arrive, And then yes, when the introductions (and toasts) start jumping off, it will be business as un-usual. But even that will be "different". The "daddy" of one, does not want to say a thang. The mother of the other is still in shock, and therefore will not say a thang. The "court" will all make a grand entrance(the grooms court, will all be wearing tuxedos (although women) and doing their best pimp-stride). There's nothing traditional about these individuals. In fact, that is one reason why I was chosen to do the thang. It's gonna require a bit of adlibing. But wait, did I spell that right? *chuckle*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No jokes. Just wish the couple well. On behalf of the couple, thank everyone for sharing the special day with them. When hetero folks get married, no one at the reception emphasizes the fact that they're hetero and not gay, so it's not appropriate to emphasize that this couple is gay and not hetero.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...