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ABC News "investigates" why Black Women can't find a Black Man

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Guest DahomeyAhosi

For black women in large urban areas (especially Houston, D.C., NYC, Atlanta) I suggest you date African men.

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Guest xeon

Perhaps they should consider other groups of men. If ya feel the gas is too high at one station, try another....

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Guest DahomeyAhosi

African men have values that are very outdated and sexist.

Stereotyping a whole subset of men....I encourage black American women to come to their own conclusions by actually getting out there and dating. I believe they will be pleasantly surprised.

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Stereotyping a whole subset of men....I encourage black American women to come to their own conclusions by actually getting out there and dating. I believe they will be pleasantly surprised.

There are a lot of african men where I live so I'm speaking from experience. Their views on women and age are very outdated. Also being that a lot of them are foreigners, they want to marry you the first couple days of knowing you just to get a greencard. And then later you find out that they have a wife and children back in their village.

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There are a lot of african men where I live so I'm speaking from experience. Their views on women and age are very outdated. Also being that a lot of them are foreigners, they want to marry you the first couple days of knowing you just to get a greencard. And then later you find out that they have a wife and children back in their village.

Nothing new about this. I've heard and seen this "let's get married after 30 minutes of meeting" with a few of my female friends. And yes, a number black American women do not take into consideration the cultural differences.

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Guest DahomeyAhosi

Nothing new about this. I've heard and seen this "let's get married after 30 minutes of meeting" with a few of my female friends. And yes, a number black American women do not take into consideration the cultural differences.

Clearly I don't know the motives of these particular individuals....maybe they were looking for green cards. However it is my understanding that when a West African man sees a woman who is marriage material he will quickly ask for her hand in marriage. I know that a long courtship is not necessary in my culture so maybe this could be another cultural difference that you are misinterpreting.

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Clearly I don't know the motives of these particular individuals....maybe they were looking for green cards. However it is my understanding that when a West African man sees a woman who is marriage material he will quickly ask for her hand in marriage. I know that a long courtship is not necessary in my culture so maybe this could be another cultural difference that you are misinterpreting.

That is why a lot of Black American women do not want to marry African men. It is not a very good idea to marry a guy you have known for such a short period of time. I had one who proposed to me after he helped me take my groceries to my car. He asked to meet my family. I never met this man prior to this.

Another occassion I simply became acquaintance with an African male, he became very clingy and controlling after a week, and warned all the other men to 'leave me alone' because he was going to marry me. It was embarassing.

I just don't think its a good idea to marry any foreigners, their motives are not always the best. Most just want a greencard.

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I know that a long courtship is not necessary in my culture so maybe this could be another cultural difference that you are misinterpreting.

I don’t think so. There is nothing for me to misrepresent. It is what it is. Those experiences that I spoke of, happened to a number of American female friends I have. I saw it first hand. Not to mention the fact that I lived in Japan and the Africans there were ultra aggressive with Japanese women. They were doing everything they could to get married and get “the ok to stay here card” (which I understand considering where many of them were from). Once again, I saw it first hand when I went to major cities like Tokyo, Shibuya, Ginza and Shinjuku. These African men would walk around with flowers in their hands and brazenly accost Japanese women (yes -I saw it with my own eyes). When they were turned down, they would turn around walk up to another woman. They could not be deterred. I had a Japanese girl friend who despised Africans for this very reason. They were very, very aggressive. Contrary to your sensitivities, I have no reason to lie about this. It happened. And for the record, I'm not suggesting every African male from every African culture is this way. But what my female friends experienced and what I saw personally - did happen.

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Guest ABM

I don’t think so. There is nothing for me to misrepresent. It is what it is. Those experiences that I spoke of, happened to a number of American female friends I have. I saw it first hand. Not to mention the fact that I lived in Japan and the Africans there were ultra aggressive with Japanese women. They were doing everything they could to get married and get “the ok to stay here card” (which I understand considering where many of them were from). Once again, I saw it first hand when I went to major cities like Tokyo, Shibuya, Ginza and Shinjuku. These African men would walk around with flowers in their hands and brazenly accost Japanese women (yes -I saw it with my own eyes). When they were turned down, they would turn around walk up to another woman. They could not be deterred. I had a Japanese girl friend who despised Africans for this very reason. They were very, very aggressive. Contrary to your sensitivities, I have no reason to lie about this. It happened. And for the record, I'm not suggesting every African male from every African culture is this way. But what my female friends experienced and what I saw personally - did happen.

Did you see any of the African men manager to snag Japanese women? If so, what were the cicumstances surrounding that?

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Guest ABM

I don’t think so. There is nothing for me to misrepresent. It is what it is. Those experiences that I spoke of, happened to a number of American female friends I have. I saw it first hand. Not to mention the fact that I lived in Japan and the Africans there were ultra aggressive with Japanese women. They were doing everything they could to get married and get “the ok to stay here card” (which I understand considering where many of them were from). Once again, I saw it first hand when I went to major cities like Tokyo, Shibuya, Ginza and Shinjuku. These African men would walk around with flowers in their hands and brazenly accost Japanese women (yes -I saw it with my own eyes). When they were turned down, they would turn around walk up to another woman. They could not be deterred. I had a Japanese girl friend who despised Africans for this very reason. They were very, very aggressive. Contrary to your sensitivities, I have no reason to lie about this. It happened. And for the record, I'm not suggesting every African male from every African culture is this way. But what my female friends experienced and what I saw personally - did happen.

Did you see any of the African men manager to snag Japanese women? If so, what were the cicumstances surrounding that?

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African men have values that are very outdated and sexist.

I think the problem of black women not being able to being about to find suitable black men is the result of 3 things.

1. First the ratio of black women are higher to that of black men.

2. There is a growing segment of black men who marry white women andother nonblack women.

3. Many black men compared to other races of men, marry late in life or not at all.

Ladies since we can not manufactor black husbands, stop black men from dating other races or force them to marry, we as black women need to stop focusing on black men because they are looking out for themselves and doing their own thing regardless of black women, we on the other hand need to take a good look at our position in life and re-evualate our needs and wants. Whether you as individual black women need, want and deserve love, good husbands, companionship, homes and a loving family life with legitimate children like many other races of women have. If the answer is yes, like I chose then you need to adapt to reality not as you wish it was but as it really is. Reinvent yourselves into strong women first seeing all races of decent men as suitable and start crossing over just like many black men have and do already.

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I think the problem of black women not being able to being about to find suitable black men is the result of 3 things.

1. First the ratio of black women are higher to that of black men.

2. There is a growing segment of black men who marry white women andother nonblack women.

3. Many black men compared to other races of men, marry late in life or not at all.

Ladies since we can not manufactor black husbands, stop black men from dating other races or force them to marry, we as black women need to stop focusing on black men because they are looking out for themselves and doing their own thing regardless of black women, we on the other hand need to take a good look at our position in life and re-evualate our needs and wants. Whether you as individual black women need, want and deserve love, good husbands, companionship, homes and a loving family life with legitimate children like many other races of women have. If the answer is yes, like I chose then you need to adapt to reality not as you wish it was but as it really is. Reinvent yourselves into strong women first seeing all races of decent men as suitable and start crossing over just like many black men have and do already.

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It's wishful thinking to believe that black women have options when it comes to finding a suitable mate. No matter how much a single sista "refines" herself, she is still at the behest of single males, - black or otherwise. No matter how much she broadens her choices, she still has to compete with the women of other ethnicities who are too often the preferred choices of men in general. :huh:

It's not about black women rennovating themselves. It's about black men being loyal to their race, and giving a good black woman a chance. What I hear a lot from single black ladies is you have to start early - latch on to a highschool or college sweetheart and hang on to him long enough to lead him to the altar. :P

It's just an irony of life that a good black man is hard to find, and being a good black woman is no guarantee that you will win over a black guy who has his pick from a wide spectrum of women.. :(

IMO. :blink:

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It's wishful thinking to believe that black women have options when it comes to finding a suitable mate. No matter how much a single sista "refines" herself, she is still at the behest of single males, - black or otherwise. No matter how much she broadens her choices, she still has to compete with the women of other ethnicities who are too often the preferred choices of men in general. :huh:

It's not about black women rennovating themselves. It's about black men being loyal to their race, and giving a good black woman a chance. What I hear a lot from single black ladies is you have to start early - latch on to a highschool or college sweetheart and hang on to him long enough to lead him to the altar. :P

It's just an irony of life that a good black man is hard to find, and being a good black woman is no guarantee that you will win over a black guy who has his pick from a wide spectrum of women.. :(

IMO. :blink:

You know I have heard this my entire life that white and other nonblack men preferred their own, white men only want to use black women for sexual fetishes then dump them but never want black women for serious relationships or marriage and black women in other words simply not good enough, pretty enough or have enough social status to complete with nonblack women. :( So many negative things being told to black women on a constant basis is enough to beaten down and keep down anyone's ego and self-confidence and the real sad part is these defeating comments are coming from my own community, black society, my own family members and friends and not from my white friends I met in college, white co-worker nor the white men that I have dated. :unsure:

I have always been attracted to white men also but after being conditioned that IR for black women was impossible and yes that I as a black woman was less than other women so I learned early to just accept black men who misused and abuse me because I believed no matter how much I achieved academically, professionally or how pretty I am that I would never measure up. Then by the grace of God, I just woke up one day and realized that I deserved better, I found self-love and realized my value in this world is high and I deserved love, consideration, happiness, a husband, home etc just like other women. I realized that I was just as good and could be desired just as much as any nonblack woman alive. I decided to start dating nonblack men and had no problem with finding good decent white and other nonblack men who were interested in dating me. Currently I am with white love who loves me very much and the feeling is mutual and we are talking marriage. I am in my 30s and no spring chicken and had never been ask for my hand in marriage and knew I would probably never would be married if I hadn't boarden my dating options :D .

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Guest Cynique

Are you a West Indian? If there is such a thing as writing with an accent, you seem to do so.

There are plenty of black women out there who do not allow themselves to be defined by others, who love themselves, who have not been the victim of abusive relationships, but they still aren't married. Developing self-esteem is not synonymnous with finding a husband. A lot of women are looking for somebody they can love, not just some guy who will love them. And, of course, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.

If it was as easy as you make it sound, single black women wouldn't still be around in such large numbers. I don't agree that the reason so many black woman remain single is because they refuse to date men of other races. It's not that simple. Losers come in all colors and non black winners are not that inclined to marry outside of their race.

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Are you a West Indian? If there is such a thing as writing with an accent, you seem to do so.

There are plenty of black women out there who do not allow themselves to be defined by others, who love themselves, who have not been the victim of abusive relationships, but they still aren't married. Developing self-esteem is not synonymnous with finding a husband. A lot of women are looking for somebody they can love, not just some guy who will love them. And, of course, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.

If it was as easy as you make it sound, single black women wouldn't still be around in such large numbers. I don't agree that the reason so many black woman remain single is because they refuse to date men of other races. It's not that simple. Losers come in all colors and non black winners are not that inclined to marry outside of their race.

Sorry, I just make some mistakes most every times I write. I should have proof read it but I did make the corrections in case you needed to reread it. I am African American. Many black women only think they haven't been defined or affected by the opinions of their community but in many cases we have been conditioned to see ourselves and other black women in certain way with certain limitations. I am not referring to all black women but a great deal of us do or have suffered for low self-esteem but try to mask it.

Just loving someone isn't going to workout unless you are also loved in return. So many black women just settle for, loving the man, pleasing the man, supporting the man and even not requiring marriage from the man before having his children. Women who just accept one sided relationships do so out of sheer deseperation and low esteem and I find we as black women just accept men under any terms more than other races of women do and we need to stop.

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If it was as easy as you make it sound, single black women wouldn't still be around in such large numbers. I don't agree that the reason so many black woman remain single is because they refuse to date men of other races. It's not that simple. Losers come in all colors and non black winners are not that inclined to marry outside of their race.

Dating other races of men are no more difficult for black women than for any other women, only our mindsets are. Black men are 6% of the U.S. population and black women are 7% so there is no great disproportion of the numbers between black women and black men. Yet black women who solely depend on black men for marriage are the least women being married. Black men are taking black women for granted because we make things to easy for them and they feel we have no were else to go. I am not saying black women should abandon black men and race to other men but will should certainly open ourselves up to dating other men also just like black men never hesitate in dating nonblack women.

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The gist of what I am saying is that dating, per se, is not that much of a problem among black women. Getting married is what is elusive.

Yes, a black woman can date men of all races, but finding a non black man who she would consider marrying and - who wants to marry her is just as hard as finding a black man who she would consider marrying and who wants to marry her.

The issue is actually about being "choosey". Black women are no more interested in marrying an unsuitable non black man than they are in marrying a non-suitable black one. For black women, it's not so much about broadening their choices, it's about lowering their standards - something many of them are not willing to do.

Obviously, this remains a controversial issue but until fine, intelligent, personable, white men with good jobs start preferring to marrying their black counterparts rather than their white ones, then the specter of reality will continue to raise its ugly head.

But this is the year 2010, and it's a whole new world out there, so - who knows???

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The gist of what I am saying is that dating, per se, is not that much of a problem among black women. Getting married is what is elusive.

Yes, a black woman can date men of all races, but finding a non black man who she would consider marrying and - who wants to marry her is just as hard as finding a black man who she would consider marrying and who wants to marry her.

The issue is actually about being "choosey". Black women are no more interested in marrying an unsuitable non black man than they are in marrying a non-suitable black one. For black women, it's not so much about broadening their choices, it's about lowering their standards - something many of them are not willing to do.

Obviously, this remains a controversial issue but until fine, intelligent, personable, white men with good jobs start preferring to marrying their black counterparts rather than their white ones, then the specter of reality will continue to raise its ugly head.

But this is the year 2010, and it's a whole new world out there, so - who knows???

Though I feel the segment of black men with college educations and/or high status job do tend to gravitate toward white women. I disagree that most suitable men with decent jobs/careers are mostly eluding most black women and nonblack women are the only ones that can them and I certainly disagree that black women are too picky when most of us are are happy just to have a man with just a steady job, able to carry his own weight and bring his fair share to the table with our's. Black women's expections certainly isn't as high as white women who take for granted they will someday marry doctor, lawyer, engineer or other professional, have a beautiful home, children well taken care of etc.. Most black women don't even dare to dream that especially the ones wanting only black husbands.

No the problem is that as black women, many of us restrict ourselves solely the small pool of black men. When we know that or merely have to look at the U.S. Census to see black men have the lowest employment in the U.S. and as a whole are some of the poorest men around the world. Black men in the U.S. also have the lowest college attendence and college graduation records while black women at 67% have one of the highest only being behind white women with 72%. White men are at 65%. Black men have the highest incarceration rate whether it's their fault or not. And to make matters worse for black women who are depending on black men, there is a ever growing segment of black men getting with other races. Too many of us are only picky when it comes to the man's race and that's the problem. If black women expect to ever marry a decent man black or white we are going to have to start expanding our world to include trying new things we usually don't do, going places we usually don't go and be open to flirting and receiving advances from different races of men that we have never thought of dating before.

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I was talking to a friend of mine today (a woman), she was telling me how gay Black men have far more difficulty finding a partner than Black women... I thought that was interesting when juxtaposed with this subject. I just never thought about but the issue. She sited the natural tendency of men (even gay ones) promiscuity as a major factor preventing long term monogamous relationships. She also said gay men are under even more pressure to have great physiques...She supported her opinions on knowing and observing a lot of gay men. Maybe CBS will do an investigate report on this...

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I was talking to a friend of mine today (a woman), she was telling me how gay Black men have far more difficulty finding a partner than Black women... I thought that was interesting when juxtaposed with this subject. I just never thought about but the issue. She sited the natural tendency of men (even gay ones) promiscuity as a major factor preventing long term monogamous relationships. She also said gay men are under even more pressure to have great physiques...She supported her opinions on knowing and observing a lot of gay men. Maybe CBS will do an investigate report on this...

You know I never thought about the problems most gay black men face when dating nonblack and even black gay men. Many gay men seem to prefer well build men with classically handsome, cute or almost feminine faces. Many black gay men are either very skinny or heavy and are mainly plain to ruggedly handsome than cute or femininely beautiful like more Hispanic, Asians and white gay men.

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Maybe CBS will do an investigate report on this...

Honestly I wish they wish one those networks would do a report on the type of white and other nonblack women that the average (not the rich and famous black men) black men get and how these old, obese or nerdy white men buy women from poor Asian countries because they can't get any women here. But naw, they wouldn't do that because that would open to many cans of worms and step on too many toes. I guess it is easier just to pick on the isolated community of African American women.

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Black men are the ones who complain that black women are too choosy! They insist there are a lot of decent ordinary brothers out there, but professional black women with college degrees will not settle for them. The women who are featured in the first post on this thread are typical of a broad segment of single black women. After making something of themselves and acquiring possessions, they do not want to marry an eligible bachelor who has dropped out of high school and works in a factory. And they certainly wouldn't be attracted to a white, beer-swilling, hockey-loving slob who works as a pizza delivery man.

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Black men are the ones who complain that black women are too choosy! They insist there are a lot of decent ordinary brothers out there, but professional black women with college degrees will not settle for them. The women who are featured in the first post on this thread are typical of a broad segment of single black women. After making something of themselves and acquiring possessions, they do not want to marry an eligible bachelor who has dropped out of high school and works in a factory. And they certainly wouldn't be attracted to a white, beer-swilling, hockey-loving slob who works as a pizza delivery man.

I kind of feel that this is nothing but reverse psychology on the part of some black men who are actually being picky themselves in hopes of marrying a high income black woman to proved all of the things for them, that they lacked the motivation to go to college and work hard and obtain for their ownselves. But when college educated, high income sisters who have paid their dues to get to where they are at, say no to these men who will be more of a liabilty and can't even bring as much as the women can to the table then these cab driving, maintenance men brothers get angry yelling that black women are too pick when in fact it was these black men who ignored or used as bootycall,lower income black women, in hopes of marrying up to high income sisters.

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Did you see any of the African men manager to snag Japanese women? If so, what were the cicumstances surrounding that?

Yes I did. What where the circumstances? Can't say for sure but these guys were very aggressive and determined to get legal mates in order to stay in Japan. Many had come from countries where being returned would have certainly meant their demise. There were those who were former anti-government guerrilla soldiers. Had they been deported, going back to their home country would prove to be fatal. They knew this so they would do anything not get get deported. For others, there was no desire nor need to return to where they came from. They could manage a quality of life (in Japan) they could not have in their native country. That's just the way it is....

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You know I never thought about the problems most gay black men face when dating nonblack and even black gay men. Many gay men seem to prefer well build men with classically handsome, cute or almost feminine faces. Many black gay men are either very skinny or heavy and are mainly plain to ruggedly handsome than cute or femininely beautiful like more Hispanic, Asians and white gay men.

Hmmmm....That's interesting. I never thought about this either. But I guess it makes sense (I have no data or information to refute it). I do know what gay men (as a group) from what I have seen, tend to take better care of themselves, tend to be better educated and they are really into maintaining their physiques and working out, than non-gay men. I live in San Diego and there is a large gay/lesbian community here. I see it every day. And one thing that has always annoyed me, is I constantly (and mean constantly!) hear, is when women see a very handsome guy with a very nice physique, the first thing they will proclaim, "Oh! He's gay!" WTF??!! When I ask why, they respond by saying, "Well, look at him! He's gorgeous! Most guys like that are gay." Now, those are their words -not mine. How and why they came to such a mindset is beyond me. But as I said, I often hear this type of stereotyping.

As far as black gays having problems finding life time mates, I don't find that hard to believe. The white gays (as a group) tend to be better educated and are better off financially and socially than the black gays (as group). I have no imperial data to support this, but based on what I have seen, it seems to be the case. I see many older gay and lesbian couples who have been together for many years. I have yet to see a black gay couple (male) that have been together for many years. I'm sure they exist, but I just don't see them as compared to long term white gay couples.

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