Jump to content

Why Do So Many Black Men Allow Women To Fight In The Community?

Recommended Posts

This thread is prompted by an observation by Cynique on another thread but it goes into the response by Black men in general society when it comes to conflict in the community and especially between Black women.

Why do so many Black men allow people and especially women to fight without doing the "manly" thing of stepping in to resolve it?
I can't speak for other male posters, I can only speak from my personal experiences and observations as to why this often happens.......

First of all, a lot of Black men actually DO step in
Especially when things get physical....as I have on several occasions when women started fighting eachother in my presence. But as long as it doesn't get physical I step back and either observe or go about my own business as I believe people both male and female (and hermaphrodite)  should have the right to express themselves as they wish.  Maybe they needed that release to keep from really exploding.

But I have noticed among the generation of younger men under me, fewer of them seem willing to step in and put an end to conflicts they may witness between women and indeed too many seem to actually CHEER on the girls as they fight eachother.  You see it on facebook and youtube videos where girls are banging eachother around as the boys surround them seemingly enjoying it.

This is going to sound like a sexist comment....and it probably is.
But MOST men don't take women's fights seriously. Ofcourse the women do but most men don't and they don't see women as being capable of inflicting serious harm on eachother without weapons....so many see it as "cute" in a way and entertaining.
Perhaps one step aboves school children fighting eachother.

Also, there seems to be a cultural component to it because if there's a White man around, chances are HE will try to break up the fight.
Most White men are taught to take charge of their community and they believe that they are the masters of the women and children in the community so even on a site like this if there was just one White male poster he'd probably be the first one to step in an try to settle things....because that's how they are.   It's that chauvinism that is inherent in many of them.  But many women come to rely on that male chauvinism and often miss it when it's not present.

Most Black men on the other hand....perhaps from so many experiences of powerlessness in the home where their wife earns more money and commands more respect in the home than him - or in the community where all it takes to shut him up is a threat to call the police.
Many brothers feel it's useless to try to stop adults be they male OR female from fighting eachother.   Most Black men have grown up in a home with women in charge, they tend to respect the authority and power of women more so than White men so they are more hesitant to put the women "in their place" by stepping in and trying to quiet them.  
I saw 2 White women fight eachother in a pool hall one time and one of the White men tried to stop it and BOTH of the women turn on him and took turns whipping his ass with pool sticks.  It took 4 or 5 other men and women to stop it and settle the place down....lol.
White women are WAAAAAY more vulgar and violent than Black women when they are drunk!

Finally, it doesn't seem that chivalry or being " a man" pays as much as it used to.
Back in the past when people lived in a sexually repressed society a man had to EARN a woman's respect and love and if he was fortunate enough...MAYBE he'd be able to get sex from her.  Men did a lot of nice things for women because it got thier attention and often lead to courtship and marriage or just plain sex.

Now, it doesn't seem to matter whether a man acts like a gentleman or not.  Hell, he doesn't even have to be a responsible human being.  Most men can manage to get a girlriend or someone to have sex with him there's no pressure for him to be "extra nice" or even be extra protective to the women in society.

I remember when I was a teenager and used to take the city bus, if I saw a woman struggling with her bags or a baby stroller to get on the bus I'd help her and if she was attractive I'd use it as an opportunity to get her number or strike up a conversation to get close to her. As we got into the late 90s I started noticing fewer women would say thank you or even smile. And then I started noticing more and more than many of these women had BOYFRIENDS either with them or waiting on them and these men wouldn't lift a finger to help them with their belongings...yet they would hug and kiss all over these men.  Seeing that got me a little angry so I stopped doing it for the most part unless the woman was elderly or disabled, the same as I'd do for an elderly or disabled man.

Now was it shiity of me to be nice to these women "expecting" some opportunity from them?
Perhaps....although I did it for a lot of women expecting NOTHING in return.
However the fact is most men desire sex or atleast admiration (ego sex) from women and most of what they do for women is to either directly or indirectly to get this.   Once a man feels that no amount of chivalry and being a gentleman will improve his situation with a particular woman, nothing he does matters... then he sees no need to be a "nice guy" or step up and be a "man".

I don't like the fact that so many young brothers in our community have such a selfish attitude. I personally would like to live in a society knowing that if I'm being assaulted and for some reason couldn't defend myself there are others willing to step in and come to my assisance and put an end to the assault.

But then again, in a society where Black men have been made to feel so powerless and marginalized even in the home where they often aren't listened to or respected.....is their any wonder things have gotten to this point?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting observations. I don't know what anybody can add to it.  Akin to this subject is how gals always go for the bad guys.  They don't like their men too bland until they've had their asses kicked and hearts broken a couple of times. Then they're ready to settle for a nice guy.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was younger I used to wonder why so many women found "bad boys" attractive myself.  Especially not being a "bad boy" myself.  My father was "badder" and that kept me out of a lot of trouble....lol.  The good thing about getting older is if you keep your brain healthy and observe your surroundings you'll eventually get a better understanding of what makes people tick.....why they (and you) do what they do.

I discovered it wasn't so much them being "bad" as it was their willingness to display their strength and courage that so many younger women find attractive. It makes them feel secure knowing they have a man who can protect them.
I know quite a few women who only hook up with cops and soldiers in uniform based on that same principle.

Also, in the Black community there's a history of Black women admiring the "bad nigga" who defied "massa" and wasn't afraid to challenge the system.  That same attitude of desiring the "rebellious negro" is still alive and kcking among many of our women who seem to only date ex-convicts and career criminals.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL.  Well, Pioneer, There's nothing left to say.  You pretty much covered all angles. Me, myself, I was never particularly attracted to the bad guys.  I liked the cool, laid back articulate ones.  They say that power is a great aphrodisiac.  Funny.  I don't think I've ever personally met a powerful black man, although I know  they do exist.  I confess that I am not that well-traveled. 

Back in the day, when I'd go hang out at the club, cat fights would sometimes break out, and guys would step up and break them up if things got too violent.  These were usually older men who would play peace maker. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I don't think I've ever personally met a powerful black man

You should be flattered to know that you're communicating with one right now.

Now that you know, this is your chance to ask all the questions you've ever wanted to ask a poweful negro.

Don't waste this opportunity!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could you exert your influence and see that Hillary wins the New York Primaries.  I'm sick of the Bernie fans  yapping about his "momentum"! :D

Power is relative.  On second thought, I have known a few powerful black men.  When i worked at my local post office, the Post Master was the "HNIC" and he ran it. He was a big fish in a small pond, but he did have power.  I guess my kids thought my husband was powerful.  He was tall and husky and didn't take no shit.  As long as i was bringing in a paycheck, however, I was not so easily influenced.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could you exert your influence and see that Hillary wins the New York Primaries. I'm sick of the Bernie fans yapping about his "momentum"

Well, let me make a few phone calls to some other powerful Black men who will get in touch with some even MORE powerful Black women, who know less powerful White women....who have Oprah on speed dial.

Because Oprah was the one who got Obama in office!
And ain't it funny how we haven't heard shit about it since he's been elected.

I've seen the HNIC mentality on several occasions.......
One of the things I've noticed about a lot of Black men (and a lot of Black women too) who get into a position of authority is that often times  they tend to abuse it unknowingly. They become paranoid that others are envious of their positions.  Or they feel that White people are watching over them to see if they're being too "easy" on Black employees.  So out of paranoia, or to prove a point to White management they become very harsh in their treatment of subordinates and any questioning of them seem to be a challenge to their authority.
Or they figure that you're treating them in a way you wouldn't have treated a White person in that same position.

One of the characteristics of a good leader is one who not only knows how to give orders and flex their powers, but also do it in ways that make his/her subordinates ENJOY submitting to their authority and produces harmony in the organization.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


I've heard more than a few females tell me how obsessive and even stalking cops can be.
They say there's an air of arrogance a lot of police officers have that is almost seen as an entitlement that you SHOULD find me attractive or you SHOULD be glad I'm interested in you.

A couple females told me that many Black police officers play the "good brutha" card. Figuring it's so many no good Black men out there in trouble, you should be glad a "good" Black man is interested in you.

As far as women being more likely to intervene.........
If you're talking about standing on the side in a pair of tight pants far away from the actions screaming, "Stop it yall.....stop it now....why is yall actin' like this!!!"

Yeah...women are usually the first ones to do that...lol.

But when was the last time you saw a woman actually get in between 2 adults fighting whether they were male OR female?

When I say "stepping in" to a fight, I mean that LITERALLY.
Men are far more likely to step in between two adults slugging it out and try to break up the action or hold one back than women.
Infact, I can't remember the last time I saw a woman actually involve herself physically to stop a fight.


Having said that, in my personal experience, I have found that when I stand my ground with a racist white MALE in public, black men will step up and come to my assistance. And it has happened more than once. Even those whose from homes in which their fathers abandoned them

You sound like you do this quite often....lol.

Are you one of those loud sistaz who get in the "12 items or less" lane at the grocery store with 50 items and then stand there arguing and cussing at the White cashier with the ring in his nose because he asks you to move over?

Because I had to stop defending them sistaz and start taking the White man's side.....lol.

I can't lie, actually I see more White women doing that shit than Black women...lol.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
Guest Jackson 67

Black women in general LOVE to fight, hate, yell, cause conflict because they are soooooooooo insecure.

The majority of successful, lovely black men and professional women are embarrassed by their getto fat azzez with purple nappy sloppy weave causing trouble wherever they go. They teach young ladies the same garbage. MANY White women love black men and vice versa its only the getto black females that cannot understand why they are hated by most.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...