Book Excerpt – Brothers, Lust, and Love: Thoughts on Manhood, Sex, and Romance
Brothers, Lust, and Love: Thoughts on Manhood, Sex, and Romance
by William July II
Publication Date: Apr 13, 1998
List Price: $19.00
Format: Paperback, 320 pages
Imprint: Main Street Books
Publisher: Main Street Books
Parent Company: Main Street Books
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Copyright © 1998 Main Street Books/William July II No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission from the publisher or author. The format of this excerpt has been modified for presentation here.
SBF Seeking Mr. Right. Must be 6’3", 215, have a mustache, degree in law or medicine from Ivy League institution, good singer or poet, former pro athlete, bilingual (preferably French or Italian), income over six figures or demonstrate potential for such within next twenty-four months. Must never have been hurt in a previous relationship. Never married and no children a must.
Okay, that’s a bit of an overstatement. But I’ve read some personal ads that are ridiculously specific. That’s how outlandish the requirements of some women are. It’s no small wonder they so often end up in twisted relationships. If you design by physical appearance, you’re playing the lottery. It will probably get you hurt and disappointed. It’s as though you’re trying to fit the proverbial square peg into a round hole. You can’t design by physical appearance or superficial traits and expect a real person to be that way.
The majority of women are going to have to make some realistic adjustments in what they want. First of all, there are more black women in the United States than black men. Then subtract the brothers behind bars; those brothers who, like you, are seeking Mr. Right; and the married ones. The pool of available men shrinks. From the remaining percentage, only a fraction are college-educated. Even fewer boast prestigious professional occupations. And of the small group remaining, only a handful command incomes of six figures or more. Within that exclusive circle, generally only women with similar incomes and backgrounds or absolutely heart-stopping looks will be able to get those men. Last, let us not forget, those men know they’re in demand, and most don’t mind reminding you of that.
Depressing? Not necessarily. All that doesn’t mean that there are no good men out there. It just points to the need for re-education. It’s all about your perspective. What is it that you want from a man? If good man means money, you’re on the wrong track. If "good man" means a ticket to personal happiness, you’re drifting in the wrong direction. If you want money, get your own, it’s better that way. If you need fulfillment, that’s a solo project that should precede your next relationship. The majority of women are going to have to find and love a man who is not riding a white stallion. Instead he may be driving a white Hyundai. But what if he really loves you? Isn’t that enough? Or is a prerequisite for love having an office with degrees framed on the wall, a sailboat, and a Porsche?
There are some eligible black men out there who are at the top. Men making big money, wielding power, and floating in prestige. But, they’re the exception, not the rule. Should you settle? No. But you should learn to look beyond the exterior to the man inside. Some Mr. Right’s are the unsung heroes of our society. Ordinary men who just make a good decent living and try to pay their bills on time. Unfortunately, they are invisible men to many women.
Ladies, do you know what the fantasy Ms. Right is for most black men? It’s to have a woman really love and accept us for who we are. There are some reality checks needed. The Cinderella and Superman images are myths. Reality is who you go to bed with every night. And if you’re going to bed alone, check yourself. Maybe you’re the reason. Perhaps you’re waiting for someone perfect to come and sweep you away to Fantasy Island. Are you perfect in every way? If not, do yourself a favor and develop a realistic idea of who Mr. Right actually is. There may be someone out there waiting for you now. But he probably doesn’t fly through the air wearing a cape.