Ladies: Controlled Or Lead?

[Pioneer1]

This thread was spun off another one where the issue came up about men trying to be controlling.

First of all I want TOTAL HONESTY.....not politically correct statements and feminist ideology.

I personally believe in fairness and totally equal rights between men and women, however I still recognize that the two are different and those differences compliment eachother and should be celebrated.
Having said that, whether it's by nature or by social engineering....men tend to be more aggressive and action taking than women.
It's a fact...whether it's good or bad.

So my questions are this.............

As a woman would you rather be CONTROLLED by a man (I know this sounds like a no-brainer but....I'm asking for complete honesty and if atleast some women didn't want to be controlled they wouldn't be in those relationships), LEAD by a man, or neither?

Also...and again, total honesty...which is more attractive and sexy to you, a man who CONTROLS you, LEADS you, or leaves you alone and allows you to totally live your life as a co-partner of his?


 

[ProfD]

Im not speaking for ladles but I'll repost my comment from the other thread here:

 

Controlling and leading are different.

 

Control is trying to govern someone else's movement; thoughts, actions and deeds.

 

Control example...clocking someone's whereabouts or how they spent money. 

 

Lead is proactively getting things done towards a positive outcome.

 

Lead example....cooking or making dinner reservations or planning a vacation without having to be asked or told to do so.

 

Being comtrolled doesn’t feel right to most people. It has a negative connotation. 

 

OTOH, people will respond favorably to leadership especially if it produces a positive and/or puts a smile on their face.

[Pioneer1]

On 8/18/2024 at 10:53 AM, ProfD said:

Im not speaking for ladles but

Well SOMEBODY might have to speak for them, since it's been about a week and none of them have responded yet....lol.

If I was some random White dude with his hair parted to the side standing with a microphone in his hand...they'd be standing in line to answer the question.
Blushing and grinning and holding their mouths before spilling their inner most desires all over the internet.

But let a Black man ask them an honest question, and.......





 

[ProfD]

27 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Well SOMEBODY might have to speak for them, since it's been about a week and none of them have responded yet....lol.

Easy bro. While threads get plenty views, the number of active participants in discussions here is small.

 

I often feel like a retired guy sitting in his favorite armchair at the local coffeeeshop waiting for others to show up.

 

Hopefully, I didn't run the regulars away. I know I don't look crazy or smell funny.

[Pioneer1]

I hear what you're saying......

[ProfD]

Women will listen to a strong man, one who's proven to be provider, protector and leader.

 

Women can see that white men control all levers of power and resources throughout the planet. Their strength is projected everywhere and in everything.

 

Whether consciencely or not, people have the most respect for the primary benefactor of their survival when it comes to jobs, shelter, food, clothing, etc.

 

Then, there is the fear factor. Folks know white men will destroy them without blinking an eye.

 

Otherwise, there's no shortage of men of color to whom women are listening to while grinning and smiling as well.

 

If a man doesn't have that level of respect especially from his own women, he needs to check himself.

[Pioneer1]

I think we as a community need to go back to the "rites of passage" or "mystery schools" where it is made CRYSTAL CLEAR to children what will be expected from them as adults and PROPERLY TAUGHT how to meet those expectations.
Too much confusion is going on in society.
Not only that, but too many EXPECTATIONS are forced on people without them being properly taught how to meet those expectations.

Most boys and even men aren't taught HOW to be good men or proper men.
If they didn't have a father to teach them or were in the military, many don't have a clue and have to learn by trial and error.
Some of them end up dead before 21.

A man doesn't just "get" respect from the women in his community, he has to earn it and achieve it through action.
Who is teaching boys how to do that?

I'm a firm supporter of clear instruction.

[ProfD]

2 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Most boys and even men aren't taught HOW to be good men or proper men.
If they didn't have a father to teach them...

 

A man doesn't just "get" respect from the women in his community, he has to earn it and achieve it through action.

 

Who is teaching boys how to do that?

 

I'm a firm supporter of clear instruction.

Most children are born to a mother and father.

 

Parents should be the 1st teachers of their children.

 

The rest of the village provides instruction through a highly functioning structure and environment i.e. community.

[aka Contrarian]

When it comes to parenting, as the mother of 5 children, I can state that there is no magical one size fits all method for raising kids because each child is different. Parenting is a learn by doing trial and error process. And nothing is more vexing than the unsolicited advice ftom those who don't have children.

My husband lost his father at an early age, so he always appreciated my father's input on subjects and one of the things my dad passed on to him was to be a man of your word if you want to gain the trust of your wife and kids.

We always lavished praise our kids when they did well and downplayed their failures, and were careful not to over inflate their self esteem. 

With me, it depended on how capable a man was when it came to controlling or taking the lead. I'm lazy and have never liked a lot of responsibility so if a man wanted to run the show he could. But if he fell short on a regular basis, I was gone. 

 

I was married for 50 years. 

[ProfD]

1 hour ago, aka Contrarian said:

When it comes to parenting, as the mother of 5 children, I can state that there is no magical one size fits all method for raising kids because each child is different. Parenting is a learn by doing trial and error process.

Facts.

 

Despite that we've been around for thousands of years and there are billions of people running around on the planet, there's no manual on how to raise them.

 

1 hour ago, aka Contrarian said:

And nothing is more vexing than the unsolicited advice ftom those who don't have children.

The funniest part is those same people getting offended when it's pointed out that they haven't put in that work. Go sat down somewhere.

1 hour ago, aka Contrarian said:

With me, it depended on how capable a man was when it came to controlling or taking the lead.

That was totally fair.

 

A person has to be built *right* in order to earn that level of trust.

 

I feel that way about my wallet. I'm old school and still keep a wad of cash at all times.

 

I'm comfortable leaving my wallet around a woman who's either not going to go through it or if she does...I'll have more money in it.

1 hour ago, aka Contrarian said:

I was married for 50 years. 

Proof that despite any laziness, cynicism and/or contrarianism, you held it down on all levels. You were a real one. Your husband was a lucky man. 

[Pioneer1]

ProfD

 

 

I agree that parents SHOULD be the first teacher but everybody...and in this society I would say MOST people...don't have parents who know how to be good/proper men and women THEMSELVES; let alone have the ability to teach their children how to.

We are at a point that things have gotten so bad in our community that we can no longer rely on parents to do their jobs.
They don't know WHAT the hell to do.

Too many individual wild ass households out there to leave it up to the parents today.

The parents aren't even in the picture most of the time.
Half the time NEITHER the mother or father is there and the grandparents or church going aunties are raising these kids.

We have to first decide what we want the next generation of Black American youth to look like and then COLLECTIVELY come up with institutions to teach BOTH the adults and the children these values and continue this for several generations UNTIL parents are able to individually teach it to their children the way it should be taught.

 

[ProfD]

14 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

...and in this society I would say MOST people...don't have parents who know how to be good/proper men and women THEMSELVES; let alone have the ability to teach their children how to.

A country of 335 million people would disagree.

14 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

We are at a point that things have gotten so bad in our community that we can no longer rely on parents to do their jobs.
They don't know WHAT the hell to do.

Specify the community to which you're referring.

14 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

We have to first decide what we want the next generation of Black American youth to look like...

Reads like some warped form of eugenics. 

14 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

...and then COLLECTIVELY come up with institutions to teach BOTH the adults and the children these values...

The same Black folks who can’t get Reparations should tackle social engineering. 

 

There's a whole lot of slippery slopes in your thesis.

 

As Randy Jackson used to say on American Idol, "that's gonna be a no for me dawg".

[Pioneer1]

ProfD

 

A country of 335 million people would disagree.

 

More people would agree with me than you think.

Why do you think private and parochial schools are so popular if so many didn't believe their children weren't being properly guided in this society?

And home-schooling is gaining popularity too.

 

Obviously we as a country aren't all on the same page of what makes "good parenting".

 

 

 

Specify the community to which you're referring.

 

AfroAmerican/African-American/Freedman/FBA/ADOS/Native-Niggaz/+??

 

 

 

 

Reads like some warped form of eugenics.

 

ANY form of "eugenics" is warped for us, because we shouldn't be in the business of preserving EU-ro-GEN-et-ICS.

We should be in the business of preserving and promoting AFRO-GENICS.

 

 

 

The same Black folks who can’t get Reparations should tackle social engineering. 

I'd argue that proper social engineering on our part should come BEFORE Reparations.
What good will money alone do for a fucked up and dysfunctional people anyway, besides fuel their further self-destruction.

After the first round of checks.....alcohol poisoning and overdoses in fentanyl laced dope would quadruple around the nation.

 

 

There's a whole lot of slippery slopes in your thesis.

 

Although slipping and falling is dangerous....
In his current condition, slipping down a slope should be the LAST thing a homeless man who is already on his ass should be worried about....lol.



"Before I finish this lolipop and try to get up...
Somebody needs to donate some new
tennis shoes to me with a good grip on 'em
so'z I won't slip and fall on this slippery slope

infront of me....heh heh heh."


 

If you are hesitant to try different social engineering projects to try to solve the problems our community is faced with, ask yourself:
Can our community get worse than it already is?
 

A community already suffering from self-hatred, crime, poverty, high incarceration, broken families, and open genocide....

Other than just wiping ourselves clean off the map, what else could make things worse?
 

[Troy]

3 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Why do you think private and parochial schools are so popular if so many didn't believe their children weren't being properly guided in this society?

And home-schooling is gaining popularity too.

 

3 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

A community already suffering from self-hatred, crime, poverty, high incarceration, broken families, and open genocide....

 

3 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

What good will money alone do for a fucked up and dysfunctional people anyway, besides fuel their further self-destruction.

 

Man, you know these are all talking points from the movie Uncle Tom II I shared.  

[Pioneer1]

I hadn't saw the first Uncle Tom video, let alone the second.

Lol...are you saying I sound like an Uncle Tom???

Black Conservatives have some common sense ideas.
Not too many, but a few.
Especially when it comes to not making excuses for the silly and unproductive behavior of some of our people.
 

[umbrarchist]

When I was in 6th grade (I think) I got into a conversation with a classmate about the word "Lady".  She came across as though she was entitled to the title.

 

So I looked it up in the dictionary later that day. There were lots of definitions like "cleaning lady" and stuff involving European nobility, but the definition that stuck out was:

 

LADY == Sophisticated Woman

 

SOPHISTICATED == Knowledgeable of the Ways of the World

 

So should we have some criteria for Lady qualification or just use the word willy nilly. Of course immediate social conditions may restrict what a man lets out of his mouth.

[Pioneer1]

49 minutes ago, umbrarchist said:

 

LADY == Sophisticated Woman

 

SOPHISTICATED == Knowledgeable of the Ways of the World

 

So should we have some criteria for Lady qualification or just use the word willy nilly. Of course immediate social conditions may restrict what a man lets out of his mouth.

I think those are good definitions and your ask a good question.

I think the term "lady" should be like the term "gentleman".....a term of sophistication and respect.
Kind of like in Espanol the difference between a basic "mujer" and a "dama".


Perhaps one reared to be a "lady" wouldn't mind being lead by a "gentleman" nor possibly even be offended at the thought of being controlled by one.
Where as the average "woman" probably would....lol
 

[ProfD]

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Why do you think private and parochial schools are so popular if so many didn't believe their children weren't being properly guided in this society?

And home-schooling is gaining popularity too.

Education runs parallel to parenting in human development.

 

The majority of Americans are educated in public schools.

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

AfroAmerican/African-American/Freedman/FBA/ADOS/Native-Niggaz/+??

Despite the statistics, the majority of our people do not have bad parents. 

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

I'd argue that proper social engineering on our part should come BEFORE Reparations.
What good will money alone do for a fucked up and dysfunctional people anyway, besides fuel their further self-destruction.

Financial literacy would be more productive 

than social engineering. 

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

After the first round of checks.....alcohol poisoning and overdoses in fentanyl laced dope would quadruple around the nation.

It's unfortunate to think the worst of our people. 

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

If you are hesitant to try different social engineering projects to try to solve the problems our community is faced with, ask yourself:

Can our community get worse than it already is?

Nope. Our community rose up out of it's lowest point. Obviously, we can improve through codification, education and empowerment.

6 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

A community already suffering from self-hatred, crime, poverty, high incarceration, broken families, and open genocide....

Other than just wiping ourselves clean off the map, what else could make things worse?

Only a minority of the community is suffering to that degree.

 

Even those conditions would change once those reparation checks are cut.

[Troy]

On 8/25/2024 at 6:56 PM, Pioneer1 said:

Lol...are you saying I sound like an Uncle Tom???

No, the term does not make sense really. What I’m saying I’d that the points I shared were shared in the film (I watched about 1/2 of it).

 

On 8/25/2024 at 7:49 PM, umbrarchist said:

should we have some criteria for Lady qualification or just use the word willy nilly.

As gentlemen is to man, lady is a formal or polite way to refer to a woman.

 

Not exactly willy-nilly, but I’m not aware of any formal definition or qualifications for being called the lady. Same goes for any disparaging words you can think of. Meaning also comes from context as well.

 

On 8/25/2024 at 9:30 PM, ProfD said:

It's unfortunate to think the worst of our people. 

Again that line is straight from the uncle Tom movie.

[aka Contrarian]

Traditionally, a "lady"  is a female who has poise, good manners and good morals. She's not necessarily sophisticated or worldly. She 's more likely to be  sweet and innocent.

 

A man who "lusts in his heart"  for another man's mate is guilty of harboring a desire to sleep with her, and this is a sign of disrespect, especially if he voices his desire.

[umbrarchist]

4 hours ago, aka Contrarian said:

Traditionally, a "lady"  is a female who had poise, good manners and good morals. She's not necessarily sophisticated or worldly. She 's more likely to be  sweet and innocent.

The world has changed since I was in 6th grade. I prefer knowledgeable of the ways of the world.  Looking back accounting/finance should have been mandatory for girls and boys since Sputnik.

 

Now we have this automobile Repo Crisis. A Lady should comprehend planned obsolescence in automobiles. 

Edited August 27, 2024 by umbrarchist
Added a sentence

[aka Contrarian]

@umbrachist: the word "woman"  is perfectly suited for your updated description of what a female should be. 

 

[umbrarchist]

On 8/27/2024 at 10:13 AM, aka Contrarian said:

@umbrachist: the word "woman"  is perfectly suited for your updated description of what a female should be. 

 

 

It will be so amusing to fight with all of the women that I refuse to call lady. I probably won't survive.