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I am a survivor, I Love HIM, (GOD)

 

I have survived molestation by more than one family member

 

I have virtually been on my own since my 16th birthday, got a piece of education and employment that pays more than my bills

 

I have suffered my daughter being raped by the same man twice, climbing through her window before she turned 13 and a year later at the start of her 14th year, they caught him before she was 25, but he had already raped a lot more girls by then, he is currently serving a 300 year sentence in the state of Oklahoma. An no I didn’t know him but at that time that was my greatest fear

 

I have flipped in a car, rolled over in a car, spun and hydro planed in a car to walk away from all these accidents which where no fault of mine with no more than a few bruised bones

 

The first man I married was extremely abusive both physically and mentally, it got so bad that he would take my shoes clothes and every phone in the house to work in the trunk of his car. God bless him I pray I have children with him so I pray for him every day.

 

I have had my children taken by CPS to fight California’s judicial system which is designed to force people of color into slavery through incarceration to have my children returned and to win my case.

 

The 2nd man I married left me and killed his first wife and is currently doing 40 years to life in a California prison.

 

I raised 6 children, alone by this world’s standards not one today is in Prison or on Drugs (and yes for those that are wondering Jesus was (is) there).

 

My nephew was killed in a drive by on my oldest daughter’s 27th birthday

 

I have been at deaths door more than a few times.

 

I have been the victim of harassment at work, 

 

I have been told most of my life I am ugly, stupid and was even told at one point that there are those that wished I had never been born.

 

I lived in a drug house or two, but my children are more important than the things the world would try to expose us too

 

I have survived welfare, I have survived so much more, the list is endless.

 

There are so many times I wish to opt out of life,

 

So many have told me year after year that God has no love for me. Up until this very day. I have been told that God doesn’t know me, but I know he has kept me for a purpose in spite of what they say. It is scary that without thinking they would speak death on me in such a way, but being who I am I can only fall to my knees and pray. What I do now is limit what I expose myself to because these are but a few of the things that God has brought me through, I mean think about it, my walk is not yours, we are on two different paths, mine no more or less important than yours. But I would never say God has no purpose for you in his plan, his word speaks to everyone that loves the great I am, It speaks to the believer even when it is hard to understand, to grasp the reason I view it plain, when what you see is angles, we just don’t see it the same, he sees peaks and valleys and I see a great terrain, it doesn’t make either wrong, we are looking from different directions, it’s really not that strange, I can see your point of view no judgement in my eyes, I am just tired of this world where there is not compromise, I can hate your sin without harming you, I can come in the Name of Jesus because in spite of what you think I know he loves me too.   

 

God love me, and he Loves you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. The real business

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I wear my scars like badges of honor, life tried to knock me out, but I got better, I can say I am proud of the woman that I am, My trials have made me sensitive to the needs of others and I can honestly say that this is my testimony, yes I wonder at times who I would be without life kicking on me with my permission, I have asked those that selected to make me part of their bad choices why, then I realize without the night the sun in the day doesn't seem to shine so bright, I am so sick of the me too generation, my desire is to be a part of the I got knocked down, tucked, rolled and continued to run generation, I understand the pain of most women, I will admit that is what makes me excel, and I love me, some me, I in all that I have concurred come to the realization that I am stronger for surviving then most, but I am far from the only one with a story like mine, I just glorify God because he allows me to move about the world without blinders,  eyes wide open, because of my shattered child hood I learned to paint and write and that everything including myself is a work of art. I learn to express myself with the spoken word and I never take anything for granted, I feel every day is a celebration, I think we just need to choice what to celebrate and it shouldn’t be a difficult choice, you got to put your feet on the floor under your  very own steam, that is good enough for me. I have 17 grandkids living 6 children that are not attempting to peer through prison walls, I understand what it is to be a afraid as well as what is to be brave even if the bravery is an act.  Thank you sir but I am beyond a miracle and I tell bits of my story because they prove exactly that.

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