Mel

Lol....how are you going to sit up there and list ALL of them as "number 1" on the list?????

There's really no ranking because my ideal man has all three. Even if you met all the men (friends, lovers, associates, acquaintance) that I had an opportunity to have in my life - you'd see the all share the same characteristics.

While I'm sure Troy welcomes your participation, this list was actually crafted for men because we tend to look for different attributes in the opposite sex than women do.

Some of what you value, we can take or leave

Like height....lol.

I don't care how short a woman is.

I'd date a MIDGET if she was sexy...lol.

And WOULDN'T be ashamed to walk around with her in public.

I'd pick her up and carry her in one arm like a baby is she wanted me to.

There was one man, a friend set me up with, and we went out on a date.

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

Most people who are atleast moderately attractive don't need to be "set up" to meet other people.

They naturally attract others either at work or while they're out and about in their daily life.

Usually it's people who are generally not attractive enough to meet people in their day to day life....for whatever reason be it looks or personality....who need to be "set up" by a friend or turn to dating apps.

Just like if a person is constantly in and out of jail......there's usually a reason for it.
If a person has a hard time finding or attracting others, there's usually a reason.

I have never or would ever entertain, date or even tease a broke man.

See, that's one of the major differences between what most women are looking for and what most men are....lol.

Most men could care less about the financial status of a woman.

She could be too broke to pay ATTENTION let alone pay her bills...lol...doesn't matter as long as she was sexy, or pretty, or ultra-feminine.

See all of those mail order brides from dirt poor countries that men are willing to spend millions of dollars to get?

intelligence see this denontation it was what makes a man the entire package

Yet another difference between most men and most women.

Most men aren't looking for a super intelligent woman, just one who is intelligent enough to KNOW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC...lol.

As long as she ain't acting a loud mouth ghetto fool when you take her out somewhere and doing things like....

-Getting into arguments with other women while standing in line.

-Mean mugging and cussing out the waitress who has to serve us our food.

-Threatening men with what I'M going to do to them when they look at her wrong or say something she doesn't like

I don't care whether she can even read or write, as long as she has enough sense to carry herself in a mild, non-aggressive, feminine manner.

attractiveness If he has the first two - he definitely has this one.

I'm glad you said this because I initially was going to mention it to Troy.

Attractiveness involves ALL of these attributes and how they relate to eachother synergistically to make a person desirable.

I presumed when he wrote "attractiveness" he meant LOOKS, so I rolled with it.
But I would have chosen another word to be more specific like "beauty" or "aesthetics" dealing with the physical outward appearance.

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

There was one man, a friend set me up with, and we went out on a date.

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

Most people who are atleast moderately attractive don't need to be "set up" to meet other people.

They naturally attract others either at work or while they're out and about in their daily life.

Usually it's people who are generally not attractive enough to meet people in their day to day life....for whatever reason be it looks or personality....who need to be "set up" by a friend or turn to dating apps.

I know this was addressed to sista @Mel Hopkins but I'll chime in anyway.🤣

Nowadays, some folks are so busy in their lives that they don't have time to meet people in their daily routine.

Another thing is if a common friend thinks two people may be a match but won't meet each other under normal circumstances, that common person will set them up.

I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.😁😎

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

Like height....lol.

My first true love, my friend, my first born's father is 5' 6"... I'm 5'8" So there's that.

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

See, I've learned that's a tell tale sign right THERE...the need to be "set up" for a date.

This makes a lot of sense, @Pioneer1 !!!

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

Most men could care less about the financial status of a woman.

She could be too broke to pay ATTENTION let alone pay her bills...lol...doesn't matter as long as she was sexy, or pretty, or ultra-feminine.

Of course they don't- See what Author Erick S Gray quote.
But there are certain types of men who marry up but they travel in a different circles. See: Alexis Ohainian married to Serena Williams estimated net worth 400M? Andrea Preti married to Venus Williams whose est net worth $65 M - $95 M? Travis Kelce S90 M married to Billionaire Taylor Swift. See: Congressmann Ro Khanna. I'm not saying he married because his wife is heiress to billions but there he is. By the way, that's me NOT searching for more examples. I think some women like me just notice when men marry women with larger bank accounts. My favorite type of couple is the work together and make bank - like the Obamas, Carters, even the first Bezos.

2 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Attractiveness involves ALL of these attributes and how they relate to eachother synergistically to make a person desirable.

Great minds 😉

18 minutes ago, ProfD said:

I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.😁😎

Brotha @ProfD me too! I wasn't even jaded about the two brothers that catfished me because at least we "met in the wild" 🙌🏽🥳😄

ProfD


Nowadays, some folks are so busy in their lives that they don't have time to meet people in their daily routine.

Well if they don't even have time to even MEET people, they have even LESS time to date and fuck....lol.



Another thing is if a common friend thinks two people may be a match but won't meet each other under normal circumstances, that common person will set them up.

Yes.
That makes sense, and sometimes it works out......sometimes.

Sometimes you try to hook two friends up and end up making 2 enemies because you insulted them.

You hook ONE ugly person up with ANOTHER ugly person, and both of them get mad because you suggested that they were so ugly they deserved to be with somebody else who was ugly too...lol.

Now they spend the rest of the month thinking to themselves......



"Now why would she think, that I'd want to date
a woman who looked like THAT????
Unless she thought we were on the same level???"



I'm an old skool caveman to the the point that I don't believe in dating apps or set-ups or anything else. I prefer to meet women out in the wild & let nature take its course.

Not only is it more natural but more comfortable and fun that way, in my opinion.
Finding a mate through a dating app and questionnaire is like seriously asking somebody on a date is it ok if you can kiss them and touch their genitals.
Yes it's logical, but very unnatural and awkward.

When it comes to meeting another person, not only do you see them but you have to SMELL them...their pheromones and the spiritual VIBES they give off.
All of this plays a role in attraction.

I've said for years and I'll still say, dating apps is for WHITE PEOPLE because many of their marriages and unions are SHAMS anyway.
They force themselves to be together for reproductive reasons.








Mel



My first true love, my friend, my first born's father is 5' 6"... I'm 5'8" So there's that.

Shit, who was he....Eazy E?

I'm sure you weren't wearing the shoes you're wearing in this picture....lol.

This makes a lot of sense, @Pioneer1 !!!

All of those exclamation marks makes it seem as if you were surprised that it even came from me....lol.






But there are certain types of men who marry up but they travel in a different circles. See: Alexis Ohainian married to Serena Williams estimated net worth 400M? Andrea Preti married to Venus Williams whose est net worth $65 M - $95 M?

That wasn't love, those were business moves...lol.

And as sad as it may seem.......
Judging by how them and a lot of Black people see themselves, perhaps it may have been the sisters THEMSELVES who considered themselves the lucky ones who were "marrying up" because they were Black women who found themselves the object of the affection of White men.
Especially if they have any offspring from those unions.

They'll see that as some sort of "improvement" on their progeny.

When rich people and celebrities marry eachother, you can't assume it's love.
It's usually a business deal or their agents encouraging it for strategic reasons.

TRUE love is two people working at Taco Bell fall inlove with eachother and run down to city hall and get married.

Or some man working at Home Depot giving a homeless woman and her children a ride, they develop feelings for eachother...and after months of dating they get married and he accepts her children as his own.

If two poor or working class people meet, marry, THEN become rich....that's one thing.
But if people who are ALREADY rich and famous hook up, you have to suspect ulterior motives for the union.

21 minutes ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Brotha @ProfD me too! I wasn't even jaded about the two brothers that catfished me because at least we "met in the wild" 🙌🏽🥳😄

You met them honestly but those n8gglets were on some BS. 🙄

Unfortunately, there are way too many goofy azz people out here playing games.

I think people who catfish should be fileted & fried. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.🤣😎

7 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

They'll see that as some sort of "improvement" on their progeny.

Not an improvement in the way you think.

Being Fair-skinned (light beige) gives a Black woman options. If she's my complexion, or darker, the pool of available mates shrinks. My hair was long and soft so that's how I got a man's attention in the first place. But I can't tell you how many times a young Black man told me "I rarely date darkskinned girls."

That "I rarely", is a big turn off.

Even though Serena and Venus are successful I'm sure they heard a lot of that to their face and in the media. No one wants their offspring to suffer the same fate. You want your child to have access to all the resources. All my girls were/are light beige and all the boys from all parts of the world just showed up with quickness. I remember when one daughter said her suitor was from Egypt. She was turned off when he jumped because her pit bull 😄

As far the 1%, I can't say it was business transaction. Attraction probably came first. But from my experience it seems like white men are quick to marry - not necessarily quicker than Black men, but white men are going to step up anyway —because patriarchy. When it comes to marriage with Black men, it feels like they are signing up for partnership. And that takes a lot of contemplation on their part. I could be wrong, but at least that's how I felt when Black men talked to me about marriage. Honestly, there was a lot of I want to marry you but I need you to ...blah, blah because I'm not a traditional-type woman. Even my dad told my mom I was a handful lol. With white men it felt like they were supposed to do it and did, well at least they were quick to ask.

Mel


Not an improvement in the way you think.

Yes, your assessment is consistent with what I meant.

There are a lot of women of color....not just Black but Brown and even Yellow who want their children to come out looking closer to White and less like them not just because they think Caucasians are more attractive....but because they feel being closer to White will make their lives easier.

Mulatto offspring of White slave owners had it easier in the house than the Field Negroes.
The Meztizo offspring of the Conquistadores had it easier than their Indigenous mothers

Besides forced rape, women have a history of linking up with the male oppressor...not for her own sake but for the sake of her progeny.

I remember when one daughter said her suitor was from Egypt. She was turned off when he jumped because her pit bull 😄

Ofcourse,
Most Arabs and other Middle Easterners...like most Africans...don't have a love affair with dogs like they do in the West, lol.

In the East, dogs are used to hunt and protect the house....they aren't kept as beloved pets INSIDE the house.
We learned that shit from White folks because dogs were THEIR best friends, lol.
Arabs and Africans.....because they tend to have more of their cultures intact...maintain their distance from dogs and keep them outside.

You'll almost never see an Arab or African smooching and kissing dogs on the mouth like they do in the U.S. or Europe.


As far the 1%, I can't say it was business transaction. Attraction probably came first. But from my experience it seems like white men are quick to marry - not necessarily quicker than Black men, but white men are going to step up anyway —because patriarchy. When it comes to marriage with Black men, it feels like they are signing up for partnership. And that takes a lot of contemplation on their part. I could be wrong, but at least that's how I felt when Black men talked to me about marriage. Honestly, there was a lot of I want to marry you but I need you to ...blah, blah because I'm not a traditional-type woman. Even my dad told my mom I was a handful lol. With white men it felt like they were supposed to do it and did, well at least they were quick to ask.


((Pioneer1 jumps up and down in excitement))

Oooh oooh....I got a GOOD video for you, I was just watching this morning!

It's only a few minutes.
When you have time check it out and tell me if it resonates with what you've experienced and observed.

3 hours ago, ProfD said:

I think people who catfish should be fileted & fried.

I've learned that one of the better moves to make when first meeting others is to DOWN PLAY one's qualities.

If people see you at what they believe to be your worst and still want to be with you, then you know the relationship can only get better as you reveal more of your true self.

38 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

I've learned that one of the better moves to make when first meeting others is to DOWN PLAY one's qualities.

Facts. For a number of reasons, it's better keeping one's cards closer to the vest.

People make a huge mistake trying to impress others by spilling their bizness. Then, wonder why they got robbed in one way or another.🤣😎

Just now, ProfD said:

Facts. For a number of reasons, it's better keeping one's cards closer to the vest.

People make a huge mistake trying to impress others by spilling their bizness. Then, wonder why they got robbed in one way or another.🤣😎

Man you killed it with that one.

Who else would have thought of the Poker analogy and not letting others know what kind of cards you're carrying.....lol.

16 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Man you killed it with that one.

Who else would have thought of the Poker analogy and not letting others know what kind of cards you're carrying.....lol.

Every now & then I seem to come up with something to which you agree &/or find funny.😁😎

17 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Oooh oooh....I got a GOOD video for you, I was just watching this morning!

It's only a few minutes.
When you have time check it out and tell me if it resonates with what you've experienced and observed.

Yep! It does. I've studied people long before I even knew I was studying folks. I realized I could hear them before they even knew they were telling me who they were. So I can say a few well-placed words, questions, or statements they probably never expected, and all of a sudden, the real person appears. I love those "there you are" moments.  

This is why I appreciate it when people can identify their drivers and triggers. To me, that is the most important thing you can do in life—for you. Know thyself. Remember who you were before the world tried to mold you, and remember what changed you after interaction and engagement.  

Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete. After learning the structure, I'm sure these Gen X men realize that marriage was not the goal, but rather a step toward understanding themselves.

The thought of marriage was just a way to wake them up. Too many people are psychologically incomplete when they enter marriage, believing marriage is about becoming one. But even if you look at that equation, when has 1+1 ever = 1? Once you realize marriage was never the goal but rather a return to wholeness and completeness, everything that comes after creates a viable structure.

That's what I learned and am remembering on my journey. I had to go all the way back to who I was before the world told me what I should value to understand my value in the world and what I value.

2 hours ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete.

Too many people are psychologically incomplete when they enter marriage, believing marriage is about becoming one.

Once you realize marriage was never the goal but rather a return to wholeness and completeness, everything that comes after creates a viable structure.

IMO, as a society, we need to do a better job of telling the truth about marriage.

Marriage is a business arrangement, er, a contract between a man & woman to share their lives. 🤣

The married couple decides if they want to operate as a sole proprietorship, LLC or S corp.

Of course, throughout marriage there is a coordination of roles & responsibilities; assets & liabilities.

A successful marriage is one that works & bears fruit for all parties involved over a sustained period of time. 😁

The resident agnostic & standup comedian will be performing here all week.🤣😎

Mel

Yep! It does. I've studied people long before I even knew I was studying folks. I realized I could hear them before they even knew they were telling me who they were. So I can say a few well-placed words, questions, or statements they probably never expected, and all of a sudden, the real person appears. I love those "there you are" moments.

Looks like you've been in the wrong profession....lol.
Instead of sitting at a desk with your hair bald up in a knot anchoring the news or pushing carts of cold beer and soda pop up and down those tight airplane aisles, you should have been a PIMP (or a Madam); because that's what pimps....successful ones...are able to do.

I have an Uncle who was a pimp and he told me he had been able to do the same thing since a child.
Not only was he able to read people's thoughts and read their auras and colors but like you said he learned how to find about a person's entire history just by asking them a few strategic questions.

Psychology calls it deductive reasoning where learning one fact about a person will certainly reveal other facts about them just as surely as knowing one is an athlete will reveal to you that they don't smoke, watch what they eat, and exercise on a regular basis.
But he was able to do it on a much higher and more sophisticated level.
I've seen him in action.
He used to be able to point to people and tell me what they were all about and what they were into and then I'd go up and ask them and he was ON THE MONEY.

He could do this with White people as easily as he could with Black people.

It's a skill and gift that some would argue that he used negatively to exploit people, but it's certainly a skill, talent, and gift.



Once I was divorced, I realized I didn't need marriage to make my life complete. After learning the structure, I'm sure these Gen X men realize that marriage was not the goal, but rather a step toward understanding themselves.

Most of us Gen X Black men realize that marriage...like most other institutions in this society....are just SCRIPTS written for a play or movie that we weren't intended to star in or be the main characters in anyway, so we chose not to follow them.

The wedding ceremony itself...which has always been expensive and lavish...wasn't designed for poor or working class people.
It was obviously designed for wealthy people and a way to merge the wealth of families and keep it in a tight circle.

On top of that, marriage as it was structured in the West was designed for the man to work while the women stayed at home and kept the children and house.
Today women have to work....which means they will inevitably meet OTHER MEN and most likely will either leave their husband for them or just stay and have sex with other men they've met at work on the down low.

Most of us past a certain age have seen this and realize the sham of it and decided it's not worth it.


That's what I learned and am remembering on my journey. I had to go all the way back to who I was before the world told me what I should value to understand my value in the world and what I value.

Well, just don't go TOO far back...lol...you'll end up back in Brooklyn.
Watching two rats fighting over a piece of Jamaican Jerked chicken.






ProfD



IMO, as a society, we need to do a better job of telling the truth about marriage.
Marriage is a business arrangement, er, a contract between a man & woman to share their lives. 🤣

Exactly.
But this must be CLEARLY understood by BOTH PARTIES upon entering the agreement.
They can't be entering into a business contract assuming that it's all about LOVE and that they will remain faithful to eachother forever.

As a man you MUST realize and even expect that if you can't take care of your family alone and your wife has to work....expect that she will meet other men and may even end up having sex with them!

Prepare yourself for this FACT.
Those poor and working class men who DON'T realize and accept this are the ones filling up the local headlines with so many murder-suicides.

26 minutes ago, ProfD said:

The resident agnostic & standup comedian will be performing here all week.🤣😎

Funny but true!!! And easier to exit. But "hursh" because next thing you know the "private equity" folks will want to invest! Senator Rev. Raphael Gamaliel Warnock's bill became federal law keeping PE folks from purchasing single family homes - so you know marriage LLC is next.

1 hour ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Senator Rev. Raphael Gamaliel Warnock's bill became federal law keeping PE folks from purchasing single family homes - so you know marriage LLC is next.

Don't know hw effective Sen. Warnock's bill will be in keeping Black Rock & other huge investors from buying up other real estate.

They are creating a situation where many Americans will be living in rental properties.

Either investors &/or insurance companies could see marriage as a viable market too.

Give people incentives to marry;, er, start that bizness (LLC) & keep it going.🤣😎

On 7/14/2026 at 11:22 AM, Mel Hopkins said:

"PRESENCE" is the best gift we can give each other.

I should put that on a tee shirt.

On 7/14/2026 at 12:13 PM, Mel Hopkins said:

And then author Erick S Gray (featured here on AALBC) is noted as updating the saying with:

See I appreciate that as long as I have been familiar with Erick I has not read his work, and that quote is cool.

On 7/14/2026 at 12:13 PM, Mel Hopkins said:

So, no to a broke man because if you multiple nothing you get nothing.

Well, what do you mean by broke? Is owning a home and being self-sufficient, but unable to afford to buy expensive jewelry or lavish vacation qualify as broke? Someone like me.

On 7/14/2026 at 12:13 PM, Mel Hopkins said:

intelligence see this denontation it was what makes a man the entire package - INTELLIGENCE Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster t

The dictionary definition can apply to anyone, as it does does not speak to the degree of intelligence a "moron" has some degree of intelligence. Would want to enter a relationship with someone impaired cognitive ability -- someone without the ability to craft and recite a lovely poem -- you know, someone like me😉

On 7/14/2026 at 12:43 PM, Pioneer1 said:

While I'm sure Troy welcomes your participation, this list was actually crafted for men because we tend to look for different attributes in the opposite sex than women do.

Correct on both accounts.

On 7/14/2026 at 12:43 PM, Pioneer1 said:

Some of what you value, we can take or leave

Like height....lol.

I don't care how short a woman is.

Speaking of height at 5'7", I know women prize taller men over shorter ones all things being equal. While I don't really have a problem in the ladies department I know without the wealth of say Prince or Kevin Hart, it I was as short as they were, I would probably struggle... If I were 6'2", oh my 😁

On 7/14/2026 at 12:43 PM, Pioneer1 said:

Most men could care less about the financial status of a woman.

That used to be true for me, but not any more!

On 7/14/2026 at 2:49 PM, Mel Hopkins said:

My first true love, my friend, my first born's father is 5' 6"... I'm 5'8" So there's that.

Yes but was he wealthy with above average intelligence?

On 7/14/2026 at 3:20 PM, Pioneer1 said:

Or some man working at Home Depot giving a homeless woman and her children a ride, they develop feelings for eachother...and after months of dating they get married and he accepts her children as his own.

Man you should be writing for Tyler Perry

On 7/14/2026 at 4:54 PM, Pioneer1 said:

Oooh oooh....I got a GOOD video for you, I was just watching this morning!

It's only a few minutes.
When you have time check it out and tell me if it resonates with what you've experienced and observed.

I not a fan of these AI videos. The arguments are compelling but I can't trust the assumptions. It is if these videos are designed to support and substantiate what the viewer believes even if the presumptions and conclusions are untrue. I bet you could find another AI video just as compelling arguing something opposite.

"Generation X" is a narrow 15-year period which I would discourage anyone from using as a lens to describe behavior. I KNOW people like simple explanations but why individuals behave in a particular way is usually a combination complex variables and being born between 1965 and 1980 is probably the least important.

I'm a baby boomer (1962) but know plenty of guys born in 1965 and later. Virtually all of these cats got married. I'd have to think really hard to come up with some who it did. The few that come to mind are older than I am.

41 minutes ago, admin said:

Well, what do you mean by broke? Is owning a home and being self-sufficient, but unable to afford to buy expensive jewelry or lavish vacation qualify as broke? Someone like me.

LOL, "You from Nu Yawk" I think the last time you were broke - you could count your age with two hands. Maybe even one hand if I'm being conservative 😄

24 minutes ago, Mel Hopkins said:

I think the last time you were broke

I guess being "broke" is in the eye of the beholder.

I suppose I’m one of those people who doesn’t put his business all over the internet. I’m still on X and have been on Bluesky for about a year. Also, I don’t have an active Instagram or TikTok. As a consequence of my hermit existence, I’m not getting much notice as a writer. I need readers. In my debut novel, Be White With Me the POV character comments on how rarely you see in Chicago a black man reading a book in public, ostensibly because it invites vulnerableness, as rare in Chicago as spoting young black lovers holding hands in public . . . freedoms that some of us intuitively feel we don’t have. Did I mention I need readers? I have my two books up on am*zon for .99, and If there was a way to reimburse buyers, I would. A man named Shelberger gave me a nice reviews and Kirkus Reviews did me right. My second novel Duped in America is a timely political thriller that excavates the misery dump that we all find ourselves in since Trump stomped onto the stage and incited folks in a small Midwest Indiana college town. Incidentally, Connie, the wife of Garry Henderson the black detective co-star of the book, would appreciate the giving sentiment expressed by Erick S Gray.

4 hours ago, admin said:

The dictionary definition can apply to anyone, as it does does not speak to the degree of intelligence a "moron" has some degree of intelligence. Would want to enter a relationship with someone impaired cognitive ability -- someone without the ability to craft and recite a lovely poem -- you know, someone like me😉

😚 I thought merriam-webster covered intelligence pretty well -and you know that doesn't describe you at all - but wait no 'spoken word' ability? Dang!

2 hours ago, R. E. Hayes said:

Be White With Me the POV character comments on how rarely you see in Chicago a black man reading a book in public, ostensibly because it invites vulnerableness, as rare in Chicago as spoting young black lovers holding hands in public . . . freedoms that some of us intuitively feel we don’t have.

Hello, @R. E. Hayes Interesting premise. I’m curious about why the protagonist in Be White With Me associates a Black man reading in public with vulnerability—or, implicitly, with behavior that is somehow outside Black life. Is the protagonist speaking from a particular Chicago subculture, neighborhood, or social world? Is that assumption something the character’s journey eventually challenges?

AALBC published Kalisha Buckhanon’s Running to Fall, which delicately explores a racial and cultural chasm within Chicago. To my surprise, she took readers into a world I did not know existed. The novel is both literary and mysterious, but it never asks the reader to accept broad assumptions about Black people or Chicago culture. Buckhanon simply reveals a specific world through her characters, and the larger social statement emerges from the storytelling.

I have read the description on the book jacket, but I’m responding specifically to the comment above. Perhaps readers would be more receptive if they were invited into the protagonist’s particular world without first being asked to accept such a broad characterization of Black men in Chicago.

Speaking of Chicago, are you attending Printer's Row Lit Fest this year?

9 hours ago, R. E. Hayes said:

As a consequence of my hermit existence, I’m not getting much notice as a writer. I

There are plenty of Writers who are getting noticed that are not active on social media.

Many of the things that people did before social media was invented still work.

Why didn’t you post a link to your book? You have a profile here in AALBC why not share it?

If you’re gonna take the time to ask people to read your work, make it easy for folks :-)

Email me the first chapter and I’ll post it on the site. You can share that too..

20 hours ago, Mel Hopkins said:

😚 I thought merriam-webster covered intelligence pretty well -and you know that doesn't describe you at all - but wait no 'spoken word' ability? Dang!

Hello, @R. E. Hayes Interesting premise. I’m curious about why the protagonist in Be White With Me associates a Black man reading in public with vulnerability—or, implicitly, with behavior that is somehow outside Black life. Is the protagonist speaking from a particular Chicago subculture, neighborhood, or social world? Is that assumption something the character’s journey eventually challenges?

AALBC published Kalisha Buckhanon’s Running to Fall, which delicately explores a racial and cultural chasm within Chicago. To my surprise, she took readers into a world I did not know existed. The novel is both literary and mysterious, but it never asks the reader to accept broad assumptions about Black people or Chicago culture. Buckhanon simply reveals a specific world through her characters, and the larger social statement emerges from the storytelling.

I have read the description on the book jacket, but I’m responding specifically to the comment above. Perhaps readers would be more receptive if they were invited into the protagonist’s particular world without first being asked to accept such a broad characterization of Black men in Chicago.

Speaking of Chicago, are you attending Printer's Row Lit Fest this year?

I used to visit the Printer’s Row book fear every summer, but I’m 86 now and maneuvering through a crowd of people is too arduous. Black men reading in public is not the focal point, I’m a novelist, not a sociologist, nor an anthropologist. I’m not asking the reader to accept a black male sensibility that is beyond the pale of Our existence in the 21st century. This non POV character has every reason to muse (halfway into the book) about his personal safety. If I knew for sure that I was attending the lit fest, I could promise to pay you back .99 for the Kindle purchase. In the meantime, I remain surprised that you have such facile impressions of a novel that you have not read.

Troy

Well, what do you mean by broke? Is owning a home and being self-sufficient, but unable to afford to buy expensive jewelry or lavish vacation qualify as broke? Someone like me.

Just like there are 2 types of rich: Black man rich and White man rich

.....there are 2 types of broke: Black man broke and White man broke

Having a house (even a trailer) and a vehicle and NOT begging is just a GIVEN for a White man.

Even the White man on the bottom tends to have these basics.

So if a WHITE MAN can't afford to take care of his wife, buy expensive jewelry, or go on vacations...he's considered "broke" or "trash".

When a Black man is broke...he's BROKE.

Has NO money, no credit, and usually in debt.
Unless he has a friend or family member willing to let him crash in their home....his ass is homeless and on the street!

The powers that be usually TRY not to let White men....in large numbers....get THAT broke, because when they do they often become violent and turn on the system.

Speaking of height at 5'7", I know women prize taller men over shorter ones all things being equal. While I don't really have a problem in the ladies department I know without the wealth of say Prince or Kevin Hart, it I was as short as they were, I would probably struggle... If I were 6'2", oh my

Prince was short, but what saved him was his "pretty boy" looks....lol.

Unless you're a midget, I think many women....in this society atleast....would prefer a short "cute" man over a tall one who looks like Patrick Ewing, lol.

That used to be true for me, but not any more!

Well in that case, Cynique seems to be available....lol.

I'm sure she's getting atleast 2 checks!

Man you should be writing for Tyler Perry

Lol, that DOES sound like something out of a Tyler Perry flick, don't it?

Gotta make one of the characters LGBT or abused or something, though.

"Generation X" is a narrow 15-year period which I would discourage anyone from using as a lens to describe behavior. I KNOW people like simple explanations but why individuals behave in a particular way is usually a combination complex variables and being born between 1965 and 1980 is probably the least important.

Generation X may have been born and grew up in a relatively narrow period of time but we were far more influential on the following generations than any previous generation.
The music, culture, and dress are still being imitated and adapted with slight modifications by the Gen Zer's, Millenials, and others

I'm a baby boomer (1962) but know plenty of guys born in 1965 and later. Virtually all of these cats got married.

But tell the WHOLE story.....lol....how many of them got divorced?

As a Gen Xer I can say most of the men I grew up with did get married but most of them eventually got divorced.

They were trying to NOT make the same "mistake" their fathers made by abandoning them and the family.

However after getting older and seeing more, they recognized that it's this society ITSELF that drives a lot of Black men to do what they do.

Pressures from this society...from the job, from the women, from other Black men you're competing with, and racism in general often times demoralizes Black men to the point that they GIVE UP trying to do the "manly" thing of taking care of a wife and kids.

Why should he, when resources are too often purposefully being denied to him to be able to do so?

This is why I say marriage in THIS society wasn't designed Black men or for Black men.

Black men trying to imitate a culture that wasn't designed for them, and trying their best to make it work.

Marriage does work for us, but it has to be INSIDE of a nation or atleast a network and close-knit community ran exclusively by US.

The women must rely on US.....Black men...for provision and protection both on the family level and at the societal level.

If White men or Arabs are running the society, YOU won't be respected as a husband.

7 minutes ago, Pioneer1 said:

Unless you're a midget, I think many women....in this society atleast....would prefer a short "cute" man over a tall one who looks like Patrick Ewing, lol.

D8mn bro...that was cold as h8ll but funny as sh8t.🤣

I was hoping Patrick Ewing would not look like a primate in his later years but alas it has come to pass.😁😎

1 hour ago, R. E. Hayes said:

In the meantime, I remain surprised that you have such facile impressions of a novel that you have not read.

I was careful to distinguish between your novel, which I have not read, and the promotional comment you posted here, which I did read.

My questions concerned the sweeping characterization in that comment and whether the novel ultimately challenges the character’s assumption.

That was not an impression of the novel. I asked what kind of journey the character undertakes.

Your response does not answer that question.

I also noticed that your original post identifies him as the POV character, while your response now describes him as a non-POV character.

This is exactly why clarification would have been more useful than dismissing my questions as “facile.”

Yet you are surprised that I formed an opinion about the broad statement concerning Black men that you chose to quote while promoting Be White With Me.

That was a mild critique.

Are you sure you want people to read your book—or only readers who are likely to give you kind reviews?

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

But tell the WHOLE story.....lol....how many of them got divorced?

" You right!" I was thinking about that when I was watching the video.
A lot of my friends are on their third marriage because their husbands were extremely distant. Even my ex -says he wished he could have connected with his uncle sooner. He believes we would have still been married because his uncle helped him work through a lot of issues.

ProfD

D8mn bro...that was cold as h8ll but funny as sh8t

Gotta keep it a buck.

We know Mr. Ewing isn't exactly the BEST looking brutha in the world....lol.

But he didn't let that stop him.
He's got a beautiful family.

Like you and Troy often say, money can make up for looks.

Mel

A lot of my friends are on their third marriage because their husbands were extremely distant. Even my ex -says he wished he could have connected with his uncle sooner. He believes we would have still been married because his uncle helped him work through a lot of issues.

The video took about 13 minutes to say what could probably be summed up in about 30 seconds.

Black men have trained themselves NOT to be warm, expressive, and to be emotionally distant for 2 reasons:

1. They've learned that much of society don't feel sorry for Black men and don't care what they're going through anyway.

Growing up in a Black community where when you get hurt and start crying and instead of consoling you people start pointing and LAUGHING at you or tell you "shut up all that damn crying".....you learn real quick to conceal your emotions.

2. Being emotionally expressive and warm often lead to being called weak, soft, and even victimized by other Black people.

Black men often have to "ad lib" their relationships because most of us are learning things from scratch that White men seem to pass along to eachother from one generation to the next.

One of the reasons White relationships tend to work is because both of them....male and female...tend to follow a "script" that has been given to them.

Even if there's no love and little sex involved...as long as you follow the "script" and the man acts out his role and the woman acts out her role...the relationship lasts.

Go out to an event and watch how White couples...regardless of age...all tend to act the same!

Young White couples in their 20s act just like the old White couples in their 80s.

The men are always grabbing the woman's hand and leading her.
The women are always looking at the face of the man every 30 seconds and gauging his expression....like a dog does it's master.
Then they're getting ready to sit down the man always decides where they're going to sit.

No ad lib, no creativity.....they all tend to follow the same script as if it's instinctive.

Even if it's a lesbian couple....the "butch" woman follows the same script that the White man WOULD have followed, lol.

Black people have no such script and often have to "ad lib" their relationships.

They have to "trial and error" their way through relationships to find out what works and what doesn't work for them.

That's one of the reasons I say this marriage system in this society wasn't designed for Black people.

This idea of getting married first before having sex and living with somebody for the rest of your life is backwards.

If our people weren't so religious we could formulate a viable system that actually DOES work for us.

For example, the more logical method is living with a person for atleast a year if not 3 years before deciding whether THEY are the right person you want to settle down with BEFORE you get married.

That gives you enough time to find out all you need to know about them physically, emotionally, mentally, so that you don't make the wrong decision or end up having children together which often bind you with them for life one way or another.

But the Church, Mosque, and other religious institutions that most of our people to discourage that.

2 hours ago, Mel Hopkins said:

I was careful to distinguish between your novel, which I have not read, and the promotional comment you posted here, which I did read.

My questions concerned the sweeping characterization in that comment and whether the novel ultimately challenges the character’s assumption.

That was not an impression of the novel. I asked what kind of journey the character undertakes.

Your response does not answer that question.

I also noticed that your original post identifies him as the POV character, while your response now describes him as a non-POV character.

This is exactly why clarification would have been more useful than dismissing my questions as “facile.”

Yet you are surprised that I formed an opinion about the broad statement concerning Black men that you chose to quote while promoting Be White With Me.

That was a mild critique.

Are you sure you want people to read your book—or only readers who are likely to give you kind reviews?

" You right!" I was thinking about that when I was watching the video.
A lot of my friends are on their third marriage because their husbands were extremely distant. Even my ex -says he wished he could have connected with his uncle sooner. He believes we would have still been married because his uncle helped him work through a lot of issues.

I don’t understand how this all works. Why is there language under your last sentence about an uncle who helped him work through issues.

My novel has four main characters, father, sister, mother, and brother. The character we have been discussing is the sister’s older brother. She’s an attorney, the only college grad in the family. The novel, in sum, is about her and the struggles her family faces in Chicago. The sister is the main POV, then her father, the bother, and lastly their mother. Of course I would like good reviews by people who have either read or skimmed the book and picked up conversational knowledge of what it’s about.

When you go to the Printer’s Row lit fest, take note of often you see a black man lingering at a tent, picking up a book, fliping to the back of it, bringing it up, and appearing to read. If you see this, he likely is wearing a T-shirt that associates him with a university. And note how many black men you spot ‘“doing the fest” and not just strolling along amongst the masses ostensibly enjoying the ambiance. During my many years in Chicago riding the CTA, I learned it was unsafe to be distracted, having your head down reading. It made me feel physically vulnerable. There’s that word again, my “sweeping characterization.”

12 hours ago, R. E. Hayes said:

I don’t understand how this all works. Why is there language under your last sentence about an uncle who helped him work through issues.

Lol.....I don't think that statement was for you.

It was directed towards me per an exchange about Black marriage, we were having.

On 7/16/2026 at 11:22 PM, Troy said:

There are plenty of Writers who are getting noticed that are not active on social media.

Many of the things that people did before social media was invented still work.

Why didn’t you post a link to your book? You have a profile here in AALBC why not share it?

If you’re gonna take the time to ask people to read your work, make it easy for folks :-)

Email me the first chapter and I’ll post it on the site. You can share that too..

You have a profile here in AALBC, why not share it? Hell, I thought that’s what I’ve been doing. Exactly how do I post a link to my book in a way other than by posting my web site in AALBC, which I have already done? I will gladly send you the first chapter of Duped In America

16 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

16 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Mel

A lot of my friends are on their third marriage because their husbands were extremely distant. Even my ex -says he wished he could have connected with his uncle sooner. He believes we would have still been married because his uncle helped him work through a lot of issues.

The video took about 13 minutes to say what could probably be summed up in about 30 seconds.

Black men have trained themselves NOT to be warm, expressive, and to be emotionally distant for 2 reasons:

1. They've learned that much of society don't feel sorry for Black men and don't care what they're going through anyway.

Growing up in a Black community where when you get hurt and start crying and instead of consoling you people start pointing and LAUGHING at you or tell you "shut up all that damn crying".....you learn real quick to conceal your emotions.

2. Being emotionally expressive and warm often lead to being called weak, soft, and even victimized by other Black people.

Black men often have to "ad lib" their relationships because most of us are learning things from scratch that White men seem to pass along to eachother from one generation to the next.

One of the reasons White relationships tend to work is because both of them....male and female...tend to follow a "script" that has been given to them.

Even if there's no love and little sex involved...as long as you follow the "script" and the man acts out his role and the woman acts out her role...the relationship lasts.

Go out to an event and watch how White couples...regardless of age...all tend to act the same!

Young White couples in their 20s act just like the old White couples in their 80s.

The men are always grabbing the woman's hand and leading her.
The women are always looking at the face of the man every 30 seconds and gauging his expression....like a dog does it's master.
Then they're getting ready to sit down the man always decides where they're going to sit.

No ad lib, no creativity.....they all tend to follow the same script as if it's instinctive.

Even if it's a lesbian couple....the "butch" woman follows the same script that the White man WOULD have followed, lol.

Black people have no such script and often have to "ad lib" their relationships.

They have to "trial and error" their way through relationships to find out what works and what doesn't work for them.

That's one of the reasons I say this marriage system in this society wasn't designed for Black people.

This idea of getting married first before having sex and living with somebody for the rest of your life is backwards.

If our people weren't so religious we could formulate a viable system that actually DOES work for us.

For example, the more logical method is living with a person for atleast a year if not 3 years before deciding whether THEY are the right person you want to settle down with BEFORE you get married.

That gives you enough time to find out all you need to know about them physically, emotionally, mentally, so that you don't make the wrong decision or end up having children together which often bind you with them for life one way or another.

But the Church, Mosque, and other religious institutions that most of our people to discourage that.

We already have a viable and ancient system of mating rituals!
I've gotten proposals from my cooking...In fact, one suitor ate all my almond-flour cookies after he said he didn't want any. Black men will PROPOSE something if you cook for them!!! 😆That's our courting. Because Black men will also cook for Black women and if they cant cook they will take her to a linen-cloth table restaurant. If Black man wants to take you to his family reunion you better get off your booty and go! If a Black woman wants you to meet our sister-girls Black man that is a huge hint! Those are our courting rituals. Stop watching Hallmark movies @Pioneer1 !!!

14 hours ago, R. E. Hayes said:

When you go to the Printer’s Row lit fest, take note of often you see a black man lingering at a tent, picking up a book, fliping to the back of it, bringing it up, and appearing to read. If you see this, he likely is wearing a T-shirt that associates him with a university. And note how many black men you spot ‘“doing the fest” and not just strolling along amongst the masses ostensibly enjoying the ambiance.

I do not perform analyses by sight. I look for evidence and run the numbers. Sometimes I am right, and sometimes I am not, but I do not turn personal observations into facts about an entire group.

Now you're asking me to attend Printer’s Row, watch which Black men pause at a tent, inspect their T-shirts, determine whether they are “doing the fest” or merely strolling, and then draw conclusions about Black men and reading.

That is not data. That is surveillance with a thesis already attached!!!

A man may browse quickly, read digitally, buy books elsewhere, visit one author, accompany someone, or simply enjoy the festival. A university T-shirt does not prove that he reads, and strolling through a literary festival does not prove that he does not. In fact, my daughter has her Juris Doctorate and she had to read so much you won't find her with a book ever!

Still, your experience of feeling vulnerable while reading on the CTA is your experience. It may even be useful character material. But your personal discomfort does not establish a general Black male sensibility, nor does it prove that Black men rarely read in public. I would never look at a handful of Black women in public and decide that Black women do not read. That would be absurd. Yet that is essentially the method you are defending here.

Still, this is what I find most interesting: instead of simply acknowledging that your original statement was broad, you keep supplying more anecdotes to support it.

Your first statement is what started this conversation in earnest. You have explained your characters. You have explained your commute. You have explained Printer’s Row.

BUT You still have not explained why your personal observations should be treated as a meaningful conclusion about Black men.

Mel

I've gotten proposals from my cooking...In fact, one suitor ate all my almond-flour cookies after he said he didn't want any.

Sounds like THAT brutha was gluten intolerant or had Celiac Disease and it must have been a while since he was able to eat cookies that wouldn't jack his stomach up.

Be careful getting with a brutha like that.

No telling WHAT you may smell after following in behind him, after he used the bathroom...lol.

On a more serious note...

Are YOU gluten intolerant?

I ask because most people who use almond-flour do so to avoid using traditional wheat.

Because Black men will also cook for Black women

That's what I did...lol.

My Mother had been trying to teach me how to cook since I was a child, but I didn't have a "hot thumb".

My brother is a natural, but not me.

I didn't learn how to cook until I was in my 40s!

And I'm still learning.

I forced myself to learn in order to impress Black women....but not American Black women....African Black women, lol.

If a Black woman wants you to meet our sister-girls Black man that is a huge hint!

This is true.
However to keep it real, most Black men...shit, most men in general...really don't need hints.

They already know if a woman is interested.

If they ACT like they don't know, that's usually what it is...an act.

I tell some of the younger sistaz, you can drop all the hints you want....but you need to learn how to tell if a man just ain't into you, lol.

2 hours ago, Mel Hopkins said:

I do not perform analyses by sight. I look for evidence and run the numbers. Sometimes I am right, and sometimes I am not, but I do not turn personal observations into facts about an entire group.

Now you're asking me to attend Printer’s Row, watch which Black men pause at a tent, inspect their T-shirts, determine whether they are “doing the fest” or merely strolling, and then draw conclusions about Black men and reading.

That is not data. That is surveillance with a thesis already attached!!!

A man may browse quickly, read digitally, buy books elsewhere, visit one author, accompany someone, or simply enjoy the festival. A university T-shirt does not prove that he reads, and strolling through a literary festival does not prove that he does not. In fact, my daughter has her Juris Doctorate and she had to read so much you won't find her with a book ever!

Still, your experience of feeling vulnerable while reading on the CTA is your experience. It may even be useful character material. But your personal discomfort does not establish a general Black male sensibility, nor does it prove that Black men rarely read in public. I would never look at a handful of Black women in public and decide that Black women do not read. That would be absurd. Yet that is essentially the method you are defending here.

Still, this is what I find most interesting: instead of simply acknowledging that your original statement was broad, you keep supplying more anecdotes to support it.

Your first statement is what started this conversation in earnest. You have explained your characters. You have explained your commute. You have explained Printer’s Row.

BUT You still have not explained why your personal observations should be treated as a meaningful conclusion about Black men.

My goodness, someone needs to help you . . . Surveillance thesis? Meaningful conclusion ? Like I said, I’m neither a sociologist nor an anthropologist; I don’t compile data, I write fiction. Why can’t you understand this. I’m not out to PROVE anything. My comment about the lit fest was just a way to say ‘look around and see what I have seen.’ A man wearing a university T-shirt does not prove he’s a reader. I can’t believe you wrote that inane sentence.

I create characters and scenes. For about two sentences in a 346 word novel a character muses about his observations and thereafter the story life continues until it ends. Let the reader determine what she or he thinks about what the character feels. By the way, I’m a retired labor lawyer and to earn a living, I proved matters in a courtroom. Your daughter has earned a JD. Why didn’t you say she’s an attorney or lawyer otherwise you leave open the question whether she is licensed to practice law or like former Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr, never passed the bar even though he served in Congress. For him to represent himself as an attorney would be a a misdemeanor.

23 minutes ago, R. E. Hayes said:

My goodness, someone needs to help you .

Your resort to ad hominem attacks tells me far more about your character than your repeated explanations tell me about the novel.

I questioned a statement you voluntarily used to promote your book. Rather than answer the literary question in good faith, you called my impressions “facile,” my sentence “inane,” suggested that I need help, and then wandered into irrelevant commentary about my daughter.

That is not a defense of fiction. It is an attempt to discredit the person asking the question because you do not like the question.

I understand perfectly well that you write fiction. What you appear unwilling to understand is that readers are permitted to examine the assumptions expressed by fictional characters—especially when the author repeats and defends those assumptions outside the novel.

You have now shown me how you respond to mild criticism. I have no further interest in discussing your book with you.

1 hour ago, Mel Hopkins said:

Your resort to ad hominem attacks tells me far more about your character than your repeated explanations tell me about the novel.

I questioned a statement you voluntarily used to promote your book. Rather than answer the literary question in good faith, you called my impressions “facile,” my sentence “inane,” suggested that I need help, and then wandered into irrelevant commentary about my daughter.

That is not a defense of fiction. It is an attempt to discredit the person asking the question because you do not like the question.

I understand perfectly well that you write fiction. What you appear unwilling to understand is that readers are permitted to examine the assumptions expressed by fictional characters—especially when the author repeats and defends those assumptions outside the novel.

You have now shown me how you respond to mild criticism. I have no further interest in discussing your book with you.

Okay with me