Jump to content

The Wizard, staring Tudor Turtle, Prez Obama and Chris Hayden

Recommended Posts


There was an American animated television series featuring Tooter Turtle and The Wizard. Mr. Wizard lived in a tiny cardboard box at the base of a tall tree (something like The White House). Tooter would knock on the cardboard box, to ask another favor. From inside the box, Mr. Wizard would shrink Tooter small enough to enter through the box's front door, and eagerly invite him in. Mr. Wizard has the magic to change Tooter's life to some other destiny, usually sending him back in time and to various locales. Since none of Tooter's alternate lives ever worked out, the moral of each segment was always the same: "Be satisfied with your lot."

When Tooter's trip finally became a catastrophe, he always called out the same thing, "Help me, Mr. Wizard!" Mr. Wizard would rescue him with the incantation, "Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drome; time for zis one to come home." Then, Mr. Wizard would always give Tooter the same advice: "Be just vhat you is, not vhat you is not. Folks vhat do zis are ze happiest lot." Tooter never learned, though.

Now enters the New Wizard And a few Tudor Turtles: Find the messages in the following sagas. Remember... be what you is and not what you not, those that do that, are the happiest lot.


********************************THE NEW WIZARD********************************

The New Wizard (President Obama) says: "I am granting wishes today, so who will be the first turtle to find their destiny?"


The horse mouth Harvey says: "Hey prez, since I am the love doctor, I want to be the president of The United States. I want to spread love and unity to get this country back on the right path"

The new wizard: First, didn't you read those letters on my suit? Recognize that I am the Wizard and the HNIC and the president, so act like you have some damn sense and address me with respect. My name is Mr. President. But listen, asking you for advice on love, is like asking Jack The Ripper for a band-aid. Yes, he's going to produce a band-aid, and cut your damn throat at the same time. What would your past nine wives have to say about you being the love doctor? Yep, you cut them deep and low. However, now you want to be the president? Okay... **POOF**

The little turtle that wanted to be the president was off to spread love.as the new president. His first stop: All the black folks of the US. After a very short period, he didn't want to be the president any more.

The horse mouth turtle: "Help me, Mr. Wizard! They are killing me"

The Wizard: "Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drome; time for zis one to come home. Boy, didn't I tell you to be what you is, and not what you are not? Those that do that are the happiest lot.

You must have discovered a few disadvantages of being the president. First, love don't love nobody - huh? I also saw your HBO special "quit trippin, God ain't done with me yet". Consequently, in spite of your new found faith, I bet some people would not let you forget your past - huh. I can assume they mentioned your education, your momma, and your daddy and your wife. And, your vernacular was probably "too black" for some. Some folks even said you were too rich to understand their problems. I bet some people even took shots at your religion. Yep, I've heard all those cries. Love is a funny thing, and cynics will never find love, no matter how hard you try. So, tie your horse to a wagon, and let me do my job. Who's next?

books.jpgChris Hayden: It be me, the rumble jumble from St Louis. I brought my book along because I want to bring understanding to our nation. See, Thumper won't talk to me anymore, and Carey calls me a foolish fool, but I want to be your speech writer.

The Wizard: Excuse my language, but you gots to be fu*king kidding? Yo dumb ass wants to be MY speech writer? Look Christy, I read your book, and you got the title right. That was some voo-doo ass, blood suckin', wack-ass sh*t. Chris my man, I'd make a poor hustler out of you if I granted your wish. You might start believing your own nonsense. So get the hell out of her and take that 40oz with you. Who's next?


The Hammer: "You can't touch this, Mr. Wizard. I mean, what about us black folks? You have not stood up for our personal needs, so I want to be president so I can to show the world how a natural black man gets the job done. And remember, you can't touch this.

The Wizard: "First, I wouldn't want to touch that! But, wasn't you the guy that had millions before you decided to participate in the negro side-walk show? You know, showing everybody how black you were by buying cabins in the sky, and having a large entourage of black groupies? Not to mention your choice of clothes. Gosh, that must be a black thang. Besides, although I admire your ability to rise from being George Steinberger's bat boy, you failed to look at the big picture. You listen to those that said me me me, and lost your spot, and now you're just the proud black hammer, that had a reality show. But, if you want to be the president... **POOF**... Go touch that!"

The proud black hammer was off to show the world how to represent the black voice. Every issue that involved a black person, his intent was to throw caution to the wind. He had decided to tell the world to let his people go. However, he soon was crying worst than Keith Sweat, Jimmy Swaggard and Arsenio Hall in Harlem nights.

The Black Hammer: "Lawd help me. Help me Mr. Wizard. These folks are hanging me!"

The Wizard: "Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drome; time for this boy to come home. So hammer, you were going to get your black stride on -huh! Well, they talked about your momma like she was a 10 dollar ho, with a 2 dollar p**** and a rubber a**hole. Yep, I've been there because my mother is white. Our issues are not exactly the same, but my blues is just like yours. And, I bet you didn't know I could cus? Nigga please, don't let that Harvard degree fool you. I was born and raised in the Brier Patch. You know I was ostracised for much of my life. In Hawaii, they have a special name for our type.

Anyway, they said you were too rich to relate to their problems, even though you are a black man. But I did see you try to broach the subject of racism. Well, that's when they really brought out the hanging rope. When you said that police officer (in the Skip Gates case) acted stupidly, some folks said you were stepping outside the boundaries of the presidency. And other folks said you should have never invited that man to the white house. On all the "black issues" you had clowns on the left of you, and jokers on the right. Some people said you were giving preferential treatment to black people.

You said "you can't touch this". Now they are calling you Can't-Get-Right. Even your supposed allies, white and black, said we are all just Americans... blind of color. But, when you said black, some folks jumped back. When you said "Americans" some negros cried... what about us?

So do your thang hammer time, but be what you is and not what you's not, leave the driving to me, or you could get knocked-out. Who's next?"


Chris Rock: Hold up Mr. Wizard, I mean Mr. President, I ain't trying to be nobodies fool and nobodies president. I've been there and done that. I mean, I was the star of the movie Head Of State, so I know what you're going through. Look at my teeth, I think they put something in my water, and I couldn't trust anyone. They used the guilt by association trick, and the divide and conquer ploy. They solicited influential black businesses and black politician to sway the minds of those that are natural cynics and born again haters. Even some of my so called supporters berated me when I spoke to my friends, or went to places that didn't meet their approval. You know, just like when you visited The View. Also, in the movie, my brother was Bernie Mac, which caused an uproar because of his occupation. I couldn't get a break. I know you've been there.

I love you man. You have been the best role model for my children (and any person of color) that a black man could ask for. You've shown millions of black childrens how to overcome adversity and the sky is the limit. So, I am not going to be foolish enough to believe I know more than you. So you can drizzle your drazzle and druzzle your drome, but I am already home. I am a black man in America, and I know what that means.

The President: "Stop it Mr Rock, you're going to make me cry. Bring your kids by my house. Lets sit down and have a beer.


Big Mark 243 For those who support him, they find comfort in that. For those who irrationaly hate on him, well I did say it was irrational, their hate.

KevinsTeeTee: Yes yes it is I (Nicki-Nik) I've been away all weekend (got my Disneyland and Michael Jackson on) so I hadn't had time to comment on this post. Yes we've all played the fool as some point in our lives and best believe you'll probably play one again because that's just how life works. The difference being that with life comes experience so the number of foolish encounters should (assuming you learned your lesson because you know some people are Darwin award recipients) diminish. I'm sure this post is more geared towards the individuals who appear to argue for the sake of doing so without any rhyme or reason. And I've come across those who just have to be right even if it means compromising themselves long term from people wanting to converse with them. And maybe they don't mind the isolation since their polarized views would create such a situation. Or maybe they'll find people who think like them (e.g. think Rush Simp-baugh) and grab a soap box and start preaching their brand of 'truth' to those who are already in that realm of thinking...

Maxinr said: Is there really such thing as a 'person who knows no sorrow?' Being foolish sounds like it might lighten a lot of burdens :)

FreeMan: Well if someone is a fool full time then they have a real problem but most cats on a blog have been a fool. I know I have plenty of times but sometimes I can't lie I'm having fun frustrating people. Sometimes I lose my way but once a conscientious objector steps in via email or just saying hey Man Stop, I can stop!I have been FOOLISH but have only dabbled in it, not long enough for one to draw a conclusion on the MAN speaking. I have been a drive by fool on plenty of occasions but if someone doubles back I stopped.

BigmacInPittsburgh Took me a second or two to get it but good post! Trying to get some of the arm chair critics to be understanding of their criticism is like hitting your head upon a brick wall. Most of those critics you speak of have not a clue of the real world. Most will believe everything the media throws at them without asking the most important question. WHY am I being told this or that!

Carey: Most of my posts are about mistakes I've made. It's been my hope that others may learn from my journey and possibly see themselves in me. See, I've been a zip fool. To change, I first had to accept that and then find those qualities that might keep me back there.Without rationalizations or excuses.... my hand is raised.

Mizrepresent: lmao, okay Carey/Carey, i'm no fool, at least by definition...but i have been played the fool, many times...but love, what was this post about?

CareyCarey: "but love, what was this post about?" Miz, I am glad you asked. Since you've been reading my stuff (8 years) long before I considered myself a blogger, you know it takes me awhile to get to my point. Yes, I like to tell little stories along the way. On the surface, this post was about being a fool (who's really the fool). Underneath that, it was about holding up a mirror. A mirror to our souls/behavior. Although the fool has many qualities, they're exhibited in many forms. I use my blog to see how people will respond in face to face encounters. Even though people can hide behind a screen, human behavior seldom changes. In my "day job" I encounter people that are resistant to change and the blogsphere is no different. So,again, "what was this post about"? It was about me trying to find a common theme in those that rationalize their wrongdoings. I use those messages. It helps me prepare a rational analysis, so that I can use that information to maybe suggest an error in "their/my" judgement/thinking pattern. I know no one wants to be a fool, so I was listening to how they classified/rationalized their foolishness. However, I agree with everyone, being a die hard fool depends on how often a person engages in foolishness.... in ALL it's glory. On a side note, you know I've been telling my life story for many years. This blog is an extension of that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I thought it was pretty good"

Well Chris, unlike the bitter crow, I am more than happy that you took this post for what it is. Our cynical friend seems to get out of wack when an artistic expression does not follow her path. Nothing bores me more than her slow purple prose. Gosh, reading her stuff is like swallowing a suicide pill.

I've been noticing the battle between you, Xeon and the wicked witch (when she called you out). I agree with your point of contention, but I was not going to step in that mess, you've been holding your own. Besides, Xeon is a formidable foe. He doesn't leave his backdoor open... very often. Unlike Cynique, he seldom speaks in absolutes or gives an opinion that he can't support. I could object to his propensity to highlight the supposite errs of our community, but we've been there and done that. So, keep up the good work..

I've been trying to figure out what's really at the core of our light skinned friend. She said Obama was not black. She called him a half-bred. Damn, that's strong. But as you've brilliantly pointed out, I think she hates herself. If I am not mistaken, and based on that picture she posted of her in black leather and whips (really folks, that's true), I believe a whole lot of cream has been dipped in her coffee. Yep, I think you're getting close to her inner turmoil. Well, I wonder if she calls herself a half bred?

Hey Chris, you probably already knew this, but I've never read your book. I just threw it in the mix to add a bit of humor. I am sure you put your heart in that book, so my intent was not to minimize that effort.

I am going to take up a fund drive for Cynique. I'm going to buy her an applause track. I've noticed her go into bit of depression when some folks receive a bit a praise and her words are left floddering in the wind. I wish she would lighten up a bit. and not take this too seriously. When she resorted to calling herself foul names, I knew something was wrong.

But wait, she'll be back. She LOOOVES walking over other folks posts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, carey, for somebody who claims I'm takin things much too seriously, you sound really solemn as you lick your wounds and perfectly illustrate my description of your writing being a meandering stagger through a maze of loose ends. What does my calling Obama bi-racial have to do with me having light skin?? And what does my having light skin have to do with self hate?? This certainly doesn't square with your attempts to label me as "uncle tomish". Your whole disjointed response was "classic carey": a mish-mash of non sequitors.

And I really had to laugh at your co-opting the phrase "purple prose", a term I once used to describe that long-winded mush you write. For somebody who's obssessed with me being a cynic, you ought to know that a cynic's writing style is anything but "purple prose". My writing may be many things but it is not "flowery" and pretensious. And just because you write, hoping for the praise you rarely receive, doesn't mean I do. I write as a pass time, warning what my subject is in the title so folks can by-pass it, should they choose.

And, incidentally, in the picture I posted of me wearing a scanty outfit straddling a chair, I was not wearing anything made of leather and I carried no whip. Another example of the flawed powers of observation that invaribly provoke you to lie and exaggerate. Just like you bashed Chrishayden's book without reading it.

And your sucking up to Chris, trying to enlist him as a ally was really a transparent act of desperation. Chris and I disagree on a lot of things, but there are a few areas where we find common ground. So be it. I won't get mad if you 2 team up against me. I luv it. BTW, Xeno is one of my favorite posters, too, because he's quite articulate and intelligent. You've chosen to overlook that he and I are often supportive of each other.

Bottom line, carey, because you are not an original thinker. Your whole gripe was nothing more than a regurgitation of the things I said about you. Instead of accuratly parsing my post, you just transposed my words and changed the names. Problem with that is that I am not guilty of the same things you are. I have my own set of faults.

Like feminists of the past, I refer to myself a "super bitch", which is not a "foul" name, but a warning that I am not a Polly Anna. I guess that's too implicit for your obtuse mind to process. Adopting an iconoclastic stance, I challenge people with tunnel vision, and I respect anybody who gives me a good argument; that leaves you out. (What does the word "floddering" mean. Are you trying to say "floundering". Pitiful)

You put your big hot air baloons out there for all to read, then when somebody sticks a pin in them, you pee on yourself. LMAO.

Bottom line: if can't take it, don't dish it out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...