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Pioneer1

The Games Our People Play With Eachother

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1 hour ago, Chevdove said:

I have become cautious and been able to let go and break from the abuser.

People can heal and grow from abuse. And become stronger or whole. Unless you fell that growth wouldn't happen without abuse. However I am not prepared to take that position. Since it can be used to rationalise abuse. If it wasn't for slavery Black music wouldn't be so soulful. 

Nor would they be some dominant in sports if they had more economic activity and weren't bred for work. 

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6 hours ago, Delano said:

if they had more economic activity and weren't bred for work

 

Be careful here my friend.  Black people perform well at sports because we work very hard at doing so -- not because we were bred for it.

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8 hours ago, Delano said:

People can heal and grow from abuse. And become stronger or whole. Unless you fell that growth wouldn't happen without abuse. However I am not prepared to take that position. Since it can be used to rationalise abuse. If it wasn't for slavery Black music wouldn't be so soulful. 

Nor would they be some dominant in sports if they had more economic activity and weren't bred for work. 

it can be used to rationalise abuse. Like the following :

. If it wasn't for slavery Black music wouldn't be so soulful. 

Nor would they be some dominant in sports if they had more economic activity and weren't bred for work. 

That wasn't my point however Blacks were bred in Slavery. 

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I also cautioned you in your use of the word "bred," as in "Blacks were bred in Slavery."  Animals are bred. Humans are not "bred," the way dogs, cattle, and lab rats are.

 

When a master rapes his slave (or gets one of his other slaves to do it), to get more slaves, that is a severe form of sexual abuse.  When we use euphemisms to describe the sexual abuse of women (and men) we diminish the severity of what actually happened. This is one of the reason people have difficulty understanding the horrors of our enslavement.

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I think the word breeding shows the brutality. People were treated like animals. Both men and women were raped. I only found out recently male slaves were analy raped publicly. 

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20 hours ago, Delano said:

However I am not prepared to take that position. Since it can be used to rationalise abuse.

 

@Delano Thank you. And yes, there can be different ways of looking at abuse. For me, though, It is impossible for me to see 'abuse' as growth, but however, I think at times 'abuse' may be incorrectly viewed as other types of harships. In some sense, I do think some people can overcome abuse and be the better for it, but it is the kind of people that are completely broken that makes any form of abuse purely evil. Like you, I have a hard time rationalizing abuse. 

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People can grow from abuse and heal themselves. However I don't see abuse as a positive thing for either the abused or the abuser. 

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Well, there's a psychological disorder that accounts for certain females who endure abuse, and it is called "masochism". This term is used to describe   women  who  play into being punished, because they have a perverse enjoyment of it.  Some of these types have a "martyr" complex, too. Time and time again they return to their abuser and forgive him, often thinking they can reform him. Then, there are those who think sexual abuse is their fault and they have done something to cause it. Their feelings of guilt make them reluctant to accuse their abusers.   Abusers are recognizable early on in a relationship because they are control freaks  who give off red flags, and this is when women should get out while the gettin is good.  All  victims of abuse are trapped by circumstances and how they deal with their plights  and what they learn from them is obviously an individual reaction.  

 

i still don't buy that having a defense mechanisms is a liability. The opposite of a defense mechanism is blind trust. Trust has to be earned, not taken for granted. 

 

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Cynique I agree with everthing except the last line. Proactive awareness would be the opposite of a defense mechanism.

 

This is the psychological definition

Defense mechanisms are psychological strategies that are unconsciously used to protect a person from anxiety arising from unacceptable thoughts or feelings.

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Perhaps we may need to reconsider our definitions of "abuse".

Abuse is literally AB-USE or misusing someone from their original intended purpose.

Perhaps one of the problems we have in our community is attempting to take on Caucasian values and standards, we are calling that which is natural for human men to behave..."abuse".....and treating it as such when it's actually normal harmonious behavior.

Now, raping and assaulting people outside of personal defense is CLEARLY abuse.
But we should understand that most NORMAL men are very sexual as well as mildly aggressive that nature has designed it this way.
Society may try to "breed" (sorry Troy....lol) this out of men in the name of "civilizing" them, but nature put hyper-sexuality and aggression in men for a good reason.

So we can't look at all men who want sex and act in a dominant manner as "abusive" simply because modern society has taught this.


For example, for years when I go out with women I make it a point to tell them what they CAN'T wear when they're out with me!
I don't physically force them into what to wear, but I make it clear that if they wear the wrong thing....they ain't going anywhere we ME.
They'll have to go by themselves or find someone else.

Now some people may call that controlling, or even abusive.....but I still do it because I feel as a man who is incharge of defending this woman if she gets in trouble that I BETTER have some say-so over what she's wearing so as not to invite trouble.

 

 

 

 

Chev

You brought up a good point about the "dumb blonde" scenario.
The thing I've noticed about Whie women is that most of them seem to have NO PROBLEM playing the game to get what they want out of a man, even it it means debasing and degrading themselves to inflate the ego of their mate.

They'll play stupid, helpless, confused, ect....because they know that this will make White men feel stronger and smarter and just better about themselves.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that in some ways this IS a little more attractive than for a woman to go the opposite way and act more hostile, defensive, and independant than she really is which tends to make the men in her life feel less needed and in many cases stupid and worthless.

It may not seem fair that a stupid and weak woman would be seen as more attractive than a strong confident one, but opposites attract and if a man's nature is strength then he seeks the OPPOSITE of that to compliment himself.

 

 

 

 

Del

 

There are women that feel pressure to give a guy some of her takes her out for dinner. Then other women will go to dinner with a man they don't like for a free meal. There are women that will split the bill. And some that will pay either because they invited you or that's their thing.

I used to hang out in New York night life. And I saw a few kept men and women both straight and homosexual. It appeared that the younger person was generally better looking more fit. That's a projection because it could be the younger person could have the money. I felt as though . you both got what the wanted or needed.


And you know what?

I don't have a problem with a woman who DOES go out and have sex with a man for a free meal OR a man who sleeps with a woman he doesn't find attractive simply for a place to stay.

As long as they have the freedom to do so or resist, let people do what they do as long as they are getting what they want and/or need.

 

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Perhaps Pioneer but it's not much fun being dependent on someone else. However the dependcy may be mutual over different goodies. 

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On ‎8‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 7:09 PM, Delano said:

Perhaps Pioneer but it's not much fun being dependent on someone else. However the dependcy may be mutual over different goodies. 

 

It's not much fun to you or I, but you'd be surprised at how much fun many so-called grown men would have just living off of someone else and allowing them to take on all the responsibilities.

It's almost an epidemic on many urban communities where men in their 30s and 40s and 50s desire nothing more than a "sugar mamma" willing to take them in and feed them, cloth them, and let them lay around drinking and smoking weed all day.

These men are USED to being dependent on others and have very little spirit or concept of IN-dependence.
 

 


But when you talk of MUTUAL dependency, I think this makes for the best relationships.

I've noticed that two independent people rarely for meaningful relationships and if they do they tend not to last long.
Usually in a relationship one is has to depend on the other and the other knows it and takes advantage of it.

But when you have TWO (or more) people depending on eachother and needing eachother it makes for a more fair relationship where one is careful NOT to exploit or mistreat the others.

 

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