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The Games Our People Play With Eachother

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Obviously this thread is open to discussion from everyone.....
 


Cynique said something in another thread that I've been meaning to question her on for weeks but when I log on I tend to get so involved in other topics that I forget to ask.
She said:

 

"All my female friends tended to be like me. Our tough bitchy facades were almost a litmus test. If a guy could hold his own with us, we'd let down our guards and be nice and sweet. Unfortunately, i think more flunked the test than passed it. We were in the vanguard of ball-bustin' black sistas. (Something I'm not particularly proud of.)"


https://aalbc.com/tc/topic/5260-what-do-you-think-of-the-ongoing-battle-between-pionner1-and-kalexander2/

 


Now, she already said it wasn't something she's proud of and I'm not accusing her of endorsing it, but I'm just curious as to the purpose or intent behind this behaviour because MANY women have confided in me the same thing but when I ask them why the do this most couldn't give me an answer.

I don't want to say this "dissing" of men who approach you is EXCLUSIVE among AfroAmerican women, but I've certainly observed this type of behavior since childhood even in school and I don't recall observing it or experiencing it from women of other races or ethnicities.

I remember as far back as elementary school a girl could be straight up INLOVE with a boy but will diss the hell out of him in public and repeatedly turn him down UNTIL she she sees him with another girl....then she'll break down and throw herself at him, lol
I've seen it so many times that I started playing games with girls and having a female friend PRETEND to be my girlfriend in order to get the one I wanted.
But it's a shame you have to do all of that game playing in our community.

So this is what I want to know...............


What is the REAL PURPOSE of some women insulting and berating the men who approach them even if those men may be attractive?
Clearly you're trying to weed out people....but WHO and WHY?

Are the men who "pass the test" somehow emotionally stronger or smarter than the average men?

And if so how is hooking up with THESE men (who past the test) benefiting the community?

This type of "game playing" between the men and women has been occuring for generations so:
Has it produced stronger men?
Stronger relationships?
Has it produced stronger or smarter children?

What benefit are we getting out of this type of game playing and testing that so many of our people engage in?

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I knew women like this, indeed one is still a very close friend after 35 years.  They were tough on the outside and sweet on the inside.  Don't get me wrong cross her and she'll fu*k you up.  But if you are cool there is no better friend.

 

Sometimes I think the initial dissing or tough exterior is a defense mechanism, an unwillingness to show any vulnerability which some men will attempt to exploit.  So these sisters preempt all of the by going on the offensive.  

 

As I engage more in the dating scene today I have not come across this behavior at all.  I think women don't want to risk needlessly turning off a potential prospect.  

 

As far as producing stronger men and better relationships -- who knows?  I don't think the behavior is very common.

 

 

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I know it's a defense mechanism, but I guess my question is how great is your defense if you STILL end up choosing the wrong men in your life despite your "tests".

Most of the women I know who deploy this technique have a history of miserable relationships and have several children by several "baby daddies" who obviously passed whatever test they had for them at the time.

 

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If you know the answer to the question, why ask it?

 

Not all black women are ball-busters.  Just as many are victimized and dominated by black men.  Most of  the dysfunctional behavior among blacks stems from slavery when slaves took on whatever role the situation required and this frequently called for women to be the strong one because their menfolk were so beat-down.   This dynamic has never completely  disappeared.   And it has been exacerbated by the black male's affinity for white women.       

 

But in the big picture, strong people of any sex or race exert themselves either overtly or through passive aggression.   Hen pecked men come in all colors as do brow beaten women. 

 

There are no easy answers to questions that involve the human condition.

 

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On 7/19/2018 at 1:41 PM, Cynique said:

But in the big picture, strong people of any sex or race exert themselves either overtly or through passive aggression.   Hen pecked men come in all colors as do brow beaten women. 

 

@Cynique, @Pioneer1 So true. 

 

On 7/19/2018 at 1:41 PM, Cynique said:

Most of  the dysfunctional behavior among blacks stems from slavery when slaves took on whatever role the situation required and this frequently called for women to be the strong one because their menfolk were so beat-down. 

 

 

This is so true too, and today, for me, it is very frustrating. This process too, I believe led to a high percentage of Hen-pecked men in our culture, more than we want to admit. I learned through social media about 'the Watts Riot' and then saw some films and it was amazing to see how we evolved. Shortly after these times, came the obsession with the Peggy Lipton' look in the Mob squad. I never even watched that show, I was too young at the time, but somehow, I became rapped up in that propaganda. Black women became obsessed with relaxing their hair and Black men became obsessed with white women. So by the time I became a part of the dating scene, I found myself somewhat defensive at times when I was approached by Black men. I found myself in a dilemma; I wanted to be in the company of Black men but then, I was predjudice and defensive thinking, I was going to be exploited if I let down. I think some people may view me as being brow beaten, but I don't see myself that way at all. I am cautious. 

 

On 7/19/2018 at 1:36 PM, Pioneer1 said:

I know it's a defense mechanism

 

@Pioneer1That is exactly what it is!--a Defense Mechanism.

 

And, I don't have an answer yet as to why some women end up with a terrible relationship even after using this approach. I don't have an answer yet, but I am working on it, because I think it is an important question to answer!

 

This 'Gender conflict' between Black men and women definitely has something to do with the Movement of White Supremacy against our well being, but still, how do we move beyond this? 

 

I don't know, but I think that if Black women don't put up some kind of defense mechanism to cause Black men to slow their steps when they think they can just dominate us, then we will be destroyed! Some Black men are not genuine in their reasons for approaching Black women and sometimes they play too many games! 

 

Edited by Chevdove
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On 7/20/2018 at 1:56 AM, Pioneer1 said:


Cynique said something in another thread that I've been meaning to question her on for weeks but when I log on I tend to get so involved in other topics that I forget to ask.
She said:

 

"All my female friends tended to be like me. Our tough bitchy facades were almost a litmus test. If a guy could hold his own with us, we'd let down our guards and be nice and sweet. Unfortunately, i think more flunked the test than passed it. We were in the vanguard of ball-bustin' black sistas. (Something I'm not particularly proud of.)"

@Cynique you could she's light on this, yet you are deflecting, why?

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4 hours ago, Delano said:

@Cynique you could she's light on this, yet you are deflecting, why?

@Delano ???   Um. - I  deflecting the light she could be. 

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On 7/20/2018 at 1:56 AM, Pioneer1 said:


Cynique said something in another thread that I've been meaning to question her on for weeks but when I log on I tend to get so involved in other topics that I forget to ask.
She said:

 

"All my female friends tended to be like me. Our tough bitchy facades were almost a litmus test. If a guy could hold his own with us, we'd let down our guards and be nice and sweet. Unfortunately, i think more flunked the test than passed it. We were in the vanguard of ball-bustin' black sistas. (Something I'm not particularly proud of.)"

@Cynique you could she's light on this, yet you are deflecting, why?

Typos

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@Delano I believe your typos are better than mine.

 

Seriously though, I believe you are using a handheld device which makes it a little harder.  I almost always post from a laptop, so I really have no excuse... 

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@Deli don't know what you're talking about.  You quote Pioneer and then  make a reference to a "she" (Chevdove?)  who you apparently think i am deflecting something away from.  

 

Chevdove and I agreed on everything.  Unlike Chevdove and Pioneer, i never said anything about "defense mechanisms"  something which you felt the need to define. And what question is it that Pioneer wants me to answer?  if you expect me to justify  my not conforming to your "rules of order", you could at least be coherent.  Then your chances of my cooperating with your cross-examination might improve.  But be advised,  i don't feel obligated to answer the questions you put to me.  😛 

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Cynique the bit in red is something you said. You had responded with a general statement about women in general. What was your reason for doing so? 

If you don't want to reveal yourself or don't know, that is fine. It just seemed like a deflection. More than an oversight from someone who is generally rational. 

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3 hours ago, Delano said:

@Cynique you could she's light on this, yet you are deflecting, why?

SHEEZE! It would've been so simple if you would've just read your question over to yourself and corrected "she's" to shed!!  As the sentence was written, it just didn't make sense until i finally figured it out in spite of the fact that you never corrected the typo! 

 

50 minutes ago, Delano said:

If you don't want to reveal yourself or don't know, that is fine. It just seemed like a deflection. More than an oversight from someone who is generally rational. 

Well, it may have seemed like a deflection but it wasn't.  And what's to reveal?  i think my final sentence which read "Something i'm not particularly proud of" pretty much expressed my  sentiments, especially  when put in the context of the entire paragraph. I didn't take pride in kicking "losers" to the curb.  But - that's life.  I was probably doing them a favor.   (And i was nice and sweet to my husband, - who passed the test.)  

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Sentiment is how you feel, motivation is why you did it. How does my typo confuse you about  the authorship, when you wrote it. 

You've already said you weren't proud of your behaviour. 

Pioneer was asking why, I have asked why? Not answering something you posted about yourself seems like deflection. 

It is not clear your reason and your objective for being a ball buster to men. It's not just life it is your life. You voluntarily share a behaviour and describe it as if it were someone else. "I was probably doing the guys a favour." Don't you know what you were doing or would you rather forget.l?

 

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9 hours ago, Delano said:
  On 7/19/2018 at 10:56 AM, Pioneer1 said:


Cynique said something in another thread that I've been meaning to question her on for weeks but when I log on I tend to get so involved in other topics that I forget to ask.
She said:

Well, Pioneer never got around to questioning me further, so I never gave the subject  a further thought until you dredged it up.

 

3 hours ago, Delano said:

Pioneer was asking why, I have asked why? Not answering something you posted about yourself seems like deflection. 

It is not clear your reason and your objective for being a ball buster to men. It's not just life it is your life. You voluntarily share a behaviour and describe it as if it were someone else. "I was probably doing the guys a favour." Don't you know what you were doing or would you rather forget.l?

 

What you are now asking is why I didn't answer the question i didn't understand that you were asking. And you have further decided to analyse my reason for not elaborating on my reflection about not being proud of being a castrating woman and musing that i was probably doing the men i rejected a favor.   

 

Here's my question. Why do you want me to "get on your couch" and do some soul-searching as to why i won't go into detail and supply you with answers?  I suspect this is your attempt to get me to realize that i have gone through life never knowing why i wasn't proud of belonging to an element among black women who are ball busters. And because this is apparently significant to you, you think it should also be significant to me. it ain't.

 

I'll say this, that being a ball buster was never anything i had to work at.  It came natural to me.  I would say further that the reason for this, is that this is my character, - my core personality - who i am. Stemming back to my childhood, where my father was a strong capable man, and my mother an independent  woman, i was never a shrinking violet.  i was the youngest of 4 children, never abused, and can honestly say that i always had friends, ran with the "in" crowd, was maybe not a super star but did have my share of male admirers. I was married for 50 years to a man who accepted me for the way i was and who i appreciated for doing so. Our marriage had some rough spots, but during the last 20 years of it, after our kids were grown, and we had matured, we really had some good  times that left me with wonderful memories. (He took that racy picture of me that i posted here.  It never went public until after he died.)

 

i don't know what answers you're looking for, probably ones that will fit in and confirm an impending theory you have about me. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that i don't really give a damn what you think about me not delving into my psyche to find out why I am a bitch.  I am, who i am.  And i don't feel the need to prop up black men. My "regrets" about this were fleeting and minor and certainly not deep-seated enough to make me change.  OK?

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I am going to drop this because it is to difficult for you. I ask a question twice that is actually the point if this this thread. Can you point to one thing I said that is me psychoanalysing you? 

I said if you aren't aware of why or don't want to talk about it fine. 

 

This one time asking for clarity or wanting to hear your rational didn't work. 

You have no on test in explaining a comment that you volunteered. I make observations and sometimes statements. 

Case closed. 

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2 hours ago, Cynique said:

i don't know what answers you're looking for, probably ones that will fit in and confirm an impending theory you have about me

The answer I was looking for was the one that you have given. 

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What is your question?  i thought you were asking why i said i wasn't proud of being in the vanguard of ball busting black women - something you said i was deflecting inquiries about. i answered this question in my last post.  Pioneer never got around to asking me the question he wanted an answer to.  As for the title of this thread:  "The games our people play with each other",  it's not a question.  Is all of this too difficult for you? 

 

 

2 hours ago, Cynique said:

i don't feel the need to prop up black men. My "regrets" about this were fleeting and minor and certainly not deep-seated enough to make me change.

this is the answer and of course you chose to cherry pick and say i said "I didn't know the answer".

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On 7/22/2018 at 9:26 AM, Delano said:

Silly Rabbit Trixs are for whores

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ApTwWRQNw

50 minutes ago, Cynique said:

"The games our people play with each other",  it's not a question.  Is all of this too difficult for you? 

 

@Pioneer1 it seems this thread is about a question. or am I mistaken. And if not was that questioned answered.

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@DelI originally posted my comments on the subject of this post which has to do with the games our people play with each other.  What i said apparently wasn't sufficient for you and  for some reason you thought i was "deflecting{ attention away from this subject  and you said this:

12 hours ago, Delano said:

Sentiment is how you feel, motivation is why you did it. How does my typo confuse you about  the authorship, when you wrote it. 

You've already said you weren't proud of your behaviour. 

Pioneer was asking why, I have asked why? Not answering something you posted about yourself seems like deflection. 

It is not clear your reason and your objective for being a ball buster to men. It's not just life it is your life. You voluntarily share a behaviour and describe it as if it were someone else. "I was probably doing the guys a favour." Don't you know what you were doing or would you rather forget.l?

 

i subsequently offered what i thought might give a back story about  myself so maybe you could draw conclusions about why i have the attitude i have. But this wasn't enough and you declared the case closed.

 

 

On 7/19/2018 at 12:41 PM, Cynique said:

 

There are no easy answers to questions that involve the human condition.

This is how i ended my original post.  If i'd had more to say, i would've said it! This whole conversation would've been unnecessary if you hadn't decided i was deflecting attention away from the subject and that it behooved me to say more because you weren't satisfied with my original response.    

 

 

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10 hours ago, Delano said:

The answer I was looking for was the one that you have given. 

in case you hadn't seen this.

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6 hours ago, Cynique said:
16 hours ago, Delano said:

 

i subsequently offered what i thought might give a back story about  myself so maybe you could draw conclusions about why i have the attitude i have.

That's my point I don't want to psychoanalyse or presuppose your motivation. I wanted to hear what you thought was the reason. I  even posted you have answered the question. The case closed was a pun on you saying I am psychoanalysing you.

 

It also had to ask K2 multiple questions before he answered my question. So I no longer ask K2 to clarify his position. I also won't be asking you to clarify any self referential comments that you make. It takes too long , it has the reverse effect. You get annoyed that I am either not being clear and or that I am putting you on a couch. 

For what reason. Years ago when Troy said I should read your chart I asked for your permission and whether you wanted it in your email.

 

 

 

 

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@DelWhatever.  This has been a draining exercise in miscommunication, something which you have been as good example of, as anyone, - including me.  So, i'm climbing out of this rabbit hole.  Maybe you can tell Pioneer why YOU think black people play games - or whatever the topic of this thread is.  Bottom line, it's actually not something i care about. Perhaps that's why i wasn't interested in accommodating your request to stop deflecting focus from the subject, and why i slipped into my philosophical mode by saying, "there are no easy answers to questions that involve the human condition."    

 

As for my chart,  i will tell you that i'm just trying to make it to my 85th birthday on August 18th, and if i  do, I'll consider myself LUCKY.  That's good enough for me.  🤩

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On 7/21/2018 at 1:56 AM, Delano said:

A defense mechanism is not a sign of strength. It's an internal weakness or insecurity. 

 

Hello @Delano-- I don't know if I agree with you completely here. If a person has been abused and don't defend themselves, I would think that would

be a sign of weakness. But if a person has been abused or exploited and puts up a fight or a defense, that may not be a sign of weakness, as I can see.

I do see a person having an 'internal weakness' though or a sense of insecurity about something even if it is a reality or a perceived notion.

The issue in this thread regard people who play games though and in this sense, it still may be a sincere for a defense and not just for trying 

to control someone. I think here is where I agree with Cynique in that @Cynique : 

On 7/23/2018 at 5:21 PM, Cynique said:

"there are no easy answers to questions that involve the human condition."    

 

 

LOL! Now see @Delano -- This is one sided! Are you implying that all 'Black' people or 'Black women' that play games are whores!?

Why would a whore need to put up a defense mechanism? I assume this comment is based on my statement as it comes directly after my post.

My definition of 'a whore' or specifically 'a Black Whore' is subjective. When I view Black women in this system, I always consider whether or not they came 

from a home where they had a father figure and a healthy environment in which she was allowed to be a child.  

 

On 7/21/2018 at 7:26 PM, Delano said:

Silly Rabbit Trixs are for whores

On 7/23/2018 at 3:03 AM, Cynique said:

I was married for 50 years to a man who accepted me for the way i was and who i appreciated for doing so. 

 

Wow! That is amazing! 

On 7/23/2018 at 3:03 AM, Cynique said:

But it shouldn't come as a surprise that i don't really give a damn what you think about me not delving into my psyche to find out why I am a bitch.  I am, who i am.  And i don't feel the need to prop up black men

 

Well alright! LOL!

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1 hour ago, Chevdove said:

 

Hello @Delano-- I don't know if I agree with you completely here. If a person has been abused and don't defend themselves, I would think that would

be a sign of weakness. But if a person has been abused or exploited and puts up a fight or a defense, that may not be a sign of weakness, as I can see.

Firstly I would say it is a complicated issue. That has such a large emotional component that may prevent a rational discussion. 

 

The  trix comment is not related to your statement. A post has to be somewhere and I have no control over where it goes. 

 

One of the things I do when thinking about a topic issue or a problem is reverse the statement or answer.

 

So do you think being abused is a strength? Does the abused feel strong and confident when getting abused? Does being abused improve the quality of a person's life? 

I would say not in the short-term. However I look forward to seeing your reply.

 

I don't think Cynique is a biznitch, I think she's a part time crank. Can you tell me what I said that you see as me psychoanalysing Cynique.

I prefer to ask than assume people's reason or rational. I don't care why she did it either beyond the discussion. Whether she is propping up Black Men or busting their balls I wouldn't know. Those are statements she made about herself.

O dont feel yhat Cynique is busting Black Balls or propping up Black Ball owners,that hasn't been my experience because that is not part of our discourse ,discussion or communication .

@Chevdove

 

 

1 hour ago, Chevdove said:

Why would a whore need to put up a defense mechanism?

Maybe ask a sex worker? Or just have a chat with one. 

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Del

 

A defense mechanism is not a sign of strength. It's an internal weakness or insecurity.


Image result for nuclear explosion

Exactly!!

 

And by the way, my question has YET to be answered.
 

 

 

 

Chevdove

It's true that many if not most Black men play a lot of games with women, however the reason is simple.....they want sex.
Most AfroAmerican men I know don't play games with women to purposely ruin their lives, hurt them, or cause confusion....these are BY PRODUCTS of their pursuit of sex.
The problem is in THIS society where the morals and rules of engagement have been set up by Caucasian men who are less focused on sex and more focused on violence and warfare....sex is pretty much either condemned or restricted to a very limited area with a limited amout of people.
Trying to live and get along in a society that wasn't designed by or for AfroAmericans forces too many of us to act outside of our nature and it leads to pathological relationships.

 

 

 


 

Cynique

If you know the answer to the question, why ask it?


I DON'T know the answer to the question.....lol.

I know it's a defense mechanism but I don't understand exactly WHO are these women trying to defend themselves from and WHAT are they trying to defend themselves from.

Clearly most of the men who end up passing the test have babies with them outside of wedlock, don't have jobs, and abuse them.

So WHO are they defending and protecting themsevles from?
Good men?

Obvioulsy bad men are passing the test for most of these women.

I don't see Asian women putting up a "defense mechanism" and they clearly have a higher incidence of positive relationships with men.

 

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Having a defense mechanism is very pragmatic decision that is not that complicated in its origin.  Why not arm yourself when entering the dating arena?   All women have their guard up, because they don't want to get hurt.  When strong women drop their guard, it's because they decide to take a chance on someone who meets their requirements.  If this relationship fails, they move on, and learn from this experience because they are also smart women who have used birth control or have stopped at one out-of-wedlock child, in addition to equipping themselves with skills to support themselves.  They have defended themselves well in the battle of the sexes.  What vulnerable women do, is just the opposite. 

 

All women have a penchant for charming, handsome, rascals who turn them on in bed.  Strong women don't marry them.  They have a fling with them, and, if need be,  settle for "Mr. Alright".   

 

 

 

 

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Delano

You know something?

Very very few women I've ever been with have ever taken the time to ask me what I actually wanted.
Perhaps they figured they already knew since or made assumptions, but most didn't so much as seriously ask the question.

But I'm also guilty because I rarely asked them either.
I figured I already KNEW what they wanted too, lol.

 

 

 


Cynique

When you're using terms like "smart women" and "strong women" or "smart men" and "strong men"....you're talking about EXCEPTIONS and not the general rule.

Not to say that there aren't smart and strong women out there, but most young women in their teens and 20s ARE NOT very smart nor are they very strong.
But despite this fact, they STILL attempt to put up useless defense mechanism and play pittiful games that they often end up losing BECAUSE they aren't mature enough and wise enough to know what they're doing or why they're doing it.

 

 



Aspects of my question remain unanswered because despite the games being played, no one  has really articulated what benefit or positive result they expected for these psychlogical.....actually pathological...games to have on our community as a whole and in the long run.

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i am not talking about "exceptions and not the general rule".  As usual you are invoking your unsubstantiated opinion.

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@Pioneer1Cynique has answered your questions from her perspective. It is problematic to say what she means, when she had said what she meant.

 

Yeah I have said this it cuts down the games. Honesty diffuses the Game. 

 

Although there have been times I wanted to lie. If you lie your are taking someone's ability to choose by deciding what is best for both of you. 

1 hour ago, Pioneer1 said:

Delano

You know something?

Very very few women I've ever been with have ever taken the time to ask me what I actually wanted.
Perhaps they figured they already knew since or made assumptions, but most didn't so much as seriously ask the question.

But I'm also guilty because I rarely asked them either.

Or perhaps neither of you cared enough to ask. 

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On 7/24/2018 at 6:34 PM, Delano said:

The  trix comment is not related to your statement. A post has to be somewhere and I have no control over where it goes. 

 

@DelanoOh, okay. Thank you for letting me know.

 

On 7/24/2018 at 6:34 PM, Delano said:

So do you think being abused is a strength? Does the abused feel strong and confident when getting abused? Does being abused improve the quality of a person's life? 

 

Well, like you said, this question would be in a certain context. Regarding some points in this thread in which some women go into abusive relationships even after they 'screen', this kind of abuse may seem like it is a weakness, but even in this regards, it can be subjective. But when a child, a young girl, is abused, that is a predator taking advantage of innocence. 

 

But here we go: When I think about your questions in lieu of this very thread, my mind goes directly to 'the innocent blonde syndrome'. Many times I heard stories of how some women 'play dumb' for a future gain. Some women have went into relationships just to advance their financial status and they submit to abuse, knowing that eventually, they intend to use it as a tool to get out of the relationship. That is a game that some women do play-- as you say, it is kind of like a whorish behavior. In this sense, it is a controlling situation. So yes, in this sense, 'Being abused does improve the person's quality of life' -- she walks away with perhaps, child support and a great percentage of the mans' paycheck for 18 years. 

 

But no, when a person submits to abuse, they wouldn't feel strong or confident, just hopeful that they will be able to endure. 

 

For many Black women of the older generation, I cringe when I think about some of the hell they went through. It's different for those kind of women coming after the slave experience. I don't know how they survived. Indeed, many of them didn't. I remember sitting at the table constantly hearing my relatives tell my cousins and I to get married, no matter what, in order to improve your status. They would say, it better to get 'a piece of a no good man than to not get married at all'. And so, as a result, I realize how they did become subjective to terribly abusive situations, that, unfortunately, they believe is the only way to live. And in turn, they too, play games but it is not that same as 'the dumb blonde syndrome'. 

 

On 7/24/2018 at 6:34 PM, Delano said:

I prefer to ask than assume people's reason or rational. I

 

Yes, but asking beyond what a person answers and offers initially, may be delving deeper amd searching for more underlying answers, and this can be a psychoanalysis process. Inquiring deeper into a person's initial response would be based on you wanting to go beyond what is offered, and that makes you a wise person. That speaks a lot of you, but that can be offensive too though. 

Edited by Chevdove
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22 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

It's true that many if not most Black men play a lot of games with women, however the reason is simple.....they want sex.

 

@Pioneer1 You have refreshed my memory! LOL. This is true. 

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22 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Trying to live and get along in a society that wasn't designed by or for AfroAmericans forces too many of us to act outside of our nature and it leads to pathological relationships.

 

@Pioneer1 This is a very interesting observation and I agree.

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For Goodness Sakes!  The Game of Love is as old as time, and all species play it.  Homo Sapiens  has simply taken this "Men are from Mars" and "Women are from Venus" charade to another level. The old "women-give-sex-to-get-love and "men-give-love-to-get-sex dynamic'  has nothing to do with race.  Class is still the great divide, and the underclasses are more loose in their relationships. Middle class people exemplify  the values of their status and the bourgeois of all colors go through a courtship, get married, buy homes, have kids, send them to college and maintain their 401Ks. Millions of black people fall into this category because of seized opportunities. Millions of whites don't because of squandered opportunities. Millions of other ethnicities fall into various categories. 

 

Tunnel vision sets people up for frustration.  Look at the big picture.  The black minority does not have a monopoly on dysfunctional relationships. The white divorce rate in this country proves that.  

 

 

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@Chevdove

1 hour ago, Chevdove said:

Trying to live and get along in a society that wasn't designed by or for AfroAmericans forces too many of us to act outside of our nature and it leads to pathological relationships.

I would say this applies to everyone. There are various instances of people snapping like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Who is shooting up the school. 

 

@Chevdove the truth is often offensive .

 

I don't think being a victim is a strength either. I think of strength as a positive attribute. So I don't think abusers abused victims and bullies having traits aren't aspirational for me.  

 

Can you tell me or describe an abuse that you personally feel would be beneficial for you to undergo. 

 

I think all relationships are a negotiation. Which can be done either consciously unconsciously or not. In one of my first jobs out of University I told my boss that I was going to sign a report.  I said I'll do the work but I won't sign it. She said fine. I told  coworkers that story for years. A few said they didn't know they could say no.

 

Our social system is sociopathic it is built on agression domination and theft. There are women that feel pressure to give a guy some of her takes her out for dinner. Then other women will go to dinner with a man they don't like for a free meal.  There are women that will split the bill. And some that will pay either because they invited you or that's their thing.

 

I used to hang out in New York night life. And I saw a few kept men and women both straight and homosexual. It appeared that the younger person was generally better looking more fit. That's  a projection because it could be the younger person could have the money. I felt as though . you both got what the wanted or needed. 

 

 

I  believe most decisions are subconscious or emotional.

 

How many times has a friend told you their reasons and you think, naw that doesn't add up.

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Nancy Cunard was one of the wealthiest women in the world and she was giving it away like it was dollar day.

Most people that I have met that are into Non vanilla sex either think more or have more money than the average person. Key parties and wife swapping was a thoroughly middle class suburban phenomenon. 

 

I once met a salesmen o a cross country who said he was in a small town and they were into wife swapping 

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The rich live by their own rules and morals.  Wife swapping and extra-marital affairs are tolerated by the middle class as long as discretion is exercised.  

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4 hours ago, Cynique said:

Tunnel vision sets people up for frustration.  Look at the big picture.  The black minority does not have a monopoly on dysfunctional relationships. The white divorce rate in this country proves that.  

 

Yes. Okay, so I think I have a case of tunnel vision.

4 hours ago, Delano said:

Can you tell me or describe an abuse that you personally feel would be beneficial for you to undergo. 

 

no. but on a personal note, having endured forms of abuse, however, I have become cautious and been able to let go and break from the abuser.

4 hours ago, Delano said:

Our social system is sociopathic it is built on agression domination and theft.

 

yes, I agree here.   

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