White Girl Black Girl Exploits —Stereotyping

[Chevdove]

 

 

White Girl Black Girl Exploits —Stereotyping  

 

 

Although this past experience may not seem to have a dramatic effect when it comes to race relations and prejudices, however, for some reason, it seems to have a lingering affect for me. Because of this particular time in my life years ago, I still ponder the question sometimes of whether it would be wrong or right to believe in stereotypes and how does this correlate to racist beliefs or preconceived notions. This question revolves around a brief friendship I made with a past co-worker, a White girl named Bethany and how we interacted at work and with others. And based upon some of what I observed, I also sometimes wonder if she too was both a perpetrator and a victim of some form of prejudice and stereotyping herself.  

 

Years ago, one day, I applied for and was happily hired as a waitress in a well-known restaurant chain in a small suburban area with a small-town atmosphere. But initially and unexpectedly, it proved to be a stressful experience to say the least. Due to unfortunate circumstances in my life at that time, my husband and I fled to this little township in North Carolina for refuge and relief from stressful family conflicts. To our extended family’s dismay, I had decided to temporarily leave my career so that I could be a-Stay-at-home-Mom and for this reason, I was severely persecuted. One of the reasons I made this choice was due to my own childhood experiences of being a latch-key-kid. I did not want my children to endure some of the inner pain and experiences that I had endured as a result of being left alone and all that goes along with being the product of a broken family. But again, because of my decision, I was pursued and therefore, fled to North Carolina. However once there, I knew that I would not be able to remain completely an at-home Mom. So, I applied for a part-time job to help support my family. I leaned how to fill out job applications that downplayed my higher education and so, I was elated when I was finally hired at a restaurant. But my joy was abruptly turned into stress. Right away, I was made to understand that I was in competition with the only other Black girl on the job ant it became obvious that she was the top choice. I was eerily informed that race relations were paramount in this small town. I learned quickly that if you were Black, to know one's place was key to being able to avoid hardship. So, when I arrived on the first evening shift, I was made to know that the other Black waitress was hired on the day shift because she was well liked. And I was abruptly snubbed and put in the worst seating section 1, an area where almost no customers were seated. At first, I thought I was doomed because I had no experience. However, as the empty night dragged on with no customers to serve, I decided that I would not give up. So, I began to 'bust tables' for other servers and although I received no tips, I continued to go from table to table with a bucket and cleared off all of the dishes after the customers left. But an even better opportunity came for me when I had witnessed another waitress in distress, and I seized this opportunity. It was Bethany and I thought that if I made friends with her, then perhaps it would be beneficial.

 

Bethany was assigned to the second worse section 2 of which during the weekdays especially, customers were not seated very often. However, had it not been for her complaints and hearing her cry out in anger, I would not have known that she was being deliberately targeted and ill-treated. It was clear that night that the other more favored waitresses did not like Bethany at all and even today, I have no idea why. She had been a waitress before, however, this was her first night on this job. She previously knew some of the workers, however. Bethany was in her mid-thirties, married, a brunette and had a nice build. She was curvier than the other girls and I thought well, could they be jealous? Anyway, at the end of the night, I heard her cry and pace back and forward in disdain, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that they gave her all of the worse ‘closing duties’ because they wanted her to quit. I noticed the other servers’ haughty expression as well. Bethany was told to pull out the heavy and bulky booths and to vacuum behind them and she was given the duty to clean the bathrooms. She was furious and complained to me that she could not move those booths by herself. Unlike the other girls, she was much smaller than they and I was the smallest. I wore a size 7/8 uniform and she was about a 9/10. But quickly, I said to her, “don’t cry, I will help you.” So, we both went through the whole dining room and with much effort, we both moved the booths, vacuumed and then pushed them back against the walls. Then I followed her to the bathrooms, and she showed me how to clean them by standard. Nevertheless, even though I had made a friend and bought time for a few more nights in section 1 and due to my willingness to push and shove booths, however, I was still not well received. So, to my misery, one night I came in and walked directly to the white board on the wall where section assignments were listed for the week and my name was completely erased. My heart fell. I went back home and for about an hour, I just sat in the dark and cried. After a while, I decided not to give in. I thought, “They could have at least let me know professionally.” So, I decided to go back and write a note to the head manager. I wrote that I was not given an assignment for the week and requested that I be put back on the board. I also decided to say a few words to the two night shift cooks while I was there. To my surprise, the next day when I called in to inquire, I was indeed put back on the board and not only that, but I was assigned to work in better sections! It would be months later though, that I realized it was the two cooks, two African American men, that spoke in my favor!

 

I eventually learned that the Black girl on day shift was unable to keep her job due to many absences. So, although she was very experienced and well liked, she was let go. But, even before her ill-fate, however again, I later came to learn that the real reason why it was decided to put me back on the schedule was due to the two Black cooks, Rick and Maurice. They were well liked on the job and well, they liked me! Michelle, the manager was not willing to piss off two of her three cooks. So, because of those two cooks, Bethany and the other waitresses that were later hired, therefore, my brief experience as a waitress came to be one of the most incredible times of my life. I will never forget another unfortunate day that an older White couple complained to me that their steak dinner was not cooked as they had liked. I made the mistake and wrote the wrong temperature for their steak. I messed up a steak order! I thought I was doomed and would not receive a tip. Everyone wishes to fill the order of a steak dinner because that almost ensures a good tipping customer. I ran back in the kitchen and sunk. I had to reorder the dinner, and I thought that Maurice was going to be angry with me. He looked at me with a straight face and said nothing. Shoot. But to my surprise, when I went back out on the floor to again apologize, I felt a warmth behind me. . . The couple looked over my shoulder and I noticed that they smiled. I turned and . . . It was Maurice! He came out of the kitchen to greet the couple and personally let them know that he would get their order right! He saved my tip!

 

I was eventually promoted and switched to the day shift of which meant better tips. However, prior to that day, for months I came to enjoy the night crew because we became a tight group. And it was Bethany that made the cohesion. We were the closing crew and Bethany offered rides home and so, she would pile us all up in her jeep and give us all rides to our homes. But it was one of these night rides home that has left a long-lasting impression on my mind about Bethany and the subject of Stereotyping. One night, I told her, nervously, to hurry and drive me home. I had both sets of keys to my apartment and my husband would be locked out. We left later than usual after closing that night and so, I pressed Bethany to take me home quickly. I told her that my husband at times can have a bad temper and he was going to be angry with me. Then Bethany said to me, “Is he Black?” I said,

 

“Yes.” Then she tipped her head to the side and said with a matter-of-factly tone,

 

“Then, he’ll get in.” – --

 

 

Well, my mouth dropped open! What!? I was so surprised that I could say nothing! I was in the front passenger seat and turned and looked at her as she drove. I stared at her, quietly. I was hoping that she felt my glare—I was hoping that my glare would make her face burn, so-to-speak. But no, she just kept looking forward and kept driving seemingly as if she had said nothing wrong. Then when she pulled up and parked, I was still hot, but I was torn between her comment and my husband being locked out. We did not see him initially however, I asked Bethany to get out and help me look for him and to help explain why we were late. I thought that if my husband saw my friend stand nearby, then he might not be too upset. So, we both got out of the jeep and walked up to the door. The door was locked. I unlocked it and slowly opened the door. Oh no! I looked at Bethany in surprise! She shrugged her shoulders and brisk past me and walked down the hallway to the kitchen and study room where we usually go after work to listen to music together and hang out. I heard this LOUD, LOUD SNORING! My husband was obviously upstairs in the room sleeping his head off! How did he get in? I wondered. I ran up the stairs and into the room and roused him. His arms were folded across his chest. He came to and slowly sat up and looked at me. Then he stood up. So, I said,

 

“Okay! The door was locked. How did you get in!?” He wrinkled his forehead and look at me sideways and said,

 

“Oh girl, please.” Then he grabbed my shoulders and sat me aside and walked off to the bathroom. I slowly marched downstairs, went into the kitchen where Bethany was sitting. She had no expression on her face. Then we did our usual and listened to music. …

 

A couple of months later, Bethany was fired and for no apparent reason. She was very distraught, and I was depressed for weeks and felt very lonely at work. I missed her and I missed how much fun we had. We still visited each other but it was not the same as when we were altogether with our closing crew. Shortly thereafter, I was promoted and switched to day shift and I made friends with other girls. But Bethany remained my best friend. The management never liked Bethany for some strange reason. Was she persecuted for being with ‘the Black crew!?’ So, they split up the night crew! –Which was probably a blessing in disguise because Maurice had begun to pursue me and call me at home! Like Bethany, I am a Christian and although I adored Maurice and Rick and, Maurice was especially handsome, however, no one could ever replace my husband. And then a few months later, we had to leave that little town because of the persecution that came by way of our family. But every now and then, I think back to those times and I still wonder about how our society has created such strange dynamics based on stereotypes and racism. Was Bethany wrong in her beliefs? I remember her frustration and how she explained that she had taken her son out of public school and put him in a private school because of the unruly ‘Black’ child that was given a sense of entitlement to be disruptive in the classroom.  What about the well-behaved Black children that were also victims of that same disruption? Can a financially struggling Black parent come up with funds to put their child in a private school and guarantee that their child would be free from other forms of racially motivated bad behavior, excused bad behavior, and a sense of entitlement to be disruptive and racist against Black students?

 

Sometimes, I think that anyone could potentially be both a victim and perpetrator of this strange phenomena called racism and Colorism. I have come to believe too that exploitations by way of the government helps to shape race relations and how we may sometimes unknowingly succumb to superficial beliefs. I remember recently when in Florida, my husband and I waited for hours for the management to come and unlock the broken gate to the indoor storage building. And while we stood there, this older White man walked up to the gate, keyed in his code and realized the gate was jammed. Then he turned and looked at us for a brief moment, put down his backpack and then he put both hands on the gate and jerked it off its track and it came open. Then, he smiled, threw his backpack on his back and walked in! The next day we went back to the same storage building and an Hispanic woman completely disregarded the sign which stated not to prop the gate open because it would cause a malfunction. She took a stick and propped the gate open, got back in her truck, backed into the passageway and took her time moving her boxes in and out of the gateway. Go figure!

 

 

 

[Pioneer1]

Chevdove

 

 

No one can tell a story like you, lol.

 “Is he Black?” I said,

“Yes.” Then she tipped her head to the side and said with a matter-of-factly tone,

“Then, he’ll get in.” – --

Well, my mouth dropped open!

My eyes stretched open a little wider!

I now know that sometimes Caucasians....when they get to know you well, literally FORGET that you are Black and they'll talk to you the same way they'll talk to other Caucasians.  Which is usually in a RACIST manner, lol.


 

 I ran up the stairs and into the room and roused him. His arms were folded across his chest. He came to and slowly sat up and looked at me. Then he stood up. So, I said,

 “Okay! The door was locked. How did you get in!?” He wrinkled his forehead and look at me sideways and said,

“Oh girl, please.” Then he grabbed my shoulders and sat me aside and walked off to the bathroom. 

Lol, sounds like something I would say and do!

Like...what the hell did you wake him up from enjoying his sleep just to ask him a question like that could have waiting for the morning!!!



 

Which was probably a blessing in disguise because Maurice had begun to pursue me and call me at home! 
 

Damn!

Booooy, boy, boy......

 

 

Was Bethany wrong in her beliefs? 
 

Sounds like she was RIGHT to me.
She said he'll find a way to get in...lol...and he did.

What was it about that particular statement that seemed to piss you off?
Was it the implication that him being Black meant he was good at "breaking in" buildings or something?




 

 I have come to believe too that exploitations by way of the government helps to shape race relations and how we may sometimes unknowingly succumb to superficial beliefs. 
 

Ofcourse.
The U.S. perpetuates racism through it's media as well as it's local government policies that ALLOW people to be racist and practice their racism.

People are allowed to live together in segregated communities and schools where everyone is of a certain race or ethnicity.  

You just go over the border to Canada and you won't see this because the government doesn't allow it.

I really enjoyed that story.
It was well detailed.

I also learned about how important "steak orders" are to waitresses!
I had no idea until you told us.
 

I used to flirt with waitresses a LOT.
Even got touchy-feely with them, right up until about a few years ago when I stopped because of the Me Too movement.  I didn't want to catch a case.
 

I forgot whether you said so or not but you should become an author, you seem to have a good memory and write with clear detail.
 

[Chevdove]

On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 AM, Pioneer1 said:

No one can tell a story like you, lol.

 

 

@Pioneer1 Thanks a lot! Thank you for taking the time to read it! I can get long winded!

 

On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 AM, Pioneer1 said:

Lol, sounds like something I would say and do!

Like...what the hell did you wake him up from enjoying his sleep just to ask him a question like that could have waiting for the morning!!!

 

ha! ha! No way!

 

On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 AM, Pioneer1 said:

What was it about that particular statement that seemed to piss you off?
Was it the implication that him being Black meant he was good at "breaking in" buildings or something?

 

Yes! 

 

On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 AM, Pioneer1 said:

You just go over the border to Canada and you won't see this because the government doesn't allow it.

 

No way! Really!?

 

On 4/2/2021 at 10:19 AM, Pioneer1 said:

I forgot whether you said so or not but you should become an author, you seem to have a good memory and write with clear detail.

 

Thanks again! I am thinking about it.

 

 

[Pioneer1]

Chev

 

 

Thanks a lot! Thank you for taking the time to read it! I can get long winded!

 

I enjoyed it.
There's a lot of detail for me to "picture" while I'm reading the story, which is why I said you should be an author.

 

 

No way! Really!?

 

I'm not sure if you can cross the border now, but when I lived in the Detroit area I used to go to Canada a lot.  I started when I was a teenager.  AfroAmericans noticed that we were treated much better in Canada than we were in the United States and couldn't figure out why at first.  But the more time I spent there the more I noticed how the government encouraged true diversity and didn't allow the same things that are allowed here.

 

Aside from having more nudity and less violence on their television.....lol...they also have more diversity (REAL diversity) and a more globalistic outlook on their television stations than you'll find in the United States.  It's like watching an adult version of Sesame Street.

The people are more educated and more peaceful too.

Crime is "controlled" here......while in Canada it seems to be actively prevented.