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The longer I live, the more memories and leisure time I have to replay the past on the screen of my mind. What I have noticed is that what I do remember is deeply etched in my mind and for some reason has stayed with me over the years. There are other events i have forgotten about until somebody brings them up. And, these memories do seem to be more vivid the older I get. I don't know whether the "inner narrative" that is ongoing inside my head has anything to do with all of this. i also have a very weird thing going on with my computer which has become very organic and when I sit down before it, - it tells me what to write.

Yes, this is all about how each person defines the words they are using and is more an exercise in ambiguity than anything else.

Well, an Alpha Male is in the eye of the beholder and has something to do with the pecking order. This term originated in the animal kingdom in describing how the male of the species will drive off or dominate other males who attempt to challenge his authority within the group. This is particularly observable among Lion prides. And even in a domesticated environment where 2 males cats live under the same roof. They will fight and the loser has to wait for the winner to finish eating before he can eat his meal from the same plate. i have personally seen this happen. But, if you 2 Beta bruthas don't want to be called "Alpha Males", then so be it.

Thank you all for your understanding and your replies. @Troy The example sentences you gave are quite blunt and to the point. I am glad that they stand out to me as being from someone I don't want to be associated with. The sentence this came up with me, was the following (doing some creative writing): "The town may have been conservative in its values, but racism was not really a part of this, and it seemed that this also wasn't what Miss Bobby was referring to, though she was one of the few people of color in the town." I want to establish Miss Bobby as a person of color, but I am unsure as to how to say it. This is in reaction to Miss Bobby saying that she hoped the town in question, could do with some lightening up. She herself is a high school teacher in her early thirties. I have to say it quite bluntly, but not maliciously because of the character thinking this. @Delano I am sorry, but could you clarify a bit, what you mean by prefacing my statements. @Cynique Thank you for the complements. Finnish education system and a lot of Jay Leno without subtitles growing up paid off, I guess. It might sound a bit arrogant, but I am actually not sure if my accent is thick enough to permit me that excuse. I obviously have one, but it may not be quite protruding enough, maybe, I don't really know. To add to my earlier ignorance though: Do you mean then that "colored" is a derogatory term? It seems like it could be neutral, but I actually am not sure. Thank you all for your patience. I can't even imagine how ignorant I must be coming off here. I actually thought I was part of the more enlightened part of the population (and in terms of my values I think I still definitely am), but noticing how ill-equipped I am to handle something like this has really floored me. I do appreciate (and need) all your help.

What are y'all's thoughts about memory? To me, it is a vehicle for time travel. In my declining years, i do a lot of looking back because so much of what was alive and familiar in my life is now "dead" and gone. At night in the dark silence of my solitude is one of the times when I revisit my past, conjuring up visual scenarios that are as vivid to me as the moment they happened. I recall conversations verbatim, and other intricate details. These recollections are not always pleasant ones, either. Music also conjure up memories, especially original recordings of songs by the artist who made them famous. My affinity for music dates back to early childhood when my ears were filled with what was being played on the 78-inch vinyl records spinning on an old turntable. Because I so love the ballads of the 1950s when my life was very intertwined with the hits of the day, I spend my leisure time reminiscing to the selections on a cable music channel that features songs from this era. And speaking of incense, (which I do burn from time to time just to help me relax) certain fragrances and aromas can also bring back memories. I have an old bottle of the cologne that I always wore whenever me and my husband were going out to social events. He loved the scent of it and now every time I take of whiff of it, I am flooded with feelings of nostalgia. Whenever I smell nutmeg spice, I always think of my mother and the apple pies she made. And then, of course, there is imagination. That's a whole other vehicle that can idle in the present or transport me to the future. "The mind is a terrible thing to waste." It is such a miraculous instrument with infinite possibilities.

@Troy I never bought HEM I cam only comment on what i know or can conceptualise. For some reason I never bought or if I did I didn't buy it a second time. So you want to leave your body and travel to another world. I tend not to jump into the deep end right away. Aries is Mars by day and Scorpio is Mars by night. Interestingly I met someone on Thursday while sitring in a bench that was more interestedin living in the astral world. Raymond Buckland has an encyclopedia in the occult. Which is one of the best surveys of the entire occult field. I also came across The Wizard's Bible in a South Bronx Botanica . It's a really small book. @Troy before attempting astral projection learn how to psychically protect yourself. Also burn incense before traveling. I recommend the following brands in order of preference Sai Flora, Nag Champa or Spirtual Sky. Others may work i just haven't used them. Also Yoga would be useful as would Tai Chi or Akido. Since they all ahve a spiritual component. I achieved Cosmic Consciousness accidentally while performing Tai Chi. Can we make a new post for Alpha miscommunication? Since yhis clearly needs its own thread @Troy

@Troy, I don't think lacking ability to concede to another perspective is a function of gender per se, but rather society's expectation put upon men. I also believe "catty" behavior is a function of women too. We will nearly annihilate one another to win the favor of men. My favorite quote is still "Patriarchy isn't men or women but society. We all have the capacity to become caricatures of our selves. BTW, I was around. I don't think Sara and Cynique were catty with each other.. Those arguments were downright eyebrow singeing-edge-snatching vicious. So glad they are over. I missed Cynique's Corner, so I was anxious to read what Cynique has to share. I thought the arguments took away from her content. Same with you three, when you all stopped building and start tearing down, the lessons, the how-to-use the knowledge was lost.