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What does Steve Harvey Know About Relationships?

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Celebrity is to Americans as The Royal Family is the British. I guess there is something in human nature that creates a tendency in the majority of folks to worship celebrity. And this is probably sufficient to answer my question.

I draw a line when we begin to value the advice of folks on subject matters they have clearly demonstrated little success in their own lives.

I’m not trying to pick on Steve Harvey personally, because I’m sure he is no worse (or better) than any of us. I just chose him of as one example, of many I could have selected, to illustrate my point.

In this month Essence magazine, Steve Harvey was on the cover again. This time the supporting article introduced Steve’s latest book: Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man. The promotional copy says, “Steve Harvey proves once again that he is the king of relationships.”

I don’t know much about Steve’s personal life; I really only care how funny he is. However I read the Essence article and learned that Steve is one his 3rd marriage and has four children by 3 different women. If being the “King of Relationships” is measured by the sheer number of relationships then I guess the crown is warranted.

Personally, if I’m interested in learning how to obtain, develop and maintain a quality relationship I’d be most interested in the advice of someone that has actually accomplished the feat or at least studied the issue in a meaningful manner.

Of course I realize a non-celebrity would be incapable of making the NY Times bestsellers list offering advice on the relationships. A Steve Harvey can. Presumably it should make no difference who delivers the message assuming the advice is sound. So I guess I should stop bitching and be glad someone can do the work and help others.

Then again, maybe Steve is simply capitalizing off his celebrity and offering poor advice to people worse off than he is; people with fewer financial resources and too fixated on his celebrity to know better.

We expect far too much from athletes, actors, and comedians. Whether it is Ronald Regan, Anorld Schweznegger (no I’m not gonna look up the correct spelling) or Al Franken we expect these folks to know a little more than us. Black actors for the most part have to be a rapper or comedian to be cast in a major motion picture; and athletes are expected to be model citizens.

And comedians, with multiple failed marriages, are expected to be able to offer sage advice on relationships.

We live in a twisted world.

Actually if you do read the slimed down version of Essence magazine check out the article on the rapes in Haiti it is a piece of journalism I'm unaccustomed to seeing in Essence

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Celebrity is to Americans as The Royal Family is the British. I guess there is something in human nature that creates a tendency in the majority of folks to worship celebrity. And this is probably sufficient to answer my question.

I draw a line when we begin to value the advice of folks on subject matters they have clearly demonstrated little success in their own lives.

I’m not trying to pick on Steve Harvey personally, because I’m sure he is no worse (or better) than any of us. I just chose him of as one example, of many I could have selected, to illustrate my point.

In this month Essence magazine, Steve Harvey was on the cover again. This time the supporting article introduced Steve’s latest book: Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man. The promotional copy says, “Steve Harvey proves once again that he is the king of relationships.”

I don’t know much about Steve’s personal life; I really only care how funny he is. However I read the Essence article and learned that Steve is one his 3rd marriage and has four children by 3 different women. If being the “King of Relationships” is measured by the sheer number of relationships then I guess the crown is warranted.

Personally, if I’m interested in learning how to obtain, develop and maintain a quality relationship I’d be most interested in the advice of someone that has actually accomplished the feat or at least studied the issue in a meaningful manner.

Of course I realize a non-celebrity would be incapable of making the NY Times bestsellers list offering advice on the relationships. A Steve Harvey can. Presumably it should make no difference who delivers the message assuming the advice is sound. So I guess I should stop bitching and be glad someone can do the work and help others.

Then again, maybe Steve is simply capitalizing off his celebrity and offering poor advice to people worse off than he is; people with fewer financial resources and too fixated on his celebrity to know better.

We expect far too much from athletes, actors, and comedians. Whether it is Ronald Regan, Anorld Schweznegger (no I’m not gonna look up the correct spelling) or Al Franken we expect these folks to know a little more than us. Black actors for the most part have to be a rapper or comedian to be cast in a major motion picture; and athletes are expected to be model citizens.

And comedians, with multiple failed marriages, are expected to be able to offer sage advice on relationships.

We live in a twisted world.

Actually if you do read the slimed down version of Essence magazine check out the article on the rapes in Haiti it is a piece of journalism I'm unaccustomed to seeing in Essence

Most of my book buddies agree with you. We dont plan to read...

LiLi

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LOL. Maybe Steve Harvey kept on marrying until he got it right, and now thinks he's qualified to speak on the subject of relationships.

I don't think anybody really knows what they're talking about when they give advice about how to get a man. There are no rules. I have in fact, noticed that some men are drawn to needy women whom they feel sorry for. A friend of my daughters who had a lot going for her was devastated when her boyfriend left her to be with a struggling young highschool drop-out with 3 little kids. A friend of mine has been married 4 times and she's not all that. But she's NEVER had any trouble finding acceptable men to marry her. Another girl I used to work with was never at a loss for boyfriends while other more attractive female co-workers were sitting home alone on week-ends. My other daughter claims fat girls get just as many men as thin ones because the fat ones "think" they're fine. She was the bridesmaid in a wedding where the bride weighed in at 215 lbs and the groom was crazy about her. I guess maybe you could say some of these examples "settled".

They had a special on cable's TLC where this tall handsome guy married a woman who only had half a body; no legs, just a torso. She got around by using a skate board which she propelled with her hands. Another lady had no arms and did everything with her feet including driving a car but still had a nice husband. ???

The women who are still waiting for Mr. Right, should maybe heed the advice of another guy I knew who was famous for saying "show me a woman who 'gives good head' and I'll show you a woman who's married".

My advice remains the same. Men are drawn to women who have warm smiles. (You're lucky if you find one who is worthy of having his ego boosted.)

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This culture is just so jacked up now. Knowledge about relationships should be so well defined and ingrained that everyone should know the deal by the time they finish puberty. Today we got comedians reinventing the wheel based upon calls from other nuts.

Cynique regarding blow jobs: I would have cited Karrine Steffans (God, this the 2nd time I wrote about Karrine in one day) to dispute your friend's claim.

I always think of Andrew Dice Clay who would inquire if the wife of some dude in the audience could give good head when they first met. Usually the proud husband would say, "yeah" and Dice Clay would growl, "How do you think she got that way!!!"

Some guys want head from whores but not their wives.

It all depends on the dude.

Frances Cress Welsing said men should not get married before age of 35 and women 30. Of course neither should have children before marriage. I suspect if you ignored all the stuff about about appearence, blow jobs, and anything else a Steve Harvey might mention in his book. This alone would probably be enough to greatly improve the odds of a successful family.

It would be interesting to see some data on the success rates of first time marriages of black people who got hitched up after 35/30 age. But I would bet the sample set would be too small to mean anything.

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This culture is just so jacked up now. Knowledge about relationships should be so well defined and ingrained that everyone should know the deal by the time they finish puberty. Today we got comedians reinventing the wheel based upon calls from other nuts.

Cynique regarding blow jobs: I would have cited Karrine Steffans (God, this the 2nd time I wrote about Karrine in one day) to dispute your friend's claim.

I always think of Andrew Dice Clay who would inquire if the wife of some dude in the audience could give good head when they first met. Usually the proud husband would say, "yeah" and Dice Clay would growl, "How do you think she got that way!!!"

Some guys want head from whores but not their wives.

It all depends on the dude.

Frances Cress Welsing said men should not get married before age of 35 and women 30. Of course neither should have children before marriage. I suspect if you ignored all the stuff about about appearence, blow jobs, and anything else a Steve Harvey might mention in his book. This alone would probably be enough to greatly improve the odds of a successful family.

It would be interesting to see some data on the success rates of first time marriages of black people who got hitched up after 35/30 age. But I would bet the sample set would be too small to mean anything.

I was 43 and married a year..LOL I wish I had not.

LiLi

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Lili was it your first marriage? How old was your beau and was it his first marriage.

I'm sorry to read about your failed marriage.

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I'm not hating on Steve. He should milk the suckers for everything he can get.

I only wish I could come up with some bushwah to separate them from their money.

My own religion, maybe? Hmmmm

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Chris you don’t need your own religion; you can use one of the existing ones like, like Christianity, as some of our more charismatic Brothers have.

And seriously, I ain’t hatin’ on Steve either just makin’ an observation. I too would capitalize off giving relationship advice – if I could. For now I’ll be content with earning commission off his book sales B)

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Well, my laptop froze on me so I will not spend more time by retyping my original response.

I will say that Steve may have learned from his faults as well as his successes in those relationships. And, I know many people who should learn both sides in regards to relationships, because let's face it...there are things that go right and don't in them. Better to be prepared and have ways of dealing and coping than being blind sided. Which I think as a person who has personally experienced in his failed marriages apparently, it does make him a credible source to learn something from and even laugh about along the way. We could say the same about Chris Rock on a stage or Juanita Bynum in a church who are also celebrities. They fill demand with supply along with the help of a lit. agent publicist and sell others what they enter bookstores for. To be entertained and informed. He may not be an expert at love, but that doesn't mean we can't learn something from him either. So, I commend him for stepping up and at least being willing to take criticism for his past and hand us insight into a complementive present and future.

Here's the real kicker though, if he doesn't write his book where do people who want to learn about relationships turn to to improve their relationships or themselves in relationships then? The only other way to learn is by fumbling or completely failing ourselves in actual relationships. Some might say well ask your pastors for help or parents. But, what if they are as equally challenged and even unwilling to impart advice because of that or the desire for privacy about their blemishes in that department of life? My parents had a tumultuous relationship, but survived 20 years and counting. As one of the people replied to in this post, there are no rules. What applies for one couple may be the opposite in another's affair. Then there are obviously the base etiquettes to learn and apply. But, we damn sure don't learn about this in school growing up.

R. D. Turner

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Turner, your question: "Here's the real kicker though, if he doesn't write his book where do people who want to learn about relationships turn to to improve their relationships or themselves in relationships then?", illustrates my point.

See it would never occur to me that a comedian, who has demonstrated marginal relationship skill, would be expected (or even desired) to teach something that should come from one's parents, religion, and culture. These skills should be as fundamental to the culture as language.

Your so called "kicker" is illustrative of a very serious cultural problem.

I realize there are people who will read the book purely for entertainment value.

However I also know there will be people who will be reading Steve's book because they need help. This is the real tragedy.

I believe Steve’s attempt to help is sincere, and for that I commend him too. I just lament the fact that a book like Steve Harvey’s makes sense and is “needed”.

The American culture is like a child without a parent; lost, prone to fits and outbursts, no sense of anything outside its own self-interest -- desperately in need of help and guidance.

The only saving grace is that there is a world of potential here...

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I see you love to paraphrase...lol

Well, I do agree with this notion of celebrities bailing bunglers out of their being prone to mistake or failed relationship after failed relationship. It is sad that people will actually pore over the words in a desperate attempt for some nuggets of knowledge to apply to their own individual situations. If they fail to get anything from him, tell them to try Superhead's book! lol

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Lili was it your first marriage? How old was your beau and was it his first marriage.

I'm sorry to read about your failed marriage.

No worries..he was about 37..but that wasnt the problem. I just shouldnt have married HIM.

LiLi

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Turner, man, Superhead's books are #1, #2 and #3 on the AALBC.com's all time bestselling books lists on AALBC.com. I tell you it is cultural man. You can judge a society by what and how they consume.

Linda, I hear you.

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