Cynique

Depends on what you're compromising on. One partner might give up smoking, if the other loses weight. This is a win-win situation. Marriage doesn't always have to be a lot of melodrama. Giving people their space is always a plus. These are lessons for preserving a marriage. But nothing can liberate a free spirit except being released from a marriage that has become a prison.

I grew tired of looking at my face so i have exchanged my profile picture for that of a rainbow encircling a luminous field of light which if stared at might become a focal point to either stimulate thought or clear the mind. And speaking of thoughts...

@Pioneer1More garbage from the world's foremost authority on nothing, known for having no experiments or laboratory results to back up his unfounded claims, so busy chewing the fat about nothing that he's a skinny, sorry-assed specimen of evolution gone wrong. EEk! Watta geek!

Advice you should take yourself. Some of the trite, ridiculous things you prate on and on and on about certainly are better left inside your numb skull. My article was inspired by what i had been hearing other women say for years not exclusively on my experiences and your spanking was equivalent to being hit with a wet noodle considering how lame your attempt at a rebuttal was. Whomever it was who didn't marry you should certainly consider herself lucky. Still waiting for you to deny that your blow-up doll is your only bed mate, when your grubby little fingers don't get the job done.

@Pioneer1Talk about straw man arguments, you have no room to talk. Of course my Op-Ed piece was a generalization and i ended it with saying that its genesis originated in my imagination, and was motivated by what i had been hearing women say for years. It wasn't directed at men, especially one like you. It was opinionated editorializing about single womanhood. So your responses were based upon a misguided assumption you made and there was nothing enlightening about any of your tired comments. @Troy @Del@Chevdove @Mel Marriage is certainly something you have to work at and being single can be an occupation unto itself. Happiness can be measured in minutes, and finding one's soul mate is the stuff of romantic novels. Life is more about the journey than the destination and sometimes, along the way, you get lucky and love conquers all.

Yes. And he would've likewise expressed to me what flaws women have. We dealt with life's realities and coped as best we could, with humor being our saving grace. I haven't decided.

I wrote this commentary below a couple of weeks ago but changed my mind about posting it because it was too cynical. But, on second thought, men do need to know they are not premium goods. Marriage really is a sacrifice for women. Especially if love isn't their primary motivation to get wed. In this day, particularly in the black community, where the battle of the sexes is ongoing, certain assumptions are made such as black men and women not being able to live with each other nor being able to live without each. But is it a really a "given" that all black women or woman of any color unequivocally need a committed mate of the opposite sex? If a woman is independent, has a career she's passionate about, one that provides her with financial rewards that make a residence of choice and a car affordable, if she has an array of sex toys that take her places shes's never been, a busy life full of avocations then, other than for household or car repairs, what does a woman need a man for? Motherhood? A status guaranteed to not only obliterate her identity but subject her to a life time of worry, sacrifice, and exhaustion. The only dubious compensation for enslavement to a child is an interval of attracting attention via a grotesque stomach shown off in a tight dress? And later, the obligatory breast-feeding project too frequently accompanied by photo-ops capturing these boring moments for social media exposure? Not to mention conducting a public suckling that gives her a chance to defy frowns and dare someone to not be as thrilled as she is over doing what any cow can do. Like marriage, what's the big deal about motherhood? Not a something that calls out to you? Then get a cat or become a favorite aunt. And who would would miss cooking meals every night and doing dirty laundry, and the drudgery of housework, the hassle of chauffering kids and nursing their ills and enduring in-laws and having no private space or time for oneself? Who'd miss the marital togetherness - the snoring and farting and groping and thrashing of a slobbering blanket hog giving mattress springs a hard time? if you have the courage to buck tradition and resist the pressures of society, do so and remain happily single, Who needs a man, an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye? (Something, you, yourself, could be free to have when seeking a change of pace in the embrace of a stud from a reserve supply of disposable fuck-buddies.) Do i speak from experience or bitterness when promoting this alternative existence? Not particularly; Inspired by an earful of common complaints, i am simply coming from a place in my imagination that pictures the possibility of a different lifestyle, - one that promises another kind of "fulfillment" - one that invites "you to do you". Celebrate yourself and leave marriage and a family to those for whom this claustrophobic commitment fills a void.

Toned body? Yes! Muscular one? No. Working out? No. Daily walk around the block? Yes. Motivated? No. Lazy? Yes.

i wouldn't think to "flunk" would be enjoyable if you're trying to acquire knowledge about music. Can i please get a FUNK here?? (Do you males on this site ever choose to proof read????) No visual symbol came to mind; just an invisible urge to have my ears satisfied. And whichever among my favorite popular songs happened to be playing as i turned the radio knob, was the choice that was made for me.

Couldn't resist. Everybody enjoys a good fuck now and then... Talk about a Freudian slip. When i was growing up, radio was the main way to hear music. And you could dial from station to station. To me, i liked what i liked, whatever the genre; anything that had good lyrics and a strong melody grabbed me. My choices were made for me. Symbols are silent messages that trigger a conditioned response in the brain. American flags make patriots emotional. Swastikas stir pride in white nationalists. A raised fist logo spikes aggression in black people. Crosses calm Christians. Traffic symbols instruct drivers. The silence of symbols is loud. Letters are symbols that when arranged a certain way inspire sounds that have meaning. Symbols are cool.

In the year 2018, the whole structure of the family has changed. It can be made up of same sex partners in addition to female headed households, as well as ones run by single dads. Those who say the traditional way is best because it facilitates a balance that creates a better society, are the ones who are stuck in the past. They feel their view is supported by how much better things were back in the "good old days". But is this true? Maybe for men is was. But women weren't always content being confined to the role of subservient wife, selfless mother and dutiful homemaker. The way the divorce rate escalated under these circumstances doesn't say much for how great things worked out with society assigning roles to the sexes. Now that women have broken the mold and are about being equal partners in a relationship, some men want to slap them down and lecture them about how much better things work when women are not strong - something male chauvinist feel is equivalent to being domineering and argumentative. Secure men, however, don't have a big problem with smart, strong women. If a wife, for instance, is better at handling the finances, and a husband is as good a cook as his wife, then sharing responsibilities makes for a stable home environment. "A happy wife means a happy life". Also, a loving environment, no matter what the sexual orientation of the parents, is an acceptable alternative to a tense hostile atmosphere generated by heterosexual parents constantly at each other's throats. Time brings change. Those who can't adjust to it are out of touch. For an unattached man like Pioneer, who has never been married and therefore unqualified to speak on the subject, to advise a single black woman who is "soft, warm, beautiful, argumentative, opinionated, and intelligent" that she is, in effect, better off if she plays into the role of being emotionally and intellectually weak, in order to enable men to be strong and smart, is something that calls for a rebuttal.

I could draw the conclusion from this discussion that "freedom" is an unnecessary word, because it is a status that does not exist. Implicit in all the individual contentions is that nobody is totally at liberty to do anything they want because extenuating circumstances come into play and corrupt the purity of the word "freedom". Choices and decisions are rejected as being examples of freedom because of what motivates and influences them . Freedom, if nothing else, is a paradoxical state of mind wherein people are free to believe anything they wish because freedom isn't a reality. .

@DelWell, using the criteria of you and Kalexande,r if we aren't free then we must be enslaved. Since nothing is keeping me from striving for and achieving a goal, then i am not enslaved, so i must be free. All humans are free to dream and imagine. Opting to not do something is exercising your free will.

@Pioneer1Watta crock. There you go with a ridiculously generalized statement that you modify by saying that "every woman is different", an assertion you further dilute by injecting the word "most" into the mix, all of which totally voids the viability of your vacillating statement. - a statement that doesn't hold up in its implication that "generally speaking" although "all men are different", "most" of them are mentally and physically stronger than women. Men may have brawn, but their superior brain power is not a given. It depends on the area of expertise. Emotionally speaking, maturity remains elusive in the male development. Biologically speaking, the reason women are the ones who bear children is because they are better-equipped both physically and mentally for this ordeal. Women routinely handle illnesses better than men, who are big babies. Women are also pliant, able to adjust to loss and tragedy wherein men are brittle, - hard, but easily shattered . As for balance, it's not about one sex acting one way and the opposite sex acting the other way; it's about relationships in which both members do what they are better at in order to maintain a stable working partnership. Roles are no longer assigned to gender in today's world. The era of hunters and gatherers has gone the way of primitive homo sapiens. BTW, nobody likes an individual of either sex who is "domineering, combative, and argumentive". Nor does nobody respect a male who is timid, inept, and wimpy. To my sister who said: "I am a black woman and this is how we are cast in this world but I have Feelings, and am soft, warm, beautiful, argumentative, opinionated, and intelligent. Is it so wrong to be a black woman who is strong?", - I say "no". You go, Girl!

May i inject the idea that freedom is an abstract idea and is also relative in that it involves choices. There are personal freedoms and public freedoms. Tangible ones and intangible ones. Mental ones and physical ones. i am free to think anything i choose; free to express an opinion about any subject. i am free to not believe in or worship "god". i do not revere the American flag and i am free to burn one in public, I am free to choose not to vote. I am free to call another black person a nigger/nigga. i am free to kill a person in self defense. Death and taxes are actually the only restrictions in my life but i can choose to not do things that will endanger my life, and even free to not make enough money to pay taxes. It just depends on what challenges you face in life and what decisions you make in regard to them.

@Troy I don't care what you or anybody else thinks i have a responsibility to do, or what my role is. My current approach to life, influenced by certain philosophical disciplines, personal perceptions and spiritual inclination, is what guides me. So enough with the preaching. i march to my own drumbeat.

@Troy Why do you continue to explain and justify to me something that i have already signed off on? Am i supposed to be surprised that you are not going to go out and buy a pair of NIKEs? i said this is not some thing i plan to do, either, but your persist in reminding me that those who buy NIKEs are being manipulated. So, - what else is new?

But all people raised in a hostile environment don't go out and kill each other. Some do, some don't; that's where the stable family environment figures in the equation. And i didn't say my generation was better than yours! All i'm saying is that it is your generation's responsibility to make things safer for your progeny, not mine, something you don't seem to consider when you get disappointed about me just watching the world go by instead of worrying about the future. . That's why I've adopted the attitude i have.

I don't know what Colin would've done and it's all hindsight now because his taking a knee has taken on a life of its own and its life has changed his life. So be it. We've had this conversation before so we're just going in in circles. Okay. Make a note. Add NIKE to the list of all the things that are having a negative impact on this world.

I don't understand the point you are trying to make. On this thread the only example of me not being understanding of my fellow man is my reference to white bigots who benefit from the same racism that victimizes black people. As for the situation in Chicago, a black newspaper columnist recently made the point that too many black people hurl accusations of "victim shaming" when outsiders like Chicago's mayor, Rahm Emanual, suggest that poor home training and lack of character building is at the core of the black-on-black crime. She believes, and i agree from experience that, in private, black people think this, too. But they just don't want to give white people material to use against us. The almost nightly TV interviews when survivors of shooting victims frequently pose the question, "where are the parents of these kids"? Bad schools? Unemployment? Schools cannot educate unmotivated children. Even so, for drop-outs, jobs are plentiful now. But the streets maintain their lure for kids who have no parental guidance. Furthermore, there's not a lot of publicity given to the positive things that young black people are involved in in Chicago. Not all of the inner city kids are gang bangers who are shooting and killing each other. So, apparently, some of them are being raised right, not to mention the middle class blacks whose kids don't go to public schools, but do go to college, subsequently pursuing careers and going into professions, finding ways to function in the mainstream. When it comes to my fellow man, i give credit where credit is due. And i have had ample occasion to do this during a life time of observing my race. You harp on my having no concern about my progeny. First of all, as a child of The Depression who grew up during World War II in a racially biased country, the generation who came before me and my contemporaries didn't and couldn't do a lot for our future. My generation did the best we could by mounting a Civil Rights movement passing on the progress we made to our progeny which was the Baby Boomer Generation. Baby Boomers and Gen Xers are who are responsible for the "Me" and "Millennial" generations, who are so self absorbed, so steeped in their sense of entitlement, too hooked on iPhones, and social media and computer games to do for themselves. So don't lecture me about something over which i have no control. You fix it. I'm settling back into my role of spectator.

No way.

this is not true. Below is all i said when i posted the ad. You are putting your spin on it . i later differed with your opinion that Kaepernick had not sacrified anything because i thought giving up his football career was a sacrifice. Also I later said that NIKE and Jordan were making millions off of slave labor when it came to the manufacture of their products. jordan has sacrificed nothing, taken no stand the way Serena and LeBron James did, and still remains a hero to sports fans of all races. I made it clear i was not under any illusions about NIKE's motives, but allowed that this is a capitalistic country where corporate America is in the business of making money for themselves and their stock holders. Something that you can't seem to wrap your brain around. i later tried to inject a little humor into the proceedings by a posting a meme parody featuring Mike Tyson that was lifted from FaceBook, and you nearly lost your mind over my comment that FaceBook has a sense of humor. Puleeze.

The coach of Serena Williams broke the rules by hand-signaling to her from his seat in the stands. This triggered an escalating argument between her and the judge which ended with her being penalized a game after throwing a tantrum, and destroying her racquet. Just recently during a game, a female tennis player took off her top because it was on backwards and she wanted to straighten it out. She was reprimanded for this although male tennis players take off their shirts all the time. Coaches routinely communicate with their players from the stands in violation of the rules. Male tennis players get away with what Serena was drastically penalized for. Dating back to the era of Jimmy Connors and john McEnroe on up to the present male players rant at judges and violently react to disputed calls without stiff penalties. The take-away from this for me is that Serena was a victim of sexism, the same consensus among most of her white female colleagues. The cartoon was a caricature, - a depiction of what actually happened. In real life, the slender Naomi's pony tail actually was blond, and in the cartoon her skin tone is slightly shaded, a darker hue than that of the umpire. We see what we want to see. Lately, Serena seems more interested in championing motherhood, constantly making reference to her guilt about being away from her baby, appointing herself as a representative for all the women who encounter problems when returning to work after childbirth, - all in an effort to prove that she's still got it. Serena is rich and famous, a multi-millionaire and the best female tennis player in the world with trophies and plaques to prove this. She has enjoyed a long and legendary reign, amassing a record number of grand slam wins. But a new day is on the horizon. She should retire gracefully and go out on top, imo.

I was inspired by your snide remark below. ( I have never touted NIKE and, in fact, said i wouldn't be buying any gym shoes. Because i don't need a pair and they are too expensive) Who's doing this? I didn't

@Pioneer1What does reading your crap have to do with intellectual ability?? I'm not going anywhere. My night is just beginning. But don't let that keep you from crawling under your covers and playing with your teenie-weenie, - if you can find it.