Mel Hopkins

@Pioneer1 At first, I took your answer to mean that you were saying that Indigenous Africans and the African Diaspora were and are stupid. And I was about to come on here and argue the point that pale humans are not smarter, because destruction is the antithesis of smart, especially when you try to "build" anything. The smarter move is preservation, and conservation is how you build. But then this video popped up in my YouTube feed, and I realized you spoke brilliantly in shorthand. Since I'm a lover of rhetoric, it took me time to see your position. So, the following presentation is how I came to understand your response and the basis of your argument.

Truem that is the origin of marriage though. Except it is update for today when women don't have to give up ownership to her property or self. So, outside of state marriage, Brotha @ProfD What is your is definition of marriage? How would it work in your opinion.

I don't believe that. I do believe separation from the source can cause psychological damage. Something went down between us like the mythology esau & jacob, cain and abel - and also stories of mythological women like Lilith and Hindu Ahalya and another that I can't remember her name who ended men - and we just forgot why this feud exist.

This is my normal. BUT this is the first time I've seen this group. I believe we can all see beings, but many of us choose not to see. These beings are different from the energy that takes form here as humans but refuses to leave this dimension in their previous form. Case in point, I literally had to tell a tortured soul that their story had ended, and they were free. At first they were confused (or didn't believe me), but then something shifted, and they left. I no longer feel them here. I think this house and subdivision were built on a battlefield. Nor the tortured state they were in. So yes, I've always been "psychic" (although I don't think that's a thing it is just another dormant sense). But it became really strong after "i died" at 19. I told y'all that story before. I think that's why I can "see" and "feel" these things, and I believe it is generational. My family never talked themselves out of these senses that are dormant in others.

Modern humans are all from Africa. So are you saying pale people are not human? C'mon now, dna shows us that during the migration many left Africa and folks simply adapted to their new climates. We are all the same folks just some are paler. Unless you're talking about the ETs...👀

I've always believed in extra terrestrials - especially after my firstborn woke me up and told me what she saw beside her crib. She didn't even have proper words for it, but she knew she was awake. She told me they were the "Buttaflowers." One night, recently, I woke up and saw three beings beside my bed with X across their chest. I jumped up quickly, and they vanished. Because we have AI now, I created a prompt describing what I saw - it looked like this, and they were extremely tall.

Women are making their own money, and many Black women are close to, if not already, millionaires. Further, we live in a society where guns are available to everyone -my daughter went to the gun range at least once a week. Further, depending on how determined a woman is, she can be fit and trained to protect herself even in hand-to-hand combat. I'm sure you saw that enlisted woman take down her counterpart. Now I'm one, but I was trained to know anything can be a weapon, and I also learned that if I pick it up, I won't hesitate to use it because that was part of the training too. Still, no one is looking for a roving band of marauders. In my marriage, I never had to send my husband to protect us - that "ish" happens in the movies. In real life, it's the mundane things that bring down and tear a marriage apart: cheating, unequal distribution of work at home, especially if two are working, unequal distribution of work when raising children, and dumb stuff that actually wears you down. Further, the intimate partner homicide is a thing. So in the real world, two high-achieving partners could be a reason to get married because "team work makes the dream work." Other than that, nope. There's no reason even in a patriarchal society to marry. Unless you want to join two families like back in Africa. Now, if it went back to when women couldn't enter into contracts, or some other crazy-azz restrictions against women, like we lose control of our bodies, then maybe...But even then, young women talk about Lavender marriages where they would marry a gay man. Even in the past, women found a way to stay single because marriage doesn't benefit women. BUT Africa was the longest surving civilization. Africa is home to some of the world’s oldest and most enduring civilizations, many of which predate European contact and continue to influence the continent today. Don't get it twisted. Don't confuse military might with practices that allowed African contries to endure. We are on slide to destruction. Therefore we did something right to create longevity - not destructuction. I'm in Atlanta, so you know there are A LOT!!! My next-door neighbor is 32, and she just dropped her fourth! But she is also wealthy too. I'll let you know for sure when I get on a plane. I can always tell who is having babies and how many by going to the airport. Last time was in December, and there weren't that many - but unless these people are staying off the radar - stats say the drop is big.

All we have to do is look back to ancient Africa and how they were able to move together even though there was diversity of thought and tribal nuances. I've never been a 'ghetto' girl/woman, nor are we "get along go along" folks and neither are my close friends or family, and we weren't raised by parents who were 'ghetto' (not to be confused with working class). We're not necessarily Oak Bluffs homeowners, but we don't need to be; my tribe is simply known for how we move through the world. Still, this is exactly why I don't begrudge other Black people of their ways and beliefs - UNLESS they infringe on mine. As that woman did on my flight — I don't "suffer fools gladly"—so I had to shut her down, respectfully, of course. I was working the flight. Yeah, I know about smiling at the "menz." I'm kind of glad I aged out. Still, everyone can use a smile. 😊

Although this is about "courting rituals," You do realize marriage offers nothing to women, right? If you think very carefully, you will realize that a man has nothing to offer a woman by way of marriage. Marriage is set up for men, not women. Why do you think the marriage rate and the birth rate have dropped in Western Civilization? It is because it offers nothing to women and everything to men. Especially now when women work a second shift when they get home. Many young women are freezing their eggs for a later date - not because they hope to get married but because they want to have the option to have a child once they are financially able. Think about it - why would a woman get married? "I'm my own rich husband"~Cher Absolutely, but this is how I've lived my life. I'm aware of their practices, but I'm not influenced by them. I do what I choose to do and question things that don't make sense. I don't even "code switch." I'm WYSIWYG in every environment. I've learned the only time that causes conflict is when I'm with my own people. Once a black woman on my flight told me I better be thankful to the lord - and I had to remind her that he belief is her own. Having said that, nothing made me get married when I did. In fact, we got married at the NYC justice of peace/City Clerk office. I'm not, nor was I under any illusion, that religion has anything to do with marriage here in the U.S. The courts allow a pastor, rabbi, imam, whomever to marry a couple - but the marriage is state-sanctioned. Anyway, I wanted to experience marriage, and then I learned it wasn't for me. When my ex gave me an out, I jetted. Those who adopt the social systems in place most likely don't have a safety net. I doubt it; if we collectively had financial resources, we'd follow anyone's script. 😆😆😆 Yes, this one has gotten me into trouble! I find people fascinating - so not only am I a people watcher...If I catch your eye, I'm going to smile at you. I'm not interested in a love connection - I like people. At the same time, I don't trust a lot of men too - so I will definitely look you dead in the eye to see what you're up to. I clock all the vitals. "Officer, he was 5'8, had a mole over his top lip...brown eyes -- a scar above his eyebrow -jaudice eyes, and a slight limp. It's not that he couldn't run but if you kicked him in the right spot on the left leg he's going down. Probably has circulation problems but hasn't recognized it might lead to a stroke." Gen Jones folks didn't get the same benefits as the older baby boomers. They have more in common with Gen X than boomers. Even though it is true, I still don't like the term. Gen Jones refers to"keeping up with the Joneses." You know Black people are not monolithic; we have inherent practices that are common to one group that are bizarre to another group. Don't make me start another topic now LOL.

Your resort to ad hominem attacks tells me far more about your character than your repeated explanations tell me about the novel. I questioned a statement you voluntarily used to promote your book. Rather than answer the literary question in good faith, you called my impressions “facile,” my sentence “inane,” suggested that I need help, and then wandered into irrelevant commentary about my daughter. That is not a defense of fiction. It is an attempt to discredit the person asking the question because you do not like the question. I understand perfectly well that you write fiction. What you appear unwilling to understand is that readers are permitted to examine the assumptions expressed by fictional characters—especially when the author repeats and defends those assumptions outside the novel. You have now shown me how you respond to mild criticism. I have no further interest in discussing your book with you.

I do not perform analyses by sight. I look for evidence and run the numbers. Sometimes I am right, and sometimes I am not, but I do not turn personal observations into facts about an entire group. Now you're asking me to attend Printer’s Row, watch which Black men pause at a tent, inspect their T-shirts, determine whether they are “doing the fest” or merely strolling, and then draw conclusions about Black men and reading. That is not data. That is surveillance with a thesis already attached!!! A man may browse quickly, read digitally, buy books elsewhere, visit one author, accompany someone, or simply enjoy the festival. A university T-shirt does not prove that he reads, and strolling through a literary festival does not prove that he does not. In fact, my daughter has her Juris Doctorate and she had to read so much you won't find her with a book ever! Still, your experience of feeling vulnerable while reading on the CTA is your experience. It may even be useful character material. But your personal discomfort does not establish a general Black male sensibility, nor does it prove that Black men rarely read in public. I would never look at a handful of Black women in public and decide that Black women do not read. That would be absurd. Yet that is essentially the method you are defending here. Still, this is what I find most interesting: instead of simply acknowledging that your original statement was broad, you keep supplying more anecdotes to support it. Your first statement is what started this conversation in earnest. You have explained your characters. You have explained your commute. You have explained Printer’s Row. BUT You still have not explained why your personal observations should be treated as a meaningful conclusion about Black men.

We already have a viable and ancient system of mating rituals! I've gotten proposals from my cooking...In fact, one suitor ate all my almond-flour cookies after he said he didn't want any. Black men will PROPOSE something if you cook for them!!! 😆That's our courting. Because Black men will also cook for Black women and if they cant cook they will take her to a linen-cloth table restaurant. If Black man wants to take you to his family reunion you better get off your booty and go! If a Black woman wants you to meet our sister-girls Black man that is a huge hint! Those are our courting rituals. Stop watching Hallmark movies @Pioneer1 !!!

@Pioneer1 and I had a meeting of the minds about Black Gen X, and I'll add Black Gen Jones men (born between 1955-1965): either avoiding marriage or staying married once they say, "I do." Now, we've agreed on a lot of the points made in this video presented on YouTube. But here's where we diverge in our perspectives. (see the topic "Search Engines and Aggregation Websites LOVE AALB to read the rest of the exchange) From my experience, Black people have different mating rituals than those who established Western civilization. When Black families come together, from birth to death, it is often a proverbial Thanksgiving, cook-out, brunch, or some type of eatfest. That is usually how you know two people are about to unite—case in point, my response to Pioneer's observation. When I met my firstborn's father in college, it was at his insistence that I come to his house for dinner. It wasn't our first encounter, but by the time he was really interested, I knew he was bringing a brontosaurus steak to win me over. On the flipside, I've gotten proposals from my cooking. In fact, one suitor ate all my homemade almond-flour cookies after he said he didn't want any. Black men will PROPOSE something if you cook for them!!! 😆 That's our courting ritual. As I said, Black men will also cook for Black women, and if they can't cook, they will take their date to some linen-cloth table restaurant with waiters ready to wait on the table. And creepy as this sounds, they will do this for the woman they want on the side too, so she knows he wants to keep her too. Also, I've learned that if a Black man wants to take you to his family reunion, you'd better get off your booty and go! He is really serious about that woman. On the same token, if a Black woman wants a Black man to meet her sister-girls, that is a huge hint! Those are our courting rituals. So, stop watching Hallmark movies to get a clue and watch us, what we do naturally, and then see what comes next and how quick we connect. Ok, so, that's what happens in my Black tribe. Has anyone observed something different in their tribe?

I was careful to distinguish between your novel, which I have not read, and the promotional comment you posted here, which I did read. My questions concerned the sweeping characterization in that comment and whether the novel ultimately challenges the character’s assumption. That was not an impression of the novel. I asked what kind of journey the character undertakes. Your response does not answer that question. I also noticed that your original post identifies him as the POV character, while your response now describes him as a non-POV character. This is exactly why clarification would have been more useful than dismissing my questions as “facile.” Yet you are surprised that I formed an opinion about the broad statement concerning Black men that you chose to quote while promoting Be White With Me. That was a mild critique. Are you sure you want people to read your book—or only readers who are likely to give you kind reviews? " You right!" I was thinking about that when I was watching the video. A lot of my friends are on their third marriage because their husbands were extremely distant. Even my ex -says he wished he could have connected with his uncle sooner. He believes we would have still been married because his uncle helped him work through a lot of issues.

My other "Twin" HeyGen AI-ed this one of our Flexx promotional photos taken in the 90s. She updated us I'm on the right. 😄