Mel Hopkins

@Troy Bravo for this response! And I know from speaking with one of your daughters you and your former wife were successful! Your daughter is lovely. And absolutely, it is more complex than that video. But why are we seeing a video of a baby girl in her private moments? Why is there someone making fun of her while the world watches? Why is there a man - who sounds decidely like a black man chastising a baby girl? We don’t know if this will leave psychological scars on a child who is experiencing life in her environment. And how is this supposed to build up the black community, again? Smh

Can’t forget! I -got tired of dealing with them—So, -I wrote the book then I conjured up THE BEST MAN!

@Pioneer1 oh by the way, this perspective definitely illustrates you and I live in different worlds. I don’t limit myself ever. If I’m going create an opportunity- I’m going to create the BEST and then I’ll decide if it fits. You may live within limits but that’s not for me. You may want to reread my words.

@Pioneer1 you can’t take my words out of context - no matter how much you write. I conjured up the best man for me - and he showed up. And he happened to be white. But not just white - so handsome that white women hated me. full stop. But what’s relevant today is he is great father! Now, you can whine about it all you want; but it is what is. It doesn’t diminish his standing. No man, including black men I met before him ...was as kind, considerate and caring as he is. So you can write what you want - it carries no weight and doesn’t change the main point - . Ali presented himself as sexist, misogynist poster child for white supremacy in that interview.

Maybe not evolved. More like throwbacks to egalitarian age. It’s racism that has evolved along with patriarchy. The two go hand and hand. So like you’ve written, I see us in shades of humanity. Probably because I’ve rejected patriarchy, and its religious handbooks. Also I began school in Germany lived on and off a army base that was a lot like the UN. Couple that with lots of travel plus parents who raised me to believe there’s only one race...and you get me, a humanist.

You’re wrong for assuming the best man is a white man for everyone. A white man wasn’t the best man for my mom. But since you believe the white man is the best man - I’m going to step out of the argument you seem to be having with yourself. Well, since 2/3 of my daughters are biologically his daughters... Believing their dad is supreme is awesome. I know I think my dad is/was the greatest. Don’t you think your dad is supreme too? Wow- just wow.

It's a start.

@Chevdove Oh Yes! To all of what you’ve written! @Cynique Yes!!! Confidence!! You always express what I can’t find the words for because they are wrapped in my emotions. It’s so funny how a person can subconsciously desire all these things but not know how to express it - Yes, Yes, Yes! I never sought a “white” man... I thought these attributes & characteristics existed in the black men I dated and held in high esteem. That is until they revealed themselves. I wonder how many black women, have denied themselves wonderful experiences and a life partner because they are waiting for these traits to appear in a black man. I wonder if they too feared losing an opportunity to comment on the pathologies in the black community because their non-black partner? Confidence does allow one to be kind to others. I remember my former husband saying he didn’t look in the mirror too long -because it invoked a false sense of security. I never understood what he meant by that until now. Damn.

@Delano And Religion - I refused to allow my daughters to go black baptist or evangelical churches.

@Pioneer1 CONTEXT is your friend, Black man! When I was creating my “THE BEST MAN”- he ain’t had no color!!! Just good character!

@Pioneer1 you do know I’m a writer, right? I don’t mean a diary writer - people PAY me to write. Therefore, I say and write what I mean. Straight no chaser. SOOOOOO Why are you assuming other men in my life have been any type of kind? Also, words are important ...CHOOSE has an interesting etymology, it origins implies free will to create ... the swahili word Kuumba is the closest to the word choose - its bantu etymology means “to create something from nothing” —- so you are correct! I imagined the BEST man to come into my life. After dealing with my baby daddy for all those years - who by the way said and did a lot of mean things to me - during my pregnancy and some not so nice things afterwards; I created a way for the BEST man to come into my life. And he did. And he was perfect for me. Now did I choose him because he was white? NOPE! I chose him because he CHOSE US... These are very wise words ... I hope you keep it in mind.

What are the facts? Seriously, I missed the facts. Ok, I understand your perspective now. I always gravitated towards beautiful energy - I don’t care what skin or genes it’s wrapped in. Sadly, I’ve read this type of statement from others - it’s just that they’ve replaced “white” in the sentence with another color or ethnic group. Still, I’m not here to change your mind - just communicate and grow from the exchange. @Pioneer1 My man is not my father - and I’m not his mother. Please don’t creep me out here.

@Pioneer1 Guilty - I expect men to act right. But I don’t believe chastizing any man about his behavior if he doesn’t meet the criteria. I’ll just move on.

This is so sad, @Pioneer1 and I recently wondered the same thing. It breaks my heart. Do you know , a white police officer have stopped traffic to help me make a u-turn when I was lost. Once I was driving with my lights off in the whitest city of america, where Sandra Bland was from ... and a white police officer pulled me over - told me my lights were off and after I apologized and told him I didn’t realize it and that I was going to pick up my daughter - he said be careful and told me where I might find her. My point is there are two americas for black people. Sandra Bland lived in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in America. When she left to move Texas - I believe she forgot we black women of privilege don’t get to carry it with us. We have to feel the temperament and tone of the environment before we speak.

@Pioneer1 Isn’t it funny how things work out like that? What’s the saying “you’ve tried all the rest, now try the best”? Seriously, though it appears that you believe recognizing someone who is treating you well or with kindness is a matter of brainswashing and conditioning. And it could be - but i’m not a church girl and didn’t allow my daughters to go to church without adult supervision - so my conditioning is not “white jesus” nor is it - that a woman is here to be subservient to a man nor subjugated by him... Now is my former husband kind because he’s white? I don’t know - but that’s not my concern ... He’s the kindest man I know. By the way, you do know you can only judge character by actions, right? Not one or two actions but what they do consistently. My former husband has a good heart - and does his best to make everyone whole - it’s how he uses his privilege.

@Pioneer1 History, Huh? Lol! My history is filled with black men. My father was black. My first born daughter’s father is black. I know black men well enough to write a book and I’ve written two! BUT critiiquing black men is not my job. Ali played himself in that video clip. He was a straight embarrassment. Now let me help you out here with MY history. I’ve only had 1 marriage. I married 1 blond hair blue-eyed french /german white man who to this day still loves this dark-skinned kinky-hair black woman and the ground she walks on. And he ain’t soft like you like to think about white men. You can’t roll with me and be soft. He would kick anyone’s ass who would dare to step to me , his black stepdaughter (yes he stepped up and raised her like his own) and African/european descent daughters... no matter what they or I wear. And trust, no one dictates what we wear or what we do ... and he’d still defend and protect us for exercising our rights. But then again he’s white in America so maybe that’s privilege lol. Even though we’re no longer married I considered myself lucky for choosing this strong white man as partner. He is the kindest man I know. Ironically, he never tried to control me or the girls...but I guess there was no need. So no, I didn’t choose white supremacy; I chose freedom -and what resulted is a white man who worships us black women...daughters of Africa, with all the respect due us.

@Pioneer1 is that video clip the hill you want to die on? Lol. OMG! Ali referred to African tribes as savages, his wife as merchandise, compared her to wild beast and praised the white man’s values! OIL DIAMONDS and GOLD have no intrinsic value ...Europeans gave it its value and destroyed practically all of Africa to mine it! What is valuable is ALWAYS visible! Eat some fruit or vegetables, take a breath, get a sip of water! Scratch “bitch” moves - Ali is an effing idiot in this video clip. Further, women are humans. We are free and belong to no man. He may try to enslave us, torture us but he will never own a woman. If anything, a woman controls a man’s fate. From conception, to when she gives him her mtDNA that houses ATP (aka the God Cell) to his birth; a woman controls whether he will exist. full stop. If she’s crafty enough she can end him when he’s born and many women have done just that. Edit: I will never understand the lunacy of a man claiming he is god when he and all men arrive on this planet the same way - though the crack of a woman’s ass. So what is this talk of ownership? A man may make laws or use religion to control a woman’s behavior but let’s not ever get it twisted - man-made laws will NEVER trump Nature. The speciation of the X chromosome is why humans exist in this form. I always thought Ali was a wise man - but in this clip, it is clear, he’s fully indocrinated as a white supremacist. Damn. For Ali to sit there and talk like that indicates he was brainwashed to the highest degree ... damn I’m embarrased to have seen this clip.! What’sn worse is to have his white host defend African tribes against Ali’s ignorance.

@Troy do you mean magnet, as in you’re attracted to women sporting purple hair? Now, that IS an interesting turn of event. But as my oldest daughter would say, “stop encouraging that behavior”. Just kidding. It seems as if you’re getting an excellent education in black hair-dos. Bravo

@Cynique You've spoken like a true hustler !!! one of the many reasons I admire you!!! “Always remember whether you be sucker or hustler in the world out there, you’ve got that vital edge if you can iron- clad your feelings. I picture the human mind as a movie screen. If you’re a dopey sucker, you’ll just sit and watch all kinds of mindwrecking, damn fool movies on that screen. After all, we are the absolute bosses of that whole theatre and show in our minds. We even write the script. So always write positive, dynamic scripts and show only the best movies for you on that screen whether you are pimp or priest.” - Iceberg Slim Yes, I believe it, @Troy . "Law of causation" <--- not really a law but I believe nothing ever happens without a cause - even if I haven't seen the cause.

@NubianFellowReal is all I know - and talking about people, what they wear, et al. is a sign of an inferior mind, lack of power and self-control. As I stated (and this will be the last time); if that’s a sign of black masculinity today, then it’s in a state of disrepair.

@Pioneer1 @NubianFellow Talking about someone’s appearance makes $$$ millions for Wendy Williams and her talk show but that’s cheap entertainment. Nagging about another’s appearance, which gay men have turned into an art form, is a weak and ineffective showing of black masculinity. In fact, when I was growing up in Brooklyn - dudes called that a “bitch” move. An actual sign of Black masculinity would reflect first in a man having control over himself, and then working to better his physical environment. And that’s the bare minimum.

@Pioneer1 If that's a sign of black masculinity - then that's quite damn sad.

Let the church say AMEN!!!

Welcome @Gibran , @Audrey Jones ! Thank you for joining us!