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This thread is prompted by an observation by Cynique on another thread but it goes into the response by Black men in general society when it comes to conflict in the community and especially between Black women. Why do so many Black men allow people and especially women to fight without doing the "manly" thing of stepping in to resolve it? I can't speak for other male posters, I can only speak from my personal experiences and observations as to why this often happens....... First of all, a lot of Black men actually DO step in Especially when things get physical....as I have on several occasions when women started fighting eachother in my presence. But as long as it doesn't get physical I step back and either observe or go about my own business as I believe people both male and female (and hermaphrodite) should have the right to express themselves as they wish. Maybe they needed that release to keep from really exploding. But I have noticed among the generation of younger men under me, fewer of them seem willing to step in and put an end to conflicts they may witness between women and indeed too many seem to actually CHEER on the girls as they fight eachother. You see it on facebook and youtube videos where girls are banging eachother around as the boys surround them seemingly enjoying it. This is going to sound like a sexist comment....and it probably is. But MOST men don't take women's fights seriously. Ofcourse the women do but most men don't and they don't see women as being capable of inflicting serious harm on eachother without weapons....so many see it as "cute" in a way and entertaining. Perhaps one step aboves school children fighting eachother. Also, there seems to be a cultural component to it because if there's a White man around, chances are HE will try to break up the fight. Most White men are taught to take charge of their community and they believe that they are the masters of the women and children in the community so even on a site like this if there was just one White male poster he'd probably be the first one to step in an try to settle things....because that's how they are. It's that chauvinism that is inherent in many of them. But many women come to rely on that male chauvinism and often miss it when it's not present. Most Black men on the other hand....perhaps from so many experiences of powerlessness in the home where their wife earns more money and commands more respect in the home than him - or in the community where all it takes to shut him up is a threat to call the police. Many brothers feel it's useless to try to stop adults be they male OR female from fighting eachother. Most Black men have grown up in a home with women in charge, they tend to respect the authority and power of women more so than White men so they are more hesitant to put the women "in their place" by stepping in and trying to quiet them. I saw 2 White women fight eachother in a pool hall one time and one of the White men tried to stop it and BOTH of the women turn on him and took turns whipping his ass with pool sticks. It took 4 or 5 other men and women to stop it and settle the place down....lol. White women are WAAAAAY more vulgar and violent than Black women when they are drunk! Finally, it doesn't seem that chivalry or being " a man" pays as much as it used to. Back in the past when people lived in a sexually repressed society a man had to EARN a woman's respect and love and if he was fortunate enough...MAYBE he'd be able to get sex from her. Men did a lot of nice things for women because it got thier attention and often lead to courtship and marriage or just plain sex. Now, it doesn't seem to matter whether a man acts like a gentleman or not. Hell, he doesn't even have to be a responsible human being. Most men can manage to get a girlriend or someone to have sex with him there's no pressure for him to be "extra nice" or even be extra protective to the women in society. I remember when I was a teenager and used to take the city bus, if I saw a woman struggling with her bags or a baby stroller to get on the bus I'd help her and if she was attractive I'd use it as an opportunity to get her number or strike up a conversation to get close to her. As we got into the late 90s I started noticing fewer women would say thank you or even smile. And then I started noticing more and more than many of these women had BOYFRIENDS either with them or waiting on them and these men wouldn't lift a finger to help them with their belongings...yet they would hug and kiss all over these men. Seeing that got me a little angry so I stopped doing it for the most part unless the woman was elderly or disabled, the same as I'd do for an elderly or disabled man. Now was it shiity of me to be nice to these women "expecting" some opportunity from them? Perhaps....although I did it for a lot of women expecting NOTHING in return. However the fact is most men desire sex or atleast admiration (ego sex) from women and most of what they do for women is to either directly or indirectly to get this. Once a man feels that no amount of chivalry and being a gentleman will improve his situation with a particular woman, nothing he does matters... then he sees no need to be a "nice guy" or step up and be a "man". I don't like the fact that so many young brothers in our community have such a selfish attitude. I personally would like to live in a society knowing that if I'm being assaulted and for some reason couldn't defend myself there are others willing to step in and come to my assisance and put an end to the assault. But then again, in a society where Black men have been made to feel so powerless and marginalized even in the home where they often aren't listened to or respected.....is their any wonder things have gotten to this point?

....so it looks like neither Cynique or Sara will allow the other to have the last word. As long as either was dissed, made fun of or in any way slighted. Neither are willing to simply let it go. I do have to admit I would love to know who Sara is in real life. First, I would make sure all of her books are on my website--that is a courtesy I give to any active participant on these forums. But I'm also curious because a Black NY Times bestseller, I would have to know her, or at least have met her. But I understand if she wants to maintain her anonymity I understand.

Interesting observations. I don't know what anybody can add to it. Akin to this subject is how gals always go for the bad guys. They don't like their men too bland until they've had their asses kicked and hearts broken a couple of times. Then they're ready to settle for a nice guy.

　 The more controversial my columns were, the better they liked it because, as we all know, the media loves controversy. and the response to my columns was piles of hate-mail. I've also noticed that most White people tend to like Black people who can effectively articulate themselves and their frustration without being too emotional. One of the problems I've seen on jobs and even in community matters is that too often Black people will get frustrated with something going on but when they get before those in charge they are often completely unprepared as to what to say or even WANT. They just start shouting and cussing. You're angry because there's no traffic light or stop sign at a particular intersection and 2 kids have already been hit by cars this year. So you go up to City Hall cussing and shouting and talking about the FBI's files on Martin Luther King and Black men being locked up in jail..... everything except what the actual problem is. And when you are marked a nut and ignored...or actually escorted out of the building....now you have a problem with the "system". I've found that many if not most Whites in authority tend to be cereberal and wish to "understand" why people do and say what they do and say so those who can best help them understand why are often the ones who have their ear on matters even if what they have to say is quite controversial. Malcolm X used to call White people devils out in the open, but he did it so articulately that most educated White people couldn't get enough of him because he helped them understand the frustrations of Black America at that time.