Mel Hopkins

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@Troy, I didn't agree with everything you wrote in the full comment where I pulled this quote from but I put a "like" on it because it was thoughtful. As for the quote, I hear a lot of people say and write this sentiment. I wonder, however, why some believe that it's up to someone outside of us to provide for OUR emotional and physical needs. Biologically, I understand the need to procreate with more than one person - women have been doing it since females began mating with males... but sex for pleasure has nothing to do with variety... (and no, I'm not speaking from ignorance - I've had my fair share of sex partners and lovers). And variety definitely has nothing to do with satisfying an individual's emotional needs. When I hear this, I know that the person has not matured to the level necessary to engage in a fulfilling relationship with another person. Our parents choose to provide for our physical and emotional needs and if they do their job right - we learn how to engage in loving relationships with others. We can have successful relationships without expecting others to do the job of our parents. Maybe that's why polyandry, polygamy, and polyamory appeal to so many "first world" citizens. We've been raised to believe others are supposed to do our heavy lifting whether it be physical, emotional, financial or spiritual. I can testify while we may thrive in a nurturing community - the aforementioned is an inside job.

@Chevdove Big Smile! Thank you! For you, I will add a bonus feature and provide you with the non-fiction source material (mostly secondary) I used to to give the novel its "factual" feel. @Chevdove Love it! I can see a product line especially when featured with curated books on the subject at your "SHOP MOOR" store

@richardmurray Thank you! That is a dang good edit. It is actually what I was thinking but chicked out, afraid to put the emphasis on money. Clearly, my intent came through. You are correct. Making money is the American way, sadly. But still I was being disingenuous not following through with the true intent of the commentary. So, thank you for calling it out. I actually made other edits to complete the thesis. Also please elaborate on what you mean here about DT - I think I understand what you implying but I don't want to miss out on the spirit of your observation.

@Troy , the arts can be used for negative outcomes too... I was giving you an example that seemed to be positive but doesn't have to be. Further, I used written works or the arts as a method to shape society to illustrate, like advertising, it operates on a subconscious level to bring about a desired outcome or goal. It doesn't matter if the goal is money driven, seeking to control a group or to be an opiate of the masses - it is far more effective than advertising. Consider how scripture was and is used throughout the world to remove wealth and power from the masses. By the way. if advertising were effective as you believe- then it could easily change the behavior of gangbangers in Chicago. It would be effective at ending all types of undesirable behaviors - but even with the large money backed PSAs we see the only people who respond are the ones who want to. @Delano, Yes! I heard a study that most people will purchase products because it allows them access to community; or to be in with "the group." It would even explain why facebook is still so popular even though people know they've been used and abused by the company. Loners don't need validation so they are rarely interested in being "in"... in fact, being "in" is repulsive to some loners.

And here is where we agree... Oddly enough, even though I don't believe in advertising; I do believe in the influence of written works, the arts, etc and how they change society as a whole. For example, even on a small level, you'd be surprised how many "a commoner marrys a prince/princess" stories that have been running since the beginning of this decade. By the time Meghan and Harry tied the knot - some people were uncomfortable but not as many as could have been had they not be subjected to all those stories on the small screen.

BECAUSE NOT EATING WAS EASIER, You silly!!! @Troy Anyway, there's no need to bend over backwards; people do what they want to do. I just believe in the agency of people - and you believe in the power of outside influences.

@Chevdove I lived near Moundsville, WV, when I lived in the Ohio Valley and Native American lore indicated there were giants buried in the mounds. I included the lore in my novel since it advanced the story line. I heard of the stories from the residents but here's a link to an article that makes a reference. http://appalachianmagazine.com/2014/09/26/the-giants-of-appalachia/ *** (Everyone reading this) By the way, I absolutely believe the "sons of God" were Angels and their offspring were Nephilim (Giants). Further, according to biological findings there was only the X chromosome in the beginning so we didn't always combine to create offsprings the way we do today. So consider this would it absolutely be necessary that angels had to be "anatomically correct" to reproduce? Maybe that is the true story of Mary ....

@Troy It appears you are under the influence of advertising. It seems you give it far too much credit. People can only be influenced to do what they already want to do... it has nothing to do with strong will or lack thereof...it is about the desires and goals. Every salesperson, every marketer knows that. This is why we sell to audiences that are primed for a sale. If the person's interest is piqued by the ad - then there's an in...if not then the advertiser seeks to sell to someone who is. For example, I'm not particularly disciplined but there's no amount marketing that could make me smoke or drink. I don't drink beer, liquor, whiskey or smoke and I grew up in Brooklyn. Further, I am a media junkie. I watch more television, read more books, magazine articles and newspapers than the average person. I can tell you which jingle and tagline goes with which product and there's a lot. I even collect advertising and promotional items. This means I'm exposed to more advertising than the average person but it takes someone in my peer group to suggest I try a product. The reason why I'm a hard sell is because I like to be in control of my faculties. My will to remain in control is stronger than the influence of advertising. Advertising is that simple there's nothing nefarious about it. Find someone's desires and goal then you can sell to that thing to them. Disclaimer: When I was television news anchor, I did smoke in the place of eating. I maintained my high school cheerleading size as a grown women of three daughters because I lived on cigarettes and coffee. My ex-husband smoked and he was thin - so I figured it'd helped me CONTROL my appetite. I stopped when it no longer served me haven't smoked cigarettes since. My point is, there has to be something in it for the buyer to be persuaded to bUy the product. Not the other way around.

@Chevdove Thank you!!! @Delano Thank you!

@Troy who is four-eyed gangsta? @Cyniquemakes a good point. Because our skin color is an easy target -it weakens those in power. They can exploit us by our skin color so it removes their ability to come up with other methods of subjugation. For example, look at the ruling class in China - because everyone shares a similar phenotype; they had to come up with a grading system to create an underclass to make money off of -- it's ingenious. This is why the Chinese will always be the OGs of the world. Here, though, once we accept that our complexion hinders us - we can do like Whoopie in The Associate and work as our own secretary and send a white man in to handle our business.

@Troy are you in the habit of lumping everyone together based on your experience with a small group? I have a high arch and high instep so I don't have a problem wearing high heels - yes even at our age. Now I never wore 5 inches but I can dance all night and have in 4 inches... I do have an hard time wearing flats for a long time - and if I have to, I rather walk barefoot. I did find one pair of flats that I could walk in and I bought them for inflight wear. They are Softwalk - cost $100 a pair and worth every penny. The insole is built up so it fits the natural curve of your foot (if you have one) especially if you have high arch. I wear Asics sneakers for that reason too. I had a boyfriend who used to tease me - and say all I needed to do was paint my foot black and no one would never know I wasn't wearing heels. Anyway, I offer all of this because I've noticed that you seem to believe (at least based on what you write in this forum) that women lack agency and are easily influenced by everything that is put in front of us. Based on my experience, I can assure you, women are more influenced by their community of other women -than any marketing ploy. It's the same for the men who are interested in us. If they want to be with us - we influence how they look and behave. It's really all tribal... no invisible hand guiding women to do anything. By the way, reports indicate it was men who wore high heels first..

@Pioneer1, probably because the person you're interviewing for your dissertation is the one who experienced the account firsthand. Once you're awarded your phd and publish it then it becomes a secondary source for those who read it. @Troy legally speaking what you're referring to is hearsay. Or secondary. It was told to Zora. It's a primary source for her and if she had to defend it she could. None of us who are reading the book, can source everything told in the book so it's secondary for us. Now if you go and find the brother and interview him about what he said in the book then you return to primary source. I read a lot of things about Issa Rae from articles that were already published - so if I wanted to use it in my article - I asked her directly and I taped our interview. I use mostly primary sourced information but there are parts of the article that I use secondary sources - such as videos that she's appeared in. Eyewitnesses accounts are upheld in a court of law. We can only rely on their testimony to be true because we didn't witness the act. That is unless that someone is lying -if they are found out they are charged with perjury. If a person can't defend their dissertation with source documents then they won't get their doctorate.

Thank you, for the kudos @Troy LOL! Now You know I was based in New York, right? I covered 3 airports while I was there and took mass transit. No blond weaves the whole time I was there... None in Houston either (which was surprising) and most women I saw wore natural hair or gorgeous cuts. in Chicago.. In fact, I loved getting my hair done in the Chi because they stylist are very talented. However this is what I meant by saying it may have a lot to do with who you are attracted to. You may see a lot of women with blond hair because you like it. However when you post photos from your events there are never women with blond weaves. As far as the Nigerian women it might have to do with peer groups - in Nigeria. and again it's a specific group because the upper class Nigerians (the jetsetters) are conservative looking like the large groups of Nigerians in New York and Chicago. Those women are british conservative to tribal formal for their galas. Also I don't see any blonds here in Georgia. Since it's "hair capital" we have everything from "glam" to natural. @Troy, that is the point... we are not looking to emulate anyone - we are ourselves. And by the way, this is EBONY's fashion issue. (remember Ebony fashion fair I think you're correct, denial is in play. You believe black women are impacted by european standards. but American women (of european descent) spend boatloads of money to look like black women... So this would mean you believe black women are brainwashed into looking like european women who try to look like us?

Thank you, @Cynique

@Cynique Yes! This is exactly what I thought when I read this thread... There seems to be a whole black women's narrative accented by #blackgirlmagic movement that seems to be be passing some brothers by. The thing is @Troy and @Pioneer1 I can't say if this is caused by your framing what's happening today with whom you are atrracted to, or who's in your comfort zone. But most of us black women are celebrating our "free-to-be-me" looks. The challenge though for any of us to look through a new lens. I attempted to look for and see these black women who you say seem to be hating themselves because Beyonce wears blonde wigs and weaves. When I look in the retail stores, the grocery stores, restaurants, on social media, my friends, my daughters' friends, their coworkers; when I travel the world or in the airports, I don't see any women represented in that narrative you both talk about. In fact, if mainstream media is snapshot of our current culture; the biggest, most profitable issue for fashion editorial magazines is September and here's the covers from the majors. This is what black women are raving about this month... We have taken over the covers and we are well represented all shades, hair types and body types. etc.... But what excites me even more is these black women featured on the covers are so focused on achieving their best lives ever professionally and personally that it is inspiring black women of all ages but especially our youth... I was fortunate enough to have TWO stories in this month's EBONY ... I wrote the coverstory for (Natural hair wearing) Peabody-Award winning TV Program creator ISSA RAE and a goals segment featuring filmmaker Nicole Franklin (page 22)...These women are self-made because they are putting in the work. So, I could be biased but that old narrative of trying to emulate white folks and europeans is really tired and ancient - because in the words of Kimberly "Sweet Brown" Wilkins "Ain't nobody got time for that"

One Trillion Dollars! Earlier this month, Apple executives announced their 42-year-old company is worth One trillion dollars. For those unsure how to write one trillion dollars, there is a one followed by 12 zeros. Today, some believe Apple changed the world with its products. Still, there are quite a few who get along fine without Apple. For the rest, the company is a game-changer. Apple went public in 1980, and for $22, anyone could buy a share. During the company's initial public offering, a middle-aged professor, who taught at a university in Brooklyn, bought a few of the more than four million shares available. He encouraged a young widow who'd just inherited a half-million dollars to buy some too. Her goal was to leave a financial legacy for her children, their children, and generations to come. Not knowing much about the stock market or IPOs, she was skeptical about making a purchase. She passed on the offer. Instead, she kept her money tied up in real estate and her family. She thought that would be a safer deal. It wasn't. Today, most of her family is gone. She and the bank own her one home. There are a lot of reasons, why she isn't wealthy today but mainly it's because "we become what we do." There can be hundreds of articles on how Apple hit trillion dollars in valuation. The reason is this; Apple is run by people whose goal is to make money by any means. So, if you find you're in a place far different than you'd envisioned for yourself. Stop doing what you've always done. Lose the fear and make money whatever it takes to allow you to live your dreams.

Exactly @Kalexander2 ! There are so many more locations I desire to visit (I need more courage in this case, than money) because I don't trust what most people have written. Also, I find a lot of 'foreign' locations are just heartbreaking because I feel like all I have to do is turn the corner and be home; It is just that commercialized. On the contrary, there are places right here in the U.S. that look like corporate america didn't touch it. @Troy, Yes, your eyewitness testimony is included in First/Primary source... If I interviewed you on what you witnessed it is still first/primary source. If I use your eye-witness account that you told to a New York Times reporter that NYT published in my story for Padunk Newspaper - it is still considered a primary source. I just have to attribute your quote to the NYT publication.

@Troy yes, motivation is key... But it's rare that you can stumble on a book and know its intention. Remember "The story of the lion and hunter would be different if the lion wrote it" So when traveling to a location even for a leisurely trip, as I mentioned in my blog post; one may have an opportunity to touch upon several cultural perspectives first. Those can lead to looking for books on your topic of interest. For example, In one day, while in Lima, I went to the beach, a popular restaurant that serves the best Ceviche' and I visited an erotic museum that featured 1500 year old pottery from the Moche civilization... Just within that 24 hours I learned that the rocks on the beach dated back to the hunter-gatherer age (don't quote me I'm speaking off memory); early trade was rooted in fishing and the Moche people, Incas and Peruvians culture wasn't rooted in Christianity ... It was forced upon them. So I would toss any book that would say Peruvians were always Christians; big cattle ranchers and had sandy beaches. LOL. However, If I never traveled to Peru, I wouldn't have had that information. Also there was some type of scuffle between the Spaniards and the Moors and it is shown in the architecture... So again then I 'd follow up with a book that speaks of the two cultures and how they interacted with each other. Just like in journalism/and or researching a dissertation: First /Primary source: Presence, Eyewitness; oral history interviewing those who experience it; newspapers; periodicals- Secondary source: Print Published academic books

That last line is great! And the fact that porn sites are really the most visited - I'd have to say this is truth! - I'm so sick of these hackers ... the great part about sending money to that bitcoin address is it's public. Even if dud/ette used several addresses blockchain is public ledger ...

Actually you can and I have @Troy ... Comparing traveling to disney to learn about florida is a false equivalency... If you are visiting a spot to do the same thing you've always done in this case be entertained; then chances are you're not going to read a non-fiction book either. However, if you are traveling to learn you will; and better than in any books because you will engage in the cultures... you will actually visit their architecture; and even their museums. I learned more about the Peruvians in one day than I could ever learn in a book... BUT once I visited Peru (several times actually)... I knew what books to look for to expand my learning. When I visited Beijing, PRC I learned more about their currency than any one taught in the financial newspapers. When I visited Rome, Amsterdam, Brazil - I gained a perspective on culture; agriculture, economy etc. When you visit a country and interact with its people first hand then when someone recommends books to you will know if those books have a specific bias to them. Same holds true for the internet - once I visited the countries - I knew what to search for on the internet. In fact, I wrote about visiting countries and learning in this blog "Stop and Smell the roses, said the white rabbit

@Wendy Jones The fact that it was repeated is troubling...It's good they started to write and publish books if for no other reason than to change their own minds. This is a excellent illustration that we are the first reader and customer for the books we conceive.

As I'm reading this thread, all I can think of is "Gaslighting"! @Troy and @Pioneer1 it seems as if both of you agree - which really puts the onus on mainstream media. They are exposed - no longer can they feed "educated" and "experienced" folks bullshit ... and expect us to swallow it.