Mel Hopkins

@Pioneer1 The black men I speak of ARE the example of the type of behavior to emulate. Every black man I referred to came from either very modest means; or poverty/ housing projects life. My dad, included, who experienced abject poverty during his formative years. Once upon a time these black men were in the pool of "average" black men, as you put it. They could have remained in that pool of "average". Yet, their strong CHARACTER wouldn't allow it- these black men chose to make a lot with the little they had. These black men matured into adults and left the "average" group of men . They didn't look for women to be their cheerleaders and receptacles for sex. These black men experienced professional and personal success. As I mentioned "cheerleading women who wanted to sex them" was the result but not the cause . There's an order. So when "average" black men find that few women want to support or cheer their mediocrity; that follows the natural order. As Cynique mentioned "cream rises to the top" . High achievement is a choice. Instead of looking for women to be the "average" black man's savior; "average" black men need to put in the work, connect and network with their high achieving black brothers. .

I'll check it out...

Thank you @Cynique , it's message I keep forgetting. Before I drifted off to sleep last night, I remembered that Pioneer1 and I come from different worlds. His world view is foreign to me as mine is to him. This afternoon, it was when I remembered this isn't the first time I've had this conversation. I'm sure it won't be my last I was looking through something I wrote back in 2009 - and it reminded how I had clashed with an "relationship" author we had on our talk show "the relationship playbook" He shared the same perspective as Pioneer1 and at that time, I thought the man was insane. It hadn't dawned on me then that "Blackness is a mosaic." The author said I was rude for not agreeing with his perspective and told my co-host, he should replace me. He did not fully understand my role in bringing that show on the air. Then the author took his show to a wider audience - this time a nationally syndicated talk show. When the author shared his beliefs, “men need to know we are doing a good job," said the author Barbara, a caller, said “Seems like we women have to Support men, even after we Raise them.” The callers raked him over the coals... It was then he learned that his views only appealed to a small cross section of black America. The author got his just deserts and I felt vindicated. It was bittersweet, though, because there's a group of black women out there in serious need of deprogramming. Actually, @Pioneer1, you'd might be surprised to learn that you are the one out of touch. I've only lived in the Atlanta metro for 4 years. Prior to that it was Chicago metro. Before Illinois, I lived in the Ohio Valley where my first job there was for a black man who was West Virginia's Secretary of Tax and Revenue. He was appointed by the WV Governor and also was one of President's George HW Bush's point of lights. He was engaged when I met him to a black woman , an attorney too, who was already busy with her career and didn't have a lot of time to "support" him but he supported her. He got his support from his father and mother - and when his dad passed away he supported his mother, sisters and practically the black community in which he was raised. He and his fiance hired me as the Executive Director of The Learning Center he founded and I helped him with the zoning proposal for the community center he built. He founded the learning center and community center because the majority of the community was made up mostly single moms who didn't have a place for their children to go when they got out of school. He eventually married but didn't need a woman to support him and doing what he thought was necessary to build a thriving black community. Prior to living in the Ohio Valley, I lived in Brooklyn New York where I was born and raised... All I've ever experienced are men, including my dad who held it down for their communities. I could fill a book about the successful black men I know personally - and not one has ever said " they need a woman's support to excel. They just do. Not sure what type of men lean on women but I'm thankful to have missed them.

Hmm, you're describing children not men. I can see a mom supporting her son and giving him a pat on the head when he does well in school. Men, however, support women not the other way around. For the adult men I know and in my life personal goals and achievement are their driving force. But then again, the men I know sit on boards of corporations - they head corporations, they run their own million dollar businesses. Sex isn't something that motivates them nor does "cheerleading" which is probably why they are never in short supply of either... I live in a black community -a manicured lawns, tree-lined street pool and tennis court community ... There are more phds and professionals per capita than the economy can support but it does. And not one man has asked or expected me or any woman here for support -they ask how they can support us, me, and my family included. When I lived in a majority white neighborhood - no man asked for support, they asked how they could support me, my family and they were married but their wives expected nothing less from them. Half the time, I didn't even have to shovel snow ...I walked out of my house and the fathers and sons were shoveling for us - because that's how fathers teach their sons. They support women. So... maybe that's what's missing in other black communities - grown men who don't ask for women to support them ...maybe these other black communities that are struggling need for their black men to grow up. @Xeon, I suspected as much, but I didn't want to assume.

Exactly, because the stand came from within the ranks... Nothing else got people fired up about the maladjusted NFL Prior to Kaep's demonstration, the players were beating the crap out of their wives, girlfriends; they've been excused and exonerated of rape, murders, drug dealing while the game went on ...Now black men have finally awaken because the attack is on someone who looks like them. Well, whatever it takes, I suppose.

@Troy, Will you do a tutorial on how to blog on AALBC.com. Of course, AALBC's blog features an intuitive design but there are features such as the "promote" feature that don't seem to be. For example, the "promote" feature seems like it's WordPress "publicize" feature. WP "publicize" feature allows the end-user to log into their social media accounts to give access for automatic post sharing once the SM box is checked. Now I'm sure if I take my time I could probably figure it out but I want to spend my time writing posts not figuring out how to use the blog platform. This is not a criticism by the way. It's about removing the pain-points for writers who aren't interested in maintaining a platform but are looking for a place to post their thoughts.

And he's a black man I admire! He took a stand (by kneeling of all things) He didn't ask permission nor did he ask for a consensus. He just did what he believed.

@Xeon Yes, that's my question. Do you have an answer? I noticed an alternative but I'd prefer an answer. Why should black women support black men? and just so we're on the same page here's MW definition of support .

LOL! I agree!

@Troy Thank you for commenting on my first blog post! I have a few questions. Here are few off the top of my head. 1) Can I add audio files here? I use voice pro to record this mini podcast but I don't know how to add the file here directly. I used youtube this time. 2) Would you please explain the "promote" function. 3) Are there other ways to populate blog entries? 4) more to come.... How so? Isn't this statement confirming what I mentioned in characters? Assuming we know who people think they are - is akin to writing their story. How other people see themselves is a lot different than how they present themselves. Even when a person reveals themselves we see their behavior viewed through our prism. Your prism still gives you a peek at who you are - but not them.

and I'll ask again "WHY"? I feel pity for ANY man who needs encouragement and sexual intercourse to do anything. It seems like America did a really good job at teaching him to be a slave even without shackles and a whip.

No one can live up to the story that you create about them. If it's an amazing story, however, it doesn't matter. That is, if you remember this one thing. Listen to my podcast "Careful, or you'll end up in My Novel" Pilot episode: Characters

@Pioneer1 Not sure what you mean about support a black man or black men? What does that even mean? Talk is cheap..and even misguided when talking about going up against a very entrenched system such institutionalized racism ... If the president of the NAACP issues a travel warning for a state he lives in, then I'm going to support him in his observation that this spot ain't safe and there's nothing he can do to keep me safe should I choose to ignore the warning. All I got for him is "Thanks for the heads up". At least he gave a warning. Black men couldn't even keep us safe when it came to some of us being brought over by slave ships and enslaved... Maybe I missed it, but I don't remember the story of "African men saying leave the African women and take us only" I don't even think there were "his and her" slave ships. I think everyone was chained up together in the belly cargo-hold side by side top to bottom.. So please with that "our women" don't support us crap. Now you want black women to run to Missouri with you too? Sarah and n'em didn't bring black men into this world. Black women made that choice. But now it's not enough that black male babies come from our behinds? That we house black babies in our bodies for 10 months, have them suckle our breast for 24 more months and coddle black male babies at the expense of our black girl babies? Now we need to continue supporting black grown azz men in their shenanigans too? Just stop.

@Del Yes. Past lives or dna (genetic memory) would have the same result.

This is truth!!! @Troy This!!! When black women can stop marching in the streets begging white society to stop gunning down black men , that's when I'll take "black man bravado" seriously.

@Del I don't disagree. It's one of those either, or, and, type of conundrum. @Del Fair weather friend by Johnny Gill ? :"You need a love that will not changeYou want a lover to remainForever yoursOh, but you don't have to worryYou never have to fearThrough thick and thin I'll always be here"

You've said you don't have a lot of time so this statement makes sense. But both Colin and Black Lives Matters do work outside of the 'net.

Yes, I would imagine that would be the case. People don't like to be left out of anything. I tend not to care what everyone else does. I've read a few self-published books that would never make that list and they tend to be really good reads. There's one that I wished I had published , Indiscretions by Yolanda Hooks Buick. It never made any list but this book would rival any women's fiction bestseller. So, now I just listen out for the next great read. I did want to know though if black books and publishers were making any money.

@Troy I found the whole newsletter interesting and at first I attempted to read it in the order of the layout . Then I realized that I didn't want to. I didn't have the time to invest in reading everything - so instead of reading the subjective topic such as the most popular books, I decided to invest time in the "why" of how black books are doing.

There are no enslaved people on my maternal side. Not my mom,'s mom or my mom's father. We've gone back a bit in my father's side but I've only gone 4 generations to a sharecropper but not sure of his status prior to sharecropping, But still there'are no white folks in my family tree...

I really liked this month's newsletter! I didn't realize it was because it was shorter - I just liked the stories.

So far there's no evidence of this... what evidence does the NOI have? - Have you seen a drawing of this man or reconstruction? Are there remains? How old are the remains? What is the genetic make-up. The facial construction of early modern humans look nothing like anyone living today . Further people adapt to the climate they live in - we take on the phenotype of our environment. It's the environment that cause genetic mutation - this is why Y-DNA isn't reliable for tracing genealogy... It''s subjected to the the environment. That alone makes the NOI theory a bit suspect without evidence, that is. Again I'm not sold on there being in europeans or 'caucasians' in my family tree before I extended a branch to one. Any genetic memory of the place we call Rome would come from my maternal lineage -whose origins was about 80, 000 -104,000 years ago. As I mentioned they're not the oldest modern humans, according to genetic research they come from the oldest as they set up shop in East Africa. Your environment mutates your genetic code - so it could have been cooler in this area -due to the white Nile in Egypt that flows into the blue Nile in Ethiopia, Further, just because they set up communities in East Africa doesn't mean they didn't travel the world.

I've heard if a man ask an unknown woman a question he's interested in having sex . Yes, I'm sure Italian men spoke to me, but not it was not in a sexually suggestive way. Then again, it's rare that men would ever speak to me in a suggestive way. This is why I mentioned those Argentinian men who caught me off guard.

@Cynique , yes thank you! I couldn't describe the feeling but you nailed it. You know @Troy I would have missed the video premiere if not for your post. I, tend to stick with contemporary jazz, soul, funk and old school house these days - but this was a great find.