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@Cynique, I'm so sorry for your loss and ours. When I read this initially, I couldn't process it right away. I got choked up. Then while revisiting my photos for the National Museum of African American History and Culture... I started to cry. We can go so many ways in this life... I don't know what's it like to be a black man in this society and for some black women, It may seem that I don't know what's it's like to be a "black woman"... but like you, we've experienced so many things and taken advantage of a lot of what life has to offer. I was drawn to you for that very reason... Prior to reading your first hand accounts, I thought I was just "lucky" ..Then I noticed the theme and pattern in your accounts that allowed me tor realize; it's not luck but choices and resourcefulness. I, like your grandson, love rap and classical music equally. I'm not surprised your grandson was intrigued by the streets..around the same age or I was a little older, I remember going to an award show with Big Daddy Kane and we went to this after party. While we getting ready to go through the door; I heard this crack and thud... Kane had cold cocked this dude and literally knocked him to the ground. Rush (Russell Simmons) who was already in the club came out and ushered us in quickly. I've entertained in my home the now deceased Professor X...Lamumba Carson... Or drag raced against a man down Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, who I later found out was very connected to the streets, rap music and cyber crime.. but I dated him for several years...(even though I had a baby daughter to consider. All this to say, that's what an upbringing that exposes you to so many different worlds will do for you...It expands the mind in ways that average folks will never understand... I can't speak for your grandson but I followed a similar path as he did and learned a lot. I can only wonder if it was a "Class" for him too. I'm so sorry he's not here to share his stories. It makes me even more committed to getting stuff down in print... because NOTHING and No day is promised to us - but every day we breath we have to experience as much as we can. Thank you Cynique, thank you so much for sharing you, with us! <3

Del I'm talking about the most popular rappers like Little Wayne or Snoop, not the Q-Tips. The rappers that the majority of the world know and regularly see. I agree, rappers span the gamut and there are a great variety of them. I was NOT indicting rappers, I was indicting the media images which depict grown men behaving as boys and the adverse stereotypes and they create and the resulting behavior the result when Black men mimic the images they see. Don't get me wrong it is not that I don't watch TV. I just don't watch very much of it. Unless I'm watching a documentary about don't use that media to learn about people. Similarly, I'm sure there are people who think I'm missing out on learning about the world and people by opting out of social media. I don't think so, I think we can learn much more about each other by reading books, articles, and even posts on discussion forums like this. And Cynique, I've on the business end of the "vodka-primed-girls-night-out" so I 'm what you are saying

i, myself, am a tad "street". i like a little edginess and danger. In my 30s, even after i was married, because me and my husband both felt that we deserved some respite from the humdrum of working every day and raising kids and paying bills, Friday was his poker playing and beer-drinking night and Saturday was my league bowling night out "with the girls". I had a good running buddy who had a little spirit of adventure like me. And after we'd be done bowling about 9:PM, we would go hang out in hole in the wall joints, sit at the bar and let guys buy us drinks, and engage us in conversation. I met some very interesting intriguing characters on these occasions. hard-workin dudes, rough around the edges, very shrewd and streetwise and sexy but who'd never go any further than you'd let them. By the time our midnight curfew came around, after we'd finished drinkin and smokin and doing the Bump and the Funky Broadway on the dance floor, me and my girl friend would take our leave. My husband never complained about this activity because after i got home, he'd reap the benefits of my vodka-primed missionary position.

And strengthens the pelvic floor after child birth.

I have to disagree that a dark skinned lady can't wear red lipstick. This is an opinion that has been passed down through ignorance. However, I do agree it doesn't look appealing on her due to the excessive use of the lipstick. Whoever was the make-up artist made that mistake. My question is was that person of color? Also, it had to be the photographer who had her to pose as such. What is the purpose of having her pose with her mouth wide open, with the red lipstick? In the African American community we have the great stain in history of calling darker women unattractive. This is proven through selections of wives, girlfriends, actress, commercials etc. Please know that dark skinned women can wear many shades of lipstick, even orange.

Again, @Delano, I suggest the notion that, "Stupidity Brawn and hyper violence and sexuality" is what makes a Black man--otherwise you're gay is nonsense feed to up by the media and even more so by social media. Now I know @Cynique, does not agree with this, but she was fortunate to grow up in a world--not where these images did not exist--but where they were not constantly driven into your head like a pile driver. Today people walk around, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with devices in their hands feeding them a constant stream of stereotypes and other nonsense psychometrically designed to keep you engaged, dumb and easily manipulated. These stereotypes are becoming greatly reinforced. Don't ask me to present a scientific study to prove what I just wrote. There have been plenty of books that touch on the subject which I have read and have previously shared. But even these books are obsolete as the technology is rapidly changing and becoming more effective. @Mel Hopkins, I know exactly what you are talking about with the retrospective on TV. But I suspects that would only mean something to someone who was in NYC in the 70's. Relatively speaking we have a much larger selection of channels and programming than most. In many places during that time, there were only 3 or 4 stations and those did not broadcast 24 hours a day. @Cynique, what your grandson did is called "code switching," I did it until I was in my mid-twenties. I stopped because I was no longer spending time in the 'hood. I can't to it any longer because the lingo has changed and I rather speak do the way I do, than coming across as "frontin' (phony)." I know where I come from and have nothing to prove. Unfortunately, many of us never grow out of that. We have all seen s middle aged men behaving and dressing like a 20-something. In fact, this is the effect that middle-aged rappers go for and they look silly, juvenile, to me. Here again is a message that we are hit with constantly--Black man behave like a child. Again, one would have to be sensitive to this, as some of it is almost subliminal, but I can give you MANY examples.

@Mel Hopkins You are such a cosmopolitan, versatile, bright, well-traveled, well-read, unique person who has led such a fantastic life that you are a living embodiment of all that life has to offer. it's a pleasure to know someone as interesting as you. And you are so right about the window to the world that television provided back in its heyday. There was much to be learned by watching it especially as you say, when it came to American culture. Did you ever get a chance to see any of the old Oscar Marceaux black films that were shown back in the day? They were really treasures. This is why i chide Troy from time to time about his having such contempt for TV, There is much to be gained on the way to learning a little bit about a lot of things through watching television. Nowadays if you are selective in your viewing there is still a broad spectrum to be observed on television about the world and the life and times that we live in. I was particularly piqued in your remarks about Bugs Bunny which brought to mind my oldest grandson who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was shot down in a drive by killing at age 22. He was very attracted to the street life and tried to take on the identity of homeboy from the hood something that required him to adopt an alter ego and speak Ebonics in order to impress who he wanted to be his peers. Whenever he and i talked he always spoke the way he was raised to. Anyway he was introduced to classical music via Bug Bunny cartoons when he was a little boy and came to like it as much as gangsta rap. i always think of him whenever i hear "Spring Song" by Mendelssohm.

Here are the results so far. The survey was prompted by a question posed in the conversation What's Wrong With This Picture? I’d encourage everyone to check out this conversation. During the conversation, you'll learn if the makeup artist was Black. You definitely read a wide variety of opinions; some of the comments may change the way you feel about this photo or they may strengthen your opinion. Here are the results so far: None of the non-Black respondents did saw the photo as racist and all of them agreed the photo was flattering. The responses from the Black Males were split. Half agreed the photo was racist and half felt it was the photo was flattering 10% of respondents were Black men, 10% were not Black (evenly split between male and female). 80% of the respondents were Black women The following are Responses from Just Black Women 80% of All Respondents Photo Racist and Not Flattering: 37% Photo Racist and Flattering: 3% Photo Not Racist and Not Flattering: 34% Photo Not Racist and Flattering: 26% These are the Comments from the survey respondents (comments were optional): “Why is a picture of a black woman wearing red lipstick, smiling broadly about something that made her bring her hands to her face so offensive? Subjective reactions to it are more about how white people will view the picture rather than how black people would. Many black women look this way and a broad smile is not something any woman should have to be judged for. I'd be interested in hearing Viola's comments about this candid shot. I'm actually American and of African Ascent ” “It is certainly not flattering, but not racist” “If black folk find this in any way racist, I will be edified.” “Viola Davis is such a beautiful black women. I had always admired her ""Blackness"" and darkness. It seems that they used the worst picture of her to make a mockery for Black women. Bottom line is that I think it was intentional to make her look like an animal. Blessings to Viola...” “God have mercy on (them) whoever!” “Ms Davis is a beautiful Black woman - end of story!” “For years the publication Time has been subtly racist. In my younger years I subscribed to this magazine, but after noting how snide and subtly derisive this publication can be when the subject of an article is black, I wrote them an angry letter and dropped my subscription. I see from this picture, where they seemed to wait until they found the most unflattering posture and snapped the picture, they haven't changed at all. Regards, Pat” “I don't understand the question. Is this a picture of Viola in a role, or is it just a picture. She has many different looks, she wears her hair in many different styles, so in what context is the question being asked.????” “I never thought of the picture as racist until this survey. My first reaction to it when I first saw it was to just think it was not a good picture, period. The colors don't mix at all. It's too many colors, actually, for something so serious and a woman of her stature. She's not a pop star, but a great and studious actress. I kind of feel like I know what they were going for- joy and all that- but they missed the mark. I am also tired of them making Viola into some charity case who is ecstatic she survived abject poverty and childhood trauma. I get that, that's great and all. But, we are just proud of her as a beautiful artist and woman who is a joy to watch in all her diverse roles like a Meryl Streep or Kate Winslet. We're not framing her in her past.” “I am sure this wasn't her best photo of the evening. It definitely brings to mind the old red lipped big teeth grinning Negro. Not to be ashamed of showing a toothy smile or wearing red lipstick...but she's only a hair away from wearing a bandana and apron here. She's beautiful, this doesn't really look like Viola Davis!” “I am curious what is racist about it? I think she looks beautiful. However it does look like a lot of photoshop.” “It show how ridicules we look we try to adopt white culture. Hair makeup etc.” “An expert professional photographer could have gotten a better photo of Viola Davis; the photo is not flattering at all.” “This is a photo of Ms. Davis. I feel it may not be the most flattering of photos, but I don't see anything racist about an actual photo. She is smiling and posing.” “Somehow, when profiling women who are not of color, they seem to be photographed in a more appealing profile.”

@Delano why would a "Real" Black man want to delay his orgasm? See why you are confused with being gay? Before you ladies pounce on a negro I just wanted to relate another issue overlooked when it come to raising men; sex. I was a grown man before the notion of satisfying a woman was something I even considered. It is like we are supposed to learn this stuff through osmosis. Even worse some women, perhaps most, have no clue about their own bodies unable to offer and guidance leading to their own satisfaction. Some guys learn from porn, through the braggadocio of their homeboys, or some hooker. Sometimes men can learn a few things from an older woman. The "Kegel Lady" raised my awareness.

Women have found inserting and using several muscle resistant devices such as yoni eggs and even this pelvic floor strengthener that bears the "kegel" name is more effective than squeezing air . It helps with continence too - "no wetting pants when you sneeze"

Kegel. Men do them as well to delay orgasm. Any part of the body can become an erogenous zone. If you have patience and attention. The scissor allows for deeper penetration.

Different strokes for different folks. I'm a child of the staid 50's. Positions aside, back in the day, my across the bridge table consultants claimed that some women can be brought to a climax by stimulating the areole area on the breast. Also that the brain is the real sex organ and that porn is a great aphrodisiac.

Yeah I'm constantly checking myself. To not become a sexist greedy racist homophobe.

Troy you say that the media is portraying this stereotype. Then you say to Cynique that middle age rappers dress like 20 somethings. Q-Tip said he shops at Kmart. Nelly said it best when speaking on a panel about negative images in hip hop. I would love to make videos with positive images. But the public won't buy it." You have a few categories of Rap 70's through 80's. Party Rappers , Hustling Rappers, Social Justce, Political, and Philosophical and Super Hero , Everyman , Under Dog and Top Dog. What sells is negativity. Hey Twin. You consistently say what i feel but more eloquently. Cynique you are wealth of knowledge and a treasure. Thank you, Del

@Troy Control occurs with the use of vaginal muscles. -Missionary is one of those positions when the vagina can grip the penis and bring it in further down the canal. It's doable during doggie style but it takes a bit more focus.... Missionary is optimal for vaginal orgasm as well as clitoral - but then again so the scissor position...Actually as long the vaginal muscles are strong and in good working order - vaginal control to climax is not an issue... In fact for some men the walls can be strong that it can hurt during her climax.

Absolutely! I've learned a lot from television! And even today, often times writers give hints how to navigate unfamiliar worlds..I've always sucked at office politics so thank goodness my time in traditional corporate america was limited ...but I did learn how to navigate those office reindeeer games by watching shows such as The Good Wife and even "The Black List"... While I'm sure the players display hyper-misbehavior ... stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason ... and there's much to be learned from watching these characters interact with the plot. Especially since those plots are taken from life. Television is a tool and if you know how to use it, it will serve you well.

Well perhaps if we referred to it as "the congress of a cow" as named in the Kamasutra, or the the Latin "coitus more ferarum," it would sound more romanitc. That Latin translates to "sexual intercourse in the manner of wild beasts" Sound like fun to me! I dunno, the missionary position, does not seem optimal for the female's climax as she has less control, but it is more intimate How does a post about Thinking" digress into the relative merits of "doggy style"? I guess that reveals something about what we think.

I didn't consider they could be gay. Until it was suggested that they and me by extension could be gay. It's not relevant. What is interesting is that liking art makes one gay. We'll all rappers are gay because they are poets. Lynn Swann was a Superbowl champion and didn't hide the fact he took Ballet classes. As a kid we saw Black Black Theatre and went to the museum. But i was also into hip hop. Yeah i can scratch mix and match beats. And I was nice with my hands. Like i remember Dr Lenny Gunther telling us we had it aĺl wrong. Surfing aint a white boy sport . Hawaiians Polynesians and Pacific islanders were on it. Stupidity Brawn and hyper violence and sexuality. Thats keeping it real for some folks. How's that working for us?

@Delano Thank you for clarifying the distinction between convictions and principles. All i know is that i believe there is life as it exists, and then there is life the way it is filtered through the eyes of the individual. Some people are more deluded than others. i keep babbling about the "truth" but is an abstract idea. The red pill and the blue pill thing in the Matrix kinda resonated with me. Trump's presidency has impressed upon me as to how the truth can be twisted and distorted and he and his crew have become expert at this and have created an alternate world made up of their lies. And this works for them because his gullible base remains solid and his detractors are so stunned by the boldness of his lies and contradictions that they are rendered ineffective. So lies can be powerful, i don't know that my sensibilities are upset by "baseness and brutishness" since as you may have noticed in my feud with the sara person, i engaged in a lot of lewd antics. But i always tried to be truthful whereas, to me, she was a pathological liar. When it comes to being romantic, however, i am turned off by what i would call baseness because i ain't a freak - or should say that i am a prude. i've always thought that the Missionary position was about making love, and all the other positions were about having sex.

Freedom is your conviction. It is not my conviction. Pursuit of knowledge is mine. However I don't want to control anyone so it is a principle in my life. Based on your comments and the feeling i get from you, it is also one of your principles. Undestsnding may also be a principle and a conviction. For me knowing is the conviction understanding is the principle. Cynique I feel Truth is the conviction and reason and intuition are the principles.