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White Girl Black Girl Exploits —Stereotyping Although this past experience may not seem to have a dramatic effect when it comes to race relations and prejudices, however, for some reason, it seems to have a lingering affect for me. Because of this particular time in my life years ago, I still ponder the question sometimes of whether it would be wrong or right to believe in stereotypes and how does this correlate to racist beliefs or preconceived notions. This question revolves around a brief friendship I made with a past co-worker, a White girl named Bethany and how we interacted at work and with others. And based upon some of what I observed, I also sometimes wonder if she too was both a perpetrator and a victim of some form of prejudice and stereotyping herself. Years ago, one day, I applied for and was happily hired as a waitress in a well-known restaurant chain in a small suburban area with a small-town atmosphere. But initially and unexpectedly, it proved to be a stressful experience to say the least. Due to unfortunate circumstances in my life at that time, my husband and I fled to this little township in North Carolina for refuge and relief from stressful family conflicts. To our extended family’s dismay, I had decided to temporarily leave my career so that I could be a-Stay-at-home-Mom and for this reason, I was severely persecuted. One of the reasons I made this choice was due to my own childhood experiences of being a latch-key-kid. I did not want my children to endure some of the inner pain and experiences that I had endured as a result of being left alone and all that goes along with being the product of a broken family. But again, because of my decision, I was pursued and therefore, fled to North Carolina. However once there, I knew that I would not be able to remain completely an at-home Mom. So, I applied for a part-time job to help support my family. I leaned how to fill out job applications that downplayed my higher education and so, I was elated when I was finally hired at a restaurant. But my joy was abruptly turned into stress. Right away, I was made to understand that I was in competition with the only other Black girl on the job ant it became obvious that she was the top choice. I was eerily informed that race relations were paramount in this small town. I learned quickly that if you were Black, to know one's place was key to being able to avoid hardship. So, when I arrived on the first evening shift, I was made to know that the other Black waitress was hired on the day shift because she was well liked. And I was abruptly snubbed and put in the worst seating section 1, an area where almost no customers were seated. At first, I thought I was doomed because I had no experience. However, as the empty night dragged on with no customers to serve, I decided that I would not give up. So, I began to 'bust tables' for other servers and although I received no tips, I continued to go from table to table with a bucket and cleared off all of the dishes after the customers left. But an even better opportunity came for me when I had witnessed another waitress in distress, and I seized this opportunity. It was Bethany and I thought that if I made friends with her, then perhaps it would be beneficial. Bethany was assigned to the second worse section 2 of which during the weekdays especially, customers were not seated very often. However, had it not been for her complaints and hearing her cry out in anger, I would not have known that she was being deliberately targeted and ill-treated. It was clear that night that the other more favored waitresses did not like Bethany at all and even today, I have no idea why. She had been a waitress before, however, this was her first night on this job. She previously knew some of the workers, however. Bethany was in her mid-thirties, married, a brunette and had a nice build. She was curvier than the other girls and I thought well, could they be jealous? Anyway, at the end of the night, I heard her cry and pace back and forward in disdain, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that they gave her all of the worse ‘closing duties’ because they wanted her to quit. I noticed the other servers’ haughty expression as well. Bethany was told to pull out the heavy and bulky booths and to vacuum behind them and she was given the duty to clean the bathrooms. She was furious and complained to me that she could not move those booths by herself. Unlike the other girls, she was much smaller than they and I was the smallest. I wore a size 7/8 uniform and she was about a 9/10. But quickly, I said to her, “don’t cry, I will help you.” So, we both went through the whole dining room and with much effort, we both moved the booths, vacuumed and then pushed them back against the walls. Then I followed her to the bathrooms, and she showed me how to clean them by standard. Nevertheless, even though I had made a friend and bought time for a few more nights in section 1 and due to my willingness to push and shove booths, however, I was still not well received. So, to my misery, one night I came in and walked directly to the white board on the wall where section assignments were listed for the week and my name was completely erased. My heart fell. I went back home and for about an hour, I just sat in the dark and cried. After a while, I decided not to give in. I thought, “They could have at least let me know professionally.” So, I decided to go back and write a note to the head manager. I wrote that I was not given an assignment for the week and requested that I be put back on the board. I also decided to say a few words to the two night shift cooks while I was there. To my surprise, the next day when I called in to inquire, I was indeed put back on the board and not only that, but I was assigned to work in better sections! It would be months later though, that I realized it was the two cooks, two African American men, that spoke in my favor! I eventually learned that the Black girl on day shift was unable to keep her job due to many absences. So, although she was very experienced and well liked, she was let go. But, even before her ill-fate, however again, I later came to learn that the real reason why it was decided to put me back on the schedule was due to the two Black cooks, Rick and Maurice. They were well liked on the job and well, they liked me! Michelle, the manager was not willing to piss off two of her three cooks. So, because of those two cooks, Bethany and the other waitresses that were later hired, therefore, my brief experience as a waitress came to be one of the most incredible times of my life. I will never forget another unfortunate day that an older White couple complained to me that their steak dinner was not cooked as they had liked. I made the mistake and wrote the wrong temperature for their steak. I messed up a steak order! I thought I was doomed and would not receive a tip. Everyone wishes to fill the order of a steak dinner because that almost ensures a good tipping customer. I ran back in the kitchen and sunk. I had to reorder the dinner, and I thought that Maurice was going to be angry with me. He looked at me with a straight face and said nothing. Shoot. But to my surprise, when I went back out on the floor to again apologize, I felt a warmth behind me. . . The couple looked over my shoulder and I noticed that they smiled. I turned and . . . It was Maurice! He came out of the kitchen to greet the couple and personally let them know that he would get their order right! He saved my tip! I was eventually promoted and switched to the day shift of which meant better tips. However, prior to that day, for months I came to enjoy the night crew because we became a tight group. And it was Bethany that made the cohesion. We were the closing crew and Bethany offered rides home and so, she would pile us all up in her jeep and give us all rides to our homes. But it was one of these night rides home that has left a long-lasting impression on my mind about Bethany and the subject of Stereotyping. One night, I told her, nervously, to hurry and drive me home. I had both sets of keys to my apartment and my husband would be locked out. We left later than usual after closing that night and so, I pressed Bethany to take me home quickly. I told her that my husband at times can have a bad temper and he was going to be angry with me. Then Bethany said to me, “Is he Black?” I said, “Yes.” Then she tipped her head to the side and said with a matter-of-factly tone, “Then, he’ll get in.” – -- Well, my mouth dropped open! What!? I was so surprised that I could say nothing! I was in the front passenger seat and turned and looked at her as she drove. I stared at her, quietly. I was hoping that she felt my glare—I was hoping that my glare would make her face burn, so-to-speak. But no, she just kept looking forward and kept driving seemingly as if she had said nothing wrong. Then when she pulled up and parked, I was still hot, but I was torn between her comment and my husband being locked out. We did not see him initially however, I asked Bethany to get out and help me look for him and to help explain why we were late. I thought that if my husband saw my friend stand nearby, then he might not be too upset. So, we both got out of the jeep and walked up to the door. The door was locked. I unlocked it and slowly opened the door. Oh no! I looked at Bethany in surprise! She shrugged her shoulders and brisk past me and walked down the hallway to the kitchen and study room where we usually go after work to listen to music together and hang out. I heard this LOUD, LOUD SNORING! My husband was obviously upstairs in the room sleeping his head off! How did he get in? I wondered. I ran up the stairs and into the room and roused him. His arms were folded across his chest. He came to and slowly sat up and looked at me. Then he stood up. So, I said, “Okay! The door was locked. How did you get in!?” He wrinkled his forehead and look at me sideways and said, “Oh girl, please.” Then he grabbed my shoulders and sat me aside and walked off to the bathroom. I slowly marched downstairs, went into the kitchen where Bethany was sitting. She had no expression on her face. Then we did our usual and listened to music. … A couple of months later, Bethany was fired and for no apparent reason. She was very distraught, and I was depressed for weeks and felt very lonely at work. I missed her and I missed how much fun we had. We still visited each other but it was not the same as when we were altogether with our closing crew. Shortly thereafter, I was promoted and switched to day shift and I made friends with other girls. But Bethany remained my best friend. The management never liked Bethany for some strange reason. Was she persecuted for being with ‘the Black crew!?’ So, they split up the night crew! –Which was probably a blessing in disguise because Maurice had begun to pursue me and call me at home! Like Bethany, I am a Christian and although I adored Maurice and Rick and, Maurice was especially handsome, however, no one could ever replace my husband. And then a few months later, we had to leave that little town because of the persecution that came by way of our family. But every now and then, I think back to those times and I still wonder about how our society has created such strange dynamics based on stereotypes and racism. Was Bethany wrong in her beliefs? I remember her frustration and how she explained that she had taken her son out of public school and put him in a private school because of the unruly ‘Black’ child that was given a sense of entitlement to be disruptive in the classroom. What about the well-behaved Black children that were also victims of that same disruption? Can a financially struggling Black parent come up with funds to put their child in a private school and guarantee that their child would be free from other forms of racially motivated bad behavior, excused bad behavior, and a sense of entitlement to be disruptive and racist against Black students? Sometimes, I think that anyone could potentially be both a victim and perpetrator of this strange phenomena called racism and Colorism. I have come to believe too that exploitations by way of the government helps to shape race relations and how we may sometimes unknowingly succumb to superficial beliefs. I remember recently when in Florida, my husband and I waited for hours for the management to come and unlock the broken gate to the indoor storage building. And while we stood there, this older White man walked up to the gate, keyed in his code and realized the gate was jammed. Then he turned and looked at us for a brief moment, put down his backpack and then he put both hands on the gate and jerked it off its track and it came open. Then, he smiled, threw his backpack on his back and walked in! The next day we went back to the same storage building and an Hispanic woman completely disregarded the sign which stated not to prop the gate open because it would cause a malfunction. She took a stick and propped the gate open, got back in her truck, backed into the passageway and took her time moving her boxes in and out of the gateway. Go figure!

Malcolm. X. Said. The. Most. Disrespected. Person. In. America. Is. The. Black. Woman. The. Most. Unprotected. And. Neglected. ,,Person. In. America. Is. The. Black. Woman. All. These. Years. ,,Later. Is. A. Reality. Black. Women. Raising. Children. Alone. ,,Church. Supports. Preachers. That. Beat. Their. Wives. And. ,Murder. Their. Wives..... . Vice. President. Harris. ,Black. Politicians,Male. And. Female. ,NAACP. Not. Concerned. About. The,,Black. Community. They. Are. Concerned. About. The. Racist,,White. Terrorist. And. The. Atlanta. Spa. Terrorist. Attack. ,,Showing. Concerned. For. Asian. American. Women. And. Their ,,Communities. . Black. Men. Prostitutes. Teenage. Girls. In. The ,,Streets. .This. Weekend. Movie. About. The. Queen. Of. Soul. ,,,Aretha. Franklin. Will. Be. On. Think. Sunday. Night. Some. Other,,Amazing. Black. Women. Young. Black. Female. Became The,,First. Black. Female. To. Qualify For. The. Olympic. Speed ,,Skating. Team. Maame Biney Pronounce. Her. Name. Won. Speed,Skating. Races. To. Make. The. U. S. Olympic. Team . ,,Another. Amazing. Back. Woman. WW 2. Veteran. Sky. Dives.,Yes,A,,,102. World. War. 2 Black. Woman. Veteran. Sky. Dived,,From. A. Plane. In. The. Sky Millie. Bailey. Sky. Dived. From. A,Plane. In. The. Air. Amazing. WOW !!!.

@Troy Right away, when I think about 1821, I think about 1807 being the year that Chattel Slavery was outlawed in UK and America... my ancestor was brought over here in the 1840s via British Slave Ship. Then, I jump to now, and my mind immediately contemplates the many 'very young' Black males railroaded into a prison cell where they are raped by other men--no chance to choose to be males or homosexuals--I think about Black men being systematically effeminized and the reality that we, as AFrican American DOS existed in a Matriarchal system where the Queen of Europe has been the head of our government for hundreds and hundreds of years... I think about how the priesthood has been loathed for so long and now, we Black women run the show, and assist in this effeminization of the Black males because, some of us don't want to see our sons hurt and some of us 'have other reasons'... So for me, well, I don't feel that I should have to be the one go be sacrificed or martyred that was already done and because the Civil Rights Movement achieved that already, but nevertheless, @Troy when I think about that question, My third and next thought(s) and question(s) in return would be, 'Is this living!?' What about choosing death as an option? Give me liberty or give me death. I would rather not live in 1821 nor 2021. I am not happy to exist in this humanity at all. You will never see an apex animal like male lions having sex with another male lion, not even in captivity and humans are suppose to be higher!? The effeminization of Black African males is pre-meditated. That is what I think about going on now, in 2021. It is deliberate. Oh yes. lol.

Yes, this is very sad and it's been happening for so long. My husband speaks about his experience a lot! He says that he was blocked from being put in a Special Ed classroom because of a teacher and had it not been for her, he was definitely slated for that fate. And, I don't see this getting any better for certain reasons, one of which is 'human competition' and another is preparedness, imo. the learning environment is so competitive and so many cultures here in America fight to get into the best classrooms and in front of the best teachers, and it seems to me, that young Black males are being replaced in large numbers for various reasons and yes, it seems that the term 'Emotionally Disabled' is the main reason. I think that other cultures prepare their children and African Americans may not realize 'as a whole' how competitive the educational system can be. But another major issue, for me, would be content! I can't believe what is being taught today! I am very frustrated. I strongly believe that if Black males were exposed to a better curriculum at a young age, the outcome would be amazing--I know this first hand!

Why did the Supreme being help you but forsake so many other people. How do you square this preference? My education was severely lacking. This was compounded by a culture which ridiculed smart boys. My observations is that things have gotten far worse in my community. Personally I was was lucky. At a very early age I had a love fore reading, learning, and science. It was just not something that was nurtured. I saw many people with similar or superiors abilities thwarted as well. Most of the kids in special education just needed to be loved. I was lucky enough to have that and it perhaps made all the difference in the world.

This is a great topic. I'm not an expert on the matter but I can give my opinions based on my personal observations and assessment. A lot of AfroAmericans ARE indeed emotionally disabled because many of our people suffer from serious psychological and even psychiatric problems that cause emotional instability. Among the causes are: -The stresses of overt and covert racism -A society with too many laws and an overly complex legal system making it difficult for some of our people to avoid trouble -A society where the ability just to provide the 4 basic needs for one's self becomes increasingly difficult and demands more education -Living in neighborhoods where crime and the threat of violence is the norm -Food and medicine purposely infused with chemicals that are toxic to the human body and are designed to cause sickness and psychiatric problems -Drug and alcohol abuse leading to violence, poor mental health, ect... -Negative music and other forms of entertainment designed to promote violence and dysfunction in the individual and community These are just some of the many many causes of emotional instability and disability found in the AfroAmerican community. As far as me personally..... I attribute my avoiding most of these problems first and foremost because of Divine help from The SUPREME BEING. A distant second is my association with the Nation of Islam earlier in life and my studying the teachings of the Honorable Elijah Muhammad and later on the teachings of Neely Fuller Jr. These two men really help you to understand the nature or racism and the tricks that the racists use to CAUSE many of the problems that afflict our people in the first place...so we can avoid them.

I did not, nor have I ever considered banning Chevdove. I was just letting you know why in case you were wondering. We can use more posters, so If I kick one out, I'd figured let everyone know. I did not think any of the other regulars cared enough to miss Magnetic, as they never commented on his/her posts. I'll probably make it policy to lets folks know if a contributor is banned.

Troy Anybody can be a bigot. It seems that you are attempting to equate the REACTION of the victim with the ACTION of the perpetrator. My beliefs are a REACTION to the racism that I've experienced and observed from the Caucasians who inflicted it. For me to point out their injustices doesn't make me any more a "bigot" than a rape victim being a "slanderer" for pointing the finger at her attacker. Have you been deluded into believing power and privilege are so "even" between Caucasians and AfroAmericans today to the point that we should be held to the same standard as them???? Chev No Way! Racism was NOT invented this late in time by Americans. Exactly. There are reports back in 1500 BC of Aryans invading the Indus Valley region and setting up a race-based system of oppression based on the color of one's skin with the White Brahmans being on top and the Black Dravidians being considered "Untouchables". 1500 B.C!!!!!!

Chev With the COVID Deaths, prison systems being heavily populated by Black people, the George Floyd types of murders going on, etc., I believe that it is impossible to equate both time periods. Today, Black people are being oppressed severely. Exactly. The oppression in those days were...in my opinion....more simple and straight forward, which means it was less confusing. Sometimes you have to look at the RESULTS, not necessarily the method. In other words, if MORE AfroAmerican men are dying in 2020 from Black-on-Black homicide than in 1820 from lynching...that still means thing were WORSE in 2020 than in 1820 for AfroAmerican men despite the methods used.