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I just recently read an article that said, contrary to popular belief, children should not be the most important thing in a marriage. Parents should take care of their needs first because this makes them better parents and that children are the ones who need to learn self sacrifice because this will prepare them for the real world. The guy who wrote this, said this is the way it used to be, before children became accessories and/or objects of worship by their parents. I would add that children need love and guidance and this does not necessarily mean they have to be center of their parent's universe, or conduits for these parents to lead their own lives through. What i learned about marriage is that it usually isn't a 50-50 proposition. The roles eventually sort themselves out through trial and error until it is determined who is best at being charge of what, and this doesn't necessarily come out even. And this is one reason experts say marriage is something you have to work at. Marriage is a merger between 2 people and the merger becomes an entity that takes on a life of its own and reflects the character of your partnership. Sometimes it isn't worth the trouble. But it helps if you try to keep your passion for each other alive and learn to laugh together and, last but not least, - learn to like each other. My husband eventually became my best friend, and now my kids are more like my siblings than my offspring because we are good friends. At my 80th birthday party, i looked around the crowded room at my children, their children, and their children's children, and realized that if it wasn't for me, none of those present would've been alive. That's was kinda fulfilling because they're a pretty decent bunch; diverse, but decent.

I don't believe in climate change because I did a statiscal analysis. But then , had to see what drives weather and the different ways of taking yempetature. That's an informed opinion. Adopting someone else's opinion without any critical thinking is not informed. Yet uninformed people will argue and ridicule me. Even after I make suggestions so they can see it is a fiction. Not one detractor made any effort to check any of said suggestions. So if don't argue or discuss it. Mel and Cynique are reporters. They have a position then check the validity of that statement. Even when i disagree I feel as though we cunderstand each other's point. If I disagree with you and Pioneer I don't gey that same sense. The difference though is you seem more open to changing your mind. Information to me is data that is rationally critiqued. Or compared snd contrasted. The only rational religious opinion is agnostic. A little thinking or a lot will reveal the verity of the aforementioned statement.

Just because you put a down payment on love, doesn't mean I should mortgage my soul. - Del Strachen

Mel I understand that you know how the stock market works and are good at research. But again most people are not. I think a side column about politics would be a great idea. Why should you be the only one who benefits from your knowledge? The challenge as you've noted however is generating interest. In order to raise people's awareness and prompt meaningful action, people have to both be aware and interested in what you have to say. They also have to understand why it is important. I've learned Google, for example, is a major road block keeping us from each other online. I've also learned that social media controls the information we see which distorts and biases our perspectives. So I research and try to understand this area, because it not only adversely impacts Black folks it impacts my livelihood. Google and social media will directly and adversely impact your ability to reach the people who most need to read your political information. I also realize the negative impact of social media and Google are happening without our knowledge, so people have not clue unless you tell them. It is like climate change. I would have no clue we were on the brink of making the planet inhospitable to human habitation unless the media informed me. Similarly, I would have no idea that Obama dropped more bombs from drones than Bush unless someone the media informed me. But information and facts alone are not enough. We need understanding and context. Just because you understand the stock market does not mean you will make money. We rely on research reports and the companies themselves to provide information. If they lie what good are our facts and information. If rating agencies and government regulators fail to do their jobs we are screwed--and we are. Did Obama drop more bombs from drones because drone technology improved and the tool was more readily available to him than it was to Bush, or did he drop more bombs because he viewed the increase in collateral damage (like killing everyone in an innocent wedding party) was an acceptable risk if fewer American's dide as a result of drone strikes? Knowlegde of facts does not automatically impact understanding.

@Cynique This statement is so funny too me . One of my best friends , a life-long single-no children-petite-gorgeous-wealthy-professionally-successful-woman, refused to sacrifice her personality for any man. She had a blooming love life but only dated a black man once, and that's when she closing up the legal affairs on her parents estate. She hired him to close up one of her homes in Philly... ... She'd later confess to me she was in an weakened state. He had a daughter, she adored, the little girl's name was "Destiny," which held a special significance for her. She would "study" the man's baby mama "...In fact, you would have thought she was Jane Goddall the way she observed and reported on black men. She observed and thought black women would have to be contortionists, to deal with black men. It was funny to me at the time because her observation was my "normal". I worked as a marketer in my professional life and it carried over to my persona;. Sadly, if my experience serves as evidence - then I'd have to agree, black women would have to sacrifice self - and that too could be a reason they're salty. When the woman, I spoke of above passed away, I changed a lot of things in my life and it included stopping the charade and contortionist act in my dating.. Needless to say my dating love life changed drastically. I wish I can say I care but I don't. Today, I show up in all my relationships, life is too long to sacrifice or hide any part of me .

There's nothing so satisfying as being SEEN by the one with whom you share Life and LOVE...

This was really good, @Troy! Do you know I don't have a clue as to how the stock market works. (I have an idea but not enough to teach) but I still made a nice chunk of cash and cashed out to do other things with my money... Do you want to know how? Because I pay attention!!! I listen! I bought walgreens at $35 a share and sold at $105 I think it was... It wasn't insider trading I just paid attention to movements of the company... I heard they were setting up clinics inside larger corporations and for things like drug testing etc ...and employee health maintenance. I went online to see how far reaching it was and lo and behold... there was evidence everywhere... Know what else I bought? Siemens, because of the high speed railroad that broke ground under Obama, this company had a few subcontracts related to the high-speed railroad -so I bought a piece of their company. Not much, a few shares. but enough to play around with and make cash. I invested in chinese bonds (yuan) via EFT retail because they (PRC) hold a lot of U.S. debt and I followed a lot of American companies such as caterpillar who were investing in building China at their rate of exchange... Since I had gone clothes shopping in Beijing a few times I realized how much U.S. dollars could buy in RMBs (their currency)and I thought holy crap - American companies are making out like fat cats because they could buy so much more... then I noticed how the Chinese were playing with the U.S. treasury by lowering their currency's value and by the way- that was reported in the U.S. media but no one was paying attention because everyone here is focused on the fuckin' kardashians. So U.S. media stopped reported on it. I turned to Bloomberg.... they tell you who is moving the crowd and why the crowd is moving" It's not market manipulation - it's people manipulation and now Bloomberg is a media empire that is taking over the world ...but folks are paying attention to google whose product is an address bar. I just noticed that bloomberg law is a thing... that is getting ready to overtake LexisNexis (RELX) ( correction* I believe it already has but don't quote me on it) but I digress....that's a whole other story. Troy, nothing is rocket science except rocket science and even that is dependent on how we measure time... - the stock market is exactly what it is a market... you buy and sell everything. But you have to pay attention to what you're buying. You have to decide if you are going to let someone do your thinking for you - or are you going to pay attention. President Obama enacted a law to protect the consumers.... and it did. Now we have 45 taking away the very protections that you just mentioned will screw us all... so yes, you are right. I have to make people care to understand. (I love that line) So Troy if I can make you care then my job is done because you are a champion of black people... and you will echo my voice. And you'll tell them the only trickery is diversion - distracting your attention like a sleight of the hand from what matters.

Yeah, I don't marriage is natural either, it is a social construct that most fail at achieving--perhaps because it is an unnatural state. I think many single older people are unnecessary miserable because the idea of marriage is so strongly drummed into our psyches we feel we are failures unless we have achieved it. As far as being completely open for a perfect marriage, that I'm not so sure about... I think that is why we have friends and therapists.

@Troy yes, THAT WAS ME!!! It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye lol... I couldn't keep it up which is why I said "No" every time. These young black women today, don't play those games when it comes to dating to marry - they show up warts and all.... and that's why it's difficult for them to make a covenant with a black man. As @Cynique mentioned black men don't have to accept black women as they are -(paraphrasing) there are too many other women willing to play to the black man's personality weaknesses and trust that is exactly what I was doing to - I was playing to the man's weakness not his strength... to get him to propose. As I said though, I couldn't keep it up and weakness (both mine and his) is not something you want to build a relationship on. When I did get married, I had never put on act because I didn't think I wanted to marry my husband .. so he saw me for me...but marriage is whole other story... Marriage is quite unnatural but is a great experiment of merging two personalities into one... especially if you're totally open and don't hide anything. It gets really good when you actually see the other person...not their habits because that's not them but see them as they are at the core. That's when marriage is perfect and desirable.

There is no bar of entry to the stock market... for the same amount of a mcdonald's big breakfast anyone can make a trade...in fact, black think tank are encouraging black people to diversify their investments - while home ownership is still the biggest asset to wealth building it is not the only one. President Obama's dodd-frank law (Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act )made it safe for consumers to invest in the market while not getting taken advantage.. The House just voted to repeal that law That's why you go to the source... court records, government periodicals, legislative proposals, etc... all on-line and available And we trying to build a business really appreciate this information... I use your information as almost gospel ... but I still continue to research it. Your information is my starting point though. Thank you, @Troy, I've been tempted to do a "side column" on government as it relates to black people.. It feels like no one cares though... they want opinions and I just want them to make their own decisions. I think maybe sharing the possible benefits or harm might not be biased it - but rather a way for folks to use the laws, and executive orders... maybe then more of us see the benefits it might help us get interested in government

I know. But in my opinion, politicians lie. 45 for example, plainly lies. Why would I subject myself to this? I hope the media sorts this out and gives me some semblance fo the truth. If the media out by saying, "Donald Trump tweeted today..." I stop listening. I also know unless you get your information from 9 different sources you are being lied to. So I research the thing I have time to research like the nature of the web and how it impacts my ability to eat. For other things like climate change and the activities or 45 I'll reply most on journalist and the opinions of others, including yours.

@Troy YOU CAN'T. You have to do your own research. I understand not having the time but you have to make time to be informed. It really is that important. Just like you take the time to research social media and its effects on small business you have to make the time to research the legislative, executive and judicial activities going on in Washington, D.C. and the world... and then with this forum encourage others especially black people to do the same... Then they aren't informed... I have no opinion of President Obama, I have an evidence of his actions.

No Mel, I don't watch Obama's every move--especially now. I definitely have no interest is reading 45's tweets. I'm too busy trying to eat. I do however read the newspaper and rely on journalists to sift through the morass of nonsense 45's tweets about and to do some investigations and research on my behalf and tell me what is important for me to know. I have neither the time, inclination or the resources to do this, so I rely upon the media. As you've should already know I do not think the media are perfect, and often find them biased against Black people but we need the media--desperately. For example, I believe man's activity is causing climate change. Not because I did research. I just read a couple of compelling articles and believe them. These "facts" have been disputed elsewhere. I have no way of proving which "facts" right or wrong, and neither do you. You either trust what you read or you don't. It is a matter of faith, colored by experience, bias, and intuition--our lens so to speak. Your opinion of Obama is no different. Other smart people just as informed as you are, even more so will disagree. No everyone is invested in the stock market, in case you have not noticed. The wealthy certainly benefited during the Obama years. The increase in the wealth gap has been widely reported. As far as opinions being "irrelevant without facts or evidence," I strongly disagree with the statement. That comes across as elitist. Everyone has an opinion, you may not agree with it, but if you dismiss them out of hand simply because you feel you are more informed you will never truly understand the motivations of people. You'll stop listening because you'll believe your opinion is better, the only one worth holding. That is my opinion.

@Troy , OMG I was literally out of the country for all Obama Administration - and it seems I've forgotten more of what you actually know about the Obama administration. of course I knew of President Obama, flicking away the tears over sandy hook massacre ...this is what I mean by blind spot. How can you not watch the movement of a person who holds so much power. As much as I hate 45* is president I don't miss anything he does... I pay attention to his cabinet picks what they hell they're involved in, bills that are up for vote in congress, budgets executives orders and sadly his dummass tweets, ... Where are you???? - I'm going to go out on a limb say I already know more about the Trump administration than you do. Maybe it's because you are a championed of books and shun broadcast and social media but there's information that is presented in real time in print, that you can peruse to make an INFORMED opinion. hell sign up for government email - both houses send out email of what goes on in the day to do - every government department allows you to sign up for email of their day-to-day - we still live in an open government democracy it's hard not to have facts. Thank goodness for@Cynique ! - now i understand why you wrote you weren't going to vote... you are not participating!!!! None of this, including the "Weak" moniker many men have assigned to President Obama is lost on me... but I've already written here in this thread I don't waste my time "researching" opinions. Opinions are irrelevant without facts or evidence. Obama is a self-proclaimed Feminist - get over it ...but it does not make him weak by definition. AGAIN , where is your evidence regarding the black community being in dire straits.. I deal in facts, and the most impoverished ethnic group in america is still the white community by $10,000 per capita. Obama Administration passed quite a few laws, enacted initiatives, propped up the stock market (I even made money) signed executive orders that would return the black community hit hard by the 2008 recession back to whole...during Obama Administration there were more black women employed than ever in history , more high school graduates and a robust admissions in colleges with pell grant money in the billions which cut down on student loans - or and I forgot under the obama administration the us dept of education stopped pilling on the interest to money already borrowed. 45* s budget already took aim at reversing it. Yes, the black community got hit hard by the 2008 recession but it wasn't created by the Obama Administration however as I've linked to all over this conversation and other discussions here how his administration helped the black community. 42 Million strong, the black community spends as much as the country of Australia; economically speaking we have the money to spend. So, I'm unsure what you're referring to when you speak to "dire straits" . Any think tank report available today, has now taken the focus off of poverty and now focusing on wealth building in the black community. We're now out of the impoverished column to looking for ways to close in on the wealth gap.

Here is an axiom: Marriage and raising kids requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice requires doing something that you'd prefer not doing. Mel it sounds like what you are describing as "contortion," is simply sacrifice. I might be misunderstanding you, but you can clarify if I'm wrong by giving me examples or elaborating on what you mean. I'm not suggesting that a woman (or a man) completely give up on their dreams and their personality for their partner. But the married you simply can not behave the same way as the unmarried you. People who fail to recognize this, or refuse to do it, should never get married. If they do it will never last or they will be miserable Marriage is an ongoing series of compromises--especially if you have children. To me dating requires no sacrifice; you're just doing fun things with someone you like. When the fun is over you both go home. Sorry read about the passing of your friend.

There's a difference betwen having an opinion and an informed opinion.

I don't believe anyone has the right to make global judgements. Which is why I avoid jury duty. As a kid i was bullied by White kids. And until I had more positive experiences I was prejudiced. I remember Richard Pryor joking about the difference between Black and White people. And he said Italians were a bit different. I find judgemental people more likely to aligned with hatred and prejudice than open minded people. Thanks twin , thats why we're twins. Although Cynique saw it. And Pioneer derides it. This site is Troy's labour of love. Some of Troy's comments fall somewhere on the sexist scale. Although i dont think HE is a misogynist or hidden homosexual homophobe. I will mention a couple of instances that underly that knowing bit across the racial divide. Mel my big thing was I don't control you and you don't control me. A lot ofWomen not just Black Women can't manage that very well.

Dr. Kerri Moseley-Hobbs Publishes Historical Creative Nonfiction Book, ‘More Than a Fraction’, Author of ‘More Than a Fraction’ Serves on Smithfield-Preston Foundation Board (Baltimore, MD – June 6, 2017) – Postsecondary Education Executive and recent recipient of a Doctorate in Education, Dr. Kerri Moseley-Hobbs publishes her first book “More Than a Fraction.” The historical creative nonfiction tells the story of two brothers, Thomas and Othello Fraction, and their journey before, through and after the Civil War. The story derived from Dr. Hobbs’ two year research for her heritage. Her search ended at the Smithfield plantation in Virginia where she later was appointed as a member of the foundation’s Board of Trustees. “More Than a Fraction” is based on the true story of the Fraction family leading up to Thomas and Othello Fraction who signed on to fight in the Civil War. The book takes you on a journey that includes their service in the Civil War, and their subsequent fight after the war for rights and inclusion. Dr. Moseley-Hobbs is the 3rd great-granddaughter of Thomas Fraction. Her passion for education and history has and continues to lead her on ventures to uncover hidden stories and forgotten legacies. After discovering that Smithfield was still in existence, and was being manages as a house museum in Blacksburg, Virginia, Dr. Moseley-Hobbs immediately took a trip to visit the location where so much of Thomas’ story occurred. After her trip to visit the grounds in 2015 she was asked to join the board for the Smithfield-Preston Foundation which currently owns and manages Smithfield. As a member of the board Dr. Moseley-Hobbs was tasked with assisting to change the narrative and presentation of the enslaved and indentured servant community and their contributions and presence throughout the history of Smithfield, as it relates to the Preston family. At the publication of her book, “More Than a Fraction,” Dr. Moseley-Hobbs was continuing a more than 15 year career in education administration and teaching. She holds a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, a Master’s degree in Interdisciplinary Management, a Masters in Business Administration (MBA), and a Doctorate in Education. Dr. Moseley-Hobbs lives in Baltimore, Maryland with her son Anthony Michael Hobbs (the 4th great-grandson of Thomas Fraction), who by 12 years old was already an award winning actor and filmmaker. “More Than a Fraction” is published by Imagination Lunchbox, LLC, which she co-owns with her son Anthony Michael-Hobbs, a prodigy child actor and filmmaker. Her son has written, produced, directed and starred in three short films that have been screened at over 16 international film festivals garnering him 6 awards. The 12 year-old is also an award winning actor who has starred in the Emmy Award nominated PBS Special Mini-Series “The Abolitionist” as a well known slave named Frederick Douglas. Their company Imagination Lunchbox, LLC was hired by the Smithfield-Preston Foundation to help lead projects that will enhance the Smithfield house museum experience and provide some documented visuals that can be used for historical purposes. To learn more about “More Than a Fraction” visit www.Amazon.com or www.ImaginationLunchbox.com. To learn more about Smithfield log onto www.SmithfieldPlantation.org. You can also reach out to Dr. Kerri Moseley-Hobbs at KerriAmI@aol.com. # # #

Mel I was reacting to Del's statement. He said Obama cried and he was called "weak" as a result. When I responded to that specific statement I wrote, let me know when he actually does something. You informed us he donated $2M to a summer jobs program--great. I'm not going to research your statement either. I'll also take you at your word. It is not clear to me why you feel I have to research every statement I make in reaction to Obama. That is not a realistic expectation during the course of a normal conversation. For all I know Del could have made it all up, but I took him at his word too. Were you aware of the Obama crying incident before Del mentioned it? Mel, clearly you have a blind spot as too. Del wrote, "he was called weak." Perhaps you should do a little research yourself and try to understand why people are calling the man weak. Amerca is hurting and the Black community is in dire straights. If you can not see why a huge portion of the country is not as big a fan of Obama then there is probably nothing I can do to help you understand. Del I agree, as a religious leader Farrakhan, is indeed constrained, as is Obama as President. There are things we can do that they simply can not. Ongoing public scrutiny and critique go hand in hand with celebrity and idolization.

@Mel Hopkins that was quite a testimony you shared with us about your love life, certainly in keeping with your atypical black experience, something that you have shaped and which has shaped you with the aid of your self awareness and insight into human nature. It seems so simple and obvious that if woman wants to snare a man she has to create a need for her by being the personification of what he wants. But this truism can be lost on black women whose self absorption has become a defense mechanism and whose independence can be intimidating to black men and their fragile egos. These men aren't really into the self-sacrifice that black women are called upon to make. And they don't have to be, considering the ratio between eligible black males and the black females in competition for them. So, it is hard out there for a single sista. She might do better to employ reverse psychology by telling a man she's not interested in getting married, thereby making herself a challenge whose mind he wants to change. @Troy Xeon may have been a little hard on you. i don't think you hate black women, but you do hate the media and you showed your love for black women with your implication that TIME was exploiting Viola Davis who did, after all, consent to the pose and the artistic concept of her TIME cover. I don't know that black men have earned the right to judge how black women decide to have themselves portrayed. @Del i think you make an important point about how chemistry between 2 people can transcend all of the racial overtones and psychological implications and sociological influences of the black mating game. Some times people just click! (Maybe because they knew each other in another life. )

Twin, @Delano, I had to give you props! You hit 2-3 of my soft spots! I'm a nerd, nerd-lover and I'm a dancing queen...I don't drink, do drugs or smoke but I will go clubbing to dance the night away. When I worked as a flight attendant, during one Denver layover, I met up with a facebook friend and he took me to this place called the "beauty bar " OMG!!! The DJ played old school soul music from 9 - 2 am! I never left the floor. The next day, I had a flight back to O'Hare, I told the Captain I had danced all night at this club. Don't you know when I deplaned, I was met for a drug test!!! Dude ratted me out but I was clean - and still floating that I had an opportunity to get my dance on.

Both Farrakan and Obama are constrained by their roles. Neither are free agents.

I did not hear that about Obama. I'm not even going to bother looking it up. Let me know when he uses his celebrity, money, and remaining power to do something about it. So perhaps lack of passion was not the right description. Maybe weakness is a better one. Weakness not because he wept but weakness due to inability or unwillingness to react in a meaningful way to the slaughter of innocent Black youth. I'm sure weeping and inaction would not be Farrakhan's response if NOI boys were getting shot.

Obama cried about kids getting shot. And he was callled weak