Sentiment is how you feel, motivation is why you did it. How does my typo confuse you about the authorship, when you wrote it.
You've already said you weren't proud of your behaviour.
Pioneer was asking why, I have asked why? Not answering something you posted about yourself seems like deflection.
It is not clear your reason and your objective for being a ball buster to men. It's not just life it is your life. You voluntarily share a behaviour and describe it as if it were someone else. "I was probably doing the guys a favour." Don't you know what you were doing or would you rather forget.l?