Troy

Thanks @Mel Hopkins for the heads up on Stacey Abrams accomplishment as a romance novelist, whose pen name is Selena Montgomery:

I would have loved to do that! Del and I rode 100 miles with a group once. I rode a bike from NYC to Washington DC with a group and have ridden from NYC to Philadelphia a few times by myself. Like Del I too am coasting on years of being an athlete, but I think genetics is a big part of my benefit too.

Beautiful. Aw Del now THAT is cynical LOL! KIds have kept together many a dysfunctional marriage. If it were easier for people to raise kids on a single wage (free of government involvement with child support payments), more marriages would have dissolved. Today it is FAR too easy to get married and FAR too difficult to end a marriage. Legal (government sanctioned) marriages should be eliminated.

One could easily argue Del that not having to compromise is what actually keeps you sane. I've lived with someone most of my adult life, not having to compromise is so much easier. 70 doing a 25 year old, as in the case of Nelson Rockefeller, seems tantamount to pedophilla. Maybe, in 14 years, I'll feel differently....

@Delano sorry, that means that I replied with a bit more sarcasm and condescension than I normally would have I actually don't mind ignorance --everyone is ignorant about something. What irked me was the feigned humility coupled with the insult. The person was more interested in pointing out a perceived mistake rather than actually helping. I get enough emailed regarding the website and newsletter to know the difference between the two.

@Delano, what say you about NYC being a spiritual mecca. @Mel Hopkins, whatever the reason, I'm sure I;m not alone is saying, I'm glad you hang around here.

@Mel Hopkins, no need to feel sorry for me -- at least not yet. I'm enjoying my freedom now, but I would like a committed partner at some point in the future.

Virginia has arts and a nicer ocean, but churchwise they are similar to dallas. I never heard anything about New York being a spiritual mecca. Honestly it seems like one of the least spiritual places in the country. It is the home to the world financial markets -- that alone should disqualify it. The land mass has been completely paved over with concrete making is entirely devoid of nature. The lights drown out the stars, cutting you off from the rest of the universe. The air polluted and it is too noisy to even think clearly divorcing one from their own psyche. Just a few many reasons I would live almost anywhere else than New York City Spiritual Mecca -- I dunno about that one sis!

This is not cynical at all (well maybe the bit about, "...an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye?" but over all it strikes me an honest statement. I wonder @Cynique if you would be as forthright and express this sentiment to your husband? GIven that fact man more an more people are choosing this lifestyle; in 2014 more than half of adults 16 years or older were unmarried (a dramatic increase from a generation before), it must be an increasingly desirable arrangement. Despite the fact that many single people did not choose or desire to be single. However if the culture celebrated being single with the same gusto they celebrate matrimony, there would probably be more single people and those single people would probably be happier seeing their lifestyle being validated and supported by the culture. @Cynique will this post make the list?

I hear you @Mel Hopkins women do have a great advantage in that they are generally not expected to foot the bill especially on a first date. Curiously that "social norm" has not been replaced. Shoot, I need someone to treat me to a great date once in a while. Well this is the longest period of time I've gone without a steady main squeeze. I know the longer I remain single the harder it will be for me to get married. I too wanna leave the world the way I came into it, inside some pu--y! (did I go too far with that one?)

@Mel Hopkins Church dysfunction aside what institutions do you think can (or even should) fill the void? Places like NY City with the country's largest Black population over 2 million negroes have relatively few mega churches. While a city like Dallas with an order on magnitude fewer Black people are overrun with mega churches. Why to you think there is much greater demand for churches in Dallas (the south in general) and far less in paces like NY City-- is it just more things to do? What is filling the spiritual void for New Yorkers?

@Mel Hopkins I actually ran a few queries on my site and came up with a few other authors who won the award. I just updated my post. I can certainly understand why you are not a huge fan of awards. I have strong concerns about them as well. Most are political (the Hugos are no exception). The selection process are usually biased, for a variety of reasons, usually having nothing to do with the quality of the work. Obviously they do little to celebrate deserving Black authors. I could of course go on and on. Ignoring all of the problems, I think Jemisin winning three years in a row is a big deal. If the Hugo selection committee wanted to make up for freezing out Black people; one award would have sufficed, Two awards would be enough to make a clear statement that the were trying to correct past slights, but three award for Best Novel, by the same writer, three years in a row, tells me these books must be excellent. Book #1 is on my list of books to read.

The latest newsletter I emailed this week, performed relatively well, a better than 25% open rate, good engagement across the items listed, new paid subscribers, and a number of emails thanking me — especially for introducing people to the writer N.K. Jemisin; which I've excerpted below. This morning I received the following email: Hello, I hope all is well. If I am not mistaken...Octavia Butler has won the Hugo Award several times. You mentioned Jemison is the first black writer to win this award. You should do some research to verify this information. Thank you, While I'm far from perfect this email irked me mainly because the women started out ny suggesting that she might be wrong, but then strongly implied that I was wrong and proceeded to chastise me for failing to research and verify information. Usually if someone is sincerely trying to help; they point or the error and provide the correction, "Hey Troy Butler actually won the best novel award in 1986." When that happens I correct the error, apologize, and offer to send them a free book. After years of dealing with trolls, ignorant people, and just plain hater I've learned to either take the high road or not engage at all. This time I replied as if the comment came from @Delano or @Pioneer1 and they caught me in a bad mood Of course if the person read or at least understood what I wrote they would see that I did not I write Jemisin is the only Black writer win a Hugo Award. Hugo's are bestowed in several categories. Jemisin is in fact the only writer to win the Best Novel Hugo in three consecutive years. Indeed, she is the only Black writer to win the award period (as far as I know). I also saw (but did not read) a number of articles speaking to the controversy surrounding the Hugo Awards particularly as it related to given the Best Novel award to writers of color. Jemisin winning the award three years straight apparently ruffled the feathers of white male scientific fiction writers (yawn, no surprise there). Still giving the top honor to one writer — any writer three years running speaks volumes about that writers work. This is why I led withJemison'ss accomplishments, because those three books must be really very good! *Please note this mentioning Jemison was neither acknowledged by the publisher or the author. Everything in the newsletter is editorial. There is no paid placement. The only exception might be a banner at the top of the page, but that is clearly indicated and not in every newsletter. Octavia Butler did win two Hugo Awards including a win for best Short Story (1984) and Best Novelette (Bloodchild, 1985). Samuel Delany was nominated numerous times and won twice (but not for Best Novel), Nalo Hopkinson was nominated for Best Novel, Nnedi Okorafor was nominated a couple of times and won Best Novella for Binti (book #1 in a trilogy) and an AALBC bestseller. There are only Black nominees and winners in a variety of categories since the award was launched in 1953. Jemisin accomplishments stands out. Recommended Reads N. K. Jemisin the Only Writer to Win the Best Novel Hugo Award in three Consecutive Years The Hugo Awards are generally considered the highest honors bestowed in science fiction and fantasy writing. The Best Novel Hugo Award is considered the most prestigious of all the award categories. Previous winners of the Best Novel Hugo Award winners have included Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke. In 2016, Jemisin became the first Black writer to win the Best Novel Hugo for The Fifth Season. She would go on the win again in 2017 and 2018 with The Obelisk Gate and The Stone Sky, respectively. These novels make up the post-apocalyptic and highly acclaimed New York Times bestselling Broken Earth trilogy.

This is clearly true. However I'm not convinced that what has replaced it is any better. Sure people have the freedom to be their true selves but they don't have a good way to find a mate or life partner. Also, the divorce rates escalated after these new found freedoms became the vogue. As a single man, I see it is really very hard for women to find a suitable long term partner. The culture does really facilitate this discovery. It seems to me the the sexual freedom people fought for is the very thing that makes establishing a long term relationship hard to establish. I don't have any answers but while the current situation may be better than what we had previously, it is far from perfect. The world where large families headed by a man may have been desirable when we were an agrarian nation. But in a "high tech" gig economy, That type of family does not work today. Relationships have become like a gig economy. You have a woman to raise your kids, a woman (or 2 or 3) to satisfy you in bed, and a few you can have a decent conversation with. The women who fulfill these roles change over time. The next women can be found on Tinder or some other social media ap. These types of multiple fleeting relationship is what the culture reinforces. As a married man this was something I was not aware of. As single man this became immediately obvious. There is nothing pressuring me to get married again, and lock in with single woman. There are only disincentives to marriage. So I'm not surprised there are people like @Pioneer1 have never been married or were only married for a short period of time. That said, I would get married again, and no they don't have to be a great cook, but we should be able carry on a decent conversation and be compatible (physically). Man we are a long way from the Serena Williams cartoon

I can hear someone close to me saying right now, "This is the work of the devil" Seriously, I'd also question the statement that Black women are the least educated group in the country. The Ebony Exodus Project: Why Some Black Women Are Walking Out on Religion―and Others Should Too September 1, 2013 Black women are the single most religious demographic in the United States, yet they are among the poorest, least educated, and least healthy groups in the nation. Drawing on the author's own past experience as an evangelical minister and her present work as a secular counselor and researcher, The Ebony Exodus Project makes a direct connection between the church and the plight of black women. Through interviews with African American women who have left the church, the author reveals the shame and suffering often caused by the church—and the resulting happiness, freedom, and sense of purpose these women have felt upon walking away from it. This book calls on other black women to honestly reflect on their relationship with religion and challenges them to consider that perhaps the answers to their problems rest not inside a church, but in themselves.

LOL she lost me at get up at 2:30 a.m.! Shoot I was not in bed at that time the last couple of nights.

@Delano I was into hip-hop, but not really that much into kung-fu movies. If I grew up in DC I would have probably been more into go-go --just because of the experience of being exposed to it. If i grew up in a white neighborhood I probably would have been into rock. I was first exposed to it in high school, but since it was considered "white music" I did not start to enjoy it until I was an adult. Now my peers in the south, western New York, philly were much more into fuck which I really enjoyed -- even more than rap which at the time was mixed funk music. So the music I enjoyed was as a youth was based up a decision between choices presented to me, but I did not exercise my "freedom" and "choose" the music I enjoyed until I was an adult. I no longer allowed peer pressure to decide my musical tastes. I know many other people, including my homies, are like this as well. The key give away is when they say "I listen to all types of music," it is almost an warning that the music they will be listening to like, when you get into their car, will not conform to the stereotypes of "group similarities."

@Delano the same dynamic that explains the similarities explains the differences. For example, you and I, despite some disagreements expressed on these forums, have a lot more in common than I have with my sister. Some of it could be our gender, our shared educational experience, or just our genetic predisposition. I know there are many far left wing people who believe (or wish) for this, this seems highly unlikely at least in the short term (our life times).

@Kalexander2, if 45 is impeached, as you are Del are predicting, who do you think will replace him as president? @Delano, again I agree with your overall assessment of 45, we only disagree on the timing of his removal from office. I'm not trying to be an instigator, but I don't recall K2 flip-flopping on this issue. He volunteered to give me $50 the same time you did.

The discussion of “freedom” should be spawned as a separate conversation. The allegations against Kavanaugh would probably make an interesting conversation. It looks to me at this point Kavanaugh will make the supreme court. If he does not it will be a sign of real Republican weakness. They control the Senate. The Democrats seem to have taken a page from the republican playbook, our political process is a mess... @Delano Language does indeed impact the way we communicate and think this has been demonstrated in a variety of studies. NY's see white fluffy stuff dropping from the sky in the winter as snow where other cultures have up to 20 different words for the stuff. I use the phrase "packing snow" for snow that is good for making snowmen. For people who have never made snowmen have not need to be able to understand or think about the difference. It should be pretty obvious for the conversation on these forums that language is insufficient for explaining the similarities or differences between people. Experiences, including education, are stronger factors. As @Mel Hopkins people indicated sharing the same genetics, reared in the same household, and obviously speaking the same language can have completely different world views

LOL! Man oh man I know you've been making overtures to @Delano lately but he is is likely to take this as an insult since the implication is that his "analytical skills" were previously deficient or that agreement with you on the 45 issue is an indication of analytical growth. That said, a move to impeach 45 will not be initiated by the republicans -- regardless of the outcome of the Kavanaugh nomination. Man it is amazing an allegation from HS can derail a career in ones 50's I'm not even sure impreaching 45 is a great idea. This will put Pence into office and give him an opportunity to look great (easy in comparison to 45) and make it harder for the Dems to beat him in 2020.

This is true @Cynique, the the gender roles @Pioneer1 speaks of are still strongly embedded in the culture. This is probably more true for men than women. Here is a personal anecdote. When I was married I prepared all of the meals for my family. Other women universally praised me for this (something I don't think my wife appreciated). Men however would either view this indifferently or would deride me indirectly me for it. They would boast about how their wives could demonstrate their love for them by having a great meal ready for them when they got home or how their wives would prepare the food when they had their buddies over. I would internalize sometimes feel my wife's love was less because she did not do these things. To be clear she would prepare meals when I could not, but this was not some she liked doing. The reality was that I was better suited to do the cooking, but the culture still puts pressure on people to conform to gender rules. Now I completely understood the cultural dynamics at the the time, but that does not mean it still does not have an adverse impact when you don;t conform For people, less aware of the psychocultural dynamics (did I just coin a term) they will fight for gender role conformity which makes a working, real world, 21st century relationship virtually impossible. Again this is a situation where I understand Pioneer's statements concerning gender roles/behavior/nature but disagree with them.

Yes @Kalexander2 people are indeed free here in America. This should not be up for discussion. Now, of course, many people, perhaps most, don't exercise their freedom. Freedom as they say is not free. In fact, exercising one's freedom can often be quite difficult. @Delano you mention who else has a forum? Very few do, because it is hard. I could go to Facebook like everyone else and talk there. My life would be much easier. I would not have to worry about the maintenance, cost, or even promotion of this forum. But I would be a slave to Facebook, a true slave as I'd be subjecting myself to their (and their advertisers) behavior modification algorithms. (I thank y'all lately for, exercising your freedom, by helping to make this forum possible.) Most Americans don't have passports and very few have been to more than a few states. I've been to all the states and all the major cities that I wanted to visit. Last month I visited Birmingham AL and Jackson, MS for the first time. This takes time and money. People in many other countries simply don't have the freedom to travel the world they way we can. Freedom is also the freedom not to exercise it, so if people want to spend their time on Facebook and never leave their back yard -- they are free do so. We are slaves only if we choose to be. This has always been case, except when you dont know you are a slave. I feel many authors are slaves to Amazon. Most dont see it and the ones that do are unwilling to take the simple steps to free themselves from the big A's yoke -- mostly because they are afraid of losing money. The desire for money enslaves many of us.

IRS? That is silly. How else do you propose we find the government? Or are things like infrastructure not important to you? Besides given my income and expenses I dont pay very much federal tax and Florida has no state tax. And I'm happy to pay my municipality for folks to come get My trash and ensure I get water and my sewage is carried away -- it is a bargin! I don't have a mortgage. I'm self- employed. I have no clue what you mean by self interests, but presumably they are an expression of free will not slavery. Sure, keep going but try to come up with better examples. It boggles the mind that you would today us worse off today than back then. SMH....