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No need to replace the "nuclear family" as an ideal or standard. Simply make room for other structures. One structure doesn't fit all. I'm not interested in marriage and sorry I did it in the first place. I'm better suited as a single. But I digress. I was my daughters' custodial parent - and I co-parented with my daughters' dad. I didn't need to live in a home where a marriage wasn't conducive to everyone's well-being. Today, I have a peace of mind; my daughters are happy, healthy and successful adults. I'm still not a grandmother, but oh well. My daughters were more concerned about letters behind their name than in front of it. I say this to say - non traditional families are not the source of the downfall in society nor are non-traditional families the downfall of black people in America... According to the U.S. Census there are still more white people/families living below the poverty level in America than black people. (Not sure, however, if money will make a difference in this scenario) And single black women on average make more money today than they did as 1/2 of a nuclear family. By the way there are more single people today of any race than there are married couples, so there's that. Here's what I believe is plaguing society... Lust. Not sexual lust but lust in the real sense of the word. Most of society wants to satisfy an unmet emotional need. Many of us only want to feel pleasure. No rejection, no longing, no hurt. No one wants to experience any emotion other than "good". Even me, as I mentioned. Why should I experience the aggravation of marriage when I don't have to... I found more pleasure in backbreaking labor pains, child birth, including a caesarean section and raising my daughters to adults than having to live with and struggle with someone who was raised differently. Therefore, in an effort to become problem solvers, collectively, we need to grow a vagina. I was going to write "grow a pair" but then I realized testicles are too delicate - only vaginas can take a licking and keep on ticking. Seriously, though it takes grit, fortitude and confidence to solve our own personal problems. Then and only then can we become problem solvers to change the world. And right now we are in short supply of people who are emotionally ready and available to do it.

HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR TOO, @Troy!

Thanks Cynique! I'll be in Chicago for about 24 hours in May, for BEA. I'm doing a panel and hosting the Black Pack party hopefully you (and anyone else in who can get to Chi-town) can make. I don't have a venue set yet, but it will take place on Wednesday May 11th. The final details will be posted here: http://aalbc.com/blog/index.php/2016/04/08/bea/

When I say nuclear it isn't in the traditional sense at all. I'm talking doing what Latinos and Asians do, live in the same home with extended family. People think it's some secret that Asian families build wealth quicker. My experience in Cali and with my next door neighbor here in Memphis is Asians will buy a four bedroom, two bathroom house by pooling resources. 3-4 families live in that one house and they all pay rent. With four families paying the mortgage and sometimes doubling up on the mortgage (in Memphis my mortgage is barely 1000 for a three bedroom two bath on a quarter acre for a 2500 sq/foot house) and the house is paid off in 5-10 years. They then invite family to purchase another house. Are all of them doing this? No, but what they (latinos and Asians) have done is say they aren't worried about what the government or the higher ups can do for them, they are doing for themselves. My own family is actually looking at doing this here. There is a 500,000 dollar house 6 bedrooms, guest house and all of that. Split level. I'm looking at renting out my current home, and my mother in law, sister in laws and my family are looking into purchasing that house because right now combined our mortgages/rents total right under 4000 per month. We could get this home for right at 3000 and pocket 1000 as a family. When I say nuclear I'm talking the extended family of coaches, teachers, neighbors that has pretty much deteriorated. What I'm really getting at though is how family members, even poor ones live in six different residents because they can't get or along or have too much drama, etc. When even if that family only made 1000 per month they could share expenses with another family. Right now I'm shooting from the hip and just typing,but I think you get what I'm saying. Our people are so fractured that I don't think we even consider taking three single parents and sharing a house because inevitably we think something would go wrong. On my street in all black and all white Memphis I'm seeing more Latino and Asian families buying property. There are 4 cars in the driveway and slowly those four cars become two cars and another home is purchased. Meanwhile we are sitting around waiting on Obama and the government to kick in and give us reparations and make things equal.

Brother Burns You ask how can we fix things? I say it happens from the inside out. As we fix our families, the communities get better and the people get stronger. It's a lot easier said than done. I agree with you in theory that fixing the families is a start in the sense that a more stable home produces more stable children. However, the West prides itself on individualism and sexual freedom. Which inevitably leads to a substantial amount of out of wedlock births and high divorce rate. Broken families pretty much comes with the territory of a free and open society. So unless we make it some sort of LAW that people must marry before having sex, or atleast before having children and then make another LAW forcing the parents to stay together to raise those children.....perhaps we may have to look at changing the very SOCIAL INFRASTRUCTURE this society was based on to begin with. Perhaps it's time to REPLACE the "nuclear family" as ideal or standard, and find a new family structure that is more befitting of our current social reality.....no?

I thought about this a little and "my" people run the full melanin spectrum. My friends and family are "my people," and they include blacks, asians and latinos, in addition to whites. I'm pretty sure they feel the same about me. Despite my paleness, I think they would claim me as I do them. So you can divide people up by race if you want, but that won't lead to anything good. As to one of your other comments, I've already said I have benefited from white supremacy, so I'm not running away from anything. I didn't say it as a grudging admission, I said it as a fact. I'm sorry you don't consider any white people among "your" people.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TROY! HAVE A GOOD ONE.

@Mel Hopkins, I modified the widget so that it would fit in your sidebar without the horizontal scroll bar. I made the AALBC.com logo and powered by text less pronouced. Shorted the text in the drop down menu (which was causing the horizontal scroll) I got rid of the indentation so the text and image use the full available width. The widget looks a lot better on both of your pages now. You see I never would have anticipated that people would the "widget" on the side bard of the page, so it was not optimized to display in a width that narrow. Now it is so it will bok good on a full width display as above or a narrow display like a cell phone of the sidebar of a Blog. The events page is very popular people are using it as intended. This should add value to your websites, help promote the events and AALBC.com--lifting all boats. If use of the widgets grows I could event insert a ad and do a revenue share with those who use the banner based upon impressions served. I'll create video to demonstrate how to use the widget and announce it's availability. I'll also use your websites as examples of how it is implemented. This idea should be applied to a wide variety of things. How about a sneaker widget when we sell Chris' most popular brand and earn a commission? Thanks again for the ideas, there is potential in this....

As are you, @Cynique and Thank you!

THE LEAD BLACK VOICES HATING PRESIDENT OBAMA, TAVIS SMILEY, CORNEL WEST,ERIC DYSON, ,I DO NOT HEAR ANY OF THEM TALKING AGAINST CORRUPT BLACK PREACHERS, WHO BE WITH PROSTITUTES, HAVE MISTRESSES, HAVE CHILDREN WITH MISTRESSES, BEAT THEIR WIVES, 3 PREACHERS IN PRISON FOR KILLING THEIR WIVES, PREACHER DEAD, BECAUSE HIS WIFE HIRED A HIT MAN, PREACHERS WORSHIP MONEY, THEY ARE PIMPS. /CORNEL WEST,TAVIS SMILEY BOOKS ON DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, NO OTHER PREACHERS THEY TALK ABOUT / THEY DO NOT, PROTEST BLACK CHURCH CORRUPTION/HAS JESSE JACKSON JR BEEN RELEASED, HE WAS IN PRISON FOR STEALING CAMPAIGN MONEY//THE VOICES AGAINST THE PRESIDENT NOT ANGRY THAT NAACP MEN DO NOT WANT A BLACK WOMAN TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE NAACP/IF THE NAACP CAN PROTEST CLARENCE THOMAS NOMINATION FOR THE SUPREME COURT ,THEY CAN PROTEST THE FALSE PROPHETS ON THE PULPIT,BEGINNING WITH BISHOP EDDIE LONG, CREFLO DOLLAR, T D JAKES, PIMP BAILEY IN NORTH CAROLINA, IN HARLEM PREACHER MANNING, HENRY LYONS,WHO WAS IN PRISON FOR STEALING 4 MILLION///BLACK PEOPLE HAVE MORE FEAR OF THESE CORRUPT PREACHERS, THAN THEY HAVE FEAR OF ,GOD, STREET GANGS, KKK, AND ISIS/////

Can't help but be silly sometimes. Reading comprehension, dear. Family and friends. Many of them are friends. But there's this thing called marriage, and as unlikely as it may seem to you, we have Black and Latino family members. They may not be as discerning as you. Only Asian friends, though. No relatives.

Pioneer when has any president really focused on domestic policies that shape Black America? At the end of the day we can all complain about what he didn't do, but as a nation mentally we may not be in a better place, but I don't think anybody will say that we are where we were under Bush. With that said, I repeat, all of the programs you've mentioned that he could have focused on, i get it and he could have, but if we learn to focus on that which we can control we would be in a better position. It's hard to convince me that failing school districts need government support because I was a teacher for almost 20 years. Programs to reduce recidivism... I agree those are needed and that is a state and federal issue so Holder could have dedicated a lot of time to it. I agree with you on that one. The infrastructure is also a good point because that is a federal and state issue. Schools however, while funded by the government are easily repaired with parental involvement and student engagement with teacher's who know their stuff. The only thing that the government can do is make sure students have adequate food so they can focus and concentrate better. Overall everyone is saying that this President should have been different because he is Black. Which implies that the other Presidents enhanced the lives of Whites while they were in office. The other Presidents enhanced the lives of rich people and they are white, but poor White people are just screwed up as poor Black people so to think that a President would enhance the people he identifies with by race is a little crazy. 1 half Black president wasn't going to do anything to enhance the lives of Blacks directly. However, he indirectly gave a new generation the idea that they can be more and be greater simply by his mere presence of being a Black man in the White house. A powerful Black man with a beautiful and incredibly educated and talented Black wife with beautiful Black kids. For me that was enough. I will make my own way with or without racism and I will bring up and help as many people as I can. I honestly don't expect that out of the political machine.

67th Day of ‪#‎BlackHistoryMonth‬: Billie Holiday born April 7, 1915 here are a few books

I still remember the movie "Lady Sings The Blues" with Diana Ross playing Billie. Two scenes I'll probably never forget is her cussing out the KKK. Up until that time, for some reason I thought "mutha f*cka" was a word only men (and us boys) used....lol. And the saddest scene had to be Richard Pryor getting beat up in the hotel room over drugs.

Troy Tavis was crucified! His career, and platform, is a shadow of what it was before Obama. Like a true Mississippian, Tavis likes to remind Black folks that they called him "everything but a child of God" for daring to hold Obama accountable. While I must with slight embarassment admit I haven't read the entire book, I can with more assurance say that simply a book of "great ideas" doesn't necessarily qualify as a sound political agenda. Besides, the man probably already has 15 or 20 default agendas already laid out for him upon being President that he's obligated to enact. Like Don Corleone..he's a busy man....he doesn't have time to hang out at the local Starbucks sipping on lattes while reading Tavis Smiley's books for advice. A sound political agenda for a community of 40 million (a mini-nation) involves dozens of Black leaders from across the political and social spectrum sitting down and coming up with blue prints, goals, and sound economic, social, and political projections to be presented to the interm President even before he takes his oath. To my knowledge, this wasn't done with our brother....Obama. Cynique Now come on, do you really think that most of the Black men who criticize him are jealous of his position or some other aspect of his life? Most of his most prominent Black male critics like Smiley and West and now Dyson wouldn't accept an official position in politics if you paid them double and begged them to. Unless you're suggesting established Black figures are jealous that this relatively "new negro" whom most of us hadn't even heard of 12 years ago is now getting more attention and respect from the White world than those who've been before the cameras much much longer. I have never considered him an authentic black man because his ancestors did not pay their dues as slaves and slave descendents. This was also my concern with him. The fact that his father was an African from Kenya was actually more concerning than the fact that he had a White mother. Especially knowing the mentality of so many Africans who seem to ignore the major role racism plays in American life and often outright dismiss it as unappreciative Black Americans complaining too much about "nothing". I honestly think that Michelle keeps him grounded in Black affairs. CD Although it would have been a major mistake to expect Obama to solve all of the problems of the Black community, as President.....if he would have just focused 1/4 the energy on his DOMESTIC POLICIES (if he ever HAD any besides that right-wing healthcare crap) as he focused on his foreign policies of chasing Bin Laden and ISIS around in the desert...mainland America would be in better shape today. As they say, a rising tide lifts ALL boats. If he had spent more time addressing the needs to repair American's crumbling urban infrastructure (does Flint ring a bell??), introduce a federally funded employment program especially for ex-convicts and unskilled workers, and instituting programs to identity and fortify all failing school districts in America....this alone would have advanced not only Black America but all Americans light years ahead of where we are today. How can I give him credit for letting a few small time dope pushers out of jail early, knowing many of them are just going to go right back in....because he hasn't used his executive position to address the socio-economic CONDITIONS that pushed them into the dope game in the first place?

As far as the myth of the super predator, I haven't done any research, but when people talk about poorly performing schools they are often located in areas where poverty and crime are highest, which is why I brought it up. Without research though I can't stand on that and I won't. I will stand by the fact that regardless of what Coates' proclaimed to be the problem in Black America in "reparations" no one ever explains to me why or how Blacks who are from the Civil Rights era and before were capable of coming through the absolute worst time in this country to be Black and gain ground, and why today in an era with more access to technology and tools for learning Blacks aren't doing so. No one has explained this in a way that clarifies why the last 40 years have been so "hard" for Blacks. When the previous 400 were the absolute worst conditions ever. I understand the systemic issues of welfare, the fracturing of the Black family by government programs, but are these programs and institutions any less harmful than the Great Migration was to the Black family when the men left families behind on sharecropping plantations to find work in the city often producing southern and northern families, both lacking fathers? I mean let's be real is any government institution implemented greater than Jim Crow? Was the lending debacle that crushed the middle class specifically the Black middle class any more destructive than the laws preventing Blacks from buying homes in the 50s? For that matter, did the subprime effect folks in the hood? I don't think it did. Those people were struggling and continued to struggle. First generation homeowners lost everything. I understand that, and the government should have stepped in, but this was not going to happen just because we had a Black President. I will say this if people want to fix or make things better in the Black community, I said it up there, look in the mirror and fix that which you can fix. Fix those things around you first. 1. Don't kill each other. 2. Support those Black businesses that are doing great jobs. 3. Support your spouse and children with what you have. If that's love, then give them love. 4. Take jobs that may not give you the life you are looking for but will at least show your children a work ethic. 5. Reestablish the nuclear and extended family. If more Blacks lived in homes together, a lot of small incomes could accomplish things. 6. Instead of buying more things, give the children more of what you can. 7. Make sure that the arts become more important in the community again. When our art uplifts we do better. When our art is destructive, it shapes us. There are a lot of other things that can be done to improve our lot in life. Writing articles about how banks wiped out the wealth of families, or discussing how laws prevented Blacks from amassing wealth is needed, but ultimately it doesn't do anything. What works is action. Understand I do not discount what slavery and racism and the continued lack of fiscal equality has done to Blacks. I know what it has done, but when has it ever NOT been this way? When was it ever right or equal? Name me a time when "institutions" weren't gutted for Black people? It has always been this way. Should it change? YES a resounding YES. Coates' article tells us what we already know. It also gives solutions which will never arrive or will arrive too late. I believe in self sufficiency. It's why I make an effort to visit AALBC everyday. It's why I stay on Facebook so if my students ever need me they can find me and call on me. It's why I make an effort to write reviews on my website about local Black owned businesses. I do this because it's my responsibility. If people basically took care of what THEY can control things will get better. I really do think it is this simple because it has worked for me.

These are the questions we get all of the time. Everyone discusses the topic, but when I look at it I always come back to the same solution: reestablishing responsibility. The only thing a person really has control over is their own circle. If I start a business and it inspires my mother-in-law to start a business and then my sister-in-law starts a business I've created change in my circle and this has radiated out and it may create more change. It's like when people ask teachers how can the school system be fixed? My response is better parenting. If a parent isn't capable of being stronger and better, then what will happen? The quick answer is you get a few kids like the Cook County sister who grew up in Cabrini who make it through. What typically happens though is the kids just don't have a real chance when the parenting is not very good. It doesn't take money to be an attentive parent or to do better parenting either. It takes a real understanding that a kid needs to be heard. Is it easier to be an effective parent when you aren't worrying about eating? Of course, but at the same time the Black family has to re-learn cohabitation. My family was poor just like most kids in my neighborhood. The difference was everyone lived in the apartment and everyone shared parenting duties. So Big Momma, Auntie, and Big Sister all supported Momma when she couldn't be there. The whole house all participated in the child rearing and there wasn't a father around. The only type of guy that was around tended to be the preacher and the reason he was effective is because he worked and held a job as well as ran the church, but today the preachers don't work so the church is not as vital and now, people don't live with each other so kids are really alone when the parents aren't there. There isn't a system of support. You can't trust the next door neighbor and the lack of community and family fails the parenting system. I guess I'm rambling, but 40 years ago, even the poorest kid in our neighborhood, knew they were going to get one good meal from the church each week and that if things were really tough they could go next door or across the street and eat a little. There weren't any dads around, but there was a community. The community center had free one lunches in the summer and in the fall, people pooled their money together to help out. You ask how can we fix things? I say it happens from the inside out. As we fix our families, the communities get better and the people get stronger. It's a lot easier said than done.

Do you have a solution, Doctor Jazzy? The monumental scope of this problem is mind-boggling. It should be obvious that, if after all this time, the problem hasn't been eliminated, then elimination is not a part of the solution it's part of a self-perpetuating problem. If we look closely at the Big Picture, we will notice that the world is in a state of flux; variables abound, and human beings vacillate. One thing that is constant is a desire to thrive, Another persistent factor is a vulnerability to corruption. Just because people are deprived, doesn't make them immune to sin. The "have-nots" want to become "haves" so they, too, can wield power and indulge their greed and manipulate justice. If the "have-nots" become the "haves". there's no guarantee that the situation will improve. Whomever is in control is who reaps the benefits of power and the wherewithal to oppress. The way of the world... I've come to the conclusion that since their organizations and demonstrations and charismatic leaders are just going in circles, Blacks just have to concentrate on their personal sphere of existence, try not to burden themselves with a lot of baggage, and use whatever resources are available for them to get ahead. Millions of them have done this. The newly-elected Democratic candidate for Chicago's Cook County States Attorney is a young black woman who grew up in Chicago's notorious Cabrini-Green projects, the child of a single mother drug addict. I know what I am saying is just hot air to you, Doctor Jazzy. So cool me off with some answers, instead of questions.

First of all, we stop thinking of Life as a movie where things follow a plot that ends with the problem being resolved. Random luck plays a part in the course of events. Concrete plans become fluid because of extenuating circumstances which involve solutions to problems giving rise to more problems. Justice is very elusive and Equality is a myth. Observe the pure primitive society of the animal world, where the law of the jungle prevails and is unwavering. Only the strong survive and sometimes strength involves the ingenuity of symbiosis. For humans, the perfect world will never exist because Life is not fair. IMO Admittedly, I am an Existentialist. and since nobody else has responded, that is my input. Maybe an optimistic visionary will enlighten us as to how to succeed where others have failed. Praying folks can also chime in.

I actually used Mel's site in a video to show the press this feature so our community is doing some good work. Oh, I added the widget, but man that is one long widget. I would have to imagine it would be better to create a post for the backlink and then embed it into the post. I guess it's not important though because most people don't know how to add it to a widget or to their site. You may want to do a video just for the heck of it to show the process.

Hi, Mel! Finally! A woman who has it all together and is confident without being condescending and supercilious. In addition to that, she is just plain likeable. As for me running off published authors who have come here, I can't name one who I ran off because the few who did stop by, were well-adjusted people. LOL