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Cynique

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

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I wrote this commentary below a couple of weeks ago but changed my mind about posting it because it was too cynical.   But, on second thought, men do need to know they are not premium goods.   Marriage really is a sacrifice for women.  Especially if  love isn't their primary motivation to get wed. 

 

 

In this day, particularly in the black community, where the battle of the sexes is ongoing, certain assumptions are made such as black men and women not being able to  live with each other nor being able to live without each. But  is it a really a "given" that all black women or woman of any color unequivocally need a committed mate of the opposite sex? 

 

If a woman is independent, has a  career she's passionate about, one that provides her with financial rewards that make  a residence of choice and a car affordable, if she has an array of  sex toys that take her places shes's never been, a busy life full of avocations then, other than for household or car repairs, what does a woman need a man for? Motherhood?  A status guaranteed to not only obliterate her identity but subject her to a life time of worry, sacrifice, and exhaustion. The only dubious compensation for enslavement to a child is an interval of attracting attention via a grotesque stomach shown off in a tight dress?  And later, the obligatory breast-feeding  project too frequently accompanied by photo-ops capturing these boring moments for social media exposure? Not to mention conducting a public suckling that gives her a chance to defy frowns and dare someone to not be as thrilled as she is over doing what any cow can do. Like marriage, what's the big deal about motherhood?  Not a something that calls out to you?   Then get a cat or become a favorite aunt.

 

And who would  would miss cooking meals every night and doing dirty laundry, and the drudgery of housework, the hassle of chauffering kids and nursing their ills and enduring in-laws and having no private space or time for oneself? Who'd miss the marital togetherness -  the snoring and farting and groping and thrashing of a slobbering blanket hog giving mattress springs a hard time? 

 

if you have the courage to buck tradition and resist the pressures of society, do so and remain happily single, Who needs a man,  an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye? (Something, you, yourself, could be free to have when seeking a change of pace in the embrace of a  stud from a reserve supply of disposable fuck-buddies.)

 

Do i speak from experience or bitterness when promoting this alternative existence?  Not particularly;   Inspired by an earful of common complaints, i am simply coming from a place in my imagination that pictures the possibility of a different lifestyle, - one that promises another kind of "fulfillment" - one that invites "you to do you".  Celebrate yourself and  leave marriage and a family to those  for whom this claustrophobic commitment fills a void.         🤪

 

 

                                                                                 

 

 

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This is not cynical at all (well maybe the bit about, "...an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye?" but over all it strikes me an honest statement.

 

I wonder @Cynique if you would be as forthright and express this sentiment to your husband?

 

GIven that fact man more an more people are choosing this lifestyle; in 2014 more than half of adults 16 years or older were unmarried (a dramatic increase from a generation before), it must be an increasingly desirable arrangement. Despite the fact that many single people did not choose or desire to be single. 

 

However if the culture celebrated being single with the same gusto they celebrate matrimony, there would probably be more single people and those single people would probably be happier seeing their lifestyle being validated and supported by the culture.

 

@Cynique will this post make the list?

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1 hour ago, Troy said:

wonder @Cynique if you would be as forthright and express this sentiment to your husband?

Yes.  And he would've likewise expressed to me what flaws women have.  We  dealt with life's realities and coped as best we could, with humor being our saving grace. 😍

 

1 hour ago, Troy said:

nique will this post make the list

I haven't decided.  🤔

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12 hours ago, Cynique said:

...But, on second thought, men do need to know they are not premium goods.   Marriage really is a sacrifice for women.  Especially if  love isn't their primary motivation to get wed. 

@Cynique LOL. Yeah, well, I say today anyway... a lot of hype .... but, Uh.... most of them .... nothingness.... 

 

12 hours ago, Cynique said:

Do i speak from experience or bitterness when promoting this alternative existence?

 

LOL... for me, it would definitely an emotion coming from bitterness and ... in-laws.... and etc. But then, still, I continue to think about my kids . . .  

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9 hours ago, Cynique said:

Yes.  And he would've likewise expressed to me what flaws women have.  We  dealt with life's realities and coped as best we could, with humor being our saving grace.

 

Beautiful.

9 hours ago, Delano said:

I used to joke if I was a woman I'd be a Lesbian. 

 

Aw Del now THAT is cynical LOL!

 

25 minutes ago, Chevdove said:

But then, still, I continue to think about my kids . . .  

 

KIds have kept together many a dysfunctional marriage.  If it were easier for people to raise kids on a single wage (free of government involvement with child support payments), more marriages would have dissolved.

 

Today it is FAR too easy to get married and FAR too difficult to end a marriage. Legal (government sanctioned) marriages should be eliminated.

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Cynique


But, on second thought, men do need to know they are not premium goods.


Lol, starting OFF with assumptions huh???

I wonder is it true that most men really believe that they are "premium goods" that all women should be grateful to obtain; OR are you mistaking the promiscuous confidence and desire of sex that has been typical of most young males since time immemorial as some sort of grandiose delusion that YOU need to bring them down from?

 

 


Marriage really is a sacrifice for women.

Again, more assumptions and generalizations.
You COULD HAVE said it's a sacrife for SOME women just like it's a sacrifice for SOME men and for others it's an exceedingly great pleasure....but that would sound too fair and realistic.




But is it a really a "given" that all black women or woman of any color unequivocally need a committed mate of the opposite sex?


No, ofcourse not.
And I'm a little curious......
Who on here has made this (in reality "strawman") argument?

I haven't said it, nor have I read where Troy or Del said it.

Or is this a matter of you ACCUSING others of having a belief or position that they don't really have simply to have a reason to rally other women and attack men over a concept few have actually stated?




if you have the courage to buck tradition and resist the pressures of society, do so and remain happily single, Who needs a man, an overgrown boy looking for you to bolster his ego, and reassure his self worth, enable his self pity and endure his roving eye?


Again, more imaginary resistance.

This is 2018.
Outside of a few religious circles, who in the AfroAmerican community or in society in general is PRESSURING people to get married?

What "force" has presented itself so strongly in favor of marriage that you feel women must stand up, pick up the sword, and march off to "resist" like Joan of Arc and her legion???

Or are these more strawman arguments unfounded in reality?

 

 

 


 


Troy

 

GIven that fact man more an more people are choosing this lifestyle; in 2014 more than half of adults 16 years or older were unmarried (a dramatic increase from a generation before


Only half?
I thought the number was higher than that, lol.

You said it was a dramatic increase from a generation before but from my person perspective it appears that that past three generations have been pretty consistent in the percentage of people not getting married.

Since about the mid-70's about half of Caucasian Americans and over 2/3 of AfroAmericans have chosen NOT to get married.

 

 

 

 

Today it is FAR too easy to get married and FAR too difficult to end a marriage. Legal (government sanctioned) marriages should be eliminated


More and more I'm starting to like the idea of "civil unions".
Two or more people simply get together and write up a contract under THEIR OWN TERMS and get it notarized by the government making the contract binding....other than that the government stays out of our business.

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On 9/24/2018 at 8:41 AM, Troy said:

KIds have kept together many a dysfunctional marriage.  If it were easier for people to raise kids on a single wage (free of government involvement with child support payments), more marriages would have dissolved.

 

@Troy LOL! True! — I’d been gone! —I can’t even lie or hesitate on that score!—But now though, I am happy I did not have that option. I have thought about it, and well, what marriage is NOT DYSFUNCTIONAL? I believe a successful marriage can be achieved but overtime, definitely not in the beginning. And then there are some marriages that, due to an unwilling spouse, the dysfunction is too much to repair the relationship.

 

But, in light of this titled thread though, ‘to each is own’ or ‘Chacun te se gout’, whatever ‘floats your boat’ … but as for me, Lesbianism is not for me. A long time ago, I thought I had been to many lovely places and seen many beautiful gardens. Gardens are one of my favorite places to go, and well, a Black, AfroAmerican man took me to a fantastical garden, one that I could have never imagine I’d ever see and since that time, I know for me, anyway, there is no ‘toy’ or etc. that could replace that kind of love that only a malefactor can provide for me as a woman. Being in a magical garden, for me, is a spiritual awakening that can only be achieved with another spirit of the opposite gender. But again, I believe everything is of a physical nature, and going into a garden is first desired and accepted in the mind and spirit, before it becomes physical and before actually opening that paradise gate and entering inside. So for some people, they may get to that magical garden in other ways. My choice is a malefactor because I know the positive aspect of being manhandled. LOL.

 

Sometimes, I think Black women are frustrated with Black men and the ill treatment (we) receive from them that is so common because of reasons that are not always obvious. A lot of men that I have come across, not only Afro-American are not ‘alpha’ men, but they are co-dependent. I think even some men that boast they are ‘all that’ are really matriarchal and boast a lot but they are not spiritual enough to be alpha. They are controlled by their mothers’ NEGATIVE CONDITIONING and cannot interact with the Black women of their own generation positively to have a beautiful relationship. I find that some Black men insult Black women and attack us passive-aggressively about some preconceived notion in what they believe about Black women that may not even come from a past relationship but rather what they have been pre-conditioned to believe therefore, they look for it and say things pre-maturely. It’s like they encourage bad behavior in a Black girl and don’t even give a relationship a chance to blossom.

 

 

Edited by Chevdove
complete thought, grammar
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@Pioneer1Talk about straw man arguments, you have no room to talk.  Of course my Op-Ed piece was a generalization and i ended it with saying that its genesis originated  in my imagination, and was motivated by what i had been hearing women say for years. It wasn't directed at men, especially one like you. It was opinionated editorializing about single womanhood.  So your responses were based upon a misguided assumption you made and there was nothing enlightening about any of your tired comments.  

 

@Troy  @Del@Chevdove @Mel Marriage is certainly something you have to work at and being single can be an occupation unto itself.  Happiness can be measured in minutes, and finding one's soul mate is the stuff of romantic novels. Life is more about the journey than the destination and sometimes, along the way, you get lucky and love conquers all.   

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Chev


I know for me, anyway, there is no ‘toy’ or etc. that could replace that kind of love that only a malefactor can provide for me as a woman.


I hope Cynique read this.....lol.

Perhaps she'll stop advising Black women to chase after toys, gadgets, and other gizmos as part of her desparate effort to portray Black men as irrelevant losers who should no longer be considered as viable options.


There's been a lot of talk about alpha-males today.
Believe it or not I don't think the goal of a man should be to be an "alpha male".
I think it's something that comes naturally but only for a small MINORITY of men....less than 10%.
I think most men naturally fall into the beta or delta or even gamma territory.

Alpha means very aggressive, uncompromisingly dominant, and most be on top.
Obviously ALL men can't be number one and if even MOST men took that attitude they'd by fighting and killing eachother so much that no projects or organizations would ever take off.

If you look at much of the AfroAmerican community today, nearly everyone wants to be NUMBER ONE. No one wants to take any shit off of anyone else. Ain't no "punks" anymore.
No cowards anymore. If you say ANYTHING I don't like or agree with I have to let you know to your face up front and can't back down one inch.
And where is this tough no-nonsense attitude carrying the community?

Meanwhile if you look at the Asian community you typically have MOST of the men being very passive and weak keeping thier heads down and working hard with ONE man or woman standing around watching them and making sure the work gets done.


In any organization I think it's best to have ONE or maybe TWO alpha males to maintain control but the rest of the males must be less aggressive and more submissive to that authority in order to carry out their duties and keep the wheels turning.

Sometimes I wonder if one of the biggest problems with AfroAmericans is that we're TOO strong and tough, especially when we don't need to be.

I wonder if we took a more passive submissive attitude toward eachother would we be able to accomplish more.

 

 

 

 


Cynique

 

i ended it with saying that its genesis originated in my imagination


Well if it started in your imagination then you should have KEPT it there where it would have been safe and comfortable dwelling among other twisted and misguided concepts like it...lol.
But instead you decided to drag it out of it's lair and bring it to this public forums where I proceeded to expose it for the fraudulent nonsense it was, lol.

 

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2 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

ended it with saying that its genesis originated in my imagination


Well if it started there you should have KEPT it there where it would have been nice and safe as it dwelled among other strange and misguided concepts like it; but instead you decided to drag it out of it's home and put it on this public forums where it was forced to endure the spanking I put on it.

Advice you should take yourself.  Some of the trite, ridiculous things you prate on and on and on  about certainly are better left inside your numb skull. My article was inspired by what i had been hearing other women say for years not exclusively on my experiences and your spanking was equivalent to being hit with a wet noodle considering how lame your attempt at a rebuttal was.  Whomever it was who didn't marry you should certainly consider herself lucky.  Still waiting for you to deny that your blow-up doll  is your only bed mate, when your grubby little fingers don't get the job done. 

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The first thing Cynique said in this thread was:


Related image

"I wrote this commentary below a couple of weeks ago but changed my mind about posting it because it was too cynical.  But, on second thought....."

 

 


:rolleyes:See, that's the problem; you OVER thought it.

You should have went with your first thought to keep this silliness to yourself rather than sharing such EMBARASSING commentary with the rest of us...lol.

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@Pioneer1Nobody was offended by the article but you, - a  social reject who knows nothing about women and marriage.  Everybody else was perceptive enough to understand where i was coming from. And you have no room to talk about silliness.   The crap you try to  pass off as  substantive is the epitome of nonsense and misinformation.  

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Cynique

- a social reject who knows nothing about women and marriage.


I know enough about women not to marry YOU.

It would probably be illegal anyway on the grounds of bestiality, lol.

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2 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

I know enough about women not to marry YOU.

It would probably be illegal anyway on the grounds of bestiality, lol.

A choice you would NEVER have a chance to make.  And bestiality would be among the many reasons i wouldn't have anything to do with a stray mutt like you who has nothing better to do than to eye fire plugs and imagine more uses for them.  

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2 hours ago, Troy said:

Will you two love birds just get a room LOL!

i think a lot of onlookers including he, himself, believe i have  love/hate sentiments toward Pioneer. Not so. if i was going to latch onto someone on this board, why would i pick him as opposed to you or Del or Kalexander, guys who are much more interesting?  It's about Pioneer being the type of individual who simply irks me because he is so smugly entrenched in the idea that he is always right, and that whatever cock-eyed ideas he pulls out of his ass or off the top of his head are infallible simply because he imagines himself smarter than educated people with better credentials.  I am gradually coming to the conclusion that Pioneer is very similar to Donald Trump.  He has a big ego, thinks women are objects and is a know-it-all, regularly dismissing any thing that does not comply with his narrow world view as  "fake" information/news.  (I'd gladly exchange Pioneer's participation on this board for that of Chris Burns and Xeon, who have both moved on, unfortunately.)   

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@Cynique well I'm sure you KNOW I was just joking and you understand why a casual observer might draw the conclusion, which was perhaps why I thought it would be funny 😉

 

Now while @Pioneer1 may have an inflated ego and will certainly never admit he is wrong, the notion that he is smarter than educated individuals (a notion bolstered by @Delano in the recent past) is not something I'd question Pioneer relative to a college graduate.  You just don't need to be genius to get a college degree and there are many bright individuals who don't earn a degree for a variety of reasons.   What I would question is Pioneer's information and how he uses it.  As he continues to state that Black men were on Earth for millions of years is a comment I just simply ignore, as well as everything that flows from it.

 

Pioneers "bestilaity" comment made me chuckle though 😉

 

I would definitely stop short of comparing Pioneer to 45.  45 strikes me as sociopath -- having no empathy for the people he hurts. Indeed exhibiting a willingness to hurt someone when he stands to benefit simply because he has no conscious to bother him like a normal person.  I would not put Pioneer in that bucket. 

 

Yeah I miss a lot of the regular posters too, ABM, Thumper, etc, etc. 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Troy said:

@Cynique well I'm sure you KNOW I was just joking and you understand why a casual observer might draw the conclusion, which was perhaps why I thought it would be funny 😉

@TroyYou found a lot of things funny, including Pioneer's bestiality's inference which wasn't aimed at himself.  So I feel perfectly justified in making my sentiments clear for others who might be misled, and am quite inspired to endow Pioneer with fur, fangs and a wagging tail. 

 

i don't know how Pioneer would act were he in Trump's position.  You're free to give  him the benefit of the doubt.  I don't have that much faith in a person who gives every indication of wanting to make the world over in his own warped image, if he had the power to do so .  

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9 hours ago, Troy said:

Will you two love birds just get a room LOL!



Cynique ALREADY has a room.

And it's padded

And obviously has problems staying locked...lol.

 

 



Cynique

 

Quote

 


i don't know how Pioneer would act were he in Trump's position

 


Well,  let me put it this way........

Everyone else can relax, but YOU better leave the country, lol.
 

 

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11 hours ago, Pioneer1 said:

Cynique ALREADY has a room.

And it's padded

And obviously has problems staying locked...lol.

 

 

What a lame attempt at expressing humor.  How does an inanimate door have problems staying locked?  And putting "lol" after your sorry effort in an attempt to prompt laughter, just makes it worse.  (And If you ever ascended to Trump's position, i'd voluntarily leave the country, joining the exodus of all the other sane people. )

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Cynique

And If you ever ascended to Trump's position, i'd voluntarily leave the country


I don't know if AALBC could wait that long, lol.

Tell you what......

Would me simply ANNOUNCING my intentions to run in 2020 be enough to get you going?

 

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