Pioneer1

To DO what you do WHEN you finally attract them......without getting your wig messy, lol.

ProfD It goes back to what we were talking about in the other thread about marriage and goals, and was marriage a goal in the first place. As long as it's understood by BOTH ALL (depending on how you get down....lol) parties that the goals of this relationship are: A. B. C. And that understanding is honored, there no harm or foul. Like a typical business contract but on a social level. The biggest problems often result from personal expectations based on religious and/or cultural indoctrination.

Cynique We were in the same class together, remember? But YOU dropped out to go work in the Post Office while I continued on and furthered my education. Now I'm a community leader who helps people with their problems, while YOU...when you're not arguing on the internet....spend much of your time outside in your robe and slippers with a stick in your hand treating hornet's nests like pinatas.

Atleast I do a "good job" at SOMETHING. If poor performance was a talent, you'd have your own star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame by now....lol

Cynthia G is STILL around???? I thought she had a baby and retired from bashing Black men on the internet, lol. In a way I kind of liked Cynthia G (not sexually) because her criticism of Black men seemed more sincere and coming from a place of pain and wanting us to do better. I'd even consider SOME of her criticism "constructive" at times. As opposed to just saying every nasty and disrespectful thing she could imagine to please racist White men who love hearing our women bash Black men. Infact..... I find it a bit ironic that with all the criticism she does OF Black men, that she'd actually go out and get pregnant BY a Black man who doesn't wed her...lol. She's just hurt and looking for love. It's hard to be mad at a woman in that position.

Hmmm, let me see if we can come up with a "name" for the ability to imagine different scenarios....... I got it! It's called:

....talk about projecting one's ignorance, lol.

And I give YOU credit for being able to hold your phone with ONE hand and a $ )!*% in another! I see you didn't forget what I taught you...lol.

Security matters too. When people feel secure and protected enough to know that no matter what they say or do, they won't be harmed or taken advantage of....they are usually more honest. Richard Pryor once joked about how if you get locked up....you know how your lady REALLY feels about you when you're talking to her on the phone or behind that thick glass screen when she knows you can't touch her or get to her, lol. You KNOW she wasn't shit if she starts calling you all types of muthafuckaz and talking about the men she's banging while you're locked away....lol. As with much of his comedy, there's a lot of wisdom in that. When somebody KNOWS they are in a safe space....a lot of truth comes out.

You can't hate your ethnicity without feeling a LEVEL of hatred for yourself as well, because you are a PRODUCT of that group along with your personal choices. Your parents, your grand parents, the people you love....come OUT of that particular people and culture. Subconsciously if you hate THEM or see THEM as inferior or worthy of contempt or "cursed"..... and you come out of that group....you can't help BUT to wonder if you (being a member of that group) shouldn't be worthy of the same contempt and inferiority. Among oppressed people there are various levels of self hate. Some hate themselves and see themselves below EVERYBODY including members of the oppressed group. Others see themselves as superior to OTHER members of that oppressed group, but still inferior to the "ideal" groups and hate themselves to a certain extent because they aren't part of the "ideal" groups.

ProfD We don't know but that's a different question from your original position. My position IS and HAS BEEN....a Black woman doesn't NEED a White man to make her happy. I'm sticking to that one. Many folks want to be married at some point in their lives especially depending on how they were raised, religious beliefs, culture, etc. And there's nothing wrong with that....UNLESS you're weaponizing marriage and using it as a form of control and manipulation. Which a lot of men of ALL races do, particularly Caucasian men. Of course, there's no time limit on attraction. However, goals usually come with milestones predicated on time. If marriage WAS an actual goal to begin with. We weren't privy to the conversations Serena was having with Drake or Common or any other Black man she was in a relationship with to know whether marriage was ever an option on the table with these men! For all we know, it probably wasn't even talked about between sexual sessions...lol. Women usually don't want to waste years in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. I.e. marriage. Again, if marriage itself is indeed a goal! As you said in this thread, there are a lot of women who don't need a man....thus they don't need to get married. They could be perfectly happy single and in a relationship with a "boyfriend" or "partner" without the official record in some courthouse or a ring on her finger. Marriage is only considered successful if that was a GOAL you had in mind in the first place. For some women, the only goal they seek in a man is GOOD SEX....and they're satisfied. Married or not, GREAT SEX is the "goal" of some women and even if you marry her...if you ain't giving her THAT...then she's not happy. Sure. But in this dispensation it means a lot to some people whether it is cultural or religious. Facts. Now Serena Williams is an AfroAmerican woman out of the 80s and 90s. Not sure what her religion is but she was known to party and get freaky from time to time. Does she seem like a very religious or culturally conservative or traditional person to YOU, that marriage would be a demand she places on every man she involved herself with? If not, how does the cultural or religious argument apply to Serena? Or does it? Perfection is never a prerequisite in a marriage because people are flawed. More facts! Yet, people of every ethnicity and culture hook up and marry outside of it. Yes, and for different reasons. Some good. Some "bad" in my opinion. When Black men chase white or Asian or others outside the group...it's not a matter of self-hatred. Those n8gglets want exotic fruit. Perhaps you're being sarcastic because you know that sometimes it is. However often times.... I'd even dare say....based on my experiences and observations...MOST times....it's not. 1. Men tend to be promiscuous by nature and chase after women in general so ANY woman in the area may end up catching a stray...lol. 2. Where as a woman will often get with a man of another race because she was "manipulated" into it; a MAN often fucks a woman of another race in order to show dominance and "humiliate" the men of her race. He uses sex as a weapon as well as a show of dominance by infringing on another man's "territory" and fucking his women.

I know you're right because I've MADE friends that started off as alliances with mutual interests! I've also had a few sexual relationships that began the same way. The bottom line is HONESTY All parties involved being honest about what they want and expect without ulterior motives.

Mel Now wait a minute..... Don't Cynique have a bunch of grand children running around the Chicago area around that age???? Be careful.... Your daughter just MIGHT have married your family into Cynique's family somewhere down the line....lol. Don't be surprised if your new son-in-law invites you over to Chicago for Thanks Giving and you end up having dinner at a house with a big ass hornet's nest posted in the front yard!

It depends on the reason. If they deny it in order to fit in TOO get a better job or if they are being harassed in society because of their ethnicity and are hiding it out of fear, that's understandable. I don't consider that self-hatred. But if you're doing it SIMPLY because you don't like the group you're in and think they're inferior to other groups. You think YOUR people are uglier because their noses are bigger. You think YOUR people's food is worse because they tend to use more garlic. You think YOUR people are the most nerdy or geeky because they insist on education and study more. ....and you seek to deny or escape your ethnicity simply because of your person dislike of it in comparison to others; THAT is a form of self-hate

ProdD Nobody's saying it's in our blood not to marry. Just pointing out that neither Common nor Drake put a ring on Serena's finger. And the question is, did she WANT them to? Marriage in America is usually a two way street. Do we know for a fact that Serena actually WANTED these men for husbands or did she just want them for "fun", whatever that may be. I don't know one way or the other, that's between them and Serena. The ONLY actual fact the public knows is that the White guy married her. How she feels about him VS how she feels about Drake, Common, or any other non-White man she was involved with is really known between them. However my point is obviously she found them attractive and they found her attractive enough for a relationship that lasted YEARS. Marriage is nothing more than an "official/legal" relationship. As we're pointing out...neither of them married her for whatever reason. The white dude came along and did it. Marriage is also OFTEN a way to control and manipulate women by gaining a type of "ownership" over them. White men are known for THAT mentality also, which could be an explanation as to why so many White men are eager to MARRY a woman as opposed to simply have a relationship with her. They want to control her and keep her on lock, more so than Black men do. Penny, er, Janet was walking around in the Middle East for a few years wearing a burka before they divorced and she came back to America richer than before she left. But she divorced him. Obviously things weren't perfect, lol. Middle Eastern culture exemplifies what I just said about marriage being a way of TRYING to control and manipulate women. Much of Middle Eastern culture is based on early Caucasian hegemony when the Caucasians called "Arabs" were coming down out of the mountains to take control over that central region using sex and marriage as a way of controlling not only their women but the women of other racial groups. False equivalence bro. Regardless of color, humans belong to the same species. That's why they can procreate. But the analogy is fitting because must cultures and racial groups SEEK to be around and marry those who look like them and share the same culture. Whether you're talking about prison, school, or even a lunch cafeteria....sociology and social science confirms that BY NATURE people tend to gravitate towards and seek people who: 1. Look like them 2. Share the same culture/language as them They sit next to them, and socialize with them MORE SO than other groups....and minorities of that group often branch off and seek relationships with other groups for various reasons. SELF HATRED is one strong reason why a person in one group will often branch off and seek a relationship (platonic or sexual) in another group. Because either they aren't liked in that group or THEY don't like the group they are a part of. A lot of Black women simply don't like themselves OR the Black race and seek to "exit" it by marrying anybody EXCEPT Black, and use excuses for this. Mel Eve is another one with the long blonde hair. Anytime I see a Black woman with blonde hair, even blonde highlights....that raises red flags. You may say that's a VERY common style today. And if you do, I'd agree. And self-hatred is VERY common today. Anyway, Eve is also a good example of how Black women often change THEIR behavior when they get with White men. All that talk of thugging and loving criminals and tough talk..... But once you run into the arms of a White man, now you wanna play "soccer mom" and stay at home backing cookies and chatting on talk shows.

Well let me HURRY UP and run along.... Cuz I heard that anytime a man is around YOU longer than 5 minutes, you start "grasping" at something ELSE. And it ain't straws....lol. "Lawd..... I'm glad I took my wig off."

The same mentality applies to most successful relationships too. If a man KNOWS a woman is with him simply because of his money and she knows he knows it and they come to a verbal and clear understanding of this, things tend to operate smoothly. Much more smoothly than a man who thinks a woman is with him for "love".

I honestly am glad to hear (read...lol) this. This is what I call Black success. I'll also repeat that I'm glad your daughter chose to marry and spend her life with a Black man, especially a successful one. When people ask me do I consider mixed children "Black" or part of the AfroAmerican community, I say it often depends on who they choose to pro-create with or marry. You may not be able to help who your parents were (some believe you chose them but...that's a different topic...lol), but you can choose who you decide to align yourself with. I know you're from the New York area, not sure where you raised your daughters but was that downtown Chicago where that picture was taken? That looks like the Sears Tower in the background.

Why? Are you looking for justification for so many of your stupid ass responses???

Say what??? Oh no, no, nooooo. According to yall....Black men don't marry women....LOL

Man that woman is short...lol. I've seen her in person on a few occasions. Cute as a button and always smiling. But short AF. Smurf size.

Speaking of wallowing in cesspools...... Did -Naw....I better not tell THAT joke. There are some boundaries I don't cross....lol.

1. What do you mean "outed"? Did it come out in his trial that Puffy is some sort of homosexual or transgender, or something??? 2. What do you mean one of "your" own? Isn't Puffy not one of YOUR peops as well as mine, if we're all AfroAmericans?

Wait a minute...... And the title of this thread is called "Missing You" Either this is a coincidence or somebody is a Faith Evans fan....lol.

Not as ironic as a Black woman who sits up and tries to justify a middle-aged White man preying on, grooming, and sexually molesting a 14 year old Black girl and forcing her to have his children....all the while calling her a "kept woman" with a benevolent "sugar daddy". Woman please..... When grown men are talking you better take your ass out the room and watch a damn soap opera or something....lol. Ain't "Boule Beyond The Gates", on?